GDFD No. 70: Be it ever so humble

Ryan Lambert
March 18 2009 04:24PM

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Welcome to the 22nd Game Day Fire Drill, for this, Calgary’s 70th game of the season on March 18, 2009.

Thank god that's over.

Finally. Finally finally. Calgary is back at home where it belongs. Hopefully with the three days off, the team got its legs back under itself and straightened out that whole "defense" situation.

The good news is that the games are now starting at a reasonable hour (for you Albertans at least) and we can once again sit back and enjoy the dulcet tones of Peter Loubardias telling us just how many "goouhls" Jarome "Eeginla" has "skeeoored" this season.

More importantly the Saddledome is the place Calgary typically, y'know, plays well enough to win.

So that's good.

Who:

The Calgary Flames (40-23-6 for 86 points. Third in the West, first in the Northwest) and the Dallas Stars (33-29-8 for 67 points. Eleventh in the East, fourth in the Northeast)

When:

7 p.m. Mountain time and 9 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones should put your petty misdemeanors to artistic use.

Where:

Pengrowth Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta.

Calgary is 22-8-4 at home this year, is 3-1-1 in its last five at the Saddledome, but comes off an awful road trip in which it went 3-4-0 and gave up 31 goals in seven games. The Stars are a horrible 14-16-4 away from home but have earned points in three of their last five road games.

What (to hate about the Stars):

Loui Eriksson — Fun fact: any first name that ends with an "I" is a girl's name. Case in point: Tiffani Amber Thiessen, who, incidentally might be a better hockey player than Loui Eriksson. If he was smart, he'd just change his name to Louie Riksson. That's a free tip, Lou. You'd be wise to listen.

Brad Richards — Listen you beaver-faced creep, I remember 2004, when you stole that Conn Smythe trophy from Miikka Kiprusoff the same way the NHL stole the Stanley Cup from Calgary. Outrageous actions! I am unhappy that he won't be playing tonight, because it would be great to see Robyn Regehr paste him to the endboards.

They probably know some of the Cowboys — Man, I hate the Cowboys. If you like them, you're a jerk. That's backed up by science. If you play for them, you're a criminal. That's backed up by court documents. If you own them, you're a member of an undead horde that is waiting until the seventh seal is broken to pour out over the face of the Earth and devour all of our souls. That's backed up by the Necronomicon.

Steve Ott — I'll just reprint what I said last time the Flames played Dallas, because I still feel the same way now:

Nothing says “giant bag of cat piss” like this clown. What he lacks in actual hockey talent he makes up for in his ability to lowbridge any of your team’s favorite players and generally be a bigger dick than most NHL agitators would consider sportsmanlike. Think Sean Avery without the hockey talent or entertainment value.

Mike Modano — I thought he was meant to be the best American-born center of all time. He doesn't even have a 100-point season! And he's only scored a point a game in 10 of his 19 seasons. That's barely more than half. Embarrassing, America. Simply embarrassing.

Marty Turco — If he's so good, why does he suck so much?

The City of Dallas — As always, it's important to remember which city killed John Fitzgerald Kennedy, America's greatest president. Hint: It was not Calgary.

Why?

Because you've had four days off. Enjoy the game and shake off the rust in the comments section.

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Yer ol' buddy Lambert is handsome and great and everyone loves him. Also you can visit his regular blog at The Two-Line Pass or follow him on Twitter. Lucky you!
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#1 FlameFan99
March 18 2009, 04:58PM
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john f. kennedy wasnt the greatest president TLP. any calgarian knows that it was reagan. Go back to moscow you bolshevik

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#2 ngthagg
March 18 2009, 07:19PM
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According to the mini-profile, TLP is from Boston. Boston MASSACHUSETTS! You have to expect a slightly different political perspective between Calgary AB and Boston MA.

TLP, I think this is your best "what to hate" so far. Ripping into Dallas players based on their appearance, their lack of scoring, their names, their inferiority to Sean Avery, I think you hit all the angles.

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#3 Anonymous
March 18 2009, 10:21PM
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Dude, Brad Richards stole the Conn Smythe from Jarome Iginla. Just sayin'.

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#4 merzer131
March 19 2009, 10:30AM
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How can you hate the Cowboys TLP? Nate Newton, Jerry Jones, Mike Irving?

THEY ARE HISTORIES GREATEST MONSTERS!! What's not to love?

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