LET THE GAMES BEGIN

Wanye
February 12 2010 02:42PM

We will lead off by saying that we get excited about the Olympics. A 13 year old girl at a Justin Bieber autograph signing type excited. So you will have to take us with a grain of salt once the games kick get underway as we post 12,789 gushing comments like “Aren’t the Canadian Mens’ two man bobsled team the BOMB? Can you believe that Lyndon Rush won’t sled with Pierre Lueders anymore? What’s up with that?

Most people are going into these games with the attitude of “Olympic hockey is the only thing that matters and don’t waste my time with anything else.” We can respect the fact that the Ice Hockey is numbero uno prioritato at these here games and we can guarantee that you can get your Olympic Hockey fix right here provided you are cheering on the home team.

And while the 3 Nations are temporarily coming together for a common cause, it in no way means that we have anything in common with that TLP – who we might add is an American and probably holds out some sort of weird hope that Ron Wilson can Coach the Red White and Blue to a fourth place finish.

FAT CHANCE

Cheering for Team Canada is going to be a damn sight better than the status quo up here in Edmonton, which has consisted lately of 12,789 articles about “who gets traded when and for what” and researching “all time losses in a row.” In fact it might be difficult for us to get our collective Oilers loving heads around cheering for hockey that matters again, but we are going to give it a shot.

Plus, there isn’t a single Oiler on Team Canada, which will give all of us pain stricken Oilers fans a two week break from having our hearts kicked in by the same old suspects on a nightly basis without being a turncoat and cheering for a different team. It’s basically one of the first win-win scenarios we have seen here in awhile.

To kick off the Olympic fun, we are going to give you a quick breakdown of some Olympic Hockey Biz. Let’s start getting our heads in the game Nations.

OLYMPIC BREAKDOWN

Remember the 2006 games in Turin? Wasn’t that just the worst thing that ever happened ever? For the thousands of four year old Nation readers out there who may not remember the last Olympics and might think that the greatest hockey country in the world finished respectably, think again.

Final Standings – 2006 Olympic Men’s Ice Hockey

1. Sweden (Gold)

2. Finland (Silver)

3. Czech Republic (Bronze)

4. Russia

5. Slovakia

6. Switzerland

7. Canada

8. United States

9. Kazakhstan

10. Germany

11. Italy

12. Latvia

You might look at the top of the standings and ask yourself “Gee whiz, where’s the Canadian team? I could swear we sent all our best players over to Italy to play…” Look down the ladder. Waaaaay down there to 7th place. Yep, that’s right. 2 spots ahead of the birth place of Borat sits the Canadian team. Small consolation that we finished ahead of the Americans when you let the Swiss finish ahead of you in the standings.

Ugh. The Swiss.

PAYBACK

You have to think that the Canadians – and the Americans for that matter – are looking for sweet, sweet revenge at these here Olympic Games. Before we start pumping ourselves up about the new roster, we thought we would take a look back at the roster that screwed the pooch back in ’06 and see who is returning to dispense some West Coast Payback on our collective behalf.

2006 Olympic roster

G Martin Brodeur (back)

G Roberto Luongo (back)

G Marty Turco (gonzo)

D Rob Blake (A) (gonzo)

D Jay Bouwmeester (gonzo)

D Adam Foote (gonzo)

D Bryan McCabe (gonzo)

D Chris Pronger (A) (back)

D Wade Redden (gonzo)

D Robyn Regehr (gonzo)

F Todd Bertuzzi (gonzo)

F Shane Doan (gonzo)

F Kris Draper (gonzo)

F Simon Gagné (gonzo)

F Dany Heatley (back)

F Jarome Iginla (back)

F Vincent Lecavalier (gonzo)

F Rick Nash (back)

F Brad Richards (gonzo)

F Joe Sakic (C) (gonzo)

F Ryan Smyth (gonzo)

F Martin St. Louis (gonzo)

F Joe Thornton (back)

Reserves

Dan Boyle (back)

Jason Spezza (gonzo)

Eric Staal (back)

Oh man, it is no small wonder that the Canadians did so crappy in 2006? Do you see who some of these players are? Kris Draper? Todd Bertuzzi? Bryan McCabe? Har har har har har!

*wipes eyes, blows nose*

That’s good stuff. Let’s look more in depth at the changes to the squad.

