OGDB 1: CANADA v. NORWAY

Wanye
February 16 2010 01:22AM

 

OH SNAP Puffy! The Olympic Games finally get underway today when the Canadian Men's Ice Hockey Team faces off against the Norwegians in Vancouver. The Canadians are looking to set the tone with a big start against Norway, showing that a single practice in the last 4 months is exactly enough preparation for this bunch of All Stars to dominate the ice.

If the Turin games are to be used as a statistic in looking at this completely revamped 2010 Squadron, we suppose that it is worth noting that Norway is nowhere to be found on the standings in Turino and the Canadian team received medals made of vanilla pudding or whatever is handed off to the 7th place finishers.

THE 124 MILLION DOLLAR SOLUTION

Whatever the case, the Canadians are icing a team with an eye popping annual salary cap of nearly 124 million dollars, all numbers courtesy of nhlnumbers.com. And before you start yelling like a Dutch Speedskating fan, this is actual 09/10 money, not cap hit.

The only guys who aren't Power Balling Supreme are either on the verge of a vastly richer deal kicking in (Toews and Keith) or are going to get a truckload of money from their current employer (Doughty) just as soon as he wins us all a Gold medal to even further increase his value to the Kings.

G Martin Brodeur - 5.2 million 

G Marc-André Fleury - 3.5 million 

G Roberto Luongo - 7.5 million 

D Dan Boyle - 6.667 million 

D Drew Doughty - 0.875 million 

D Duncan Keith - 1.9 million 

D Scott Niedermayer – 6.0 million

D Chris Pronger – 6.25 million 

D Brent Seabrook - 3.5 million 

D Shea Weber - 4.5 million 

F Patrice Bergeron - 5 million 

F Sidney Crosby –  9 million 

F Ryan Getzlaf - 5.125 million 

F Dany Heatley - 8 million 

F Jarome Iginla – 7 million 

F Patrick Marleau - 6.3 million 

F Brenden Morrow - 4.1 million  

F Rick Nash - 7 million 

F Mike Richards - 5.6 million  

F Corey Perry - 6.5 million 

F Eric Staal - 6 million 

F Joe Thornton - 7.2 million 

F Jonathan Toews - 0.85 million 

Total 2009/10 Salary: $123.57 million dollars

BIG SMOKE

Who is really icing the team that is going to own the Podium now huh? That kind of money must make the Hockey players blow past the Male Ice Dancers in the hallway of the Athlete's Village with a certain swagger don't you think?

To put that total in perspective, consider that the entire speed skating program has an annual budget of $4,200 - or roughly what Sidney Crosby will earn during the National Anthem tonight.

So if the Canadians don't get us the danged gold medal we have our hearts set on, it ain't salary cap issues bogging this team down.

TODAY'S LINE UP

Roberto Luongo has been announced as the go to guy to start in goal against Norway today. The rest of the team is listed below and made $500,485 in the time it took you to read this article. 

Figuring out what player plays what forward is playing what position is a national secret that is being kept underground, in a bunker 12 miles under BC Place at the present time. But we can say that Pronger has apparently been splitting his time in practice yesterday with both Boyle and Daughty because he is such a great big jerk* but that it appears Boyle will be his partner once the puck drops.

*except in the Olympics

AWESOME FORWARDS

Crosby - Nash - Bergeron

Perry - Getzlaf - Staal

Iginla - Toews - Morrow

Thornton - Heatley - Marleau

Richards

AWESOME DEFENSEMEN

Niedermayer - Weber

Keith - Seabrook

Pronger - Boyle

Doughty

AWESOME GOALIES

Luongo (Starting)

Brodeur (Being awesome on the bench)

Fleury (Being awesome in the cheap seats somewhere)

FINALLY

Do Kerrin Lee-Gartner 1992 Gold Medalist in the Downhill proud fellas.

Let's get at 'er.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 Archaeologuy
February 16 2010, 04:25PM
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RossCreekNation wrote:

Thanks man ;)

According to Bryn Griffiths, Jamie Campbell has called the action for 4 of the 5 medals Canada has won. Can we get this man to call the hockey games?

What is Bryn doing these days?

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#52 Aleslav Smidsky
February 16 2010, 04:26PM
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@RossCreekNation

Thank You

and

Sorry for my ignorance.

;')

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#53 Tracie
February 16 2010, 04:32PM
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Thanks Guys! I found out about Canada's second gold medal here! See! Not only are you a top Oilers blogger, but you are also up to date on breaking news! Nice job!

And Although Jamie Campbell seems to have the luck with the medals, there's a reason he's the announcer for the Jays, he's boring as hell!!!

GO CANADA!!!

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#54 RossCreekNation
February 16 2010, 04:42PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

What is Bryn doing these days?

