GDB 47.0: Here's how you know it's bad

Ryan Lambert
January 21 2012 04:31PM

 

(Wanye has instituted a new rule when it comes to BoA's: winner of the last game gets to write the losers game day post. Naturally I readily agreed because it benefited my side of the conflict. So for those Oilers faithful wondering why a scummy Flames fan is penning your GDB, kindly refer all complaints to Mr. Wanye Gretz III, Esq. - KW) 

Things can't be easy for the Edmonton Oilers these days.

Everyone is hurt (or at least faking injuries) and Taylor Hall is paying teammates to step on his face, all so they don't have to play for the Oilers. And really, given how badly things have gone lo these past every-year-since-they-accidentally-made-the-Cup-final, who can blame them?

They're a bad team with no real future in front of them and it would be too bad if they were at all sympathetic characters, which they are not. By all appearances, they seem destined for yet another 30th-place finish and No. 1 overall pick, which they'll likely squander as they did the ones for Hall and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins.

But the worst indignity of all, one supposes, is that the Oilers are not only so bad that players are missing three weeks with skinned knees, but rather that they actually give the Calgary Flames someone they can feel superior to. I hope you understand how embarrassing that is. Entering tonight's game - a tap-in W for the Flames if ever there was one - the visitors had a 12-point lead in the standings over their hosts, which if you'd seen the former play lately, would befuddle you to no end.

And this despite Edmonton starting the season as one of the hottest teams in the league, and Calgary having been sub-mediocre throughout. How depthlessly bad do you have to be to have, at one point, led the Western Conference, only to watch the Flames, who have no players under the age of 46, blow your doors off around mid-November?

The answer, obviously, is "as bad as the Oilers are, were and will continue to be in perpitude." This is a hockey team in a province full of them that sets the standard for abysmal. From the ice, to behind the bench to the front office. Just because they're dressed like Gretzky and Kuri doesn't mean they're going to score like them. And I mean as a team.

Oilers notes

Okay so I'm supposed to follow the format of the previous Flames-fan-written GDBs because that's just what happens but I have prepared very little in the way notes for the Oilers because who wants to waste their time reading about how ugly Taylor Hall is these days? (Very.)

But just because it's you, I will go to the Edmonton Journal's website and see what's what.

"Lander, most of his teammates struggling offensively"

Well who could have seen this coming? THE Anton Lander? Struggling offensively? It's unbelievable is what it is. How is it possible that a player who has never played pro or junior hockey in North America before, and never come close to cracking a point a game overseas, could struggle to the tune of two goals and five points in 42 games on a team with no scoring depth? It defies logic.

And as for the rest of his teammates, that too is shocking. Beyond the Nuge, Taytay and Ebs, the Oilers have no one to do things with the puck that are good for offense and thus I am incredulous that having all of them out injured for lengthy periods would have been a drag on the team's scoring.

Moving on...

"Hall's stitches could be face of change in NHL"

Taylor Hall has a scary black eye and a scarier gash on his forehead after he got his face good and stepped on earlier this week and people wonder whether that might force the NHL to start requiring players to wear visors in warmups.

A lot of guys in the league are mad about it, because they're also mad about the threat of having to wear visors and are therefore obviously not very smart. But any conversation we have about this kind of uptick in player safety measures are good ones.

So hey, at least the Oilers have done something positive for once. And you'll notice it's because one of them stepped on another one's face. And not because they're good at hockey. Because they're not.

"Blues solve Khabibulin puzzle"

To be fair it was one of those ones for toddlers that has like eight pieces. But TJ Oshie isn't that bright.

Of course what that headline ignores is that the Oilers scored zero goals in that game, but that probably goes back to the first point, doesn't it?

Flames notes

Please, don't interpret the above as my believing that the Flames are somehow in an enviable position for this game, this season or probably this decade. They are, of course, not.

This has been in no way helped by the team's injury situation, which isn't quite as severe as the Oilers in terms of the players affected, but certainly has taken its toll on what was already a shallow, mediocre team. Alex Tanguay and Brendan Morrison both skated this morning but the former won't play tonight and the latter is a gametime decision. This is in addition ot Curtis Glencross being out between six and eight weeks.

