OGDB 1: CANADA v. NORWAY
Wanye
February 16 2010 01:22AM
OH SNAP Puffy! The Olympic Games finally get underway today when the Canadian Men's Ice Hockey Team faces off against the Norwegians in Vancouver. The Canadians are looking to set the tone with a big start against Norway, showing that a single practice in the last 4 months is exactly enough preparation for this bunch of All Stars to dominate the ice.
If the Turin games are to be used as a statistic in looking at this completely revamped 2010 Squadron, we suppose that it is worth noting that Norway is nowhere to be found on the standings in Turino and the Canadian team received medals made of vanilla pudding or whatever is handed off to the 7th place finishers.
THE 124 MILLION DOLLAR SOLUTION
Whatever the case, the Canadians are icing a team with an eye popping annual salary cap of nearly 124 million dollars, all numbers courtesy of nhlnumbers.com. And before you start yelling like a Dutch Speedskating fan, this is actual 09/10 money, not cap hit.
The only guys who aren't Power Balling Supreme are either on the verge of a vastly richer deal kicking in (Toews and Keith) or are going to get a truckload of money from their current employer (Doughty) just as soon as he wins us all a Gold medal to even further increase his value to the Kings.
G Martin Brodeur - 5.2 million
G Marc-André Fleury - 3.5 million
G Roberto Luongo - 7.5 million
D Dan Boyle - 6.667 million
D Drew Doughty - 0.875 million
D Duncan Keith - 1.9 million
D Scott Niedermayer – 6.0 million
D Chris Pronger – 6.25 million
D Brent Seabrook - 3.5 million
D Shea Weber - 4.5 million
F Patrice Bergeron - 5 million
F Sidney Crosby – 9 million
F Ryan Getzlaf - 5.125 million
F Dany Heatley - 8 million
F Jarome Iginla – 7 million
F Patrick Marleau - 6.3 million
F Brenden Morrow - 4.1 million
F Rick Nash - 7 million
F Mike Richards - 5.6 million
F Corey Perry - 6.5 million
F Eric Staal - 6 million
F Joe Thornton - 7.2 million
F Jonathan Toews - 0.85 million
Total 2009/10 Salary: $123.57 million dollars
BIG SMOKE
Who is really icing the team that is going to own the Podium now huh? That kind of money must make the Hockey players blow past the Male Ice Dancers in the hallway of the Athlete's Village with a certain swagger don't you think?
To put that total in perspective, consider that the entire speed skating program has an annual budget of $4,200 - or roughly what Sidney Crosby will earn during the National Anthem tonight.
So if the Canadians don't get us the danged gold medal we have our hearts set on, it ain't salary cap issues bogging this team down.
TODAY'S LINE UP
Roberto Luongo has been announced as the go to guy to start in goal against Norway today. The rest of the team is listed below and made $500,485 in the time it took you to read this article.
Figuring out what player plays what forward is playing what position is a national secret that is being kept underground, in a bunker 12 miles under BC Place at the present time. But we can say that Pronger has apparently been splitting his time in practice yesterday with both Boyle and Daughty because he is such a great big jerk* but that it appears Boyle will be his partner once the puck drops.
*except in the Olympics
AWESOME FORWARDS
Crosby - Nash - Bergeron
Perry - Getzlaf - Staal
Iginla - Toews - Morrow
Thornton - Heatley - Marleau
Richards
AWESOME DEFENSEMEN
Niedermayer - Weber
Keith - Seabrook
Pronger - Boyle
Doughty
AWESOME GOALIES
Luongo (Starting)
Brodeur (Being awesome on the bench)
Fleury (Being awesome in the cheap seats somewhere)
FINALLY
Do Kerrin Lee-Gartner 1992 Gold Medalist in the Downhill proud fellas.
Let's get at 'er.
Also, since this game starts at 1am in my local time zone, Canada better make this impending double-digit blowout pretty damned exciting if I'm going to stay up and watch the whole thing.
Also, z0mg FIRST!
this article had me late night lol'ing.
