The Great American Victory Report Pt. 4: Still the one

Ryan Lambert
February 28 2010 09:08PM



Howdy folks.

The Olympics are, of course, all about athletic competition, pushing to be the best, and coming together as a global community to celebrate peace and goodwill. But let's be honest here, it's also about winners and losers. Canada may have won the most gold ever but I think it's time we took a look at the real winner: America.

As far as I know, I'm the only American (read also: non-loser) who writes for the various Nations, and that's why I have taken it upon myself to come here and remind you that the United States has and will continue to dominate "Your Olympics."

There are several very specific reasons why.

 

1. At no point did we have to change the rules.

Ready which country am I? "Oh hey, unbeatable speed skaters, we're pretty sure we're going to have to disqualify you and allow several Canadians to medal. Yeah, you, uh, changed lanes or something. Shoved somebody? Something like that. Tough noogies, pal."

I am Canada. Pretty easy to win when a Canadian official just so happens to be making decisions like that, I think.

2. Note to self: invent sports to win gold.

So Canada's getting dominated in medal count, right? All Canadians feel very sad about this. I read the tweets and blog posts, so don't try to tell me different. Then someone has the bright idea: maybe we just tell everyone the IOC has always gone by who had the most gold medals. Yeah okay guys sounds good, let's get that out there. But wait Canada didn't win ANY gold in Calgary.. what to do? Well, according to known Canadian Damien Cox: "Big reason why is most of the sports that have delivered gold in VAN didn't exist back then." Oh now it all makes sense. Make up a bunch of crap sports and win at those. You have to applaud the scheming brilliance.

3. Something about a hockey game.

Oh yeah, you beat a team with Chris Drury on it. Bravo. How did you ever accomplish such a towering feat? Oh right, you had it in your country with three Canadian officials. Well done.

4. I said right from the get-go that it's all about medal count.

And would ya lookit that. America: 37. Everyone else, especially Canada: considerably less than that. And again, that's with Canada making up some malarkey against the great and accomplished Apolo Anton Ohno.

(5. Neil Young rules)

(He totally does. And I called him jamming Long May You Run at the closing ceremonies. Best Canadian thing at the Olympics.)

686dfac3780611cb7acad6ce5166c6c1
Yer ol' buddy Lambert is handsome and great and everyone loves him. Also you can visit his regular blog at The Two-Line Pass or follow him on Twitter. Lucky you!
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#51 Heavyd
February 28 2010, 10:09PM
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@Arik

Do you know how to use a reply button? Of course not your probably from the states. And how does me making fun of someone show that I am bitter and unhappy about winning the Gold medal in hockey?

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#52 Rob...
February 28 2010, 10:12PM
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Why are you allowed to post blogs here again? Someone fill me in on what I'm missing.

Oh, and that low blow you landed with #4 hurts as much as a home grown terrorist at an Olympic venue in Georgia.

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#53 D. Pennertration
February 28 2010, 10:17PM
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It's funny, the USOC changed its reward system for the 2010 Olympics to specifically enhance the number of gold medals they receive at the games. Traditionally (as it is in Canada), a gold medal was awarded $20,000, silver - $15,000, and bronze - $10,000. The USOC decided that, to motivate its athletes to attain more gold medals at the game, it would change its gold medal reward price (changes were ONLY made for gold medals) to $25,000.

It's too bad that this ploy posed ineffective.

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#54 Crash
February 28 2010, 10:25PM
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TLP whines:

1. At no point did we have to change the rules.

Ready which country am I? "Oh hey, unbeatable speed skaters, we're pretty sure we're going to have to disqualify you and allow several Canadians to medal. Yeah, you, uh, changed lanes or something. Shoved somebody? Something like that. Tough noogies, pal."

I am Canada. Pretty easy to win when a Canadian official just so happens to be making decisions like that, I think.

Funny you weren't complaining when said loser OH NO benefitted from disqualifications to even make it to the final?

14 golds...MOST EVER...small country kicks ass...gotta love it

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#55 SmellOfVictory
February 28 2010, 10:34PM
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Sorry TLP, can't read your post through the glare of all the gold medals that Canada won. Man, are they shiny.

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#56 Crash
February 28 2010, 10:35PM
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Harlie wrote:

Second best is starting to look good on the US.

They weren't even second best...Germany had 10 anthem plays...the US had 9

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#57 common sense
February 28 2010, 11:09PM
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Canada got more gold medals than the big bad USA. A country with 35 million got more gold medals than a country of 304 million. And I don't give a sh** about grandpa Neil Young. You can listen to that old folks music if you want.

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#58 Shaun Doe
February 28 2010, 11:18PM
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~These blogs are soooooo well written~...

