Financial Shiteroo Continues

Wanye
March 24 2009 09:48AM

hammer2

Once upon a time some turd burglar over at OilersNation.com suggested that it was very possible this economic downturn could lead to non-screwed teams being put up on the block for sale. Not because they suck, but because the owners would tire of funding their burn in a downturn. Well Nation, it’s starting to happen.

The problem is that few people are in a position to spend the money necessary to buy and operate an NHL franchise. The bigger problem is that in tough times the amount of people able to do this shrinks even further as fortunes of the rich contract. The real problem is the rich people who are still in a position to take over a troubled financial team during a crisis are probably unwilling to do so—as an NHL team isn’t usually a profitable investment when you compare it to other things you can do with $200 million in your chequing account."

Heretofore, the NHL teams that have been rumored to be on the block for sale have been of the “screwed” variety. It should be no surprise that the Coyotes are losing money and are for sale. Look at them down there in a warm climate where everyone should in theory want to flock, having been forced to resort to ticket discount packages and enticing obese Americanos to los arena por los nachos unlimitato.

Still, when your owner is declaring less of a salary from his primary business enterprise than many of his players collect in a year, you can see how he may tire of footing the bill for a losing team that's shedding fans so fast you would think it is dating Chris Brown. We still maintain that the real reason we are all hearing so much about the Coyotes isn’t because the team is losing way more money than usual (though by all accounts it is) but rather because ol’ Uncle Jerry has had enough.

And now it seems Jerry has company in Montreal, where owner George Gillett is hiring people to look at a bunch of his assets to see if there are any investments that he can shed quickly or in a profitable manner. This is hardly declaring “I am screwed” nor is he suggesting “Les Canadiens sont hooped” but it is definitely a declaration that an NHL team isn’t a sterling investment right about now.

On Monday, a report published in La Presse indicated that Gillett has engaged four financial-analysis firms in Canada, the United States and Europe to review his entire portfolio. It includes the Canadiens, a 50-per-cent stake in England’s Liverpool soccer club, the concert-promoting Gillett Entertainment Group, a NASCAR team, ski resorts, golf courses, agriculture companies and more.” “Majority owner George N. Gillett Jr., the Vail, Colo., resident who has more irons in the fire than Ben Cartwright, bought 80.1 per cent of the club and its Bell (then Molson) Centre arena in a January 2001 deal estimated to be worth $275 million Canadian. Less than four months after he absolutely, even aggressively, denied any interest in selling the Canadiens, the hugely diversified Gillett might dispose of the club and its Bell Centre home should a buyer park enough zeroes in front of a decimal point.”

Now this hardly means that Habs fans need to start researching a QMJHL team with which to fall in love. It is more than likely that this hullaballoo is nothing more than Gillett looking at the Dow Jones index and is thinking “I have bought a lot of really crazy shit over the years. I wonder if I can move that underwater lacrosse team I bought in Dubai last year?” Then he hires a bunch of goons to pour over his books and value his assets in this current economic climate. THEN, some Montreal reporter gets wind of it and writes a story insinuating there is a gigantic for sale sign on the Centre Molson.

Even if Gillett does decide to sell the team, the economy is still vibrant enough to transact this deal. Super rich people, while substantially poorer, are still rich. That’s one of the nice things about being a multi-billionaire. You can lose a few Bs here and there and still have enough dough kicking around to say “Yeah, you know the Canadiens would look good parked in my garage next to my Lambo.”

Oh Jim

blackberrycooljimdog2

Jim Ballsillie is still rich as all hell, wants an NHL team in the worst way and continues to act the highlarious fool, ensuring that if he buys a team it will be simple force of economic will. “The most recent rumour (of the Habs being for sale) had come a few weeks earlier. It was then that Waterloo, Ont.-based billionaire Jim Balsillie, co-CEO of BlackBerry parent Research in Motion, said the Canadiens were on the market. A long-time unfulfilled NHL franchise suitor, Balsillie denied making the statement, apologized to Gillett for the uproar and was spanked by the NHL for it. If he has any interest now, he’ll express it invisibly.”

Oh Jim. Really?

