BORED ON SATURDAY
Wanye
September 04 2010 01:53PM
It's a boring Saturday Nation. If you are looking for an article on the new Corsi Numbers vis-a-vis the powerplay rankings or some such thing, keep on keepin' on. We have nothing Oilers hockey related to discuss. If you want to talk about the embarrassment that is the Kovalchuk signing and hear about an emerging Canadian Country Music powerhouse then continue.
You have been warned.
KOVALCHUK = MEGA BALLIN
Ilya Kovalchuk is a ballin' rich man. Not IBG ballin' like in the album cover above, these guys are way richer. They lay indirect claim to owning a cruise ship if you look at this picture closely for heaven's sakes. But hot off the signing of a 100 million dollar, 15 year contract that will see him employed until the tender age of 71 - no one need pass the hat for ol' Ilya anymore.
Let us be very clear about our thoughts on this matter:
Ilya Kovalchuk is a nerd and will not live up to this contract.
In fact, years from now when someone tries to mock you for the terrible Horcoff contract, you will now be able to fire back "yeah, but at least we didn't sign Kovalchuk to that monstrosity right?" Then the person you are debating with will immediately go silent and look dejectedly at the ground, knowing they have been bested in a battle of the brains.
Making 6.66 on a team called the Devils for the next 15 years? Is anyone even paying attention? It boggles the mind that the Devils would sign this sort of deal with this guy. The NHL even blocked the dang deal giving them a chance to catch their breath and come to their senses. But no, they seem to be dead set on destroying a remarkably consistent franchise over the past 10 years.
Once Brodeur retires or leaves NJ you will be able to set your watch by this team's decline into oblivion.
Way to go team.
IN OTHER NEWS
Our musical tastes generally extend to people who's name begin with Li'l. L'il Wayne, L'il Flip, L'il Boosie. If you haven't been to jail or aren't planning to be in jail before your next album drops, we may not be familiar with your jams. So when our buddy called us up and breathlessly exclaimed "do you want to go golfing with Gord Bamford?" The crickets on the other end of the line must have indicated we didn't know what a Gord Bamford is.
But 18 holes later we have a whole new world of respect for what a Gord Bamford is and now consider him to be the first Country Singer we like. This guy is probably one of the hardest working people we have ever met, who is working his way through the Canadian Country music scene and is on the verge of busting into the US like only a proud Albertan can.
He has been nominated for basically every Canadian Country Music award known to man this year it turns out. Best songwriter, best video, best all around good guy, best singer, best album art and the fan choice award. This guy is basically the Avatar of the 2010 CCMAs and didn't pump his own tire on the course once. The only clue he was a better cut of man than your ol' pal Wanye was the bitchin' personalized tour bag he toted around the course.
Not only is he a 5 Alarm beauty but he is a big time fan of the Oil as well. We almost dropped our 40 of RR when he started a story with "I was reading on OilersNation the other day ..." We quickly devolved into yelling at each other about the Oilers and when GB bombed out the said "you guys always give shout outs to rappers I have never heard of. Where is the love for Country music? You are an Albertan for heavens sakes."
It is a fair point. We know there are a great many Citizens of the Nation who dig the Country Jams and we hereby pledge to be bringing Country Music into our video rotation on the Nation this season.
Any guy with a song called "Put some alcohol on it" with a video recorded with a bajillion ladies in bikinis on a houseboat in the Shuswaps deserves a big ups.
Good luck with the CCMAs Gord. And consider yourself the official Country Artist of the Nation* and as such we will recommend that everyone vote for you in the People's Choice at the CCMAs by clicking here.
*Until L'il Boosie drops a Country Album.
I believe you, sir, are ‘mentally hilarious’. Not a comedian per se, but the type of person that needs a helmet, screams in their sleep, rides the short bus, hears constant circus music and wanders neighbourhood backyards whispering "Where's my ham sandwich?" and "Wasn't I wearing pants?" to any shrub or garden gnome that will listen. Clinically speaking, you’re nuts. A whack job. Insane.
I've learned to picture you as Jim from Taxi (hint: you do need an avatar), which, until recently, has made your complete incomprehension of reality and savant-like butchery of the English language (WTF is with those spaces?) shamefully entertaining in a "he's crazy, but harmless" kind of way.
Lately, though, you've gone right off the rails. Your daily predictions of impending league domination, a dynasty 'template', multiple 60-point Calder candidates and 76+ goals from one of the rookies are far-fetched and tiresome. On Friday you branded Taylor Hall with “the dynamic baby bull” moniker, which was so gay I read it, then immediately cut my wife’s hair short and pretended for one night she was her little brother. On Saturday you told us to watch training camp for human AND people skills (you realize humans are people, right?). Now, today, we need to celebrate our "newborn child" and adjust OUR attitudes? Then you tell Lowetide to give HIS head a shake?
REALLY? Well, your people skills suck. Or is that human skills...who cares. You continue to insult the intelligence of other ON readers because you're the only one that "gets it". Sometimes, when you’re the only one that’s right, it’s because you’re wrong. But, if calling you an idiot is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.
