Flames October Reviews

Kent Wilson
November 10 2009 11:03AM

The writing staff here at FlamesNation managed to spare a few moments between drunken benders and penning nonsensical complaint letters to the government to cobble together our reviews of the Flames players through the first month of action. Rather than go with the standard letter grades, we opted for a "Rotten Tomatoes"/film critic type theme. Be prepared analogies being stretched dangerously thin...

Forwards

Rene Bourque – 5 stars (KW), 4 1/2 stars (JL), 4 1/2 stars (RL) - 4.5 stars overall

“Action packed but with substance and style. Best of the short season thus far.” – Kent Wilson, Fivehole Fanatics

“The Flames’ answer to a top-notch arthouse film.” – Jean Lefebvre, Calgary Herald

“A dazzling, pyrotechnic follow-up for Calgary’s next big star.” – Ryan Lambert, The Two-Line Pass

 

Eric Nystrom – 4 stars (KW), 4 stars (JL), 3 1/2 stars (RL) - 4 stars overall

“Limited, but entertaining. You get what you pay for and then some.” - KW, FHF

“Supporting player has been stealing some scenes.” - JL, CH

“Dependable day player may be ready for a bigger role.” – RL, TLP

 

Daymond Langkow – 3 stars (KW), 2 1/2 stars (RL), 2 stars (JL) - 2.5 stars overall

“Slow to start and drags at parts, but still quality overall.” - KW, FHF

“He may not have too many days left as a box office draw.” – RL, TLP

“Usually reliable supporting player was off his game.” - JL, CH

 

Nigel Dawes – 3 stars (KW), 3 stars (RL), 2 stars (JL) - 3 stars overall

“Solid considering the low budget.” - KW, FHF

“This indie’s meagre returns still spell profit.” – RL, TLP

“Lots of plot holes in this storyline.” - JL, CH

 

Curtis Glencross – 3 stars (KW), 2 1/2 stars (JL), 2 stars (RL) - 2.5 stars overall

“Some thrilling sequences mixed with periods of indifference. Close to being top notch.” - KW, FHF

“Not a typical leading man, but he does his own stunts.” - JL, CH
“Leaves the viewer asking, ‘That’s it?’” – RL, TLP

 

Brandon Prust – 3 stars (KW), 2 stars (JL), 1 1/2 stars (RL) - 2 stars overall

“Lots of the rough and tumble, but with added dimensions.” - KW, FHF

“Hasn’t been seeing eye to eye with the director.” - JL, CH
“Not much expected, not much received.” – RL, TLP

 

Dustin Boyd – 3 1/2 stars (RL), 3 1/2 stars (JL), 3 stars (KW) - 3.5 stars overall

“Turns out the kid can hang with the big boys.” – RL, TLP

“Hey, Justin Timberlake can act.” - JL, CH

“Some promising scenes in the early going. With strong direction and editing, could be a winner.” - KW, FHF

 

Fredrik Sjostrom –4 stars (JL), 4 Stars (RL), 3 stars (KW) - 4 stars overall

“Best Swedish import since Bergman (Ingmar, not Thommie)” - JL, CH

“It’s not for everybody, but those that appreciate it will love it.” – RL, TLP

“Solid, low budget piece.” - KW, FHF

 

David Moss – 2 1/2 stars (JL), 2 stars (KW), 2 stars (RL) - 2 stars overall

“Many of his scenes in October were deleted.” - JL, CH

“The previews were good, but more is needed.” - KW, FHF

“Standard fare from a usually-exciting performer.” – RL, TLP

 

Craig Conroy – 3 stars (JL), 2 1/2 stars (RL), 2 stars (KW) - 2.5 stars overall

“An old classic that still delivers in areas, but is close to being dated.” - KW, FHF

“This guy was born to do DVD commentaries.” - JL, Calgary Herald

“Maybe this ex-leading man is gearing up for one more run at the top.” – RL, TLP

 

Jarome Iginla – 2 stars, 2 stars (JL), 1 1/2 stars (RL) - 2 stars overall

“Big budget and lots of hype, but long periods of indifference and inactivity.” - KW, FHF

“Kinda like watching the great Gene Hackman in Welcome to Mooseport” - JL, CH
“This isn’t what fans shell out their money to see.” – RL, TLP

 

Olli Jokinen – 1 star (KW), 0 stars (JL), 0 stars (RL) - The big donut overall

“The seasons first big budget flop. Nothing to like in this groaner.” - KW, FHF

“BOMB – Turns out 'Jokinen' is Finnish for 'Gigli'” - JL, FHF

“Makes ‘Law-Abiding Citizen’ look like ‘Citizen Kane’” – RL, TLP

 