Canada win 10-1
Kevin lowe definitely had a big say in putting this team together. We are only sending ten forwards? That has oilers written all over it.
Finns or Norewgians it doesn't matter. Team Canada kicks those Nordic bitches right through the glass and wrecks the environmentally friendly Olympia Ice re-surfacer.
9-1
Bobby Lou is incapable of getting a shutout (in my hockey pool anyway.)
It's not fun when you go in and fix your drunken ramblings the next day. I liked when we only had three lines and we were playing the Finnish norweigans.
Not sure if the game is on Edmonton radio, but FAN960 in Calgary is carrying it, and the best radio play-by-play man in Alberta will be calling the action - thee legendary, Hall-of-Famer... Peter Maher.
@Cory Dakin
lol
Wow, I hate squeaky bus brakes.
So hungover. Crushed a 15 of Busch.
Is he "legendary" to flames fans the way Hallsy is legendary to Edmonton fans (see: senile, long in the tooth, should have retired 15 years ago)
$123.57M per season ≈ $0.515M per day.
How slow do you think we read?! I'll have you know I finished the whole article in under two hours, thank you very much.
7-4 Canada. Luongo gets pulled after 3 goals on 6 shots and some pivotal player for Canada blows out their knee. The adversity will make bringing home the gold that much sweeter.
Is there anyone else who's finding it difficult to accept that we're going to have to cheer for Pronger & Heatly?
I'm finding it difficult to cheer for a team to win.
It's been so long.
My Team Canada jersey is locked and loaded for this evening's game.
I cannot wait to care about a hockey game again.
I am just going to pretend that it is like sleeping with an ex-girlfriend. You had a nasty break up awhile ago because she was a cheating whore but you recently ran into her again and Daaaaaayummm she was looking fine in that red dress. You are a bit horny since it has been a while since you last scored. One thing leads to another and you end up scoring numerous times in the next two weeks. At the end of those two weeks you feel pretty good about yourself and your gold medal performance but that is when she cuts you off and heads back to her other boyfriend leaving you jaded and pissed off again. The hatred returns and life progresses as usual...
Pretty darn good analogy, but I'll throw one small ammendment in:
You know it's all about current performance. She's still a cheating whore, you know there's ZERO chance you'd ever make her your girlfriend again, but as long as she's willing to do things that make you feel OH SO GOOD you're willing to temporarily overlook past indiscretions. And when she goes back to her other boyfriend (meh), you just smile at him and say "Thanks for the loan, punk."
Nope. A red maple leaf does it every time. I'm just that easy, apparently.
Greatest analogy in the history of analogies.
Yeah its going to be a bittersweet romance, the Human Rake and Danny F'n Heatley connecting for sweet sweet goals on the PP. It makes me want to barf and yet I cant help but get a chubby just thinking about it. Is that wrong?*
*runs back to his "quiet place" until the puck drops to contemplate the complexities of Hockey Love.
@I'm a Scientist!
I see where you're coming from, but this gapped-toothed, gimp-eyed, dicthed us without an explaination and ignored us this summer when we asked her out. I'm all for using her, but in the end she's the one who get's the prize and we're left feeling used.
I'm so used to losing that I think I'm ok with a loss as long as Pronger or Heatly get are wearing the goat horns on the play that cost the team
@Petr's Jofa
I'm with you man... I find it hard to cheer for Team Canada this year :(
@Petr's Jofa
~FOR SHAME! Damn you and your loser talk, that kinda talk is reserved for Oiler fans.~
OK SERIOUSLY THIS HAS TO STOP. YES I AM YELLING! lol
@PattQuinn'sChesthair
I'm not cheering for a loss, I'm just really indifferent because of who's on the roster.
Has anyone seen the crazy pajamas the Norwegian curling team are wearing?
GOO
OILE.. CANADA!!whew... that was a close one.
Jeez, guys! You are getting all girly on us! worrying about the complexities of hockey love is supposed to be reserved for us girls! I too am finding it hard to acknowledge the fact that I'll be cheering for Crosby and not cheering for Ovechkin, but hey, it's gonna be DAMN GOOD hockey and dammit, We at Oilersnation deserve good hockey!!!