But seriously, are we going to have to endure more posts from this guy? I know I'm not forced to read them but it just comes of as classless trash hidden beneath a thin veil of satire. Doesn't look good on this page to have it around

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#59 DanOilFan
February 28 2010, 11:21PM
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The $100 million in funding that was given to these atheletes needs to be continued and I think increased.

However, I disagree with the fact that we send as many people to the games as countries 10 times our population. Had we have sent 50 less (who did not stand a chance at a medal). The $'s would be better served and possibly benifited our guys/gals who finished top 5 or even top 10. In my opinion we should not send atheletes who are not in the top 25 world ranking in their sport, period.

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#60 Chamucks Deluxe
February 28 2010, 11:39PM
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If your not first your last.

(DAMN, someone beat me to it..)

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#61 fred
February 28 2010, 11:55PM
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Two Line Ass hopefully this is your last article ever written for the Nations. You're a north american embarrassment and a disgrace to all people associated with hockey blogs. Your jokes are weak and hurtful.

Oilers nation, conisder yourself lucky that you don't have to poor through the brain sewage that are TLPs pre games.

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#62 fred
February 28 2010, 11:56PM
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Two Line Ass hopefully this is your last article ever written for the Nations. You're a north american embarrassment and a disgrace to all people associated with hockey blogs. Your jokes are weak and hurtful.

Oilers nation, conisder yourself lucky that you don't have to poor through the brain sewage that are TLPs pre games.

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#63 oilerzz
February 28 2010, 11:58PM
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4. AMERICA KEEPS ITS OLYMPICS SAFE FOR ALL ATHLETES.

Credit where it's due: you guys are the North American leader in Olympic body count. Just sayin'. (And we don't run out of condoms either. That's another safety issue) WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU !!! Pathetic

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#64 Alon
March 01 2010, 12:22AM
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@DanOilFan

What about the invaluable experience some of those guys will gain. Rarely are those types of people over the hill athletes, but rather more like prospects. Use the Olympics they wont win so they don't get distracted by it all 4 years later when they should win.

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#65 The Voice in TLP's Head
March 01 2010, 12:42AM
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1.“if we didn’t win, then someone else cheated”

2.“Shaun White has medals in a made up crap sport”

3.“forget what I said last time”

4.“I’m a douche (also: you don't run out of condoms when your children are all abstinent! ...right?)”

5.“look at all our loser medals!”

6.“if our musicians competed against Neil Young they would be lucky to "win" a loser medal”

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#66 JackBauer
March 01 2010, 01:50AM
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"Credit where it's due: you guys are the North American leader in Olympic body count. Just sayin'. (And we don't run out of condoms either. That's another safety issue)

Its hard to run out of condoms when you dont use them. And dont tell me they are being used, your picture perfect proof that isnt true. Scumbag.

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#67 Victoria
March 01 2010, 05:57AM
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Ambassador humantorch wrote:

Also, I know TLP is just trying to be funny and playing the "heel" card, but seriously, point #4 makes me sick to see up here. "Hey, a guy died! Let's make a joke about it!"

For that one line alone, TLP is lucky I don't run this place.

For nation to kill it's own countrymen like the USA does, I think it takes a level of detachment to death.

I'm just surprised there hasn't been a shooting at one of their hockey games.

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#68 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
March 01 2010, 06:36AM
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Petr's Jofa wrote:

"4. America keeps its Olympics safe for all athletes."

Tell that to Alice Hawthorne and Melih Uzunyol oh wait, they were innocent bystanders not athletes so I guess they don't count.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centennial_Olympic_Park_bombing

well played.

i suppose the american way is showing in TLPs blog. If things dont work out in mighty americas favour, point the finger at someone else.

tell you what TLP, how about you stop pointing that finger and re-insert it up..... (pre-edited by cableguy to save WG the trouble)

honestly. I understand this is meant to get a rise out of people, or i hope so anyways. One would assume someone wouldnt be that idiotic. It is just a shame TLP was to cowardly to make a bet prior to the big game. Once his testicles drop hopefully he will man up and stop showing up AFTER things are finished...

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#69 Cool Beans
March 01 2010, 07:27AM
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Nice bronze and silver count. Bronze and silver are just two more words that mean loser.

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#70 rubbertrout
March 01 2010, 07:45AM
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Ambassador humantorch wrote:

Also, I know TLP is just trying to be funny and playing the "heel" card, but seriously, point #4 makes me sick to see up here. "Hey, a guy died! Let's make a joke about it!"

For that one line alone, TLP is lucky I don't run this place.

I gave you props for this but it didn't seem to be enough hence the reply. Right on Torch I agree wholeheartedly.