The good news for the Flames, if you want to call it that (and I don't, particularly) is that Mike Cammalleri has been playing pretty well — largely because I think he's been real effort-y in ways that he had not been in Montreal — since coming over in trade for brickhead Rene Bourque.

This is the final night of a three-game road trip and to say the Oilers are their worst competition on it is like saying Jupiter is the biggest planet in the solar system: It's very, very obvious. The previous games were an shootout loss to the Sharks and a shootout win over the Kings, who are first and second in their division, respectively and, unlike the Flames or Oilers, comfortably in the Western Conference playoffs.

What does that mean? That the Flames are actually playing well enough to get points in games, which you can't say about Edmonton.

Because Edmonton sucks.

And finally...

For those who want lines and such, Pat Steinberg has you covered.

I don't know how to make a chat window appear at the top of this post but I'm assuming one of my editors does so I leave that to him (indeed I do - ed.). Have a good night. Or don't.

In fact, you probably won't.

 

686dfac3780611cb7acad6ce5166c6c1
Yer ol' buddy Lambert is handsome and great and everyone loves him. Also you can visit his regular blog at The Two-Line Pass or follow him on Twitter. Lucky you!
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#1 justincider
January 21 2012, 04:32PM
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Go Oil.

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#2 yawto
January 21 2012, 05:23PM
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Saw the Hockeybuzz picture and while I appreciate your poo-poo humour let me tell you the story from an Oilers perspective.

You see a Bulldog taking a crap on an Oilers logo.

I see your typical hairy bitch wearing a flames Jersey (just like the 1000's of other ones in the lower bowl of the dome on a game night) who craps herself whenever they see an Oilers logo coming there way.

Go Oilers!!!

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#3 John Chambers
January 21 2012, 04:57PM
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Well, what an exciting ride it must be, Ryan Lambert. "Hey, we're sOmewhere between 8th and 12th place! Look out Western Conference, we're the archetype of the lower middle class!"

Perhaps you're one of these fellows who can't help but live in the here and now, Ryan Lambert. Perhaps when the psychologists ran the test on your 5-year old self you couldn't help yourself and you gobbled down the marshmallow, unable to wait for the better payoff.

Your criticism of our vision only serves to underscore your lack thereof. But then again, you live in a city where prosperity was served to you on a platter, and all you did was congest it with F-250's and sausage parties in July while you herd those kitchy rancher hats of yours into the Saddledome to once again wish that you were just a bit taller, just a smidge faster, so that one fine day ...

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#4 RossCreekNation
January 21 2012, 05:21PM
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Funny how fighting for 8th was cool & en vogue when the Oilers were doing it, but now that the Flames are doing it, its dumb.

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#5 OilFan
January 21 2012, 05:44PM
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Go oilers. Didn't read the article.

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#6 sizedoesmatter
January 21 2012, 06:23PM
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As bad as this losing slump has been,I take comfort In the misguided love the flame fans have for the team of ol' bedcrappers that might finish 9th

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#7 Oilers4ever
January 21 2012, 06:54PM
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Clearly this was too much fun to pass up...

First off Wanye.. what the hell are you doing take a bet you can never win man? Have you not looked at their past head to head record against the Flameless ones or what?? :)

That being said, clearly it's good to know that the guy who writes for the Flames lives in Boston as was duely noted. Clearly that would explain his lack of thinking on how one could think Calgary is OH so much better than Edmonton. It seems to me Calgary has made the playoffs what, twice since going to the cup against the Bolts? So I guess if you want to measure the Flames as that much better than the Oilers on that more power to you. Their asses were duely handed to them in the first round both times.. including one were Flames fans were all talk on how there was going to be a Battle of Alberta again and how much they were going to kill the Oilers only to have the Ducks come in and shut them out in game 7 in their own building. Must have stung watching the Oilers dismantle them in the West Final in 5 games eh... ohh but you were going to kill us that year...Right....

Moving on... seriously, finishing 30th every year sucks and I do agree but do your history lessons on the Penguins (two seperate times) and the Hawks and do see that between those three different teams (Pens of the early 90's) and Pens and Hawks recently.. 4 Cups between those teams by building via the draft... so there is a history there that suggests building the talent internally is the right way to go. Clearly Calgary's solution of trading for and becoming more of geriatric team year after year at the price of their draft picks is working swimmingly well (see above reference on getting their asses handed to them in the first round of the playoffs for the couple years they actually made it) and then having no draft picks to use in the first round when they don't... thus why they have no drafted talent, no young stars up and coming and thus no future (other than geriatrics).

