GDB/GDFD 59: La bataille d'Alberta

Wanye
February 21 2009 12:47PM

battlerages

Yeah, so you might say this is a biggie for us.

Wanye Gretz: Ever since our crew personally oversaw the invention of the written word, electricity, hockey, the internet and finally both nations we have had one goal on the horizon. One goal that was so much in the forefront of everyone's mind that bingofuel actually broke up with his girlfriend this week to make sure nothing distracted him.

For the first time in the 6 billion-year history of the Earth, Oilers fans and Flames fans can come somewhere and chirp at one another during a Battle of Alberta game.

Now just like when playing nude Jenga there are rules here too. No male on male accidental contact for starters. No personal attacks, profanity laced tirades or other offside nonsensery if you please. Is this because we are boring? No. It's because if we don't have some rules of engagement we will probably start a war that will eventually end in Red Deer with Kent W and Willis brawling with Klingon Bat-leths over who has the ability to really lay claim to the last initial "W." But funny/witty commentary? Oh yeah. Pointing out the obvious like the fact that Calgary turned it's back on all forms of cerebral logic and signed Todd Bertuzzi? Good to go.

And so now I hand it to our colleagues at FlamesNation and see a Wanye Life Dream™ fulfilled. Next to achieve? Three-way with Natalie Portman and Carrie Underwood.

I have waited for this day for over two years!!!!!! -WG

TLP: Man, I love Battle of Alberta games. The rivalry, the drama, the easiest two points Calgary will earn all season. It's just magical.

Now, I don’t know how many Oiler fans mosey over to FlamesNation to check out what Kent and I have to say (it’s all really great, believe me!), but since this is being posted on both sides of “The Nation,” I will make certain concessions to our neighbors to the north, namely first explaining myself in a normal way, then dumbing it way, way down for all you clods that can’t get a job in a real city that people want to live in.

Now, let’s be honest with ourselves and say that the Oilers have been going through a bit of a rough patch the past few years in terms of players not wanting to come to your city or stay there, a general manager that was widely regarded as “borderline retarded,” and a coach who lost his team three months ago and still, somehow, has a job. (Trans.: Edmonton bad! Players hate! Lowe dumdum! Coach mean!)

Meanwhile, Calgary (you might know it by its other name: Not-Loserville) has had its cup run over with success and happiness. Players want to come here, Darryl Sutter makes good decisions, and Mike Keenan.. well, at least he’s not Jim Playfair. (Trans.: Everyone like! Big wins! Fun times! Happy all day no sad!)

We at FlamesNation understand that you’re probably a fan of the Oilers because of, say, the 1980s. Can’t blame you. We know it’s hard not to root for a winner. But guys, the 1980s were like 30 years ago almost! It’s time to start living in the here and now. And if you want, we’ll even take you in down here if you’re among Edmonton’s best and brightest. We’ve been looking for someone to clean up all the stables down at the Stampede Grounds anyway. (Trans.: Cup Days gone! Flames fan good! Sweep poop yes?)

Seriously though, the Flames are going to annihilate you.

All my love, TLP

Kent W: At the conclusion of George Orwell's 1984, Protagonist Winston Smith comes to the realization that he loves his nemesis - the State. I think that's about where I'm at with the Oilers these days, although I come by affection more honestly: there was no room 101 or psychological torture required - I just honestly enjoy watching the Oilers play.

I love watching Dustin Penner lumber around. It always brings a smile to my face to think of the draft picks it required to grab him, or his absurd $4.25M/year albatross of a contract.

I giggle when I see the 'C' on Ethan Moreau's chest. It gives me pleasure to check the Oilers ever-full injury list. I laugh whenever I remember that Jeff Drouin-Deslasarasrfasdfsadfasdrsdfs is the only goalie the club has signed through next year.

The negative goal differential, the constantly being outshot, the worse than average special teams, Kevin Lowe's comb-over; I love it all. MacTavish's post game press-conferences are frequently delightful. Zach Stortini's cartoonish countenance and laughable "fighting" style - it's all good. Oh, and thanks for Curtis Glencross by the way...

I think what I love most, however, is the continued mediocrity. Edmonton doesn't suck like, say, the Islanders or the Thrashers. There's always the faint possibility of making the play-offs on the horizon for the Oilers. That chance, however slim, like the distant scent of baking bread to the staring, drives the organization stumbling forward each off-season and trade deadline, salivating and half crazed, desperate for the taste of success.

As such, they're never a big threat to get any better. To take the big leap. Like a hopeless junkie, the Oilers never seem to reach their "bottom" so there's never any real chance of a recovery. Blow it up and start anew? Move veterans for draft picks? It's hard to do when 8th in the conference is spitting distance away, isn't it?

