Two Minutes Hate! The Canadian Dollar Edition

bookofloob
December 05 2012 12:08PM

 

 

If you're new to Two Minutes Hate!, let me untangle for you what is most certainly a complex and sinister web.

It's an Orwellian undertaking, devised to penetrate one's inner psyche, massaging scorn for a particular subject until that hatred can no longer be contained by one's own proper sensibilities, prompting an eruption of ire over anyone and anything in the path of the assailant.

Basically, it's where we put into writing how we hate people who have wronged your Calgary Flames. It's pretty hard to read sometimes, as it's a big list.

Over the course of our series, we've profiled traitors like Trevor Kidd and Tim Erixon and called for the heads of our enemies, like Esa Tikkannennennen. And there are several more perpetrators out there with blood on their hands that need to be taken to account.

Which we will. Even if it kills us, Matt Stajan.

But today, we've saved a slice of malevolence for what might possibly be the greatest offender of them all: The Canadian Dollar of the Late Nineties.

I MEAN COME ON, WE CALL IT A LOONIE

I know as Canadians we're loathe to ever compare what's ours to that of our American counterparts (he said without any hint of sarcasm ever, because sarcasm doesn't exist, and won't until our superior comic minds invent it), but unfortunately when it comes to our currency and professional hockey, it's a feckless endeavour not to.

And for a long time it was a moot point. In the 1980s, the Canadian dollar was about as strong as your resistance to cocaine in the 1980s. In 1986, the loonie sat at an all time low 70 cents on it's precious American associate. But much like anything else that happened in the 80's, it didn't matter. Not insofar as NHL hockey in Canada was concerned. Salaries, by today's standards, were the equivalent of your grandma giving you a quarter for cleaning the asbestos out of her attic all weekend, and your Calgary Flames, in what has truly become a franchise archetype ever since, built a strong perennial contender through savvy drafting that allowed them to remain competitive while fiscally responsible.

This pattern looked to be the norm going forward through the late 80's into the 90's, and the Canadian Dollar skyrocketing to 90 cents in 1991 (89.34, but who's counting? Economists notwithstanding) certainly ensured the Flames would remain competitive for a lifetime, The Flames, at the time, laid claim to such gems as Fleury, Nieuwendyk, MacInnis, Gilmour, and Roberts, and could afford them all in what was very much a small Canadian market at the time.

And then things changed. Golly, how they changed. You can't fault any one person on the Flames for the resulting misfortunes (but we will anyway), as the shifting global economy would hit Canadian hockey like an Al MacInnis slap shot hitting the back of the twine of a net guarded by Peter Ing (haha, nineties goalies were the best, weren't they? WEREN'T THEY DON BEAUPRE?)

The Loonie Loses

Between 1991 and 1998, the loonie nosedived from 90 cents(ish) to an embarrassing 63 cents. That's a solid D grade, which means the Loonie didn't need to go to summer school, but it was just barely getting by as a functional currency. For Canada as a whole, this was more or less deemed a good thing, citing the nation's status as an export based economy, thus becoming a more attractive trading partner amongst other nations with a stronger cheddar.

But for both consumers and hockey teams trying to compete with fancy schamncy Texas hockey markets, the whole scenario rang tragic. No one was hurt worse by the feeble loon more than the Flames (except for the Edmonton Oilers, the Ottawa Senators, the Quebec Nordiques, and something called the Winnipeg Jets).

One by one, all those sexy, alluring men that wore the Flaming C on their chests and a come hither smile on their face were suddenly too expensive for us to enjoy. The loathsome Canadian Dollar, coupled with increasingly inflated salaries made it far too difficult for a quaint outfit like the Flames to hold onto what was once bargain talent. All of a sudden, like a drunk dad, the Flames had bills to pay and had to hock their best possessions. The return for all these traded assets reads as a real "Who's That?" of hockey, and continues to serve as an example of how we can never have nice things here in Cowtown.