Vesides, we never took away from the fact the DFH and the human rake were good players, so let's use and abuse them and send them bruised back to their NHL teams! As long as they are coming home with a gold medal around their necks, they have serviced us well!
And props to the analogy! My cubicle buddies came over to see what the hell I was laughing at!
Sometimes you just have to take one for the team....like taking the fat girl home so your buddy can take the hot girl home. You might not like what you are looking at as it happens, but the end result will feel just as good.
Suck it up princess! They are Canadian and they are damn good hockey players! Get rid of your grudge already and go get some!
@Tracie
*high five*
I thought some kind of Clown College had snuck a team in somehow.
They're tarnishing the manliness of curling!
I heard the city of vancouver has donated like 100 000 condoms to the athletes village. I really hope Drew Doughty gets to use some of those on Lindsey Vonn. Id say jonathon toews or sid but i dont think those two have the combined social skill set to pull it off. I know Chris Pronger isn't going to let me down.
So we're not hoping that Canada loses so we get first pick overall on some strange new inernational draft? This is going to feel strange.
I wonder if heatley will demand a trade to the German team because he's not happy with his role on team Canada. It could happen
@Snoop Blogg
Do you think Pronger will take any condoms?
Ryan Miller, can't put Miller time, on his helmet, because of the beer company. The Olympics have some wierd rules.
@Cory Dakin
Maybe he wants to be an Australian Mogul skier.
I understand the rule completely. The Olympics dont want any advertising or political messages brought into the games. Quick wasnt even allowed to have "support our troops" on his helmet.
I know they make tons of cash on Visa commercials and the like, but that's on the TV side of stuff, not the actual athletes themselves.
@Archaeologuy
I guess, I just think its stupid.
And woe be to CFP if Lauren decides she really likes Italian shoes. Italy didn't qualify for 2010, Chris, but maybe you'll have better luck in 2014.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha . . .
OK, hurry up and go score some goals tonight. You never know when that crazy lady is going to pull the plug on this thing . . .
Only parents of young kids may understand the referrence, but Begg-Smith reminded me of a 20-something Caillou, pouting and whining.
You could tell Heil wasn't happy with silver, but she painted on a smile, Begg-Smith was way too poopy-pants
@I'm a Scientist!
I'm a Scientist! OWNS this thread. OWNS!
Begg-Smith is jsut like that...I watched some feature on him before the race and they said that he got some special accolade from the Aussies and he was yawning thru the ceremony! I mean, seriously, this guy needs a life! Good thing he's not representing Canada!
I agree he looked very pouty at the medal ceremony! Couldn't even give the people cheering for him a wave! What a douchebag!
That could explain why it is so quiet around these parts! Shouldn't we be blowin' up with discussions about the first REAL hockey game in these parts since Peter Pocklington sold the soul of our city??? There are things to comment on, players to critique, fashion statements to make and dagnabbit if Wanye doesn't fly to Vancouver break into the speed skating arena and ghost ride the hell out of that broken down piece of eco garbage I am seriously going to wonder if I woke up in a nightmare...
*breathes into a brown paper bag*
*Calling our Minister... repeat... calling our minister*
Lets DOOOOOOoooooo something already! Kick this shiznit off boyeee!
Potential gold in women's snowboard cross???
*crickets*
GOLD!!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLDDDDD!!!!!!!!
*goes to hug RossCreek but then remembers he is a Calgary fan....but then remembers he is also Canadian and does it anyway!*
@I'm a Scientist!
Thanks man ;)
According to Bryn Griffiths, Jamie Campbell has called the action for 4 of the 5 medals Canada has won. Can we get this man to call the hockey games?
What time is the game tonight and is it on T.V.?
Canada vs that little village somewheres in the ScanDanAvian.
Snowboard Cross is my new second favorite sport replacing clown pants curling.
@Aleslav Smidsky
Is it on TV? Are you kidding me? This IS hockey and this IS Canada. CTV @ 5:30 my man.