It won't bother me if the Flames lose this evening. Calgary is 12 points up on Edmonton and have little to gain by a victory. Edmonton, on the other hand, can scratch closer to the final play-off spot and move another step nearer to becoming a buyer at the trade deadline. And I would love that too.

It's win-win for me tonight gents. Im going to crack a beer and cheer for every single goal that's scored.

Sincerely, Kent Wilson

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
Avatar
#151 David S
February 21 2009, 09:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

There isn't much in our PP beyond the big slapper from Souray.

Avatar
#152 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 09:23PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

i'm not seeing the same toughness from the team that i saw in the last two games... i'm hoping it's discipline because they're up a goal

Avatar
#153 David S
February 21 2009, 09:27PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Cory Dakin wrote:

i’m not seeing the same toughness from the team that i saw in the last two games… i’m hoping it’s discipline because they’re up a goal

We lost the last two games.

Calgary isn't playing near as well as I thought they would, although this game doesn't mean as much to them as it does to us. I love these little glimmers of hope this team gives you.

Avatar
#154 ngthagg
February 21 2009, 09:27PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

No call on McIntyre? Usually a glove in the face is roughing.

Avatar
#155 David S
February 21 2009, 09:28PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Horcoff missing a gimme. *facepalm*

Avatar
#156 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 09:29PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@ David S: We may have lost on the scoreboard, but in the MacTavish school of coaching I believe those are what we would call moral victories. They had a lot of "jam".

Avatar
#157 ngthagg
February 21 2009, 09:30PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Iggy! And Sarich! Cripes, Sarich looks like he knows what he's doing on offense.

Avatar
#158 Tom Gilbert's shorts
February 21 2009, 09:31PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Little help here. I'm up by the blueline.

Avatar
#159 walkinvisible
February 21 2009, 09:36PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

when gio comes back, maybe sarich should take a turn on the wing... :P

Avatar
#160 ngthagg
February 21 2009, 09:40PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Sarich has 6 points in the last 7 games. That's including 3 points in Phoenix, but still.

Avatar
#161 The Towel Boy
February 21 2009, 09:40PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Marc Crawfordisms:

Rolofson = Roloson

Parrish = Sarich

Igimla = Iginla

Gagner = Hemsky

Avatar
#162 walkinvisible
February 21 2009, 09:45PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

crawford is godawful, to be sure...

Avatar
#163 ngthagg
February 21 2009, 09:55PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Edmonton fans calling for a lifetime suspension for Greentree in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .

Avatar
#164 Tom Gilbert's shorts
February 21 2009, 10:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

That was THE WORST 5 on 3 evahhh!

Avatar
#165 David S
February 21 2009, 10:08PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

It would be nice to have a certain level of confidence your team was going to win.

Or at least so I hear.

Avatar
#166 The Towel Boy
February 21 2009, 10:09PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

David S wrote:

It would be nice to have a certain level of confidence your team was going to win. Or at least so I hear.

I know a guy who cheers for the Red Wings...I'll ask him.

Avatar
#167 David S
February 21 2009, 10:21PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

So uhhh...where's Gretz?

Avatar
#168 walkinvisible
February 21 2009, 10:24PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

i think that moss-on-boyd collision was in attempt to shut marc crawford up

Avatar
#169 David S
February 21 2009, 10:26PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

You have GOT to be f*cking kidding.

Avatar
#170 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 10:27PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Cory Dakin wrote:

Under a minute to go in the period.. Prime time for the oilers to give up a goal.. Prove me wrong boys.. Prove me wrong

I said that way back in the first period.. And now I really wish I hadn't said it at all

Avatar
#171 David S
February 21 2009, 10:28PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Curse you Cory Dakin.

Avatar
#172 ngthagg
February 21 2009, 10:30PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

I'll have to check the posts up above, but I thought you were all claiming that Calgary was the "choke" team.

Seriously, though, that was a beautiful shot by Lombardi. I'm glad his SH% is finally going up. He's earned it.

Avatar
#173 David S
February 21 2009, 10:38PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Nice try Nogoalov!

Avatar
#174 walkinvisible
February 21 2009, 10:39PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

hey, do you think roloson will tell crawford how to pronounce his name, on after hours ??

Avatar
#175 ngthagg
February 21 2009, 10:51PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

I can only hope so. Crawford doesn't sound like the brightest bulb most of the time. I don't know why no one's corrected him yet. I heard a few "Alex Hemsky"s too.

