GDB/GDFD No. 81: El Batalla de Alberta con queso

Ryan Lambert
April 10 2009 06:02PM

battlerages

Round 1 of The Battle of Alberta doubleheader goes tonight in what was originally going to be an absolute blowout final two games between the Oil and the Flames. That was before GDB No. 1, when hope ran high. Fast forward to GDB 81 and this game suddenly means less than a game of chess between Paris and Nicky Hilton. It will also be just as futile and pathetic.

But even though the games mean nothing to the season overall, emotionally this game still means a lot to hardcore Oilers and Flames fans. Both camps are bitterly disappointed in their squads of late, yet Flames fans will continue to see playoff games featuring their favorite team. The OilersNation, again, will not.

TLP and Wanye have been accused of being the same person in the past. A quick search at the "imaginary internet people directory" shows they are very different. One hails from the Boston area, the other from the frozen tundra of E-town. One loves Hannah Montana, the other Billy Ray Cyrus. Both believe that their respective teams have completely dropped the ball and are willing to discuss tonight:

TLP: I have complied a list of five Reasons why the Flames have been the bigger disappointment, and by "compiled," I mean, "hastily scribbled down on the back of my suicide note while I read a pamphlet on noose preparation."

  1. Miikka Kiprusoff has a 2.85 GAA and .892 sv % since the deadline and has lost in nine of his 16 appearances.
  2. Dion Phaneuf, a Norris Trophy nominee just last year, has been on the ice for 116 goals against this year and is currently a -11.
  3. Despite a much better group around him, Jarome Iginla's goal total has dropped from 50 in 82 games in 2007-08 to 35 in 80 this year.
  4. Calgary hasn't scored a power play goal since March 23 and has given up five or more goals 16 times this year, including two eight-goal nights. The two teams that scored eight were Toronto and Tampa. Yes, you read that correctly.
  5. Calgary's likely playoff opponent, barring a literal miracle taking place and the Lord Our Savior Jesus Christ intervening and preventing the Canucks from earning two points this weekend, is Chicago. The Flames went 0-3-1 against the Blackhawks this year and allowed 19 goals in four games. They also only scored seven.

So, y'know, the Flames are pretty much boned.

Wanye: Be that as it may one must remember that you Flames fans get little sympathy in the OilersNation because: a) we hate you and b) you are at least going to be able to see a first round exit. Up here? Not so much.

So here are five reasons why the Oilers have been the bigger dissappointment, by Wanye von Gretz IV.

  1. The Edmonton Oilers have not won more games than they’ve lost in any season since the lockout.
  2. No Oiler has scored 30 goals since Ryan Smyth was traded for a) a forward with 29 total points b) a forward prospect who has spent the entire year in the AHL, with 1 goal to show for it and c) a draft pick spent on a defenseman who may not even get an entry level contract.
  3. The entire organization is screwed. The Oilers farm team is so bad that of all the players to spend the entire season there, only one has a positive plus-minus — a 32-year old journeyman who spent last season in Austria.
  4. Mathieu Garon, expected to be the starting goaltender, floundered so badly that he lost his job and was traded midseason. The 24-year old prospect who replaced him as backup not only has worse numbers but is trusted so little that he hasn’t started an NHL game since November.
  5. Outside of Ales Hemsky, no Oilers’ forward has even 20 goals. Only one team in the NHL has both a worse penalty kill and a worse powerplay than the Oilers and only two teams have scored fewer goals at home than the Oilers.We just can't stop at five, either...
  6. The Oilers best goal-scorer is in a nine-way tie for 73rd in the NHL.
  7. Andrew Cogliano is on pace to be the NHL’s worst faceoff man in the last decade.  Sam Gagner is only marginally better.
  8. No Oilers player managed to reach a point per game pace this season.
  9. The Oilers best defensive prospect at the start of the season, Taylor Chorney, is -29 in the AHL.  The Oilers are so bad that he’s currently on their NHL roster.
  10. Having said all of that they are still better than the Flames, who can expect back to back ass kickings from the Oilers en route to a first-round exit.

Losers.

TLP: Yeah, you're right. You guys really are the worst.

Enjoy the game, everyone.

686dfac3780611cb7acad6ce5166c6c1
Yer ol' buddy Lambert is handsome and great and everyone loves him. Also you can visit his regular blog at The Two-Line Pass or follow him on Twitter. Lucky you!
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#1 Archaeologuy
April 10 2009, 06:12PM
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This post made me sad on the inside.

