GDB 71.0: BATTLE OF ALBERTA
Wanye
March 16 2012 12:20PM
Oh hey Calgary. How’s things? It’s just Wanye - your friendly neighbour to the North. Just thought we’d pop in with a few friends to talk about the ice hockey match this evening.
Things aren’t as dire up here in Edmonton as seasons of XXth, 30th, 30th and 29th would suggest. Yeah we know you are better than us on paper. You have an all world goalie capable of winning you any game he decides. We have a worn out old Russian and some 9 foot something or other backing him up.
Your Captain has X 30 goal seasons in a row, our Captain makes $30 million dollars a game.
PROOF MEET PUDDING
We know that you have been to the playoffs X times since 2006 and all we have been getting up here is our collective asses handed to us. We know we aren’t even close to you in the standings.
We know that the cumulative 5 year record of our respective teams is:
We know all sorts of facts.
Having said all of that:
WE WOULD RATHER BE US THAN YOU
That’s right. The Oilers are coming out of an extended dark age and yours are only beginning now. And you know it too – don’t even pretend you can’t see four or five years of basement dwelling on the horizon ahead of you. Look how old you are! And the no trade clauses! Tsk tsk tsk. It boggles the mind!
Had any UFA or RFA of note chosen the Edmonton Oilers in the past 10 years we might be in a similar pickle. But guess what. They didn’t. And the garbage that we were able to sign are almost all off the books. Then you know what happens? That’s when the winning starts.
Now sure that might be tomorrow and not today. We know that you are surging ETC ETC ETC and hope to put a playoff berth firmly in your sights tonight. And we know that this ain’t exactly the best Oilers squadron of the past 3
There are many areas the Oilers can whip the Calgary Flames at and this includes:
SEXIER BRASS
Sutter v Renney? Are we kidding here? Not to mention that the corpse of Tambellini could be left in the sun for a week and be more attractive in a bathing suit than Jay Feaster. No no, this isn't even a contest between the two franchises.
MORE RYANS
Compare the rosters
MORE SQUEEE
Something something
MORE NUGE
Something something
AND SO
In closing here are some more incendiary quotes from OilersNation via twitter:
@bcherri01 This one is for first dibs on tee times #battleofalberta
@JSBMrevolution Time to show the world who the REAL best cousin kissers are #Wait #battleofalberta
@MyqWilson “Who wins BOA? Jay Feaster asks for the question to be rephrased in the form of a cheeseburger*
You are the worst monsters in human history. We look forward to watching you miss the playoffs.
Signed,
A team out of the playoffs for XX consecutive months
PS Even at the end of the article we would STILL rather be us than you.
I hope Someone punches Iginla in the VAGINA, and Fatser chokes on his cheeseburger!!!!!!
* Crickets
It does ring a bell. Pretty sure it involved a Jamaican bobsled team and no golds for Canada. Thanks Calgary.
Smyth has more points than 87% of your team and is playing on the third line so I would have to say he's doing pretty good.
this is like the fat girl arguing with the handicap girl about who is prettier. in reality, both sides have no chance of going to the prom..
this game is fun.
Fun fact: # of stanley cup final appearances since the current CBA was put into place:
Oilers---- 1
Flames---- 0
Seen this somewhere else on the www, thought it would fine a home here...
This game will be a nightmare for Mr. Willis' moneypuck passion for statistics. This one will throw his 5v5, 5v4, 4v5 data into the trash can. Oilers win big, 75-1, Oilers unfortunately allow an empty netter working a 6v5 in the last minute.
@Bucknuck
Flame Fans live in a fantasy world...just like the guy I saw at the Jets /Flames games in a Flames Jersey sporting number 8 and the namebar of..........
wait for this....................
"Ovechkin"
I tapped him on the shoulder and say "hey buddy .. umm". I stopped my question when I heard the snorting and grunting he was emitting because I would have had to use multisyllable words to ask...and why bother.
in the immortal words of Shaq....
"calgary, tell me how my ass tastes"
#eatsh!tflames
I have exerciiiiiiiiised the demons
I'd rather watch a team that can score a pretty goal once in a while. If I had to watch the Flames on a regular basis I'd become a soccer fan.
By the way, Eberle has now passed the Sedin twins in the scoring race. He is now top 10 in scoring. Because he is one of the ten best forwards in the league. Takeasuckathat.
Well done fine sir, feels good to finally get a GDB in against the middle mediocre meddling morons who will miss the playoffs once again. (I have to admit that Baertschi (sp?) kid looks pretty good tho)
That must be an imitation thermostate as it only covers a hotness (yes hotness, not heat) range of 5-30 degrees. A real Eberle would start at lava...minimum.
While I'm sure all of you up north in stinkville had this day circled on your soiled, stained lucky draw'ers that you use more as a calender than an undergarment, it must still sting that despite no matter how much you have hope in that farce of a "re-build", that your team sucks, your management sucks; and no matter how much money Katz has, he's still an idiot for keeping everyone else around.