GOALTENDING

Turco is out, Fleury is in and this will be Brodeur’s squad to lead onto the ice in Van City. Nothing too crazy here we don’t think. Turco is getting a bit long in the tooth and MAF has won a Cup and theoretically has what it takes to win big games. We would clearly consider this Brodeur’s squad though and Fleury is in charge of sitting in the stands near the bench, looking as cool as he can muster and telling girls in the bar that he is “an Olympic gold medalist in training.”

DEFENSIVE CORPS

Amazingly, only one defenseman from 2006 is returning to the Olympic Team; world famous baby daddy Chris F.U. Pronger. Technically Niedermayer was on the 2006 squadron too, but an injury took him out of the lineup and threw McCabe in. The idea that some of these players were the best defenseman that the 2006 Edition of Canada could produce is a tad alarming.

This 2010 edition being iced is certainly a superior squad, younger, tougher and much more sexy with the deletion of Adam Foote. Some of the ‘06 defensemen led to a hearty round of laughter and table smashing here at OilersNation HQ. McCabe? Redden? Please, our sides are hurting. Wade Redden couldn’t be loved less in NY and McCabe has gone to Florida where NHL’ers retire 4 years before they actually leave the league.

FORWARDS

10 forwards aren’t coming back from last Olympics and that is just A-OK from where we sit. This is certainly a new squad, let’s hope there is going to be a different result. We are pumped beyond belief to see the Corey Perrys the Ryan Getzlafs of the world in a Team Canada Jersey. Finally we too can cheer for some players that have been sticking it to the Oil for what seems like hundreds of years without guilt of abandoning the home squad.

Ladies and Gentlemen – your 2010 Olympic Roster

G Martin Brodeur

G Marc-André Fleury

G Roberto Luongo

D Dan Boyle

D Drew Doughty

D Duncan Keith

D Scott Niedermayer – C

D Chris Pronger – A

D Brent Seabrook

D Shea Weber

F Patrice Bergeron

F Sidney Crosby – A

F Ryan Getzlaf

F Dany Heatley

F Jarome Iginla – A

F Patrick Marleau

F Brenden Morrow

F Rick Nash - A

F Mike Richards

F Corey Perry

F Eric Staal

F Joe Thornton

F Jonathan Toews

Reserve

F Jeff Carter

HOW WILL THEY DO?

Yes Amanda, we are number one.

We are the same guy who picks Oilers in every single hockey draft every single year regardless of how the team is actually going to look. Our 933rd place standing in the NationDraft will attest to that and so it should come as no surprise that we are going to pick Canada to win Gold. But unlike picking Comrie to outscore Bobby Ryan (which we also did) we think that the Canadians actually will win Gold, picking with our brains over our hearts.

Predicato del resultat:

1. Canada (Gold)

2. Russia (Silver)

3. Sweden (Bronze)

4. Finland

5. United States

6. Czech Republic

7. Slovakia

 

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
Avatar
#1 I'm a Scientist!
February 12 2010, 02:49PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

An excellent way to kickstart my olympic obsession! Two weeks of watching sports I would never ever watch...

*sets his PVR to record figure skating ice dance*

Avatar
#3 I'm a Scientist!
February 12 2010, 02:54PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@Wanye

Agreed. It is SICK. If this skin was a person, i would immediately rush it to the hospital for treatment...soooooooo sick.

*decides to keep his comment about the copper title bars making it look like Flames Nation up in here to himself*

So sick!

Avatar
#4 yegCopywriter
February 12 2010, 02:57PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

GO CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

*passes out and wakes up in the middle of the Oilers post-rebuild 2015 Stanley Cup parade as it passes the Katz Koliseum*

Avatar
#5 The Towel Boy
February 12 2010, 02:57PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Ohhh man! I can't wait for some Olympic hacky!

Avatar
#6 hamzinoilcntry(cndcountry)
February 12 2010, 03:00PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Great new look to the site men. It was a refreshing change to see the mighty red of our nation up to replace the bland taste of copper n blue!! Can't wait for the puck to drop on this tournament. GO CANADA GO!!!!!!!!

Avatar
#8 Poo Czar
February 12 2010, 03:01PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Oh goodness me do I ever have a raging Olympic boner right now. After all these months of being groin-kicked by a lackluster hockey squadron, all the cheers have built up and are ready to be unleashed in the next 2 weeks of Canaian domination.