At least that's what the following list says:

  • Sergei Makarov, traded to San Jose for Future Considerations, who if memory serves, was about as dynamic as Ladislav Kohn (In reality, futures ended up being Jason Smith, who played a whole ton of games for Calgary, obviously. You just don't remember)

  • Gary Suter (with Paul Ranheim and Ted "Don't Call Me Chris" Drury) traded to Chicago for Michael Nylander, James Patrick, and Zarley Zalapski. Incidentally, does ANYONE remember Suter playing for Chicago? I kind of only remember him on San Jose. I guess with that in mind, I'm willing to concede that Calgary did okay in this trade, but only because Zarley Zalapski remains the coolest name ever.

  • Mike Vernon, and a Stanley Cup victory, traded to Detroit for Steve Chiasson

  • Al MacInnis, who I've never heard of, traded to St. Louis to mentor a young Chris Pronger for the Shell of Phil Housley

  • Joe Nieuwendyk, traded to Dallas for Corey Millen and some random prospect

  • Joel Otto, one of the game's premiere defensive forwards, allowed to walk away and join the Philadelphia Flyers to play on the same team as Lindros and hahahaha well I guess they never went anywhere so it wasn't so bad. I maintain the nothing they got letting Otto walk is still better than what they would have recieved in a trade, as it probably somehow would have been Jasonb Weimer

  • Gary Roberts, falling on the grenade that was getting Trevor Kidd out of town, traded to Carolina for "Martin St. Louis of Goalies" JS Giguere and Andrew Cassels

  • Robert Reichel, actually a very capable player when not wearing a Maple Leafs jersey (like most players), traded to the Islanders for Marty McInnis (?!?!??!!!?) and Tyrone Garner

  • And finally, of course, mister Theoren Fleury and perennial superstar Chris Dingman, traded to Colorado for Rene Corbet, Wade Belak, and okay well Robyn Regehr ended up working out pretty okay

There was also the Worst Trade In The History Of The Cosmos, but money was only a front for all kinds of other things going down, so we don't count that one in this list.

We all know where this is going. A good number of us have been supporting this team long enough to remember what happens next.

YOUNG GUNS!!!!!!!

Ugh.

Yup, going from to a roster that showcased 7 or 8 guys that are, will be, or could have their names enshrined in the Hockey Hall of Fame to one that included Sasha Lakovic, the Loonie decimated the Flames like a New York fire house.

Okay, look, we've all said all we could ever hope to say about the Young Guns. It was hopeless, adorable, frustrating, kind of entertaining, and then going back to frustrating. There were a lot of characters that found their way onto the squad (I mentioned Sasha Lakovic, yes?), unreal dilemmas (The season of 1000 goalies comes to mind), low expectations, the implication that a 34 year old Tommy Albelin was a "Young Gun", the emergence of guys like Derek Morris and Jarome Iginla, and really only Derek Morris and Jarome Iginla, and of course, Ol' Blasty, the Horsehead Jersey. It was kind of fun to watch if you could just accept the fact that the team was probably going to lose.

And we have the dollar to thank for that. We oftentimes get upset at Al Coates and Craig Button for the trades they made during their tenure in Calgary, and rightfully so, as so many of them were bone headed and tear jerking. But we have to be cognizant of just how handcuffed they were by the team's financial situation born out of that damn weak dollar and the realities of being a Canadian team in a largely American organization.

So while we may have cheered for the Flames with the same voracity and enthusiasm as we do for our kids when they play tyke hockey and can barely skate, as a fanbase we were clearly thirsting for an era where the loonie would start to level out with Mr. Washington and Canadian teams could see actual, down home competitive hockey. That was pretty obvious when 2004 rolled around and Flames fans went full ham cheering for the team during their first playoff run in seven agonizingly long seasons.

The Young Guns are cute, but we pay to see winners. And the Canadian dollar robbed us of that for almost a decade. It's ineptitude put the Flames back ALMOST as far as The Trade (I said almost!), and for that reason, it's our latest appointee for Two Minutes Hate.