Brian McGrattan – 2 stars (JL), 2 stars (RL), 1 star (KW) - 2 stars overall

“Lots of fighting sequences, but not much else. Jean Claude would applaud.” - KW, FHF

“If you go see a Transformers movie, you lose the right to complain afterwards” - JL, CH

“Looking for depth here would be like looking for a beach in Edmonton.” – RL, TLP

 

Defense

Jay Bouwmeester – 4 1/2 stars (RL), 4 stars (KW), 3 1/2 stars (JL) - 4 stars overall

 

“You’ll be hearing about this one a lot come award season.” – RL, TLP

“Understated with a lot of subtle nuances. Not flashy or immediately compelling.” - KW, FHF

“Has fallen short of the advance hype, but how could he not?” - JL, CH

 

Dion Phaneuf – 3 1/2 stars (KW), 2 1/2 stars (JL), 2 1/2 stars (RL) - 3 stars overall

“Some obvious holes, but the sequel is better than the last iteration.” - KW, FHF

“Very Tarantino-esque: Self-indulgent but oddly compelling” - JL, CH

“Came in with high aspirations but fell short.” – RL, TLP

 

Robyn Regehr – 2 stars (KW), 2 stars (JL), 1 1/2 stars (RL) - 2 stars overall

“A rather tepid effort, although the ending almost redeemed the rest.” - KW, FHF

“Applauded director change and then forgot all his lines.” - JL, CH

“Disappointing effort from this audience favorite.” – RL, TLP

 

Cory Sarich – 2 1/2 stars (KW), 2 1/2 stars (RL), 1 1/2 stars (JL) - 2 stars overall

“Nothing flashy or overly engaging, but nothing especially bad either.” - KW, FHF

“Won’t win any official recognition, but always worth a watch.” – RL, TLP

“Reported late to the set and has been trying to catch up” - JL, CH

 

Mark Giordano – 4 stars (KW), 3 stars (RL), 3 stars (JL) - 3.5 stars overall

Good plotting supplemented by occasional flourishes of action and special effects.” - KW, FHF
“Defied this critics tiny expectations.” – RL, TLP

“Ready for a Johnny English sequel.” - JL, CH

 

Adam Pardy – 2 1/2 strars (JL), 2 stars (KW), 2 stars (RL) - 2 stars overall

“Some decent scenes, but didn't begin or end with any sort of purpose.” - KW, FHF

“Biggest star to come out of Newfoundland since Gordon Pinsent.” - JL, CH

“Not much expected from this milquetoast contributor, and not much delivered.” – RL, TLP

 

Staffan Kronwall – 1 1/2 stars (KW), 1/2 star (RL), 0 stars (JL) - 1 star overall

“Worthwhile...assuming nothing else is on.” - KW, FHF

“He’s analog in a digital world. ‘VHS’ isn’t so far away from looking like ‘AHL.’” – RL, TLP

“Does the term “Direct to video” ring a bell?” JL, CH

 

Goaltending

Miikka Kiprusoff – 3 stars (KW), 3 stars (JL), 2 1/2 stars (RL) - 3 stars overall

“Better than bad, which is a step in the right direction for this franchise.” - KW, FHF

“Not as good as the original, but better than recent sequels” - JL, CH

“I don’t know why, but I expected more from this fading star.” – RL, TLP


Curtis McElhinney, Aaron Johnson – Please submit additional work for the Academy’s consideration

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Former Nations Overlord. Current Fn contributor and curmudgeon For questions, complaints, criticisms, etc contact Kent @ kent.wilson@gmail. Follow him on Twitter here.
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#1 RossCreekNation
November 10 2009, 05:10PM
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“If you go see a Transformers movie, you lose the right to complain afterwards” - JL, CH

Quote o' the day, Mr. Lefebvre.

You guys are bang-on on the Olli Jokinen reviews. I waited 3 years for this guy, believing all along that he would be a difference maker. Could be worst big-budget movie of all time (in Calgary).

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#2 b1ackhat
November 11 2009, 07:02AM
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What a great way to start the day, that should have been a holiday but for a jerk boss.

Thanks for giving me a laugh guys

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#3 Iggy12
November 11 2009, 10:32AM
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I am amazed Kent gave Jokinen a single star. What for Kent? Showing up to all the games on time? LOL

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#4 Terry Bradshaw
November 11 2009, 04:31PM
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Considering all of the crap the Flames took prior to the season starting an 11-4 record is great!!

If only it didn't translate into a first round loss....

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