Assorted thinks

Wanye
April 22 2009 09:59AM

assorted_donuts

There ain't a whole lot going on right now that we can get excited about these days. We regularly consider moving to Dubai when the Oilers miss the playoffs and this time of the year is the absolute worst. Everyone and their dog is enjoying playoff hockey right now it seems, everyone except the only team of any real global importance that is. But life goes on ... by ragging on other fans. It's all we have these days Nation.

Assorted haterade

canucksfans

What a week for Canucks fans. First 4/20 and now a series sweep. It's basically hippie Christmas. But we bet you would trade it all for legalized marijuana and for your girlfriend to run a razor over her legs once in a blue moon. Wouldn’t you -- you hippie bastards? Ah what's the point? No one in a Canucks jersey is even awake before noon today including our hippie brother in VAN who texted us "wooooo!" at 3:56 AM last night.

Thanks bro. You dink.

Assorted questions

  1. Remember Craig MacTavish? Hint: He has a full and lush head of hair and used to stand beside Craig Simpson on the bench. Yeah, him. Uh -- where is, he exactly? Doesn’t he want to talk about his 82 years behind the bench? We want to hear him talk and we also think the Oil should retire his number eventually. Yeah we said it. So what?
  2. Who exactly is going to take the reins and become the new Coach of the Oil? Every day that there is no announcement tells us the Oil are waiting for a certain Eastern Conference Team to exit the playoffs so they can talk to their current head coach. Maybe a team that was once referred to by a former Captain of the Oilers as being a “Mickey Mouse organization?” Maybe a team that rhymes with the Rew Rersey Revils? Yes? No?
  3. Isn’t it great how bad the Flames are doing? Yeah, that’s some sweet street justice. Rene Bourque has been your best player. That's just great.
  4. Speaking of high-larious things in VAN -- how fantastic is that Sundin signing looking right about now? Imagine VAN had spent the money on good players? hahahaha

Assorted draft stuff

hudsonsadbannersmall

1039 entries in the NationDrafts.com playoff pool? Uh what? That is about 1038 more entries than we expected to receive. It’s game time now -- believe that. You know that we are waiting to strike, tucked comfortably back in 532nd place with our team of world beaters called Oilers Forever? That question mark at the end is a typo of course, the Oilers will exist forever and we will be with them till the very end.

Regardless of how good they are. 24/7. Even though they currently blow.

But Oilers Forever? – that team is poised to S-T-R-I-K-E. Not a single St Louis Blue on the roster:

draftstandings04222009

Sammy Pahlsson could get a point any day now. That wouldn't hurt our feelings you cold Euro bastard. Nash? We seem to recall predicting you would get smushed. Dang. Take a look at the following hilarious people and their position in the draft:

Jason Gregor – Team Name: Jason Gregor (clever) - 466th place. OilersNinja – Team Name: Phone basher – 773rd place.

Who the hell is everyone else? We can only see team names and can’t identify any of the team GMs by many of the team names. We certainly don’t know who hockeynut is, nor can we see his/her/it's team. But we do know that:

  1. He/she/it is definitely in first place as of 04/22/2009
  2. There are a few minor tweaks needing to be done to the draft before it is perfecto.
  3. Whoever wins the $1000 is going to be buried under 1,204,598 emails from yours truly asking when we are going for a free beer.

We need to figure out a way to be able to see who everyone picked in the draft.

*wanders off to find someone smarter than him. Notes that this shouldn't take long*

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 baggedmilk
April 22 2009, 10:20AM
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Even better than the Flames sucking the meat pipe is the Canadians preparing to get the broom tonight. 100th season? Pfft... Get out of here. Somewhere Guy Carbonneau adds another pin into the Bob Gainey voodoo doll, and Carey Price cries into his pillow for the 100th straight night.

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#2 I Am The Law
April 22 2009, 10:20AM
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My Green Tea Baggers are 315th right now. Thorton has been invisible until last night...

Yeah, I should be studying for exams...But this is more important!

By the way, this is my first draft, ever. I also spent more time thinking about my team name than my picks, so I'm too worried about place.

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#3 Archaeologuy
April 22 2009, 10:21AM
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Ragging on fans is all i have left Wanye. The hockey gods have abandoned Oilerville and all rule of law has gone with them. Now I'm wandering the streets of Oilersnation like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. It's Lord of the Flies out here and were looking for that fat kid with the glasses.

