COMRIE TURNS INTO A PENGUIN
Wanye
September 03 2010 02:23PM
And so it was written and so it was done. The fairytale wedding between Mike Comrie and Hilary Duff includes sailing of into the sunset - of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. News today that the Duffman has signed a one year deal with the Pittsburgh Penguins for a league minimum $500,000.
"With Jordan Staal set to miss at least part of training camp with a foot injury, the Pittsburgh Penguins have found a replacement as they have signed veteran centre Mike Comrie to a one-year contract worth $500,000.
Comrie's agent Ritch Winter told TSN that his client agreed to sign for substantially less than the $1.25 million he earned last season with the Edmonton Oilers because he believed it would help the team. Winter also said that Penguins captain Sidney Crosby has already contacted Comrie to welcome him to the team."
TOP DRAWER ANALYSIS
It seems we were one of the few remaining Comrie fans in town over the off season. Dot Com's propensity to be out for most of the year erased most of the "Comrie for Hart" talk that came after he led the NHL in preseason points this past season, before going down with a case of mononucleosis.
But for those of our brethren who still cheer for the guy and are sorry to see him go we can offer the following facts on the matter:
1. Comrie wanted to remain an Oiler. Despite making noises earlier in the season that his deal would only keep him in Edmonton for a single season, Comrie was interested in signing another deal to stay in Edmonton. He was informed by the Oilers that he wasn't part of their larger plans to rebuild and that his services were no longer required.
2. The Missus had no issues with staying in Edmonton. Contrary to what common sense may suggest, Mrs. Hilary Duff-Comrie-von Cashington had no qualms about her newly minted husband continuing in Edmonton. She was even willing to come here to see her husband on a regular basis. See Lauren Pronger? It can work you egg laying monster.
3. Other teams showed interest before he signed in Pittsburgh. When it became clear to the Comrie camp that he would not be returning to Edmonton for another season, offers of interest came in from Chicago and Detroit among other teams. The word went out that Comrie was willing to play for less than market value - provided he was going to play with a winner. The guy clearly wants to win a Cup - and it seems that teams in the hunt for his services believe he could play a role in a run next June.
4. Shawn Horcoff was one of the groomsmen at his recent wedding. Unrelated, but isn't that weird? Also weird is that perezhilton reported on his signing. He belongs to the stars now we suppose.
IL FINALE
So this is how the latest chapter of the Comrie story ends is it?
Signing yet another one year deal (bad) at a league minimum (fine - he doesn't need the money) with the Penguins (good.) This time his departure from Edmonton seems to be without a trace of anger on either side and is monitored by a largely indifferent fan base who has already moved on from the heroes of yesteryear and are focused solely on the New Boys.
Cheerio Comrie. We will always admire the sack it took to come back to Edmonton for a second tour of duty and the flashes of brilliance and determination you showed down the stretch run of a 30th place team, when most of your team mates had already checked out.
Hopefully you get that Ring.
I think he will have a good year. He looked good here last year when he was playing.
Did you weep openly while writing this?
Where do you think I have been since this signing was announced early this morning?
*goes back to watching Lizzie Maguire reruns, bawling and drinking Drambuie*
Good luck to MC! I went from hating the guy while playing against him growing up, to hating him because he was an Oiler, to respecting him for making it as long as he has at that size (I figured somebody would've pasted him to the boards long ago), to legitimately cheering for the guy, to wanting the Flames to sign him last summer.
I forsee this... are you ready? Comrie will play with Sidney Crosby, and they will be two of the mightiest midgets on the same line.
Hilary Duff will be happy and cheer loudly, even though Mike may or may not be on the ice at the time
Ashton Kutcher will tweet, "Hockey is neat. You see that goal? That was soooo BIEBER" The children will cry tears of joy.
The Brick will release the Duffrie collection of faux leather love seats and ottomans.
Katy Perry will lose interest in Russell Brand, and marry baggedmilk. Her new hit single 'You Need to Last Longer' will break sales records on I-tunes. Baggedmilk can then move out of his parents house, and bring jeanshorts home from "camp."
Dan Tencer will continue to cry, at his inability to get a date or remove the "blush look" from all photographs. To achieve this, he buys himself a pair of fairly priced 'Guess' frames for his glasses. He shows them off by doing quick turn poses into the mirror.
The future looks bright my friends...
@book¡e
Must applaud a player willing to take less money offered just so his team can add another quality player to improve your chances of winning the Stanley Cup.
Best of luck to little Mikey and the Pens unless they go against Buffalo or Edmonton.
How are you able to see into the future? Are you some variety of witch?
Note: we all know jeanshorts isn't at camp. He's dead isn't he? Give us the real deal.
Does anyone really believe this contract wasn't about the money? With Comrie it's always about the money! He held out numerous times here in Edmonton for more money, he even held out before ever playing a single game in the NHL!
I hope he and they light it up this year, he was a good Oiler last year. That pre-season game was something to see. I wish him luck, oh wait, he already married her, he don't need my luck.
@ Wanye
@ baggedmilk
hang on . . . wha? . . . see into the . . . . .
Ahhhhhhh. Future.
It hasn't all happened yet.
[smacks head]
No wonder I coundn't find that single on I-tunes anywhere.
Idiot.
[whack]
Idiot.
[whack]
Idiot.
[whack]
Pre-congratulations anyway, baggedmilk. She's a keeper.
Ummmmmmmmmmm, he signed for the league MINIMUM. I.E. The lowest amount of pay a player can receive while playing in the NHL. How is this signing possibly about the $$$?
Crude Oil = madjam?
Edit: Unless of course you neglected to start and end your comment with ~'s.
That's why they "share" a twitter account... so baggedmilk can keep people thinking jeanshorts is alive.
Wait wait wait... Hang on here... As soon as someone figures out a cure for 47 stab wounds to the throat and chest, and that the statute of limitations timeline has passed, jeanshorts will be revived.
Have you tried a stapler and liquid borax?
Edit: Nevermind; forgot who I was talking to. Of course you have.
Wow, the future looks Beiber for sure!
My chances of hooking up with Hillary Duff just got significantly worse.
How fitting that this happens while there is an ad for Neil Sedaka coming to River Cree.
"Breaking Up is Hard to Do" indeed...
Mike had mono. No truth to that rumor.
Great article Wanye, feel the same way my good man.
NNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
I love you comrie!!!!
Many thanks Sir/Madam/Robot sent back through time
So much for the next Oilers captain then, eh Wanye?
wow, drunk AND stoned at 2:53pm? well done
...WHAT?!
I think Duffman will have a good year in the 'Burgh. They may start him as Staal's replacement, but by season's end, he'll probably end up as Crosby's wingman.
Who's Miley Cyrus dating?
You mean Crosby's replacement, right?
Sorry Sid, but you're going to have to take a backseat to the glory that is Duff Man!
@Wanye
Assuming baggedmilk is a male then I believe the correct term would be 'Warlock'. Baggedmilk is a variety of Warlock.