*shakes head in awe of a guy who is so rich, yet so not ready to play in the NHL sandbox where they take their secrets to the grave*

You founded RIM, Ballsillie. You know better than to talk about potential acquisitions before they are publicly for sale! Why would you continue to piss the NHL and it's owners off at every turn? We are on the precipice of an economic collapse that they will be talking about in 100 years! Sit back with your gigantic cheque book at the ready and watch people line up to sell you their squadrons. We bet we have kept more secrets than you have, Jimbo, and that ain't only because Brownlee and Gregor don’t ever let us know any of the good stuff. Loose lips sink ships and in this new era snitches get stitches.

Thank heavens

katz1b

Thank heavens that Grandma still needs her heart medicine and that ol Kay-Z is still ballin' out of control. Imagine how much suck and what a shock to the system it would be right now if there was a for sale sign in front of that gigantic mansion in Valleyview and several jewel encrusted Rexall pendants showed up in local pawn shops. Luckily that is not the case, or if it is the case we haven’t had to hear a word about it. But we bet it isn't the case, cause Kay-Z is ballin' out of control. Yes, that is our research into the subject. In addition to that half-assed research attempt, we will wildly pledge our undying loyalty to our owner and will be stopping by Rexall later today to buy something for our crab infestation. Not because we want to lose our Rexall Reminder of the girl we tangled with after the Nation party, but because we want to do our part to make sure that Kay-Z can continue to comfortably overpay Oilers who don’t deserve a lick of their inflated salaries.

Comment disclaimer - Deepoil and deepoil imitators take note:

On this day where we celebrate the fact that the Mighty Oil still have money to burn on Goats and Donair Eating Phenomenons we humbly ask you show some respect and not tell us your crazy theories about how Katz is actually Pocklington after considerable maxio-facial surgery and that he is plotting a military coup within the City limits. If you could save it for another article on another day it would be appreciated. Plus, you have beaten this issue so close to death it should be dating Chris Brown.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 The Towel Boy
March 24 2009, 09:51AM
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Who saw this coming!?!? Wannnnye?

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#2 Wanye Gretz
March 24 2009, 09:57AM
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Two more great quotes on Gillet from the article I referenced above:

1. "By Gillett’s own estimate, the Canadiens were roughly his 150th acquisition, the purchase coming more than a half-century after he’d worked his first job in 1948 – picking weeds in a Racine, Wis., onion patch for his great-uncle Wally."

2. (describing his duties with the Habs)"Mostly I’m the groom who puts the oats in the pails for the horses, keeps them fresh and lively, rubs them down after we’ve come in from a ride"

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#3 Zamboni Driver
March 24 2009, 10:19AM
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This is why when stats nerds talk about 'HORK' being "only a $5.5 mil cap hit" have cranial rectal issues.

Some dude (albeit a rich dude) is going to write cheques next year for Shawn FLIPPIN' Horcoff totalling seven million bucks.

How long you think said rich dude is going to think the highbrow(s) that decided on that ticket are, in fact, good at their jobs? That there is REAL scratch we're talking about kiddies.

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#4 Mr P
March 24 2009, 10:29AM
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Grebeshkov for Norris Trophy! Where do we vote online.

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#5 baggedmilk
March 24 2009, 10:30AM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

Dude, you know you're just setting us up for Deep Oil's butt lust for scandal. I had to get into the thread, on a well written piece, before that nerd tells me how Kay-Z is putting mind control pellets in the Rexall brand Ibuprofen. Well here's to Deep Oil and his tin foil helmet, as the count down continues before I find you and give you a real alien lander.

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#6 BUCK75 - FMNF
March 24 2009, 10:38AM
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Good news is I hget the opportunity to buy another set of Play-Off tickets tomorrow...

It's a wild world now, if I managed to lose half of my investments being an uneducated half wit, imagine how badly George Gilette is hammering his financial advisors now? Rumours have it that Celine & Rene Angeil or Cirque du Soleil founder Guy Laliberte will buy the team for some reason.