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#4 Sandra
April 22 2009, 10:27AM
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No word yet from Tambo who said he would address the asst. coaches near the end of 2 weeks ago. I wonder if he will keep that great goaltender coach Pete (redlite) Peters, who did an EXCELENT job in all our goaltending prospects like Desjarlais, Dubnyik, Garon. Was Roli Poli Zoli older than Peters?

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#5 Ducey
April 22 2009, 10:28AM
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I get by thanks to my hatred of the Flamers and Canucks.

If the Hawks win the series I will be over the moon. I also note with some satisfaction that Flames fans suck. Midway through game three they were all sitting on their hands in their silly red jerseys. Sure, when their team scores they clap politely and all, but even Flames fans acknowledge they can't keep up to the noise and pandamonium at Rexall during a playoff game. They don't realize, as Edmonton fans do that you can actually make your team win a game if you scream loud enough.

Its harder to take any solace from the 'Nucks. I can take some from headlines like this: http://slam.canoe.ca/Slam/Hockey/NHL/Playoffs/Vancouver/2009/04/22/9202196-sun.html wherein Terry Jones, (who ate his way out of Edmonton) declares the 'Nucks as "Cup Contenders". I guess he technically is right, they still are in the playoffs. But I see real opportunity here. Canucks fans will get sucked into believing this is THE year. They will of course then suffer real heartbreak equivalent to the ugliness of those yellow and black jerseys. The true despair that all those who have cheered for Matt Cooke, Todd Bertuzzi, and the Sedins deserve to suffer.

I think I am dealing with my non-playoff disappointment quite well, thanks.

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#6 Brian O'Neill
April 22 2009, 10:33AM
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I never thought that patchouli and victory could go together so well together.

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#7 Harlie
April 22 2009, 10:33AM
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Ric "Foghorn Leghorn" "Nature Boy" Flair says: Whoooooo! Die Rew Rersey Revils Die! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

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#8 baggedmilk
April 22 2009, 10:35AM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

Now I’m wandering the streets of Oilersnation like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. It’s Lord of the Flies out here and were looking for that fat kid with the glasses.

Look at the brain on this guy... He's reading books that have actual words in them.

*flips through Humpty Dumpty pop up book again*

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#9 The Towel Boy
April 22 2009, 10:37AM
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Mmmmmmmm....donuts.

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#10 The Towel Boy
April 22 2009, 10:41AM
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Oh yeah...and Towel Boy's Boys are right straight middle of the pack in the nationdraft...just hanging back there...14 points back...waiting to pounce. Keep your head on a swivel hockeynut.

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#11 Archaeologuy
April 22 2009, 10:46AM
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baggedmilk wrote:

*flips through Humpty Dumpty pop up book again*

loved that book. Every time i open that last page i weep. It's ok Humpty, now that the US is allowing stem cell research to be funded, maybe one day you WILL be put together again. Unless your yolk is the source of the embryonic stem cells, then your done for.

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#12 The Towel Boy
April 22 2009, 10:55AM
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@ Archaeologuy:

Yolks on him eh.

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#13 Chris
April 22 2009, 11:04AM
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Watching OTHER franchises compete for the elusive Stanely Cup has filled me with so much rage I spent the better part of yesterday trying to convince OILER FANS that we have the absolute worst group of forwards in the league... Then I spent this morning apologizing for this... Tonight, I will spend my entire evening cheering for every single other team to somehow lose...

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#14 James Gunner
April 22 2009, 11:21AM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

@ Archaeologuy: Yolks on him eh.

That was cornier than Dustin Penners crap the day after his thanksgiving day feast.

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#15 topshelf
April 22 2009, 11:30AM
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I cannot wait to hear Pierre Mcguire crying and bitching about the treatment that Jarome "baby piss pants" Iginla receives from the Hawks tonite. For as much as I hate Mcguire he did have my laughing my ass off on Monday night when he used the phrase "sucking dirty pond water" when referring to a tired player on the ice. That guy is too much some times.