Good win by the Flames. We get the two points, we keep Vancouver looking backwards. I thought our play actually didn't look too bad, for our first game after all the bad news. And I like the Bertuzzi-Lundmark-Greentree line, mostly because it kept Bert's minutes down, and presumably kept him away from the tougher opponents.

For the Oilers, Horcoff really impressed me. He's noticeably faster than most players, and he owned the faceoffs tonight. He was out there for 32 out of 52 faceoffs, and he won 23 of the them. That's 44% of the total faceoffs. That's remarkable.

I'll bet he's gone by the trade deadline.

Avatar
#176 Dwayne Rolofson
February 21 2009, 10:51PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

March Crayford.

Avatar
#177 Harlie Chuddy
February 21 2009, 10:53PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Game Story:

the gawd damn ice is a friggen disgrace.

Avatar
#178 The Towel Boy
February 21 2009, 10:54PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

3 pretty decent shootout guys for the Oil and no shots on net. Brutal.

Avatar
#179 oilmoose
February 21 2009, 11:02PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

We suck so bad I'm beyond speech. F...!!!!!

Avatar
#180 Harlie Chuddy
February 21 2009, 11:03PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@ The Towel Boy:

even Cammaleri lost the handle in the shootout. The puck was sticking to the ice.

Avatar
#181 Jay
February 21 2009, 11:24PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

That was a pretty terrible last minute, OT, then shootout. Over and over the oilers have "fake hustle" on the backcheck. They look like they're backchecking, but never actually pick up a man. They wasted their powerplay chance with cute drop passes at the blue line, which no other team does as often or as poorly as the oilers. Also, how do you not even get a shot off in the shootout. Seriously, do they think kovalchuk and ovechkin score tons of goals by being cute? No way. They hammer the puck on net whenever they get near it. A big reason why the oilers lack a real goal scorer besides Souray.

Avatar
#182 yo
February 21 2009, 11:25PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

I'm at the point of actually looking forward to MacT's litany of excuses. I expect we will hear that the Oil actually won this game everywhere but the scoreboard. Maybe there should be an award for this re-writing of history. Maybe the all-world excuse award could be called 'The Tavie' award for telling a bald faced lie right after a loss and doing it on video.

Avatar
#183 David S
February 21 2009, 11:31PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Looks like they didn't do the MacT "live" postgame presser on the Oilers site tonight. I wouldn't doubt it if he hung himself immediately after the game.

Avatar
#184 TLP
February 22 2009, 12:09AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

We at Flamesnation.ca will now begin accepting your humblest apologies.

Good game or whatever but the good guys (and by that I clearly mean "good team") won.

How did it feel to lose to the better (read: best) Northwest team?

Avatar
#185 Bob Cob
February 22 2009, 12:26AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@ TLP: Better team, I dont think so man, more consistant, yes. The Flames didn't play that greast, but the Oilers played terrible the final 40 minutes. I mean someone has to take Lombardi on that last goal, but than again it wouldn't be the Oilers if they actually picked up a man on the backcheck.

Apologize, no dice, I will say one thing about the Flames, as much as I hate them, they do pay better attention to details and show a higher commitment level to making plays than the Oilers do.

That said..... Calgary still sucks!!!!

Avatar
#186 kingsblade
February 22 2009, 12:37AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Brent G:

You mentioned people dying young in Edmonton...

I take it you either live under a rock or spend too much time reading about the Flames, otherwise you might be aware of the weekly shooting/stabbing death going on in Calgary.

TLP:

Boston? If you think living there is better than either Calgary or Edmonton then you have lost all credibility. Sorry, but that's what comes with preferring to live among Sox fans.

Avatar
#187 oilmoose
February 22 2009, 12:44AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Eat Sh.. and die TLP. I'm not sure if I can be anymore politically correct than that. Is that rude?

Avatar
#188 Sabby
February 22 2009, 02:12AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Bert's one handed game winner was a beauty.

Avatar
#189 Brent G.
February 22 2009, 02:20AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@ Sabby: Bert really has become quite a clutch player this year. When the game is on the line I want the puck on his stick because he invariably makes the right call. Thats not to say he doesnt annoy the hell out of me other times but I'd say he was good value.

PLEASE dont let Moss be hurt. The depth charts are running a little thin at the moment.

Avatar
#190 David S
February 22 2009, 03:18AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

So where were all you Flames guys during the game?

Avatar
#191 Chris
February 22 2009, 07:43AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@ David S: Laptops and wireless routers must be a luxary only available in "Siberia".