Everyone knows it takes time for skill to develop.. and while as mentioned, I hate finishing near the bottom for another year. I would rather that for one more season that finishing 9th and having a less quality player to pick (which in Calgary's case you don't even get) cuz your GM is dumb ass who believes in geriatrics and that young prospect players start at age 30.

Mark my words.. Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, and RNH will ALL end up becoming better players than Iggy... and I think Iggy is an awesome player and I would have him on my team any day... but those guys are that much better, and we will need to have this convo again in 15 years to prove that point.

To say that Hall and RNH were wasted 1st round picks is ignorant assine BS on any Flames fan's part and more than likely pure jealousy because you guys continue to have a GM who believes in trading aware the future for more geriatrics.. damn.. I love referring to that. When the rest of the hockey world had them labelled as the number one overall choice, clearly that speaks volumes.

It will be fun in a couple years time when the Calgary Geriatrics down the road are skating on their canes and the young gun Oilers have what will unfortunately likely only be 4 games of Cannon Fodder to eat points from.. but they will be fun because we will be hoisting a cup, looking like the Pens and the Hawks teams by building through the draft, and looking down the QEII and laughing saying... "I Told You So"....

Rock On Oil!!!

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#8 klaus
January 22 2012, 02:19AM
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DonDon wrote:

Speaking as an Oiler fan, once again the Oilers looked ever so much like the 29th place team they really are and the Flames looked ever so much like a team that regularly beats the Oilers -- over, over and over again.

And the architect of this mess, one called Tambellini, has to be held accountable. As does the owner. A new arena isn't going to fix this debacle any time soon. And worse of all the young guns are learning to lose on this "rebuilding team." Comparing this to the Chicago or Pittsburgh rebuilding model is a joke. This is the NYI model, going nowhere, fast.

While I agree that the Oilers so called rebuild is ineffective, we must remember that Pittsburgh drafted in the top 5 for five years in a row.

2002 - Ryan Whitney - 5th overall 2003 - Marc-Andre Fleury - 1st overall 2004 - Evgeny Malkin - 2nd overall* 2005 - Sidney Crosby - 1st overall 2006 - Jordan Stall - 2nd overall

* - Pittsburgh was the 30th place team, but Washington won the draft lottery and won the chance to draft Ovechkin.

Now, i'm not comparing Edmonton to Pittsburgh, but I seem to recall most people believing Pittsburgh was the worst run team that had no idea what the were doing in the middle of those years, but now we praise them as being as Stanley Cup contender that rebuilt their team correctly.

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#9 Next up, is Connor McJesus.
January 21 2012, 04:38PM
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Two flamer trolls in one day....great.

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#10 Vowswithin
January 21 2012, 04:50PM
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http://my.hockeybuzz.com/blog.php?user_id=104805&post_id=12825

Check out the best picture in the world :-D Eat your heart out Oiler Fans.

Try and tell me that Bulldog Doesn't rock? You can't because its mine all mine!

Sure wish there was a way to post pictures in the threads.

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#11 Vintage Flame
January 21 2012, 04:55PM
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@Vowswithin

Sure wish there was a way to post pictures in the threads.

I just put it on Twitter.. To your credit of course.

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#12 Terran
January 21 2012, 05:42PM
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I'm all for some ribbing between rivals, but this article is a travesty. It's not funny, it's not interesting, and it's not informative. It' mean-spirited, ignorant, spiteful insulting of real people.

You seem to forget that these players are real people. "Har har, Taylor Hall iz so ugley!" Never mind the fact that a freak accident could have ended his career just as it's getting started.

This kind of post has no place anywhere.

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#13 Vintage Flame
January 21 2012, 05:48PM
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@Terran

I'm all for some ribbing between rivals, but this article is a travesty. It's not funny, it's not interesting, and it's not informative. It' mean-spirited, ignorant, spiteful insulting of real people.

Well, it's not much fun making fun of fake people. #JustSayin

You seem to forget that these players are real people. "Har har, Taylor Hall iz so ugley!" Never mind the fact that a freak accident could have ended his career just as it's getting started.

