GDB/GDFD 59: La bataille d'Alberta
Wanye
February 21 2009 12:47PM
Yeah, so you might say this is a biggie for us.
Wanye Gretz: Ever since our crew personally oversaw the invention of the written word, electricity, hockey, the internet and finally both nations we have had one goal on the horizon. One goal that was so much in the forefront of everyone's mind that bingofuel actually broke up with his girlfriend this week to make sure nothing distracted him.
For the first time in the 6 billion-year history of the Earth, Oilers fans and Flames fans can come somewhere and chirp at one another during a Battle of Alberta game.
Now just like when playing nude Jenga there are rules here too. No male on male accidental contact for starters. No personal attacks, profanity laced tirades or other offside nonsensery if you please. Is this because we are boring? No. It's because if we don't have some rules of engagement we will probably start a war that will eventually end in Red Deer with Kent W and Willis brawling with Klingon Bat-leths over who has the ability to really lay claim to the last initial "W." But funny/witty commentary? Oh yeah. Pointing out the obvious like the fact that Calgary turned it's back on all forms of cerebral logic and signed Todd Bertuzzi? Good to go.
And so now I hand it to our colleagues at FlamesNation and see a Wanye Life Dream™ fulfilled. Next to achieve? Three-way with Natalie Portman and Carrie Underwood.
I have waited for this day for over two years!!!!!! -WG
TLP: Man, I love Battle of Alberta games. The rivalry, the drama, the easiest two points Calgary will earn all season. It's just magical.
Now, I don’t know how many Oiler fans mosey over to FlamesNation to check out what Kent and I have to say (it’s all really great, believe me!), but since this is being posted on both sides of “The Nation,” I will make certain concessions to our neighbors to the north, namely first explaining myself in a normal way, then dumbing it way, way down for all you clods that can’t get a job in a real city that people want to live in.
Now, let’s be honest with ourselves and say that the Oilers have been going through a bit of a rough patch the past few years in terms of players not wanting to come to your city or stay there, a general manager that was widely regarded as “borderline retarded,” and a coach who lost his team three months ago and still, somehow, has a job. (Trans.: Edmonton bad! Players hate! Lowe dumdum! Coach mean!)
Meanwhile, Calgary (you might know it by its other name: Not-Loserville) has had its cup run over with success and happiness. Players want to come here, Darryl Sutter makes good decisions, and Mike Keenan.. well, at least he’s not Jim Playfair. (Trans.: Everyone like! Big wins! Fun times! Happy all day no sad!)
We at FlamesNation understand that you’re probably a fan of the Oilers because of, say, the 1980s. Can’t blame you. We know it’s hard not to root for a winner. But guys, the 1980s were like 30 years ago almost! It’s time to start living in the here and now. And if you want, we’ll even take you in down here if you’re among Edmonton’s best and brightest. We’ve been looking for someone to clean up all the stables down at the Stampede Grounds anyway. (Trans.: Cup Days gone! Flames fan good! Sweep poop yes?)
Seriously though, the Flames are going to annihilate you.
All my love, TLP
Kent W: At the conclusion of George Orwell's 1984, Protagonist Winston Smith comes to the realization that he loves his nemesis - the State. I think that's about where I'm at with the Oilers these days, although I come by affection more honestly: there was no room 101 or psychological torture required - I just honestly enjoy watching the Oilers play.
I love watching Dustin Penner lumber around. It always brings a smile to my face to think of the draft picks it required to grab him, or his absurd $4.25M/year albatross of a contract.
I giggle when I see the 'C' on Ethan Moreau's chest. It gives me pleasure to check the Oilers ever-full injury list. I laugh whenever I remember that Jeff Drouin-Deslasarasrfasdfsadfasdrsdfs is the only goalie the club has signed through next year.
The negative goal differential, the constantly being outshot, the worse than average special teams, Kevin Lowe's comb-over; I love it all. MacTavish's post game press-conferences are frequently delightful. Zach Stortini's cartoonish countenance and laughable "fighting" style - it's all good. Oh, and thanks for Curtis Glencross by the way...