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#7 Wanye Gretz
March 24 2009, 10:39AM
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@ baggedmilk:

hahaha agreed. In the spirit of the article I even put in a disclaimer. Today is a day to celebrate our non broke owner and I won't have anyone bringing me down from my drug induced high. As a result I will delete any super insane stuff from deepoil and imitation deepoils. If they keep er clean though fine.

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#8 Rich Zeng
March 24 2009, 10:44AM
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Zamboni Driver wrote:

This is why when stats nerds talk about ‘HORK’ being “only a $5.5 mil cap hit” have cranial rectal issues. Some dude (albeit a rich dude) is going to write cheques next year for Shawn FLIPPIN’ Horcoff totalling seven million bucks. How long you think said rich dude is going to think the highbrow(s) that decided on that ticket are, in fact, good at their jobs? That there is REAL scratch we’re talking about kiddies.

Don't you dare say Horcoff is overpaid! Now the oil blogosphere briggade (who'd perform sexual favors for him at the drop of a dime)are gonna come after YOU!

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#9 Nickler
March 24 2009, 10:50AM
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Zamboni Driver wrote:

have cranial rectal issues.

Cranial rectal issues......Too funny

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#10 Greg MC
March 24 2009, 10:54AM
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NHL got to pray just to make it today!

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#11 I'm a Scientist!
March 24 2009, 11:15AM
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Greg MC wrote:

NHL got to pray just to make it today!

You've got to pray...praaaaay...pray praaaaay...

*dances to the lunch room to kill some more tax payers dollars*

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#12 Wanye Gretz
March 24 2009, 11:15AM
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Greg MC wrote:

NHL got to pray just to make it today!

Well played.

*claps once, so loudly that the Habs are immediately sold*

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#13 jeanshorts
March 24 2009, 11:39AM
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Two Chris Brown references in one article?

WHO SAW THIS COMING!!!!!!!!

*Glares at Towel Boy as he tries to get his grubby little hands on a hard earned JSMB fifty cent piece*

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#14 shakey
March 24 2009, 11:39AM
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Do you guys think Deep Oil is D. Katz?

Think about it...THINK!!!!!

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#15 The Towel Boy
March 24 2009, 11:55AM
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@ jeanshorts:

...Oh, I'll get my grubby hands on it...believe me...(insert maniacal laugh here)

*calls lawyer*

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#16 Zamboni Driver
March 24 2009, 12:09PM
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shakey wrote:

Do you guys think Deep Oil is D. Katz? Think about it…THINK!!!!!

If Deep Oil is Batman, who would be 'Robin' then?

Wait....

ROBIN!!

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#17 shakey
March 24 2009, 12:35PM
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Zamboni Driver wrote:

If Deep Oil is Batman, who would be ‘Robin’ then? Wait…. ROBIN!!

I think Brownlee would kick the crap out of Batman's Robin and then role him up and smoke him...all the while HYPNOTIZED.

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#18 Ender the Dragon
March 24 2009, 01:13PM
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The Towel Boy wrote (March 20 2009):

…interesting…this is the only article on the nation that has “herpes” for a tag. I would have thought there would have been more.

A chance for another article to receive a venereal disease as a tag and you totally missed it. This is Bingofuel drinking on the job again, I bet . . .

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#19 Wanye Gretz
March 24 2009, 01:28PM
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@ Ender the Dragon:

I tagged this article all by myself.

@ jeanshorts:

I am paid by the Chris Brown diss now.

Know who sucks?

Chris Augustus Brown

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#20 bingofuel
March 24 2009, 01:50PM
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Ender the Dragon wrote:

A chance for another article to receive a venereal disease as a tag and you totally missed it. This is Bingofuel drinking on the job again, I bet . . .

What do you mean "drinking on the job again"? Shit, son, I never stopped.

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#21 Wanye Gretz
March 24 2009, 02:05PM
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I just noticed I spelled y'all wrong in the caption of Sir Hammertime. Worse yet no one called me on it.

Come on haters! You call this nitpicking??

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#22 SquidRx
March 24 2009, 02:54PM
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@ baggedmilk: You better be careful or DeepOil will call you names. He called me SlimeRx in a post yesterday.