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#16 Archaeologuy
April 22 2009, 11:38AM
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@ topshelf: how bout Keenan accusing Burrish of making Racist Remarks? How classy of the Calgary head coach to falsely accuse people of being biggots in order to get more calls go his way in game 4. What a jack-@ss

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#17 Victoria
April 22 2009, 11:51AM
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I have a good chuckle at the Canucks fans who think their team is going to win the Cup because they beat a power-house team like the Blues. I can't wait until they face a team that isn't made up of a bunch of rookie with no playoff experience.

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#18 Joey Moss
April 22 2009, 12:24PM
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What a week for Canucks fans. First 4/20 and now a series sweep. It’s basically hippie Christmas.

solid gold.

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#19 Shaggy
April 22 2009, 01:02PM
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"Rew Rersey Revils"

like hey man - that's what my dog Scooby-Doo calls them too...

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#20 The Menace
April 22 2009, 01:05PM
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topshelf wrote:

I cannot wait to hear Pierre Mcguire crying and bitching about the treatment that Jarome “baby piss pants” Iginla receives from the Hawks tonite. For as much as I hate Mcguire he did have my laughing my ass off on Monday night when he used the phrase “sucking dirty pond water” when referring to a tired player on the ice. That guy is too much some times.

I did get a laff from potential Oilers head coach Marc Crawford during the game last night when he described the Human Rake as "shooting from the ladies tee". I thought that was more clever (cleverer?) than I would have given him credit for.

I don't know who McGuire is blowing to keep that job though.

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#21 The Towel Boy
April 22 2009, 01:10PM
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@ The Menace: @ topshelf:

How about ATL coach John Anderson on TSN's panel between periods during the Caps/Rangers game. He was recounting a story about Khabibulin or something...and anyways...he referred to him "being beaten like a red haired stepchild."

I had to rewind it, cuz I wasn't sure I heard it right.

This is what happens when coaches try and be tv people.

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#22 topshelf
April 22 2009, 01:13PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

I had to rewind it, cuz I wasn’t sure I heard it right.

haha I did the same thing when Mcguire said the "sucking dirty pond water" line. I watched it a couple times and laughed everytime.

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#23 The Towel Boy
April 22 2009, 01:18PM
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@ The Towel Boy:

You red haired step child...it was the Cgy/Chi game. Anyways, doesn't matter. The point is John Anderson hates ginger kids.

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#24 Wanye Gretz
April 22 2009, 01:26PM
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@ topshelf:

I heard that too. The problem with Pierre Mcguire is that he is such an obvious pussy that none of his catch phrases hold any water. When he says stuff like "sucking dirty pond water" I can only imagine him being beaten within an inch of his life by a pack of school yard bullies every other day throughout schooling.

As much as I hate Nick Kypreos at least he has a degree of street cred to him. When he gets all riled up and intimidates everyone on the panel I can believe him to a degree. Mcguire is just so butter soft - nothing he says is cool nor does he enhance any big moments in a game.

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#25 The Towel Boy
April 22 2009, 01:36PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

RE: Pierre

I have to think the play by play guys that get saddled with him truly must want to kill themselves when they find out MacGuire is their colour guy. Seriously....I get so incredibly tired of hearing Pierre cut off his play by play guy to say crap like "Oh! That's icing." or "Offside!" or "TOO many men...TOO MANY MEN!"...and shit like that. I think he thinks he's back to coaching when he's down there between the benches and forgets the mic is on and he has a counterpart actually calling the play. Drives me nuts. I just picture Gord Miller or Chris Cuthbert rolling their eyes every time he cuts them off to tell the viewers what they just saw. Bugs the living f*ck out of me. I don't know why. I guess I just hate Pierre MacGuire. Not to mention his stupid monster of the game and various over the top man crushes on anyone considered worthy of Team Canada.

There. I got that off my chest.

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#26 Cory Dakin
April 22 2009, 01:46PM
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1,039 entries in the draft you say? Any chance we could add a zero to the end of that so my current 953rd place doesn't make me feel like Roger Millions after a verbal slip up live on Sportsnet?

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#27 The Menace
April 22 2009, 02:49PM
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@ The Towel Boy: @ Wanye Gretz:

I'm sure is was someone working with him that came up with, "one-up, one-down". Working with him really is working one-down. Not to mention the fact that they wouldn't have to be in the same booth with him.