Keep the faith Oil-fan, you have the Hall, Eberle and the Nuuuuuge... for now. By the time you're able to get rid of that slug Horcoff, Little Huey, Dewey and Louie will be just as S#!tty as he is.
So enjoy your one and only FGD write-up. THANK GOD Wanye did it, it made me laugh and it was brilliantly done. As so many Oiler twits err.. tweeps have been saying since by back-and-forth with Wanye last night on Twitter, THIS IS YOUR STANLEY CUP Shelbyville... How freaking pathetic is that?
At least we know the problems with our team, but if your ONE ambition in a season is to beat the Flames.. Lol, then you should be copying the pic Wanye used at the top, blow it up (you're good at that!) and paste it to the paper bags you put on your head as you walk into WrecksAll errrr Rexall!
So go squeeeeeeeeeeeze into your 1980's tear soaked Oilers jersey, pound a few red bull and get ready to assume the position, cause this one might sting a tad!
Last night Wanye called this game the "Hour of our REDEMPTION"..
It's just too bad Edmonton misspelled redemption and unfortunately use this as the definition..
re·tard. ation
noun
1. a slowing down, diminution, or hindrance, as in a machine.
verb
1. to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
... Great GDB!! I laughed, I cried, I did it all.. Good times!
.. Remember Edmonton, even a busted clock is right twice a day! Good luck.. pffft...
Well Flames fans, you guys were doomed from the start. Adam and Eve must have been Flames fans because they were stupid enough to eat the apple. If they were Oiler fans, they would have skewered the snake and had a bbq.
Between keeping an eye on that "Dez Jones" loser trolling Taylor Hall on Twitter last night (challenging a pro athlete to a bar fight - you gotta be pretty damn stupid to do that) and anticipating Wanye's GDB (clap clap good sir), I can truthfully say this has been a pretty awesome last 24 hours.*
*Good god I need a real life.
@Vintage Flame
Not bad, not bad.
First we dont "pound" are Red Bull we "crush it" up in Shelbyville
Second our jerseys are no worse the that horse's head with snot flying out of it's nose!
Really? You don't strive for what we have. Let's look at '04 and '06.
In 2004 Calgary went on a run. Fans spontaneously went to the streets. The Red Mile was born. It was pure joy and most important it was original.
2006 and Oiler fans do what? The Copper Kilometre? The only difference is you decided to stab each other. Dynamite.
Team canada scouts will be in attendance. Golf club reps. Boat salesmen.
The BOA indeed.
I have to say I'm impressed with the chatter on here, good old fashioned ribbing between 2 non-playoff rivals. I'm impressed with how classy the comments are from the Flames contigent...I guess I sometimes pair you with the classless Canucks fans in my head...I'll try to stop that. That being said, I can NOT stand that Vintage Flame guy...like I really hate him and I've never met him.
That being said, if the Flames keep the top pick this year and don't trade it off, they might start having a little bit of a farm team worth looking at...there's no doubting Sven is a talent, but outside him I'm not impressed.
I'm going to be at the game tonight...in the nosebleeds where the true die-hards come out no less...this should be fun tonight.
Cheers,
Jonathan
Bought a cheap Bargain bin Flamers T shirt for tonights game. 5 bucks to the the best idea as to what i should do with that god awful piece of Crap during the game.
Just making the playoffs good enough for you Cowtowners ??
Not Us.. We build with the intent to WIN not contend.
Hey Feaster ! You slob... Just sayin...
Woooh! Wait. I must have mossed something. The flames made up celebrating in the streets after a sports victory. I guess this never happened in Europe years ago when soccer was being played.
Also I may be wrong on this, but wasnt the red mile right outside pengrowth. Meaning people were celebrating on there way home after the game. In Edmonton we all got together on a place independent of the arena to celebrate. Not just simply cause it was convenient.
Also no edmontonian ever called it the copper kilometer. That was the media, and most likely out of COWTOWN.
Wow. I haven't been this proud of being an Oiler fan in months. Best GDB in ages. More than anything Oilers, KICK THE FLAMES IN THE JUNK, TAKE THEIR PLAYOFF POSITION, and GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE.
ya cause you were the first one to say that. Im pretty sure that every legit sports writer said that.
99 percent of edmontonians said that also.
I watch TSN too.
We all said that Iginla and Kipper would carry the flames to an 8th or 9th place finish.
So I guess the trends of sports writers are correct. That means that the flames are set to be in the ten worst for the next couple years.
Wanye is now my Troll god. Awesomeness all around.
@T&A4Flames
See "Reality" in post #130 earlier. It is on both Nation sites, Jethro. Maybe the internet really IS a new-fangled device in them parts!
@Mort
What would you call the right to select 2nd in the entry draft? A kick in the pants? It has all the same perks as 9th, but with an infinitely better draft prize.
Do you think Pittsburgh wished they could have drafted Petteri Nokelainen at 16 instead of Malkin at 2 in 2004? Doubt it.
LOL. That sums up the flamers right there. Don't even know how the internet works.