*sobs incessantly into a ratty tissue*

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#23 Jack "FMNF" Bauer
March 24 2009, 02:57PM
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"sobs incessantly into a ratty tissue"

I can speak to this that he did indeed do this. We were all very embarrased for him. (Were office co-workers btw)

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#24 Ender the Dragon
March 24 2009, 04:03PM
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@ bingofuel: lol. Touche'.

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#25 deepoil
March 24 2009, 04:31PM
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baggedmilk wrote:

@ Wanye Gretz: Dude, you know you’re just setting us up for Deep Oil’s butt lust for scandal. I had to get into the thread, on a well written piece, before that nerd tells me how Kay-Z is putting mind control pellets in the Rexall brand Ibuprofen. Well here’s to Deep Oil and his tin foil helmet, as the count down continues before I find you and give you a real alien lander.

Gillette has been bankrupt twice as reported here many months ago..... burn baby burn.... the pyramid scheme is falling like a house of cards..... im lovin it - can you imagine if Rexall had 9000 season tickets and no playoff cash flow - no wonder Katz is asking for a clothing discount in these new economic times

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#26 deepoil
March 24 2009, 04:38PM
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note gillette bought his soceer team with hicks on total credit - very interesting how you can put down $100mm for the oil - borrow the other $100mm and from east coast bankers and then hope the new building can float with personal seat license money and control the $1b project for free..... with Comrade Mandel holding the info that is never to be leaked to developers.....

(partially edited by WG who could swore not to write this stuff on this ONE ARTICLE.)

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#27 Deep Oil
March 24 2009, 07:02PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

Two Chris Brown references in one article? WHO SAW THIS COMING!!!!!!!! *Glares at Towel Boy as he tries to get his grubby little hands on a hard earned JSMB fifty cent piece*

Chris are you hittin that? Are you tappin Rhianna ?

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#28 Deep Oil
March 24 2009, 07:15PM
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http://sports.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20081203.wspt_gillett03/GSStory/GlobeSportsHockey/home

sorry WG - as per my posts MONTHS ago.... GG bought the team for $180mm and they threw in LE BELL Centre for free - must be some reverse FRENCH promotion less 20% via Molson retention...... to inusre that only Molson Export is served in this arena..... Coors Light is not a big seller in FRANCOPHONE LAND......

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#29 Amber McCormick
March 24 2009, 07:41PM
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Enough with the Rihanna jokes. She only had ONE black eye. Clearly, she learned her lesson the first time. No need to talk it to death.

Amber's Marxist Feminist Dialect brings all the boys to a yard.

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#30 deepoil
March 25 2009, 09:49AM
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shakey wrote:

Do you guys think Deep Oil is D. Katz? Think about it…THINK!!!!!

Nope the Dark Knight has more cash flow than Deep Oil, I am well off - but lack the relationships to be a founder (Dave from Wendy's in comparison) and let McKesson or some other conglomerate fund me......

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#31 deepoil
March 25 2009, 10:45AM
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BUCK75 - FMNF wrote:

Good news is I hget the opportunity to buy another set of Play-Off tickets tomorrow… It’s a wild world now, if I managed to lose half of my investments being an uneducated half wit, imagine how badly George Gilette is hammering his financial advisors now? Rumours have it that Celine & Rene Angeil or Cirque du Soleil founder Guy Laliberte will buy the team for some reason.

Good Thing that Celine bailed out Rene's gambling problem at Caesars

http://vegasblog.latimes.com/vegas/2007/02/ramblin_gambin_.html

rumor has it that rich tochett will coach and wayne gretzky's ex wife Janet will be an investor as well

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#32 deepoil
March 25 2009, 10:48AM
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Even good guy Jim B learned from Frank Samueli on how to backdate options - cost him $79mm USD for this admin error - no jail time

http://www.engadget.com/tag/jim+balsillie/

Seems even wanna be owners with cash love to manipulate the stock market.....

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#33 deepoil
March 25 2009, 05:03PM
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notice the product placement of the dasini by katz during the news conference to earn extra retail points with his supplier..... see photo provided by ON

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