Avatar
#192 Chris
February 22 2009, 08:06AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Brent G. wrote:

I mean you Oiler fans love to talk about the “likely” first round exit but you cant really tell me any of you actually are that confident it’ll happen;

Historically there is a definate pattern. If the Flames had more talent than Detroit; they would probably find a way to lose in the first round. It's cute how you guys assume the Oiler fans here will be insulted when you take a swipe at MacT or Lowe. We do it all the time! I've been an Oiler fan through the good years and the bad. I watched in person as MacT scored a hat trick on Saddledome ice! The thing is... The Oilers have fans. True fans. We are not bound to one roster. We commit beyond one season. We didn't all arrive after a ten year absence because of one improbable cup run. Talk your smack. Success comes in cycles... Too bad none of you Flames fans will stick around when the tides have reversed.

Avatar
#193 Arik
February 22 2009, 08:07AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

David S wrote:

So where were all you Flames guys during the game?

Watching it with the loved ones we have. We don't live in our parent's basements with a TV and laptop as our only friends, unlike the pleasant folks up north.

Avatar
#194 B-rad
February 22 2009, 08:48AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

The Towel Boy wrote:

Marc Crawfordisms: Rolofson = Roloson Parrish = Sarich Igimla = Iginla Gagner = Hemsky

he is terrible on the mic.

Avatar
#195 Clarkenstein
February 22 2009, 09:38AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Questions I want answered.... Who was the left winger on the tying goal and where the hell was he? Why didn't MacBlow have them trapping it up? Who was the D-man that had the brain cramp changing with 6 seconds left? Did he change on his own or was Chuddy yelling at him to change? Or, why even, were they changing? Why are most of the goals on Roli going in high on the glove side? And lastly, why does our Media not ask any of these questions?? All I hear are the same old BS answers from MacBlow and (can't) Scorcoff!!

Avatar
#196 Brent G.
February 22 2009, 10:26AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

David S wrote:

So where were all you Flames guys during the game?

I had a place to be. It sounded like most of us did. I went to this party thingy

Avatar
#197 Harlie Chuddy
February 22 2009, 10:37AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Brent G. wrote:

David S wrote: So where were all you Flames guys during the game? I had a place to be. It sounded like most of us did. I went to this party thingy

Otherwise known as a Star Trek convention.

Avatar
#198 442Junkie
February 22 2009, 10:44AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

I was at the game last night. Flames fans where surprisingly quiet after the game. I think it was either "wow, how the hell did we win that?" or "We best be quiet because these Edmonton folks are just mad enough to kill...again". Either way it was a good game. Very sad to see Gagner leave the puck behind in the shoot-out. So much for the best ice in the league...

On another note, there's one thing Oilers and Flames fans share. Besides the wild rose plates. It's an undying hatred for the Canucks. What have they ever won? Really? They are the worst bunch of fans in the league. You'd swear they've got 39 straight cup wins under their belts. Rather than 38 years of nothing...

Avatar
#199 Brent G.
February 22 2009, 11:20AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

442Junkie wrote:

On another note, there’s one thing Oilers and Flames fans share. Besides the wild rose plates. It’s an undying hatred for the Canucks.

While I do hate the Canucks a lot I would much rather watch them win than the Oilers. It seems to me that Flames and Canuck fans alike are on the same page of throwing salt in the wounds of Oiler fans and laughing as they dwiddle the season away.

Avatar
#200 The7thMan
February 22 2009, 11:53AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Does anyone remember the extrodinary story of Mirwais Pashtun from Kandahar Afghanistan? Young Mirwais liked to hang around the main Nato Air Field near Kandahar and amaze Canadian soldiers with his incredible street hockey stick handling skills. Mirwais was so incredibly skilled that he was featured on hockey Night In Canada four years ago and was presented with rollerblades by Master Corporal Jeff Lesarde. When Mirwais again impressed homesick Canadians soldiers during the weekly roller hockey tournament it was arranged that he could learn to properly skate at the only ice arena in all of Afghanistan located near Kabul. Years later, Mirwais, now eighteen, is Afgahnistan's only legitimate hockey superstar; And as such, was invited over to a Hockey development camp at the Saddledome. Mirwais was pleased to have the unigue oppertunity to skate with the likes of Mickail Backlund, and Daniel Ryder. Excited, after a scrimmage where he deked out a future NHLer to score a goal, Mirwais called his mother to share the good news, "Mom. You will not believe my good fortune. The Flames appreciate my skills and may invite me to main Camp!" "Son while you were wasting your time on a silly sheet of ice, your father was arrested on truped up charges, your sister was molested on the street, and your brother who tried to help was severely beaten... and it is all your fault!" "Mother. This is terrible news. But please explain how this is all my fault." "Well son... You're the selfish little welp that forced us all to move to Calgary in the first place!"

Comments are closed for this article.