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#2 JF
April 10 2009, 06:15PM
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sounds like a battle of epic suckage..

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#3 Smokin' Ray - NNC
April 10 2009, 06:18PM
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GAME DAY!

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#4 roughneck
April 10 2009, 06:32PM
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Hey TLP remember when Derek Morris was your captain?

thats how I feel right now.

5 games of this home stand was enough for me... gave tonights away... me and MacT have tapped out.

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#5 David S
April 10 2009, 06:47PM
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Wow. So I went over to the Oilers site to catch the pre-game interviews. There's Cogliano, a bunch of Springfield Falcons and Charlie Huddy. This game looks like it's gonna be an old fashioned as* kicking and not in the good way. I'm not even sure if MacT is going to be on the bench.

Sad times.

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#6 Vaughn
April 10 2009, 07:14PM
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the nation is so empty tonight....

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#7 David S
April 10 2009, 07:27PM
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The nation is probably so drunk tonight.

Sam's got the jump tonight! I feel bad for him, not making the second season.

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#8 Fiveandagame
April 10 2009, 07:36PM
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this is what I think of the Flames.

No matter how bad the Oilers have stunk at different times. We have never been this bad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9eF6DVI0tk

GOILERS 09/10 Stanley Cup Champions.... oh god I sound like a leaf fan, the season can't end soon enough.

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#9 Harlie
April 10 2009, 07:38PM
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have faith Nationeers, it's always darkest before the dawn.

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#10 Fiveandagame
April 10 2009, 07:41PM
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this is what I think of the Flames.

No matter how bad the Oilers have stunk at different times. We have never been this bad.

hxxp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9eF6DVI0tk (change the x's to T's)

GOILERS 09/10 Stanley Cup Champions…. oh god I sound like a leaf fan, the season can’t end soon enough.

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#11 Harlie
April 10 2009, 07:50PM
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I mowed my lawn today and so did two of my neighbors. Got the hotub drained and scrubbed and filled and got the patio furniture out. I was rollin in a tshirt and was hot a few times and I saw people in shorts and wife beaters while I was out gettin propane. Felt like fricken summer today! It also felt like Saturday. Werd.

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#12 albundy
April 10 2009, 08:06PM
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JDD playing well. Sure makes you think who the goalie next year is going to be

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#13 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:12PM
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And noe I understand why Hemsky said checker. Look at the way "HORC" is playing. Either shoot or pass

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#14 albundy
April 10 2009, 08:14PM
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Hocr is our 7m dollar man. It must be nice to be friends with the owner. Anyone want to be my friend

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#15 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:14PM
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albundy wrote:

JDD playing well. Sure makes you think who the goalie next year is going to be

Yes Desjarlais is playing great, WHat ifs hey

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#16 Harlie
April 10 2009, 08:19PM
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i like how JD covers the net. I was trying to figure out why Roli looked so good and why weren't down at least one nothin when I noticed it was actually JD in net! lol

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#17 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:20PM
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WOW WHAT A SAVE BY Desjarlais , What if....

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#18 Harlie
April 10 2009, 08:20PM
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Kotalik tryin to earn a contract.

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#19 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:20PM
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Kotalik is here to play

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#20 Vaughn
April 10 2009, 08:21PM
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Sandra wrote:

Yes Desjarlais is playing great, WHat ifs hey

His name is Jeff Drouin- Deslauriers.... Not Desjarlais.

Fingers crossed he plays solid back to back games. Would love to see the guy finish strong. expecially considering how long it's been since he has started.

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#21 albundy
April 10 2009, 08:21PM
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Crowd seems really into it

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#22 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:24PM
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Harlie wrote:

i like how JD covers the net. I was trying to figure out why Roli looked so good and why weren’t down at least one nothin when I noticed it was actually JD in net! lol

Yes hopefully Rolison will go to detroit, we need him out od the dressing room. In my opinion he is not a team guy. Why? He was mentally , physically, tired also hurt but he would not tell MacT. "What ever Coach MacTavish says", Yah but your burnt old man let Desjarlais play , or what he might play well and you lose out on a contract next year, Retire at the Lacalta Lodge.

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#23 Harlie
April 10 2009, 08:24PM
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and they wouldn't play JD. Futtin idiots.

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#24 Vaughn
April 10 2009, 08:25PM
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@ albundy: That's what is awesome with the Battle of Alberta. Brings people together.... no matter how disappointed they are in their team.