I'm not exactly sure. (http://twitter.com/bryngriffiths)

But I sure would love to see him and 'TheNation' engage in some "nuptials"... just sayin'.

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#55 BUCK75
February 16 2010, 04:54PM
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RossCreekNation wrote:

Thanks man ;)

According to Bryn Griffiths, Jamie Campbell has called the action for 4 of the 5 medals Canada has won. Can we get this man to call the hockey games?

He is correct. 2 in moguls & 2 in snowboard x.

He is the proverbial lucky loonie this year.

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#56 chrisinbanff
February 16 2010, 05:14PM
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Tracie wrote:

Thanks Guys! I found out about Canada's second gold medal here! See! Not only are you a top Oilers blogger, but you are also up to date on breaking news! Nice job!

And Although Jamie Campbell seems to have the luck with the medals, there's a reason he's the announcer for the Jays, he's boring as hell!!!

GO CANADA!!!

Baseball is boring as hell!!! Maybe that's the real problem.

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#57 chrisinbanff
February 16 2010, 05:21PM
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RossCreekNation wrote:

Thanks man ;)

According to Bryn Griffiths, Jamie Campbell has called the action for 4 of the 5 medals Canada has won. Can we get this man to call the hockey games?

While we're at, can we get this man to drive the zambo...err, Olympia. And let's put him in charge of the weather forecast, too.

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#58 Wanyes bastard child
February 16 2010, 05:38PM
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Whooo Hockey :)

Boooo McGuire :(

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#59 Aleslav Smidsky
February 16 2010, 05:48PM
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Heatley's Karma will be the reason Canada won't win the Olympic hockey Gold.

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#61 RossCreekNation
February 16 2010, 06:09PM
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@Wanye

Think of that period as their 2nd practice... but LOOK OUT NOW! Seriously, how can they not at least make it to the GOLD medal game? Its a sure thing... right? RITE!?

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#62 Horcsky
February 16 2010, 06:10PM
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Not the greatest of periods... shoot the damn puck. Looked like some Oiler power plays out there.

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#64 RossCreekNation
February 16 2010, 06:18PM
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Let the record show...

GOLD-Canada
SILVER-Russia
BRONZE-USA
4TH-Sweden

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#65 Wanyes bastard child
February 16 2010, 06:32PM
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Heatly from Pronger ... wow

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#66 RossCreekNation
February 16 2010, 06:32PM
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RossCreekNation wrote:

Think of that period as their 2nd practice... but LOOK OUT NOW! Seriously, how can they not at least make it to the GOLD medal game? Its a sure thing... right? RITE!?

See. SEE!

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#67 Moop
February 16 2010, 06:33PM
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A goal by Heatley from Pronger. Not sure how I feel about that...

Ah, f*** it, yaaaaaaay Canada!

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#68 David S
February 16 2010, 06:58PM
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What's with all these weird passes the Canadian team is making? They go right to the receiver's stick and make a nice "crack!" when they get there.

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#69 jeanshorts
February 16 2010, 07:05PM
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@David S

They're also getting the puck on the net, getting quality scoring chances, clearing the puck from their own end and killing penalties. There are so many foreign elements to this game I'm having a hard time keeping up!

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#70 Wanyes bastard child
February 16 2010, 07:07PM
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I just noticed that they are actually playing 14 forwards and 7 D ....

*Hangs head in shame*

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#71 rubbertrout
February 16 2010, 07:13PM
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David S wrote:

What's with all these weird passes the Canadian team is making? They go right to the receiver's stick and make a nice "crack!" when they get there.

This is somewaht foreign to me as well. They also appear to be running some sort of play to move the puck out of their own end. The announcer called it a "breakout". All this new stuff is frightening to me.

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#72 rubbertrout
February 16 2010, 07:14PM
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If Maguire says "hard" one more time I guarantee he is touching himself.

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#73 rubbertrout
February 16 2010, 07:27PM
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This is more like it.

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#74 Clangger
February 16 2010, 07:28PM
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Heatley scores.. Man he looks good.The Oiler's should go after him?

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#75 Wanyes bastard child
February 16 2010, 07:35PM
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We want 10! We want 10!

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#76 Moop
February 16 2010, 07:50PM
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I don't understand...the game is over, but the crowd is making some strange noise. And the team isn't quietly shuffling off to the dressing room with their heads down.

I am still watching hockey, aren't I? Like, the same game the Oilers play?

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#77 David S
February 17 2010, 12:18AM
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Moop wrote:

I don't understand...the game is over, but the crowd is making some strange noise. And the team isn't quietly shuffling off to the dressing room with their heads down.

I am still watching hockey, aren't I? Like, the same game the Oilers play?

Ha ha! Yes. What is this odd sound of jubilation?

Its the same game as in they both use a hockey puck. The other stuff, not so much.

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