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#71 Milli
March 01 2010, 07:51AM
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HAHA, that's awesome!!! I love listening to some freaky, george bush loving american justify winning the most BRONZE metals!!!!! Ya, be ptoud of your athlete's love of third place!!!!

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#72 Dano
March 01 2010, 08:46AM
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TLP..... you're a shinning example why the term "Ugly American" came to be. Nobody here wants to read your "Ameria-Nazi" bullsh*t! So sit back in your trailer....keep breathing through your mouth....open another bottle of Jim Beam and beat off on "Old Glory" all day long ,if you feel compelled too.....but leave the hockey talk to the real men.

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#73 Duthie
March 01 2010, 09:17AM
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It's time to fire TLP's ass. What a complete embarrassment to the Nations. He's proven that he is racist, ignorant, ruthless, and stupid. The guys a complete joke.

And all of you Oilers fans why not give a minute to think of us Flames fans before you write comments like this:

"Anyways, now that the Olympics are over TLP can go slink back to flamesnation.ca never to be heard from again. Thank god."

WE HATE HIM TOO!

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#74 Snakeskinstew
March 01 2010, 09:31AM
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Wow TLP, way to offend everyone. The Olympics brings people together from all over the world in the spirit of sport. There is nothing funny about someone dying...you just showed us all your lack of intelligence and gave us insight into who you are.

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#75 Scuba Steve
March 01 2010, 09:34AM
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The funniest thing about this entire post (and TLP's series of posts) is that they are all based on the fact that:

The USA is better because he was born there.

It's one thing to be proud of your country, quite another to believe that said country is the best solely based on the fact that the ~great~ TLP was birthed there.

I understand this is all some kind of joke and meant to be taken with a grain of salt, but once is funny, two or more times is not, and making light of any human death is not funny even once.

Shame on you, TLP.

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#76 Harlie
March 01 2010, 09:41AM
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I had a good laugh at TLP's post's through the Olympics but this one really threw me off. He should be embarrassed to look himself in the mirror based on a couple of comments in this article.

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#77 Chaz
March 01 2010, 09:47AM
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hiroki wrote:

Hey Nation,

I'm a recent immigrant from Japan to Calgary, and although hockey isn't too big in my homeland, I have fallen in love with it the last couple years. The Olympics were icing on the cake- what a win by Team Canada! But more importantly, the one thing better to see than Crosby's goal were the celebrations afterwards. From coast to coast, all Canadians shared this great moment- it didn't matter what color your skin was, where you were from, what language you spoke. And it didn't matter who you cheered for, either. I'd consider myself a Flames fan, but was hugging Oiler fans on the street, just because for today, we were all Canadians. Oiler fans put aside their tough season, Flames fans tried to not think about their inevitable collapse in the first round, and we all just put our allegiances aside and cheered for the one thing that mattered most: Canadian Hockey.

I've been reading this site for a while, but this post made me want to speak. Not only did I read what TLP said about the tragedy on the luge track, I looked at his twitter, and am a little upset by what he wrote. Please read this exchange, and I will say why it hits me hard:

Twolinepass: Canada's going to win this game just like it won World War II. OH WAIT THAT WAS US

neoaxd @twolinepass: If anyone won WW2 it was the Soviets... Western front and the Pacific theatre were sideshows, but nice try.

Twolinepass: @neoaxd I'll give Hiroshima and Nagasaki the great news!

My grandfather died due to radiation poisoning after Hiroshima. My father was fortunate to be on a school trip out of town when this happened. He was raised by family in Tokyo after the bombing, and if he could be here today and see someone making light of a situation like that, especially on a day of such Canadian Pride, he'd be appalled. There is a line between humor and dignity, and you have failed miserably, TLP. But hey, you seem to love the attention:

TLPs Twitter: I'm so glad that hundreds of Canadians' first thoughts were "I can't wait to chirp that guy on the internet who typed mean things about us!"

You're right, TLP. After Crosby scored, we decided to run to our computers instead of our friend's arms and type an indignant message to you. Sometimes, people go too far. But by making light of things like Hiroshima/Nagasaki and the Georgain Luge tragedy, you did just that.

I've enjoyed your banter and commentary, Nation, but you've just lost a reader today- I cannot stomach this crap as long as TLP is associated with this network.

I realize TLP's comments have been tongue in cheek, but to make a comment like that on Twitter is ignorant, racist, and insensitive. Says a lot about you TLP. And normally who would care what you wrote, but after your articles in the past while you should have known people would be reading. No excuse.

Thankfully the US Team and the majority of their supporters show a lot more class and dignity than you do. I don't mind a good joke article that encourages back and forth banter, but you went too far.

