The Hollow Men behind the NHLPA coup

Ryan Lambert
September 04 2009 02:12PM

dr-strangelove1

Obviously the turmoil within the Players Association is going to cause a lot of trouble down the road. A lot. A real damn lot. And while it's understandable that most hockey fans are sitting at their computers reading the latest developments with a growing sense of dread that the current CBA will run out and the players will go on strike and effectively kill the league at best, and the sport at worst.

At least we're getting a hell of a show before the league goes all Manhattan Project.

Lost, I think, in the shuffle of every horrifying twist and turn this story has taken since Sunday, is just how entertaining and petty this whole thing seems to be. It's like a Seurat painting; if you stand up close and look at every detail real hard, you're not going to "get it," but take a couple steps back and hey look, it's a bunch of people on La Grande Jatte having a grand old time.

What seems to really be at play here is that Paul Kelly ordered an audit of the PA's expenses and that, in turn, found something not-so-good.

According to sources, part of this group’s desire to get rid of Kelly also stemmed from Kelly ordering an internal audit (by a top former FBI forensic accountant) of the players' association's expenses during the previous three years before he took over. Sources claim that through the audit, Kelly discovered that then-interim leaders Penny and Lindros were spending millions of dollars of the union’s money. Lindros ended up resigning, but word is, that move fueled this attack on Kelly, and Lindros was very much involved.

That, in turn, led to the one detail that I found to be maybe the funniest and most childish thing ever done by one adult male to another. Wetcoaster, a well-connected HFBoards poster, revealed this detail:

I am told that Lindros drove Kelly nuts with constant trips to his office and memo after memo about pretty much nothing.

Even if it's not true, that's the best thing ever, if only because it reminds me of this:

But before we put levity aside and get down to what this actually means for the NHLPA, the league and the sport, let's have one more laugh at this buried tidbit from an article in the Globe and Mail (emphasis mine):

But many people inside and outside the NHLPA’s membership are pointing fingers directly at Lindros (and his parents) now, suggesting that he is the driving force behind what appears to be a budding insurrection.

And the last two details tells you everything you'd ever need to know about what this actually is: a mutiny by a bunch of third-grade girls.

And this is a bunch of third-grade girls that will surely make a bunch of short-sighted decisions about the pay level of the league's players. First point of contention: the elimination of the salary cap. The Players Association will almost certainly make this a sticking point when the collective bargaining agreement between it and the owners expires in 2011. And EVEN IF the union somehow gets that to fly without a work stoppage of some kind (read: players' strike) (read also: won't happen), all it does is hurt the league's economic stability and viability such as it currently is and salaries will once again spiral out of control until teams like the Rangers are paying guys like Bobby Holik an average of $9.225 million per season over two years — I swear this actually happened — and we get another lockout because teams in bad markets can't keep up. But I don't have to tell Calgary fans that.

Second point of contention: That jerk Gary Bettman sure is a jerk! Where Paul Kelly seemed to be taking an approach to the Cold War between the PA and League that was not unlike a fellow Massachusetts native's back in, oh, 1962, Lindros' mushy braintrust seems much more likely to approach it like Richard Nixon; who needs open dialogue when you and the enemy can just sit there with your fingers over a button guaranteed to bring nothing but mutually-assured destruction. At least you don't look like a pantywaist, kowtowing to a strange and foreign enemy whose only interest is seeing to it that your lands are ravaged and your livelihood and happiness robbed from you. The fact is, that's how some within the PA view the League, as though this was in some way not a symbiotic relationship. The enmity that exists between the sides was being thawed, somewhat by Kelly's approach and this was completely unacceptable to "hawks" like Lindros' pro-war party. The military-industrial complex that the PA had built for itself over the years leading up to the lockout, which felt it somehow profited from the ill will between the two parties, wasn't going to stand for his attitude toward achieving mutual peace in our time.

So where does this leave us, the fans? We can certainly learn a lesson from the Cold War-era propaganda. Whether or not the entire world was in clear and present danger of being reduced to ash within a four-hour window, I think we can all agree that there was a lot of overreaction. Hiding under a desk doesn't make you any less vaporized, it just means you hid under a desk like a moron while being reduced to a whiff of ozone gases and smoke. If this is the way the League ends, not with a whimper but a bright-orange, 4000-degree bang, then we can at least sit back in a lawn chair with a pair of sunglasses on and watch the mushroom clouds go up, can't we?

Let's at least get that much enjoyment from it.