Isn't this where SOMEBODY should drop a "Let's DOOoooOOO this" or some such?

ps. site looks SICK

pps. Happy Birthday Amanda!

Avatar
#9 Charlie
February 12 2010, 03:02PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Site looks great boys. Go Canada!

Avatar
#11 Dyckster
February 12 2010, 03:07PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

I say they send a team of the NHL's most "talented" group of Ice Girls to Vancouver. This would do wonders in getting the Amercian TV audience focussed on the tournament. Watch the ratings soar!

Work on that would ya Wanye....

Avatar
#12 SirFozz
February 12 2010, 03:09PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@I'm a Scientist!

Oh boy, Oh boy, Oh boy. Oly hockey!!!!! Cheering for a talented, winning team will be neat-o, weird, but definitely neat. Neat!

Avatar
#13 SirFozz
February 12 2010, 03:11PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

That was directed at all, not just Scientist. Reply all.

Avatar
#14 The Towel Boy
February 12 2010, 03:13PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
Poo Czar wrote:

Oh goodness me do I ever have a raging Olympic boner right now. After all these months of being groin-kicked by a lackluster hockey squadron, all the cheers have built up and are ready to be unleashed in the next 2 weeks of Canaian domination.

Isn't this where SOMEBODY should drop a "Let's DOOoooOOO this" or some such?

ps. site looks SICK

pps. Happy Birthday Amanda!

*clears throat*

Ahem...

LET'S DOOOOOOOoooooo THIS!!!1!

Avatar
#16 rubbertrout
February 12 2010, 03:13PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

This may be old news to some but I can't believe NBC isn't showing the US v. Canada game on the main station and is relegating it to MSNBC so it can show *shudder* ice dancing.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/olympic-hockey-takes-a-backseat-on-nbc/article1465430/

One more reason why we should have more teams in north of the border. At least I won't have to hear Bob Costas talking about hockey.

Avatar
#18 rubbertrout
February 12 2010, 03:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
Wanye wrote:

I officially declare these here Olympic games to be OPEN.

*tears off shirt and pants revealing skin tight ski suit underneath*

That's a visual I could do without.

Avatar
#19 Matt Henderson
February 12 2010, 03:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
Wanye wrote:

I officially declare these here Olympic games to be OPEN.

*tears off shirt and pants revealing skin tight ski suit underneath*

Stupid Sexy Flanders!

Avatar
#20 Poo Czar
February 12 2010, 03:24PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@The Towel Boy

*lights cigarette*

Ahhhh yeah, that's the stuff... I miss that...

*grabs Wanye's discarded clothes, inhales deeply, scampers off to the eBay store*

Avatar
#22 RossCreekNation
February 12 2010, 03:28PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@Wanye

FlamesNation doesn't have this SICK Olympic skin.

*wipes away tears, sniffels repeatedly*

Avatar
#23 rubbertrout
February 12 2010, 03:29PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
Wanye wrote:

I don't know why some people come to this site and bitch that there isn't enough TOI stats and other hockey related talk.

This all seems like perfectly valid and legitimate Olympic talk to me.

*puts figure skates on hands and feet and clomps around room like some sort of figure skating horse*

Still in the skin-tight ski suit?

Avatar
#24 Matt Henderson
February 12 2010, 03:30PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
RossCreekNation wrote:

FlamesNation doesn't have this SICK Olympic skin.

*wipes away tears, sniffels repeatedly*

When Calgary counts as a part of Canada I'm sure Citizen Alpha will get around to it

Avatar
#25 Librarian Mike
February 12 2010, 03:30PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
RossCreekNation wrote:

FlamesNation doesn't have this SICK Olympic skin.

*wipes away tears, sniffels repeatedly*

You can go ahead and wash that shame down with some 'Amanda Cake'.

Avatar
#27 DK0
February 12 2010, 03:30PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@Wanye

Zee Goggles!! THEY DO NOTTHIINNKK!!

Avatar
#29 Ender
February 12 2010, 03:35PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

~Great. I spent all that time Photoshopping Gregor's Canucks ice-girl into the proper Oiler attire, and now I've got to start all over again and suit her up for Canada.~

"It's only work if someone makes you do it."

Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes

Avatar
#30 BUCK75
February 12 2010, 03:36PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Wanye said:

*goes back to making horse noises and chanting pro Canadian slogans*

EH-O CANADA GO!