Now I'm interested to see what the response of Oilers Nation will be. In my opinion, anything less than an all out apology will not be enough. Time to take responsibility for giving that idiot space on your webpage...

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#78 Zamboni Driver
March 01 2010, 09:52AM
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Ahh, that's too bad....

The first one was absolutely hilarious. Subsequent efforts, not so much.

And....relax everyone.

[The 'invent new sports'-thing had occurred to me, though I must say. Sure we won the most gold ever, but half the sports didn't exist even at the last games.]

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#79 rubbertrout
March 01 2010, 10:15AM
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@hiroki

Hey Hiroki, TLP only was on the ON site during the Olympics. He isn't on ON most of the time.

I agree with what Ender said. There are a lot of great things here and if you don't want to read TLP you have that option. Don't miss out on the ggod that the site has because one guy is a jacka$$

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#80 Hunter5
March 01 2010, 10:18AM
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It's very simple... When it comes right down to it (Crunch Time in Overtime) the States folded. If they really had the drive and the skill where was it in OT? It surprised me but 4 on 4 the States looked scared and they even looked worse when Canada got possession of the puck in OT. Let's be honest, in OT the States looked like they were trying not to lose. Canada came out in OT and played to WIN! Big Difference.

This TLP guy is just a clown.

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#81 jess
March 01 2010, 10:21AM
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Awesome!

Plus we won at the only real important sport at the winter Olympics. Ski moguls!

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#82 Duthie
March 01 2010, 10:26AM
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I forgot to point out TLP is from Boston

Boston = RACIST

Looks like Barry Bonds was right

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#83 Bobnoxious Am'erican
March 01 2010, 10:32AM
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Paging TLP!!! Paging Mr TLP!!!

So anyone think he's gonna return to stand up for himself...me thinks he has slithered out of this blogpost.

And ummm yeah have to agree on the perspective for the 4th point...distasteful.

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#84 Harlie
March 01 2010, 10:33AM
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@Duthie

c'mon that's a stretch. Let's not slander the guy. He made some dumb remarks. Give the guy a break. He is clearly un-edumacated like us healthcared Canadians.

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#85 machoslob
March 01 2010, 10:43AM
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Gawd, would'nt have been awfull for the Americans to have won the game and make another movie....and make us puke...again!

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#86 beee
March 01 2010, 10:54AM
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TLP Open mouth insert foot.

Can we please ban that douche bage off the site and get back to oilers talk.

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#87 Librarian Mike
March 01 2010, 11:20AM
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All I have to say is this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1i-Yw7s-Pw

edit: I just noticed your post, Bingofuel. Thanks.

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#88 Chaz
March 01 2010, 11:25AM
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bingofuel wrote:

Nation:

I have removed the bit of the post which was deemed to be in extremely poor taste (by all).

On behalf of the staff at the Nation Network of Sites, I apologize for the offending portion of the post. It should never have been published

Thanks, bingofuel

Classy response from a classy website. Well done Bingofuel!

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#89 jess
March 01 2010, 11:26AM
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I really hope TLP doesn't stop writing because of all these garbage comments. No one forces anyone to read the articles. I'm honestly more offended by the garbage being spewed by the authors of the comments, rather than the author of the article.

Looking forward to the next Game Day Fire Drill, TLP.

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#90 KenL
March 01 2010, 11:48AM
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Hey TLP Jackass!

Where's the apology you owe Oilernation for being a stereotypical ugly American? Sorry you have to speak up. I can't hear you with the 14, that's right 14 GOLD MEDALS clanging our necks!

Hell, you Yanks can even claim second most golds - held by Russia and Norway. Little Norway is even ahead of you braggerts.

The US may have won more medals, but Canada won the most golds EVER, and the one that gold that truly matters. Sucks to be you don't it?

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#91 rubbertrout
March 01 2010, 12:05PM
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Librarian Mike wrote:

All I have to say is this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1i-Yw7s-Pw

edit: I just noticed your post, Bingofuel. Thanks.

And now you give videos too? Man you will be getting all the props. First the unending source of JPEGs and now this? Truly a marvel.

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#92 Crooked
March 01 2010, 12:13PM
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I hope TLP sticks around. I enjoy reading articles that piss off people with no sense of humor. What a bunch of whiners.

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#93 KenL
March 01 2010, 12:29PM
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One more thing TLP Jackass,

All these so called "invented" sports, with the exception of curling came from the X-Games - an event you're nation created and promotes the crap out of. The fact the new events have been around for 4 Winter Olympics, to call them invented events shows what a mental midget you are.