Sipping, even gulping, the pre-season Kool-Aid is acceptable. Ramming your head in the jug until oxygen deprivation has a lasting and noticeable impact is quite another.
Enjoy your vacation, dude. You need it. Your co-workers at the bottle depot need it. We all need it. And, FFS, wear your helmet.
I would take the Kovalchuk contract over a Hossa deal at 9 years of $9M per. K Lowe didn't even get creative with that offer, it was just plain ugly.
Also, thank heavens we're not paying Tom Vanek $7M per (which would've also cost a couple of 1st rounders ... including I believe Magnus Paajarvi), just to suck on our first line.
What a breath of fresh air this summer to not fail in our pursuit at pseudo-star hunting.
We should've tried harder for LeBron tho.
Wanye,
You dont know who Gord Bamford is???? Where are you from the moon?
Gord if you are reading this, I apologize on behalf of Albertans.
You got my vote!
And you didn't even mention the little fishing boat called "Lowe" leaking water.
Hey Wayne, where can we get some sweet Oilersnation Swag? I seen a guy with an Oilersnation sticker and Ive gotta get some. Wheres the stores brah?
Wanye ha I swear I didn't mean to do that
bingofuel made up a bunch of stickers awhile back and gave them away via twitter. I didn't even get any myself. I would guess that we will have some gear again this year once the season gets underway.
We have a bunch of stuff in the pipeline for the new season that will blow some minds. Gear and stickeroos are certainly on the list.
Bamford is a pretty damn good songwriter. That red dress song is a nice one. Corb Lund is still the king and because I'm old Dwayne Ford is still the best thing to come out of Edmonton but Bamford is going to do some things.
btw, here's Dwayne Ford:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejibNHYqJ1o
Rick Danko's brother was in that band btw.
Lowetide endorsed. This Bamford kid now has two checks beside his name.
The more i read Lowetide the more i miss Wanye. Is 3 pm still too early to drink?
Ah, the strange world of Twitter. I dare not touch those waters
If this is my son there's going to be more hell than a little bit. :-)
Yeah country music and beers. Doesn't get much better than that. Slow Saturday indeed. First JSBM gets hacked, in an attempted shut down, and now Comedy Network is ruining Russell Peters with the censorship. Blast.
Nothin says ballin like a Hummer, some bling, and a Princess Cruise ship.
On the plus side, thanks to Oilers Nation, I now know that I can see Neil Sedaka on Saturday, September 24th, at River Cree. Good times that Neil Sedaka... loves to party.
He once met Kiki Dee. No kidding.
My god. The chicks!
So, in other OTHER news...JSBM GOT HACKED!!!
But all is back to its deviant normal as far as I can tell. Close one man. Close one.
My girlfriend is a big fan of Gord, even when his video is on mute... I feel conflicted voting for him but ON has told me to so I guess I got to.
@Wanye
Catch up man, you admit you want a profit from ON and we want to hand you fistfulls of quarters for swag. Ill pay literally dozens of dollars to slap a design on me you drunkenly draw at 2 pm.
I'll be needing to borrow the 66 Mustang tommorow Dad...please make sure there's plenty of gas in it.
.....and a hundred bucks in the glove box.Make it so, luv you Dad.
Your taste in music leads me to believe you are an idiot. Your writing confirms it.
Finalllyyyy some country on here. Gord is a great man. Good luck next weekend. I would also love some way of getting swag other than that damn twitter i dont dare venture into those dangerous celebrity infested waters
So I guess the first two paragraphs eluded your superior intellect.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4kqs-BvDnw
LOL.....Thats quite the scar lil Geoffey has on his chest there.
Corb Lund and Gord Bamford are oiler fans,Country and the oilers, beer drinking got run over by a pick up at the train station by the ex wife country music oilers.
Hmmmmm. All dressed up and no place to go.
If only there were a poll to read so I could figure out which is better entertainment:
Gord Bamford
Neil Sedaka
jeanshorts&baggedmilk
I'm sure one of these leads to wealth and happiness. I guess I'll just have to keep reading on here 'til I figure it out.
I probably couldn't name a country song if my life depended on it, but even I know who Gord Bamford is ... because he played in the Oilers softball game last season. As BizNasty2point0 would say, boooom.
@Wanye
You know I like my hip-hop's, but I also like me some country musics, too.
Anyone that can listen to Gord Bamford's song "Little Guy" without at least a single tear running down their face is not human... and I don't even have a little 'guy' yet. But when I do, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'll be blaring Gord Bamford in between 2 Pac & Snoop Dogg!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_wso8Zo7-A
p.s. Corb Lund, not so much.
I always enjoy Wanye's wry commentary... but seriously... country? For that matter, Lady Gaga?
Metal, people. Metal. I've been saying it for years -- not here, but in repeated semi-drunken rants to anyone listening... case in point, this posting -- RX1 needs more metal at Oilers games. Even country would be a helluva lot better than that whiny pop-punk crap they've been spewing. If that's what the dressing room is listening to before they hit the ice, no wonder they're so goddamn soft on the puck.
imho.