(Though with the exchange rate, it's about Two Minutes and Twenty Seconds of Hate)

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The Book of Loob is the Nation's resident expert in flim-flammery and twaddle. An unabashed Flames fan, when BoL is not intellectually bankrupting Flames Nation, he can be seen rooting for Blair Jones, often to excess, at Book of Loob. Follow him on twitter here.
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#1 suba steve
December 05 2012, 01:02PM
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The Loonie got the ball rolling, then the Flames gave that ball an almost yearly kick when they squandered first round draft choices (some of them quite high picks) pretty much every year from 1990-2002.

Better then OK selections in that span:

'92-Stillman (#6 overall)

OK selections:

'96-Morris (#13)

'95-Gauthier (#20)

Bad picks:

'90-Kidd (#11)

'91-Sundblad (#19)

'93-Mattson (#18)

'94-Dingman (#19)

'97-Tkaczuk (#6)

'98-Fata (#6)

'99-Saprykin (#11)

'00-Krahn (#9)

'01-Kobasew (#14)

'02-Nystrom (#10)

Now we have a fan base and ownership that have been bitten once, and are unwilling to move current depreciating assets (Iggy, Kipper) to gain youth for the future. I won't be surprised if the next 5 to 10 years turn out as dark as the Young Guns era.

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#2 Kent Wilson
December 05 2012, 01:08PM
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But you love the loonie now, right?

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#3 Kevin R
December 05 2012, 01:43PM
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I try to put the Young Guns era behind me, so thanks for giving me the dry heaves without drinking the lemon gin. I witnessed some of the most boring hockey games I could remember. Chicago came to town & it seemed that was the bottom. It was that bad. But I do remember one night, it was like 40 below with the windchill,a client came from Vancouver with a thin top coat, we went for dinner & headed to the game. New Jersey were in town & they were a hot ticket being the reigning Stanley Cup champs. We got late to park & had to park by cemetary hill in the over flow lot. By the time we walked to the Saddledome, I couldnt feel my legs & I was dressed for the weather. My buddy was so cold his jaws were frozen & could hardley talk. We missed the first 5 minutes of the 1st period & it was 1-0 for New Jersey. That wound up being the final score. Everyone was thrilled we didnt get thrashed & the score was close. Froze my butt & missed the only goal of the game, even if it wasnt ours. I loathe those days. 2004 playoff run was like being dipped in holy water. When the playoffs were over we all knew the stars alligned for us. So when the lockout came, as painful as that was, I knew the Cap was the only hope of having a chance to having a contender ever again. Deep down, you just never know when that good for nothing scum sucking piece of crap Loonie will rear its ugly head again.

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#5 Purple Hazze
December 05 2012, 04:31PM
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Don't forget the fact that due to the loonie being so low and the poor performance of the team, ownership threatened to move the Flames on a few occasions during the young guns era.

I remember one particular year where there was a fan organized season ticket drive because ownership said if X number of season tickets weren't sold they would move the team. There was a guy sleeping up in a bill board that was keeping track of the # tix sold. And don't forget about that flames/oilers scratch lottery where proceeds were being used to support the 2 franchises!

Dark days indeed!

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#6 ChinookArch
December 05 2012, 06:03PM
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Just a little perspective on how damaging a low dollar is for everyone, not just Canadian hockey teams. If the Canadian exchange rate today was 75 cents, the litre of gas that cost me about $1.00/L today (Centex in Inglewood) would have costed $1.33per litre. The same litre of gas would have cost $1.59/L, in the worst days of a $0.63 CAN. Personally, I don't care if another car is ever manufactured in Canada again, I never want to see a return to that kind of disparity. When the dollar raised to par, all Canadians got a raise.

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#7 xis10ce
December 06 2012, 07:24AM
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•Joe Nieuwendyk, traded to Dallas for Corey Millen and some random prospect

Love how you totally grazed over "some random prospect". Well played sir

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