No one is discounting the injury to Hall, and IF something HAD happened to his career, no one would be making light of it. It's the fact that he IS going to be fine, that people make jokes... It's called irony.

This kind of post has no place anywhere.

Relax

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#14 S.Tambellini
January 21 2012, 07:44PM
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Must be strange for a Flames Nation writer to get into double digits for comments on a post. Congrats on making the big time.

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#15 thebiggestmanintheworld
January 21 2012, 08:23PM
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@RossCreekNation

Klefbom is a better prospect than Baertschi.

If you guys still had Erixon....maybe we could call it a draw:)

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#16 David S
January 21 2012, 08:33PM
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Holy hell Lambert, that was some A-team level chirping! The sad thing is, you're mostly right so nobody in their right mind can even go back at you.

Enjoy your smugness for now buddy. It won't last forever. We have a process don't you know. All these high draft picks will magically transform into a championship team any time now. We know because Steve Tambellini told us, and everybody up here in Edmonton takes his word as gospel. Whenever he offers us his golden opinion ("Wise and kind words from Tambo" is what I think we call it), people listen with glowing respect and admiration.*

*Wow. That new sarcasm app I just installed works like a hot damn!

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#17 thepeetso
January 21 2012, 09:04PM
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Khabby?

More like Shabby!

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#18 Johe
January 21 2012, 11:31PM
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Pretty sure I saw Hall say "Why pull the #@$%* goalie?" Guy was NOT happy.

I've been a Renney fan, but it's dawning on me that it's more because he just seems like a really nice guy. I'm almost certain he'll be gone in the off-season. But I almost feel bad, because the veterans on this team just aren't giving him anything to work with. And Tambellini, who'll also be gone(100%), seems to take pride in accidentally on purpose getting this team the first overall pick. So Renney is just working with the cards he's been dealt. However, he can't even coax a consistent effort out of his team, and once that happens, you need a new face. Someone with passion, who'll take charge, and hold every single player accountable. I don't see that in Renney. Too bad.

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#19 Wanyes bastard child
January 21 2012, 04:35PM
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justincider wrote:

Go Oil.

I'll hitch myself to this wagon.

GO OIL!

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#20 Stocc
January 21 2012, 04:37PM
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Thirded.

Get it done, Oil.

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#21 Vintage Flame
January 21 2012, 04:42PM
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Next up, is Connor McJesus. wrote:

Two flamer trolls in one day....great.

I guess that's what would be considered a great news day in Edmonton eh?

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#22 Vintage Flame
January 21 2012, 04:46PM
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Stocc wrote:

Thirded.

Get it done, Oil.

Disappointed... I was looking forward to one of your creative "FIST's", maybe with a BoA Theme??

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#23 TLHansum
January 21 2012, 04:50PM
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The previous games were an shootout loss to the Sharks and a shootout win over the Kings

---AN shootout loss?

given how badly things have gone lo these past

---lo?

Glad i dont have to read the flamesnation blogs, cause i couldnt wade through the grade 6 grammer and spelling mistakes every day.

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#24 DontDamnME
January 21 2012, 04:51PM
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Yeah "Squadering" another 1st Overall pick is going to suck! How could a team ever rebuild and get good by taking several first rounders year after year (Quebec Nords in late 80's early 90's...then terrorized the league for a decade)...I guess if this winner thinks Edmonton has no future, well then it just must be true. At least he has a clear view of how hopeless this Flames team is for a long, long, looooong time. Flames will probably win, and at that end of the day, that will help land another star or at least a very good player to the stack of young studs that is the edmonton oilers. I Love the Oil, but want a shot at Nail Yakubov....so go Flames! Have fun winning in the short term, cause Once Edmonton gains traction, Calgary will be soiling themselves, and Vancouver will still be good.

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#25 Chris81
January 21 2012, 04:54PM
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I hope the next episode of Oil Change opens with a shot of Tambellini on a train out of town with a hobo stick.

If the Oilers are going to suck forever, wouldn't it be nice if they just prepared for every BOA and not worry about the other 76 games. I'd be happy with a 6-76 record if it meant 6 wins against the Flames.

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#26 Vowswithin
January 21 2012, 04:59PM
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@Vintage Flame

Thanks buddy! I felt that poo-poo humour was appropriate in this situation.