Whom might the Oilers trade for a young crop of FEMBOTS, MANBOTS and/or AUTOBOTS for cheer leaders , mascot(s), etc.?
SERIOUS ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT DAYS FOR OILER NATION AND OILER FANS !! TIME TO END THE FUNERAL AND TOXIC ENVIRONMENT YOU'VE CREATED OUTSIDE THE DRESSING ROOMS AND INTO THE STANDS . FAN BASHING DAY . Get it out of your systems , and start ending it .
TIME FOR FANS TO CELEBRATE OUR NEWBORN CHILD - THE NEW EDMONTON OILERS . Start seeing the new child for what it is and can be .
Tams and players are over last years funeral and have buried it in the past (only a small residual left to fix ), but i'm afraid the the fans are slow and tentative to give up their funeral march.
Last thing our newborn needs now is a continuation of fans poised to jump all over them for every mistake they will/ might do this season . They need your support and enthusiasm to at least match or exceed theirs !
Time to start enjoying the new show not the ld one , and that means a serious attitude adjustment on part of the fans - end the toxicity you've created . Give our new club a fighting chance, and support it needs to be successfull in it's journey .
Huh?
You make my brain hurt I truly feel 5 IQ points lower after reading something you post
I think this place needs a madjam button, with sirens, Jim Cramer screaming in the backround, and fire.
You seriously creep me out madjam
My kingdom for a butterfly net! Extra Large
I'm thrilled for the rebuild and delighted with the new talent. However, expecting this thing to turn around overnight is going to result in extreme depression.
We need to take a deep breath, enjoy the ride and overlook the mistakes. Also, cheering like hell on nights when nothing rhymes would be a good idea.
Anyone remember the young 1979 Oilers when they weren't clicking? I do. These are kids, madjam. All kids need time to learn, even the gifted ones.
It's already turned over ! What do you think Tams has been doing in the off season ? Not hard to realize with your conservative low ball predictions and expectations , that your the one of many still suffering from residual and depression of last season . Fortuneately original Oilers of '79 ' didn't have to put up with the toxicity our new club is going to have to face from it's fans ! You actually think for a second that any Oiler fan doen't realize they have a learning curve gifted or otherwise ? Give your head a shake .
Regardless how much a man might hate country music; the freeze frame at 1:49 made that entire video a great investment of time!
5 minutes later
On the flip side its great to hear home grown Albertans lighting up the country scene with original tunes! (And not that pop40 country crap).
All of us, by now, are well experienced with the idiocy that rules Madjam's brain. However, what we are all afraid to admit is that he likely has a harem of mormon wives living with him out on some acreage just far enough out side the city to still be accessing the internet on dial-up. Thus filtering out the media his harem receives enough to keep them under the grand impression that the world is in post apocalyptic times where he must ride out on his armored motor cycle in search of fuel and daily meal. Only to park in his 2nd house's garage and then drive to work every morning. Passing off his scars and bruises from striking his head whilst suffering from his daily epileptic seizure as 'battle wounds' to the harem; retaining his heroic image.
Time for Oilers to get over their narrow tunnel vision and beating moot points to death with stats security blankets ! Start living life outside the box , instead of being firmly implanted in it . Expand your horizons and your going to enjoy hockey to it's fullest . Man , you stats people are depressing to listen to .
And his seizure will strike in... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
You're stupid. Stop talking.
I literally have no idea how you lay your hands on these kinds of quantites of hard drugs on such a regular basis.
@Wanye
This is coming from the guy who has a rapper as a hero? The drugs that must take. Wow.
Kudos ON, nice to see you support some local talent. Gord's a great guy, huge community supporter and an alberta boy to boot!! Keep up the great work,
@Geoff
Are you actually laying down a claim of understanding everything madjam posts and the relevance of it in regard to the topic at hand??!
Madjam is a special guy and anyone who would understand him would have to be quite special themselves!
You seem awfully sassy. Everything ok?
As the author of probably my favourite comment in the past 12 months I have far too much respect for you to chirp you in any fashion Sir.
"Your taste in music leads me to believe you are an idiot. Your writing confirms it."
If this could possibly go on our tombstone, we could rest for all eternity happy as a clam.
well said.
Madjam, please, I beg of you, go to the next ON piss-up at the Pint, and I will guarantee my attendance.
I hope in a true social setting, you are only slightly less insane
@Ben Dover
*slow clap*
This post was chock full of win.
Well played Ben. Well played.
http://www.allamericanblogger.com/wp-content/uploads/OrsonWellesClap.gif
@Ben Dover
Wicked reply. Seriously wicked.
I think it moved when I was reading this.
Congratulations to Ben - he wins the only "CUDOS AWARD " of the off season . Indepth, creative , humourous and passionate blog defending ON ! I told you it was my day to bash ON . Albeit his personnel attack was almost entirely wrong , he shows the passion of a true Oiler fan . Gotta go , so have fun enjoying the new Oilers over next few weeks.