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#28 socaldave
April 22 2009, 03:54PM
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The Menace wrote:

I did get a laff from potential Oilers head coach Marc Crawford during the game last night when he described the Human Rake as “shooting from the ladies tee”. I thought that was more clever (cleverer?) than I would have given him credit for. I don’t know who McGuire is blowing to keep that job though.

Crapford TOTALLY ripped that off from the guy who does the Boston games for NESN. Just one more reason to hate Mark Crapford.

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#29 Archaeologuy
April 22 2009, 04:15PM
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is NESN like SNES or is that something totally diff?

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#30 scorcoff hemmercules
April 22 2009, 04:17PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

@ Wanye Gretz: RE: Pierre I have to think the play by play guys that get saddled with him truly must want to kill themselves when they find out MacGuire is their colour guy. Seriously….I get so incredibly tired of hearing Pierre cut off his play by play guy to say crap like “Oh! That’s icing.” or “Offside!” or “TOO many men…TOO MANY MEN!”…and shit like that. I think he thinks he’s back to coaching when he’s down there between the benches and forgets the mic is on and he has a counterpart actually calling the play. Drives me nuts. I just picture Gord Miller or Chris Cuthbert rolling their eyes every time he cuts them off to tell the viewers what they just saw. Bugs the living f*ck out of me. I don’t know why. I guess I just hate Pierre MacGuire. Not to mention his stupid monster of the game and various over the top man crushes on anyone considered worthy of Team Canada. There. I got that off my chest.

Haha, my hatred for Pierre easily matches yours! The worst has to be when he does a Pens game, nothing but "Crosby does this and Crosby does that" for the whole game.

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#31 Wanye Gretz
April 22 2009, 04:27PM
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@ The Towel Boy:

Who on earth did Mcguire coach?? Yeah that's right i'll ask it on here and not look it up myself

@ The Menace:

I can only imagine him left behind after every game as the other color commentary guys leave arm in arm with groupies. Watching everyone leave him behind, thinking about monsters.

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#32 The Menace
April 22 2009, 04:40PM
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@ socaldave:

Marc Crapford? I think I've been pronouncing it wrong. I like your way better.

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#33 Shanye Gretz
April 22 2009, 04:52PM
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Currently: 190. Deke Squad

I look forward to your emails when I win this thing Wanye. I've already set up the spam filter...

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#34 maimster
April 22 2009, 05:26PM
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@ Ducey:

If Oiler fans know how to make their team win by simply cheering loudly, they should try it one of these years. A few more wins might actually get the Oil into the playoffs!

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#35 oilgirl
April 22 2009, 05:47PM
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I love the draft Wanye!! I'm sitting at #82, sophmoreslump. You're hot so I'll share my winning $1000 with ya.

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#36 The Towel Boy (mobile)
April 22 2009, 06:05PM
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@ Wanye Gretz

That tool was behind the bench as an assistant coach in Pits when they won back to back cups in 91 and 92. I think he was head coach in Hartford in 94. Still a loser.

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#37 Hockey Gods
April 22 2009, 06:08PM
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oilgirl wrote:

I love the draft Wanye!! I’m sitting at #82, sophmoreslump. You’re hot so I’ll share my winning $1000 with ya.

Wanye's gettin a BJ, Wanye's gettin a BJ

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#38 oilgirl
April 22 2009, 11:02PM
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@ Hockey Gods:

He's getting a BJ and free beer if he rigs it so I win :D

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#39 Wanye Gretz
April 22 2009, 11:49PM
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oilgirl wrote:

@ Hockey Gods: He’s getting a BJ and free beer if he rigs it so I win

THIS DRAFT IS NOW OVER

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#40 Archaeologuy
April 23 2009, 12:44AM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

oilgirl wrote: @ Hockey Gods: He’s getting a BJ and free beer if he rigs it so I win THIS DRAFT IS NOW OVER

*Walks into the room to see Wanye and Oilgirl goin at it. Is unsure whether to stay or leave. Dont wanna weird this out by making a scene while i leave, dont wanna weird this out by sticking around. Decides to wait this out, like France in the 2nd World War.*

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#41 DrPow
April 23 2009, 05:58AM
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I named my team after my most prized possesion. And that is why I am named my team

SouraysNutRag.

Currently in 103rd, but will inevitably win this thing due to the sheer awesomeness of the team's name. Book it.

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