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#27 Vintage Flame
January 21 2012, 05:08PM
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@John Chambers

Well, what an exciting ride it must be, Ryan Lambert. "Hey, we're sOmewhere between 8th and 12th place! Look out Western Conference, we're the archetype of the lower middle class!"

It beats being in 29th or 30th place John and being the laughing stock of not only Alberta, but the NHL when you keep drafting top 5 and still can't do anything with it.

Tell me John, are you going to popping the corks on the champagne when Ryan Nugent-Hopkins gets up to the podium and says in his squeaky pre-pubescent voice a sweaty palms...
With the 1st pick over all the Edmonton Oilers proudly select, from the Sarnia Sting, Nail Yakupov!

And then realize, no one is clapping because everyone except Oilers Management really knows the Oilers don't need another high energy, yet injury prone forward to solve their problems.

Enjoy! *Rimshot*

Your criticism of our vision only serves to underscore your lack thereof. But then again, you live in a city where prosperity was served to you on a platter, and all you did was congest it with F-250's and sausage parties in July while you herd those kitchy rancher hats of yours into the Saddledome to once again wish that you were just a bit taller, just a smidge faster, so that one fine day ...

Man that was funny... You should save your "A" game though. Ryan lives in Boston buddy... Next?

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#28 a lg dubl dubl
January 21 2012, 05:19PM
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GDP: Kippersoft blows a knee, Flammers take a dive down to fight it out for top puck with the Oilers, Feaster realizes his team really does suck and puts the team into rebuild mode sucking for the next bajillion yrs while the Oilers win 10 more cups with the help of Hall,Eberle,RNH and this yrs top pick.

Bazingaa flammer fans, bazingaa!

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#29 RexLibris
January 21 2012, 05:24PM
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Courtesy of David Staples at Cult of Hockey, You Know You Are A Flames Fan If...

http://blogs.edmontonjournal.com/2012/01/20/you-know-youre-a-flames-fan-if/

There's some good, some bad, some funny.

Anyway, the Flames have injuries in their "secondary" where they can at least absorb some of the shock (with the possible exception of Glencross). While the Oilers have injuries in their defense and first-line centre, an area in which they presumably cannot make up the difference.

So on paper it looks like Flames should win. That said, who knows which version of either of these teams shows up to play tonight.

Go Oilers, and best of luck in the playoff hunt to Flames fans (after this game, though).

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#30 Justin Azevedo
January 21 2012, 05:27PM
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@John Chambers

lol at the comments at this thread. I am more dumb for having read most of them.

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#31 Next up, is Connor McJesus.
January 21 2012, 05:28PM
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RossCreekNation wrote:

Funny how fighting for 8th was cool & en vogue when the Oilers were doing it, but now that the Flames are doing it, its dumb.

Who ever said it was dumb?

When you file a Census form Ross, do you have to fill one out for each personality?

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#32 John Chambers
January 21 2012, 05:33PM
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I suppose it was foolish of me to assume that a blogger of the Calgary Flames resided in Calgary. I feel shame.

My two advices to the rest of you pale virgins down highway 2 is to invest in some deodorant and keep aspiring toward mediocrity.

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#33 Vintage Flame
January 21 2012, 05:34PM
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@RexLibris

Courtesy of David Staples at Cult of Hockey, You Know You Are A Flames Fan If... http://blogs.edmontonjournal.com/2012/01/20/you-know-youre-a-flames-fan-if/

Hey.. I'm on that list.. Good find Rex

I must say, my favorite on that whole list was...

I must say I had a good laugh reading all these insults and composing a few of my own. Indeed, my good spirits were so obvious that my wife composed a rejoinder of her own: “You know you’re an Oilers fan if the only victories you can count on is zinging Flames fans.”
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#34 Chris.
January 21 2012, 05:39PM
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Game Day Prediction: Unlikely as it seems: the Oilers win tonight by a comfortable margin: 5-2 final. Hall and Eberle both score on the powerplay.

Obvious Game Day Prediction: At least one douchebag Flame hits Hall square in the stiches with his glove on sparking a line brawl. Emotion from this event carries the Oil to victory.

Not-So-Obvious Game Day Prediction: Several fans will draw frankenstein like stiching on their faces prior to tonights tilt in an ill advised attempt to honor Taylor Hall. Suter will see some of them tonight on an ESPN highlight package and promise himself to never, ever sign in Edmonton. Two days later Tambellini pulls the trigger on a massive overpay gambling his career on a Suter extension...

