PFD No. 6: Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies

Ryan Lambert
April 27 2009 06:10PM

robert_shaw_as_quint_in_the_movie_jaws_1976

Welcome to the sixth Playoff Fire Drill, for this, Calgary’s sixth postseason game on April 27, 2009.

It's time like these that I think of Quint. Y'know, the shark-hunting badass from Jaws, who was awesome.

He knew that shark was going to eat him if he tried to find it. He knew it. And yet he got out on that boat and he went after that shark because, god dammit, that's what shark hunters do.

And tonight, the Flames are a lot like Quint. This can't end well for them. Their little boat is ill-equipped to handle a monster of this magnitude and, even if it survives the first brush with its foe, prehistoric and terrible, it will be so battered and torn that there's no way for it to get back safely to harbor.

Game 6 is almost certainly your last chance to see the Flames in 2008-09. At least at home. So go to the game tonight, or watch at home, and cheer for the boys. They gave you like seven months of happiness. The least you can do is drink to their legs and sing a sailors' song.

Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte... just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven-hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. Thirteen-footer. You know how you know that when you're in the water, Chief? You tell by looking from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know, was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know, it was kinda like old squares in the battle like you see in the calendar named "The Battle of Waterloo" and the idea was: shark comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah, then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know, by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.

Go Flames go.

Who:

The Calgary Flames (the fifth seed in the West) and the Chicago Blackhawks (the fourth seed). Calgary trails 3-2 and Chicago leads 17-15 on aggregate.

When:

7:30 p.m. Mountain time and 9:30 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones should .

Where:

Pengrowth Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta.

Calgary is 29-10-4 at home this year in all competition, and is 2-0 at home in the playoffs. The Blackhawks are 22-17-4 on the road.

What (to hate about the Blackhawks):

Kris Versteeg — I dunno, he seems like a dink to me. He also got traded from the Bruins to Chicago for, get this, Brandon Bochenski. That's how valuable Kris Versteeg is.

Brent Seabrook — Near my boyhood home there was a town called Seabrook and there was a nuclear power plant there, and everyone was very opposed to the nuclear power plant for all the reasons you'd imagine. However, I wanted to visit it because Homer Simpson worked in a nuclear power plant and so how bad could it be? I never went. And I'm sad about that to this very day.

Nikolai Khabibulin — Can't beat the Blackhawks if you don't beat him. So let's beat him badly. Almost to the point of death.

Drinking to your leg — Okay, so we drink to our legs!

Why?

Because this is the end, my only friends, the end. Enjoy the game and organize travel arrangements for the Bahamas (no swine flu there!) in the comments section.

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Yer ol' buddy Lambert is handsome and great and everyone loves him. Also you can visit his regular blog at The Two-Line Pass or follow him on Twitter. Lucky you!
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#1 blade
April 27 2009, 10:14PM
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Would it be possible to find Badger Bobs ashes and maybe have these guys snort it or something?

The bahamas sounds good!!!

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#2 RossCreek
April 28 2009, 12:09AM
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@ blade: So wrong, but so funny.

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#3 RossCreek
April 28 2009, 12:16AM
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The way I see things shaking down:

Mike Keenan & Jim Playfair are on their way out. Brent Sutter comes in as the new head coach.

This will be a big move for Darryl, to hire a new head coach that adds stability to the franchise. It could potentially be his ladt hire, and who better to turn things over to than his brother. I don't see Jersey standing in the way of this happening, however I'd be shocked if their wasn't some type of compensation headed to the Devils.

Brent will keep Preston & Cookson on board (he has a prior relationship with both), and he may look at adding a guy like Craig Hartsburg (previously worked together @ World Jrs), or perhaps Ryan McGill from Quad City. Perhaps Jim Playfair heads to Red Deer to take over the Rebels.

Or not.

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#4 The Menace
April 28 2009, 08:06AM
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Until I read the TSN story after the game, I didn't realize that the Flames have only made it past the first round once in the last 20 years. As bad as it was to be Oiler fan this year, that put it in perspective for me.

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#5 Colin
April 28 2009, 09:23AM
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It's all over except for rubbing the salt in the wound.

A masterful choke job, at least we know what the flaming C stands for.

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#6 Chris
April 28 2009, 09:35AM
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Anyone remember this blast from the past?

#113 Brent G. February 21 2009, 7:17 pm.

They wont lose first round. I am more confident of that than anything. If the playoffs started today they would face Columbus. Its not the Minnesota of favourable match ups but really really close. Actually the only team I would prefer them not facing in the first round is Anaheim. Not because of fear of losing to them, but more or less because they hit hard and can leave a team battered in the second round.

I mean you Oiler fans love to talk about the “likely” first round exit but you cant really tell me any of you actually are that confident it’ll happen; definitely not enough to put money on it as I have for them making it to the second already.

Read more: http://www.oilersnation.com/2009/02/gdbgfdf-59/comment-page-3/#comments#ixzz0DzCaKn6k&B

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#7 blade
April 28 2009, 10:30AM
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RossCreek wrote:

The way I see things shaking down: Mike Keenan & Jim Playfair are on their way out. Brent Sutter comes in as the new head coach. This will be a big move for Darryl, to hire a new head coach that adds stability to the franchise. It could potentially be his ladt hire, and who better to turn things over to than his brother. I don’t see Jersey standing in the way of this happening, however I’d be shocked if their wasn’t some type of compensation headed to the Devils. Brent will keep Preston & Cookson on board (he has a prior relationship with both), and he may look at adding a guy like Craig Hartsburg (previously worked together @ World Jrs), or perhaps Ryan McGill from Quad City. Perhaps Jim Playfair heads to Red Deer to take over the Rebels. Or not.

Im not sold that Brent would come in to work under Darryl, it also has a certain redundancy of messages that the Flames brass might not be so inclined to support. I realize Kinger loves Darryl but unless King is inclined to call the last 2 games an aberration born of attrition.... Darryls street cred has to have taken a hit and although I agree that Brent would become either Darryls ticket to the promised land or ticket out of here, Im not sure the brass could handle 2 of the siblings. It makes for good copy and It wouldnt be tough to pitch to the fans, alberta boys and all that.... but would it really be a good tandem. Is Brent gonna accept Darryl coming down and bitching out his team when they suck.. and further to that theres something that I find a bit puzzling so I inquire for a bit of input. When Sutter comes down from the sky and does the thing he does with the players (the meeting thing after the meeting thing), is it just me or does that totally undermine his Captain?

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#8 TLP
April 28 2009, 10:32AM
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Anyone who didn't see this coming a mile away is insane. Frankly, I thought they'd get swept.

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#9 blade
April 28 2009, 12:48PM
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TLP wrote:

Anyone who didn’t see this coming a mile away is insane. Frankly, I thought they’d get swept.

Nice!

In the words of Mr. Brownlee

please send all dissenting opinions to

joefan@blindfaith.com

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