I think what I love most, however, is the continued mediocrity. Edmonton doesn't suck like, say, the Islanders or the Thrashers. There's always the faint possibility of making the play-offs on the horizon for the Oilers. That chance, however slim, like the distant scent of baking bread to the staring, drives the organization stumbling forward each off-season and trade deadline, salivating and half crazed, desperate for the taste of success.
As such, they're never a big threat to get any better. To take the big leap. Like a hopeless junkie, the Oilers never seem to reach their "bottom" so there's never any real chance of a recovery. Blow it up and start anew? Move veterans for draft picks? It's hard to do when 8th in the conference is spitting distance away, isn't it?
It won't bother me if the Flames lose this evening. Calgary is 12 points up on Edmonton and have little to gain by a victory. Edmonton, on the other hand, can scratch closer to the final play-off spot and move another step nearer to becoming a buyer at the trade deadline. And I would love that too.
It's win-win for me tonight gents. Im going to crack a beer and cheer for every single goal that's scored.
Sincerely, Kent Wilson
Lanny wrote:
Don't you have to be at least 12 years old to post on the Nation? Sorry Lanny, time for bed little guy.
@ Lanny: Im a Flames fan fool. A HUGE Flames fan at that. I spend my days reading about them, learning the facts, and never miss a game ... Your just some dumb troll.
I called you out because you gotta leave the cancer comments out of it. Thats pure unclass and make me ashamed to be compared with you, even is I still consider myself one of the biggest Flames supporters I know...
TDSM31 wrote:
WOW what a burn!!!!!(Yah my mom is calling me to bed)Like the Flames will burn the Oilers
@ Kent:
NICE!!! That was a damn good rebutal. My favorite part is, "Unfortunately, after beating the Oil time and time again over the last few years (as well as consistently finishing above them in the standings) winning a single battle of Alberta game has been drained of meaning. It would kind of be like celebrating beating the neighborhood retard at connect 4 or kicking a 3 legged mongrel dog. Really, it’s not much to be proud of."
It's been fun gentlemen (and Lanny). Fortunately, it is my destiny to leave behind all this love and actually ATTEND the game!
One Hour!!!
Lanny wrote:
Lanny, wasn't a 'burn'. Just wishing you a good nights sleep. Don't let the bed bugs bite, little fella.
So heres one for you Oiler Fans. Did you know Jason Blake of all people has quite a significant lead on goals over any of your players? By quite a margin at that. At this point in the season Blake, playing on a team of nobodies, may have more goals than any member of the Oilers even get.
Hmm... to compare a little further. Did you know Boyd, playing on the Flames 4th line, has more goals than Gagner (the future of the club).
Bertuzzi has way more points than Penner and is making less than half the salary?
Phaneuf, on a huge let down year, actually has 4 less points than your top defenseman (who has peaked and is sinking for the years to come) and third highest scorer.
Lowe is such a fool because he didnt wanna pay Glencross 1 Million. If he were on the Oilers, with the same points, he'd be 8th in scoring... So yes we get excited over Glencross because it shows Sutters brilliance and Lowe being the fool everyone else in the league knows he is.
@ Lanny: Wow, lanny, you got class....pure class!!!!
Oh I forgot, your starting goalie that many of you worship was a back up to Kidd when he played in Calgary. Kidd is possibly the worst goalie to play in the last 50 years.
@ Brent G.: Brent, will any of this really matter when you lose in round #1 AGAIN?
TLP wrote:
What...no sense of humour...That was pure smack...Give and take in witty, non-personal assault..that is what it is all about...sorry man...Lanny wrote:
Once again your lack of vocabulary makes debating with you boring. If you can actually come up with something worthy of a retort I'd be surprised. To be as ignorant to state someone looks like they have cancer, is in fact making fun of cancer you meathead. I visit the Stollery and the Cross Cancer lots and seeing those people shave their heads due to radiation is not even remotely funny. I doubt you'd have the stones to say that to my face or anyone else who has a shaved head. You're an ignorant moron. Grow up.
Take a page from Kent in how to talk smack. Insightful, funny and witty, although Kent you might want to bring something more than saying it gets old beating the Oilers. Ask any Oiler fan if beating the Flames in the playoffs every year ever got old.