One thing is for sure, this will be a hell of a game.
@T&A4Flames
Horcoff has been to the playoffs, Jaybo...
OH, and by the way Flames fans...
HOOT HOOT HOOT HOOT!!
Remember when watching the games in Calgary
"Oilers suck"
Listen to Edmonton fans
"CALGARY sucks"
you're still pissed we got the capital and the university. Where you keep caged animals sure is top notch though
now now my dearest Mort. i am at work. although i have made time and was able to search the Simpson's wiki page i do not have access to said youtube.
i am, without question, certain your link provides a both delightfully humorous and witty retort to my posting. one to enjoyed by many, i'm sure.
until then...
#eatsh!tflames
Just so we all understand how the internet works:
This article was posted to both sites, ON and FN. So Wayne trolled first!
You Oilers fan have enjoyed watching your team lose 60% of the time and haven't watched meaningful hockey since November.
I'd much rather watch a team that A) played meaningful hockey in the second half of the season and B) had a chance to win more than 1 out of every three games.
So you keep enjoying the fact that tomorrrow, when there is world peace and no world hunger and everyone is sitting around a campfire singing Kumbaya, your Oilers will have a chance to make it to the playoffs.
Until that day, I'll stick with the team that actually wins games.
Oilers fans... EAT SH!T!
Thats a Toronto comment right there. Can`t actually think of anything so you have to write the most general statement possible with no evidence of anything. And you say we are delusional.
You mean like how Calgary is the Capital of Alberta, nope
You mean like how you've won so many more Grey Cups, Stanley Cups, CIAU championships?
Nope, thats not it.
Let me frame this perfectly. Calgary has a better present than Edmonton, where as we have a better future, and sure as sh*t have had much more past success.
You and your sh*tbag town have accomplished nothing
Wanye - uber-Props. Can't say enough how you absolutely nailed the GDB.
I am sick to death of the insane argument blowing out of the south that says...
"Calgary sucks less cuz we finish higher out of the Playoffs than Edmonton"
*Waa Waa Waa*
Really Calgary? Think about that... sucking less with no future means...
"Eat it!".
Oh ya, kids can grow up to be good looking, but if your family is old and ugly, it stays that way.
"I'd rather be me than you!"
It won't matter to you in April either.
Well I have basicaly ignored my job this afternoon (*gives Flames loafers a chance to check the definition of the word "job") today and have had fun . . . mostly at the expense of the Flame Phlegm. It has been an interesting, but sadly one sided dialogue. And I must be off to supper and the Big Game!
The Flame supporters on this site remind me of the Black Knight in the Monty Python sketch. While being inflicted by mortal wound after mortal wound they gleeful continue bleating, believing all is well.
There goes Vintage Flame's arms. "Tis but a scratch"
There goes Lebowski's legs. "It's just a flesh wound!"
T&A4Flames' with all four limbs removed remains hopeful. "Running away, you cowards! I will bite your legs off"
We'll call it a draw, then? Sure fellows, why not?
I am surprised people are freaking, this was by far the best GDB yet.
*speaking to myself* - "darn you Kettle you should know better than to assume they will understand"
facepalm.
#eatsh!tflames
Oilers > Canucks. Thank god that at least these Oilers fans know SOMETHING. Canucks fans know NOTHING. And they have no Stanley Cups haha
i make a pointless reference to 2006-2012 and you drop a gretzky overrated out of nowhere?
oh wait, i see the game now. random stuff out of left field. here we go!
midget grass fence rain.
your turn!
Nothing Flames is "Vintage"..
My rational voice tells me the Oilers will improve in the next few years, while the Flames will decline. The Oilers best players are under 25. Calgarys best players are over 35. If the Flames don't make the playoffs this year, there are no signs pointing to an improved Iginla and Kiprusoff next year. Hall, Eberle and Nugent-Hopkins are expected to be better next season. It's also a lot easier to improve team defense then team offense. So all signs point to a better Oilers team and a worse Flames team. I don't want to cheer for a team that competes for a playoff SPOT. I want to cheer for a team that competes for a STANLEY CUP.
Gretzky was overated, and in case your wondering we we will suck our 50 cocks all at once, were not doing it like u in shelbyville sucking 50 over 50 months.
talking about what? you said gretzky post oilers and then you compare it to lemieux's career numbers?
so, if i follow, gretzky playing for the oilers doesnt count because the team was so good. we have to look at gretzky post oilers to accurately compare. lemieux playing with multiple HHOFers stands because it wasnt with the oilers.
about right?
I don't need to plug any numbers anywhere. The record books says Gretzky is the greatest player of all time but you seem to think he's overrated.
Jebus man, at least bring a knife to this gunfight. Shooting elastics will be no match for my SMith and Wesson.
@Mitch2
Your right. Matt Stajan is probably the father.
Mitch 111,
You do know Gretzky is a hall of fame career in points ahead of the 2nd guy right? Thank you for making all Flames fans look stupid.
owned.