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#35 OilFan
January 21 2012, 05:52PM
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Can't wait for the Flames excuse for losing to the Oilers. I'm guessing they will use the injuries as an excuse. " we were down two 40 year old forwards and a third liner ". Kipper has been playing to good and according to the numbers it wont last ( wait that only applied to other teams ). Just finished reading the article typically bad like most reads from two line pass. Like is this supposed to be funny ?

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#36 lolhockey
January 21 2012, 05:53PM
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GO COLUMBUS GO!

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#37 Oilerfan86
January 21 2012, 05:54PM
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This dribble has no business on Oilernation, not even any real substance except biased flame garbage. I guess I will have to go to another websit for game coverage. The nation network should invest in actual writers not ignorant flames fans who bought the right person a lapdance to get the job.

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#38 Romulus' Apotheosis
January 21 2012, 06:01PM
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Ahh... ye ole cinder in the eye post again!!

There's only one way to describe Oiler feeling for Flames:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EGrhJTqmnw

Such disdain needs an intermediary.

See you all in the live chat... GOILERS!!!!

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#39 VK63
January 21 2012, 06:05PM
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I begrudgingly recognize that TLP is a very funny and sarcastic dude. Well done as usual. As for the game. I gave my seats away as I'm confident the highlight package shall fulfill my curiosity just fine.

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#40 Puffy
January 21 2012, 06:05PM
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TLHansum wrote:

The previous games were an shootout loss to the Sharks and a shootout win over the Kings

---AN shootout loss?

given how badly things have gone lo these past

---lo?

Glad i dont have to read the flamesnation blogs, cause i couldnt wade through the grade 6 grammer and spelling mistakes every day.

'I' should be an uppercase pro.

Go Flames!

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#41 Vintage Flame
January 21 2012, 06:08PM
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@Puffy

Well Played Sir.

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#42 Vowswithin
January 21 2012, 06:11PM
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@yawto

Sadly you are incorrect sir the bulldog is a MALE his name is Sullivan so therefore I can not buy your story.:-) Glad there are Oilers fans with a sense of humour though!

* On a side note he is named after my favourite drummer that passed away Jimmie Sullivan of Avenged Sevenfold.

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#43 Ernie Scar
January 21 2012, 06:17PM
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Not only will the oilers lose, Kostopolus will beat up some poor failed rebuild victim adding insult to injury. And maybe someone from Edmonton out tonight with a hangnail or bad hair day.

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#44 Roger
January 21 2012, 06:23PM
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Terran wrote:

I'm all for some ribbing between rivals, but this article is a travesty. It's not funny, it's not interesting, and it's not informative. It' mean-spirited, ignorant, spiteful insulting of real people.

You seem to forget that these players are real people. "Har har, Taylor Hall iz so ugley!" Never mind the fact that a freak accident could have ended his career just as it's getting started.

This kind of post has no place anywhere.

Cry me a river you baby. Any player who cared would have missed a period tops for 30 stitches. The Oilers stink, the rebuild failed yet again and your not on the payroll so quit acting like someone insulted your mother fan boy.

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#45 ville de champignons
January 21 2012, 06:32PM
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Sigh...poor Edmonton. First we humiliate your pathetic team; later we satisfy your cold, frustrated women.

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#46 Copperblueandwhite
January 21 2012, 07:13PM
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Stanley Cup Wins Edm 5 Cgy 1

Next Question? Moneypuck We like Moneypuck better lol

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#47 Suntory Hanzo
January 21 2012, 07:18PM
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As much as I hate the Flames, Iginla is/was awesome, and the Oilers would be delighted if they had a guy like him as a #1 Overall pick.

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#48 vetinari
January 21 2012, 07:18PM
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Congratulations Flames fans, you are on pace to join the Oilers in being one of the 29 NHL clubs that WON'T win the Stanley Cup this year... the difference is, we're loading up on picks, and once we pick up a new manager in the offseason, watch out for the next ten years.

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#49 Subversive
January 21 2012, 07:19PM
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This post is awesome.

The game, likely, won't be.

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#50 lionlager
January 21 2012, 07:23PM
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@lolhockey

GO BANANA!

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