They wont lose first round. I am more confident of that than anything. If the playoffs started today they would face Columbus. Its not the Minnesota of favourable match ups but really really close. Actually the only team I would prefer them not facing in the first round is Anaheim. Not because of fear of losing to them, but more or less because they hit hard and can leave a team battered in the second round.
I mean you Oiler fans love to talk about the "likely" first round exit but you cant really tell me any of you actually are that confident it'll happen; definitely not enough to put money on it as I have for them making it to the second already.
I'll be satisfied if the game tonight has 1/4 of the awesomeness of this back and forth we've got going on here in the halls of the nation. I love it!
Vancouver just tied up the game and the motivation for Calgary just grew a little. They cant let Vancouver get within 6. Not with a huge road trip in the future...
Brent G. wrote:
God I hate the Canucks SO much. I can barely live with the fact that I'm actively cheering for the Leafs right now, but that's how deep my hatred runs.
The Towel Boy wrote:
I would like to agree but unfortunately, with the comments from the Flames fans on this board, it sounds more like we're in the halls of a junior high school.
@ jeanshorts: I used to hate Toronto more than anybody but to be honest since being under new management and Ron Wilson working hard to turn the ship I actually enjoy them more than any other Canadian team (sans Calgary of course). They are fun to watch. Ottawa has no heart, Montreal I decidedly wanna watch fail, Vacouver has nothing but a goalie and an unclassy center (in Sundin) and Edmonton ... well... just read my previous posts. I hate Edmonton more than anyone now.
I've seen Semenko around a few times over the years and he still terrifies me. Lordy how I wish the NHL had NBA style 3 day contracts to see Cementhead and Tim Hunter go at 'er again. Watching beefy old men fight is amazing, though I've never seen it happen with sober participants...
LET'S DOOOOO THIS!!!
Yeah yeah yeah! Single national anthem night. Woot!
Dear God, did SMac almost get a goal? Please, someone get me a beer...Salute!!!
I, for one, certainly couldn't have forseen Moreau in the penalty box... That's so unlike him.
@ Cory Dakin:
Agreed. So "out of character" for him. Maybe he's playing hurt.
Come on CBC, give me a commercial with cooked beef on it.
The refs are lettin' alot go. Anybody who doesn't have a last name that rhymes with More-oh is getting a free pass.
I can't believe there's two teams with a worse powerplay than the oilers....
Attaboy Cole! Raise that trade value
Cole!
Yeah. That's a guy we need to get rid of.
Maybe it's just me... But I would take ten Gene Principe's any day over one Marc Crawford
Would someone please get Moreau off the ice!!!!
Brutal!
FMNF
So does the fact that we're playin' with the retro jerseys mean we still have to score another one before we're at evens?
Dave the Linepainter wrote:
I take it the "M" means Moreau?
Marc Crawford just called Penner quick..... My point has been proven
Wow, and then Penner is off sides. He must be wearing the big-boy skates tonight. So "quick".
The old man is looking pretty good in net tonight
Under a minute to go in the period.. Prime time for the oilers to give up a goal.. Prove me wrong boys.. Prove me wrong
Man that Roli batting move is weird. Goalies...
Cory Dakin wrote:
Looks like Gilbert tried to make your wish come true.
What the hell? Does Scott Oake always have a 30 minute long intro to all his interview questions? Brutal...Just ask the damn question.
@ The Towel Boy: He has to have time to come up with the question.. It would seem prepartation is not his forte
I wonder if that little forward in the new McDonalds ad is a UFA at the end of this season.
Proof that the best songwriters in the world come from Humboldt... Wow, this song makes me either want to quit drinking my beer, or drink a whole lot more
@ Cory Dakin:
twas a beaut that song was.
I wonder if Mrs. Cogliano is enjoying the game?
I don't believe he ever did tell us why humboldt was hockeytown. He kept singing that he would, but I still don't understand why
David S wrote:
I thought that was Gagner!
Smokin' Ray wrote:
She's not watching hockey, she's tossing my salad.... No seriousl, she's making me a caesar. I love that sh*t
This game is kinda lacking some pizzaz. Yeah I said Pizzaz.
Wow . . . Roloson is terrible behind the net. Two giveaways and a poor fumble, and I've only been watching a few minutes.