*crickets*

Avatar
#31 Poo Czar
February 12 2010, 03:37PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Careful everyone, the Amanda cake is full of Gold medals wrapped in wax paper and/or Saran Wrap! And probably dusted with figure skate rust thanks to Wanye.

Avatar
#32 DougWeightProblem
February 12 2010, 03:38PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
Wanye wrote:

May I have some Amanada cake too?

*hopefully holds out plate with skates still on hands*

I'd rather have some Amanda pie. Wait, is that inappropriate? We're talking about Ice Girls aren't we ...

Avatar
#33 BUCK75
February 12 2010, 03:40PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

I'm really upset that there is no token penalty killer on this team. We will be lost without a Kris Draper or a Rob Zamauner~

Avatar
#34 RossCreekNation
February 12 2010, 03:43PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@Wanye

I dunno man. I have the Olympic medal, medal count, strong & free banner, but I don't have red & white stripe at the top or the maple leaf in the background. The new ON & CA both show up the same.

Avatar
#36 Librarian Mike
February 12 2010, 03:43PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
BUCK75 wrote:

I'm really upset that there is no token penalty killer on this team. We will be lost without a Kris Draper or a Rob Zamauner~

Seriously, looking at that 1998 roster makes my eyes bleed. Rob Zamuner? Shayne Corson? Trevor Linden? I can't believe they even got to the semis.

Avatar
#37 DougWeightProblem
February 12 2010, 03:44PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
BUCK75 wrote:

I'm really upset that there is no token penalty killer on this team. We will be lost without a Kris Draper or a Rob Zamauner~

Good call. They should make Horcoff a late callup injury replacement for Getzlaf instead of that bum Jeff Carter. I've got 5.5 (or 7) million reasons why he is all kinds of awesome, and super-valuable for this team.~

Avatar
#38 RossCreekNation
February 12 2010, 03:45PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
RossCreekNation wrote:

I dunno man. I have the Olympic medal, medal count, strong & free banner, but I don't have red & white stripe at the top or the maple leaf in the background. The new ON & CA both show up the same.

Wait... now I do. WTF? Are you screwing with me, Wanye?

Avatar
#39 SirFozz
February 12 2010, 03:47PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
RossCreekNation wrote:

Wait... now I do. WTF? Are you screwing with me, Wanye?

You REALLY don't want that. He's a horse now.

Avatar
#41 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 03:49PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

WOOOOOO OLYMPICS! NOTHING CAN GO WRONG!

*wait, a guy died already?*

Well, uhhh, hmmm, I, uhhh.....

OLYMPICS!!!!

Avatar
#42 RossCreekNation
February 12 2010, 03:50PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

SOMEBODY CALL 911... I'M BLEEDING FROM MY HEAD!!

Avatar
#43 SirFozz
February 12 2010, 03:53PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
RossCreekNation wrote:

SOMEBODY CALL 911... I'M BLEEDING FROM MY HEAD!!

We bleed Oil here, I see you don't. You should have a doctor have a look at that.

Avatar
#44 BUCK75
February 12 2010, 03:53PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
jeanshorts wrote:

WOOOOOO OLYMPICS! NOTHING CAN GO WRONG!

*wait, a guy died already?*

Well, uhhh, hmmm, I, uhhh.....

OLYMPICS!!!!

Wait until Michael J Fox drops the torch because of his Parkinsons...

That might have been offside.

Avatar
#45 SirFozz
February 12 2010, 03:56PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@BUCK75

Teen wolf would NEVER drop the torch.

Avatar
#46 DougWeightProblem
February 12 2010, 03:57PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
SirFozz wrote:

Teen wolf would NEVER drop the torch.

McFly might ...

Avatar
#47 misfit
February 12 2010, 03:58PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

“Aren’t the Canadian Mens’ two man bobsled team to DIE for?

Hopefully this was written before a man was killed on that track earlier today.

Avatar
#48 I'm a Scientist!
February 12 2010, 03:59PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@Wanye

Just relax, it'll come.

That's what she said....

*looks around for validation of an amazingly original joke...hearing crickets he sighs and goes to find a bale of hay for the hungry looking skating horsie*

Amanda cake is not good for horses. Trust me, I'm a Scientist.

Avatar
#49 SirFozz
February 12 2010, 03:59PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@DougWeightProblem

Well ya maybe. But then he'd go into the future, get a hover board, then go back in time and swoop in and catch it.

Comments are closed for this article.