And plus if we can stick it to the flames and their division title hopes it's always a bonus. Try and finish the season on a high

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#25 albundy
April 10 2009, 08:25PM
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Crowd should chant " morley scott"

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#26 Harlie
April 10 2009, 08:26PM
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@ Sandra:

I totally agree with you. Roli is tired and I'm tired of him.

BIG MAC!!!!! See what happens when we have strong tending!? The team can ROLL!

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#27 albundy
April 10 2009, 08:27PM
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Have they shown MacT even once

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#28 Harlie
April 10 2009, 08:29PM
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albundy wrote:

Have they shown MacT even once

wow they just did. And he turned his head from the camera.

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#29 Harlie
April 10 2009, 08:30PM
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Sully has some of the sweetest stick handling I've ever seen. Captain Kangaroo takes him out after the play.

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#30 Vaughn
April 10 2009, 08:31PM
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@ Harlie: now that they are leading.... i don't think they showed him in the first though. not that i noticed anyways.

solid second period. who is this team? second periods usually terrify me.

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#31 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:31PM
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Harlie wrote:

and they wouldn’t play JD. Futtin idiots.

becaus Roli kept Quiet, ruined MacT's career here, Real team guy.

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#32 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:32PM
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Morley Scott is back?

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#33 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:33PM
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Pemmer is playing like Horse horcoff, maybe his last game with the Oil?

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#34 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:35PM
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Vaughn wrote:

@ albundy: That’s what is awesome with the Battle of Alberta. Brings people together…. no matter how disappointed they are in their team. And plus if we can stick it to the flames and their division title hopes it’s always a bonus. Try and finish the season on a high

Better to play the Hawks then the Jackets, Flames know what they are doing.

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#35 Harlie
April 10 2009, 08:35PM
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@ Sandra:

HA! Bad asset management any way you slice it. Roli did have a few great games but he had a lot of stinkers and more than a few times he had a terrible softy per game which killed our team's momentum. Here JD is covering the net, not floundering around with his stick missing and he is giving our team confidence which translates into OFFENSE.

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#36 17
April 10 2009, 08:38PM
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Currently at the game. I really really hope the oil can keep it up and screw calgary over

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#37 albundy
April 10 2009, 08:39PM
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Hopefully Oil will not bring back Roli. We honestly don't need him. Time is up. Morely not back yet but hoping he is soon. Fred takes over for Rod and they bring back Morely. I wonder how Rod felt when Katz fired Morely

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#38 albundy
April 10 2009, 08:40PM
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Maybe Garon coming back

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#39 Harlie
April 10 2009, 08:41PM
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@ 17:

what's the atmosphere like?

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#40 Harlie
April 10 2009, 08:43PM
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if you haven't seen it BIG Mac does a dead on impression of Bubble from Trailer Park Boys. Just go to youtube and it's there.

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#41 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:44PM
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albundy wrote:

Hopefully Oil will not bring back Roli. We honestly don’t need him. Time is up. Morely not back yet but hoping he is soon. Fred takes over for Rod and they bring back Morely. I wonder how Rod felt when Katz fired Morely

I miss Morley's voice, at times it sounds like Rod has had enough. Do you think that Morley would be back when "Fred" takes over next year?

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#42 Harlie
April 10 2009, 08:45PM
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i hope that doosh mini kipper is at the home games in Calgary during the playoffs sp he can hex the flames.

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#43 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:46PM
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Harlie wrote:

i hope that doosh mini kipper is at the home games in Calgary during the playoffs sp he can hex the flames.

LOL, yah that kid was a joke

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#44 17
April 10 2009, 08:47PM
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@ Harlie: Not bad. Best part for chants so far were the fans going back and forth with LETS GO OILERS/FLMES in the gallery

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#45 OnLive
April 10 2009, 08:49PM
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This sure is going to be a doozy.

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#46 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:50PM
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23 save Desjarlais , Roli would have let one in already. Chant Desjarlais

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#47 Sandra
April 10 2009, 08:50PM
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@ 17:

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#48 David S
April 10 2009, 08:56PM
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Sandra wrote:

23 save Desjarlais , Roli would have let one in already. Chant Desjarlais

There's no "Desjarlais" on our team.

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#49 Vaughn
April 10 2009, 08:58PM
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@ Sandra: How bout we don't chant Desjarlais and chant DESLAURIERS because THAT is his name. Not Desjarlais.

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#50 albundy
April 10 2009, 08:59PM
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Lets chant JDD

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