The X-Game events are fun to watch, and there's a greater danger to the athletes' lives than say...Men's Figure Skating. Oh hey...didn't you're guy win the Gold for that?

And didn't he win because his costume was flashier than the Russian skater who actually manned up and completed a QUAD???? How come your guy can't do a QUAD?

Don't quit your day job TLP. Leave the humor to the pros like the writers on the Simpsons, or Stephen Colbert.

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#94 jess
March 01 2010, 12:43PM
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@rubbertrout

I stand corrected sir, I should have clarified and said "garbage spewed by some of the authors of the comments."

not all of it was garbage, but some of it definitely was.

I, for one, spend plenty of time on FN because of TLP, and now that Kent Wilson is writing here, I'll be spending more time. I really don't see what the big deal was. I don't see people complaining about that Russian figure skater climbing up onto the gold medal platform. That's 500% worse.

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#95 bobdole
March 01 2010, 12:48PM
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@ Jason Gregor

Way to support your readers buddy. Thats good buisness. You should take K-Lowe's job.

Way to keep oilernation.com classy by allowing trash articles by TLP. What kind of reaction did you honestly expect??? enough with this BS, and back to Oilers news please. If im not mistake'n the trade deadline is in 45 hours.....

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#96 Word
March 01 2010, 12:56PM
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@KenL

I'm with you dude. I don't get all of the people trying to defend TLP's attempt at humor because it was a concept that could have been funny. The reactions here aren't "sensitivity". I would bet that msot people found Colbert's digs at Canada to be amusing and enjoyable. The reaction I'm seeing is disgust that this guy managed to slip through the quality filter at the Nations on such a continuous basis.

There has to be someone better than TLP who could write for FlamesNation. Out of respect for Wanye and Bingo he should resign.

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#97 NotWorthIt
March 01 2010, 01:01PM
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Jason Gregor wrote:

My question for you is, if you don't like the guy so much, why are your following him on twitter, reading his Two Line Pass site and then on here? You have a choice not to follow him around and read everything he writes or tweets.

We don't control what a guy puts on this Twitter account. His comment about body count on here, was in bad taste and it has been taken down.

Outside of that his article pissed Canadians off (which is a good article if it gets a reaction) because the States won more medals. To be honest I'm a bit disappointed with the lame comebacks from the Nation.

"Go home you cocky, mouthy, dumb American" were the best we had? Come on people, I know you can do better.

TLP is from Boston and he cheers for the Flames, what did you expect? Him to be a winner.

He cheers for the whininiest little skating beatch I've ever seen Yoko Ohno. The guy wears a "rat's tail" on his chin, rather than the back of his head. He whines about being disqualified, but doesn't remember that he won a medal in the relay when Korea was disqualified on a push that didn't affect the race. The States were almost lapped in that race and were out of it, but he gladly took that medal.

If you don't like his stuff don't read it. But if you follow him on Twitter, read him at Two Line Pass and now on here, but then complain about it, I don't get that. There is freedom of speech, even if it is insanely stupid, but YOU have freedom of choice. Don't click on his story and you won't be mad. It's that easy...

Nice to say Gregor siding with TLP. Good stuff, buddy.

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#98 danjo1
March 01 2010, 01:12PM
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@Jason Gregor

hiroki can't possibly foresee TLP making comments like that man, so most likely hiroki would be following TLP's twitter account before the fact.

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#99 hiroki
March 01 2010, 01:32PM
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Hello,

I guess I over reacted badly. Many people said it was bad to stop reading the Nation, and they are right. There is good conversation here and great articles, I cannot cut myself off from that just because of one person!

I must say though, I probably shouldn't have brought up the Japan comments TLP made on Twitter. They just seemed fitting considering how much emotion they stirred in me. The forum to do that on is on Twitter, not here, and for that I apologize.

But what saddened me the most was how this monster's work was on The Nation's homepage. I thank bingofuel for removing the offensive Luge joke from the article. Jason Gregor, all I can wish for is for you to not attack me for seeing something I found hurtful on Twitter. I follow all of the bloggers who cover the Flames, and it was hard to read what TLP wrote without feeling heavy in the heart. But this is the time of Free Speech, so I suppose I must bite the bullet. Its just difficult to understand why an esteemed member of the mainstream media such as yourself would 'side' with TLP, Mr Gregor.

Also,

@mesh:

Ha ha, you make a good point about the Flames missing the Playoffs. But never fear! Stajan is here!

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#100 TigerUnderGlass
March 01 2010, 01:49PM
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@KenL

I want to agree with you...I really do.

The problem is that you completely lost me when you decided to prove your manliness by demonstrating your knowledge of men's figure skating.

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