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Yer ol' buddy Lambert is handsome and great and everyone loves him. Also you can visit his regular blog at The Two-Line Pass or follow him on Twitter. Lucky you!
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#51 Bob Cob
September 08 2009, 11:46AM
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Lindros is a Homo, where is the new blog entry, training camp starts next week and the rookies are gathered there has to be some other news to talk about.

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#52 Petr's Jofa
September 08 2009, 12:14PM
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Man, I long for the days when I'd come to Oilernation and see the front page full of new Willis blogs.

Heck, I'd even be happy to see a blog about the eskies, capitals, or rush.

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#53 jenga
September 08 2009, 12:34PM
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Helloooooo. Anybody home?????? Wanye? Robin? Anybody?

I'm afraid.

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#54 RossCreek
September 08 2009, 12:37PM
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I'm calling Gregor post around 2:24 this afternoon.

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#55 sittingatmydesk
September 08 2009, 12:59PM
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still nothing..... come on !!! please...

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#56 Cam
September 08 2009, 01:02PM
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Let's talk about NHL sized players. I wonder how our team stacks up agains the NHL average for size of players.

If I had the time i Would find the league average for forwards and defensemen (i.e. average defense unit size was 6' 3" and 223 pouds) and compare it to the Oilers (6' 4" and 226 pounds) and then see how badly the league really does measure up.

I did a check on the Oilers roster vs the Wild roster (boogard inspired) and here is what I found:

Wild Forwards - avg weight 204.20, Avg height 6' 1.6" Oil Forwards - avg weight 197.67, Avg height 6' 0.6"

Wild defense - avg weight 205.9, Avg height 6' 1.6" Oil Defense - avg weight 209.5, Avg height 6' 1.8"

Wild forwards have one inch and 7 lbs average size on the oil. Oil defense have 0.2 inches and 4 lbs average size on the Wild.

Not as lopsided as I had thought it would be. I wonder about the rest of the league, but my lunch bre4ak is over :(

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#57 Dan the Man
September 08 2009, 01:17PM
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Anyone read the story on tsn.ca about how Burke may submit an offer sheet to Kessel? Apparently the Leafs re-acquired their 2010 2nd round pick from Chicago that would be necessary to facilitate this deal.

Burke however fails to see the irony in this... "My objection was that I got blindsided by it at a time I thought was inappropriate," Burke stated. "This entire process has involved dialogue with (Bruins GM) Peter Chiarelli.

GAWD...I hate that I even took the time to post about that guy...

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#58 Nick Dynasty
September 08 2009, 01:30PM
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@ Dan the Man:

it'll be the second time burkie has played the hypocrite this summer. apparently bruins already warned burke that they'll match any offer for kessel tho it could be a bluff since they have limited cap space.

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#59 Colin
September 08 2009, 01:36PM
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@ Nick Dynasty: Well they won't let a player of Kessel's caliber go for free. Is burke trying to force the bruins to make a trade by making such a move perhaps. But then maybe I'm giving burke too much credit.

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#60 WTF
September 08 2009, 01:40PM
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Last update Spetember 4th!? Rookie camp has started. I am brain dead after the long weekend. OILERSNATION HAS ZERO, NADA, ZILCH in the form of updates or blog. I would kill for a Wanye update on his ebay bid for his new liver!

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#61 Digger12
September 08 2009, 01:41PM
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Perhaps the tumbleweeds rolling through this site have something to do with this?

http://my.thescore.com/hockeyordie/archive/2009/09/08/opening-faceoff.aspx

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#62 ronaldo
September 08 2009, 01:43PM
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As we endure day 4 of contentfreeville, I am left to take stock of everything I have accomplished with my new found free time: spent time with family, enjoyed the outdoors, have been productive at work, learned to play the guitar, lost weight, quit smoking, discovered cures for numerous deseases, wrote a novel, and sailed solo around the globe. Needless to say I'm tired of crap and would like to go back to pissing my days away glued to this site. New article please.

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#63 Nick Dynasty
September 08 2009, 01:57PM
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@ Colin:

this move definitely gets the wheels spinning... but at the same time, if burke were to throw in the offer sheet the night before the season starts, the bruins would be over the cap if they match and have almost no choice but to let kessel walk

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#64 RossCreek
September 08 2009, 04:21PM
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Digger12 wrote:

Perhaps the tumbleweeds rolling through this site have something to do with this?

Welcome to Hockey or Die!, The Score’s newest hockey blog. By way of introduction, my name is Jonathan Willis.

Props boi

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#65 Anonymusius
September 18 2009, 12:36PM
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