GDB 71.0: BATTLE OF ALBERTA

Wanye
March 16 2012 12:20PM

Oh hey Calgary. How’s things? It’s just Wanye - your friendly neighbour to the North. Just thought we’d pop in with a few friends to talk about the ice hockey match this evening.

Things aren’t as dire up here in Edmonton as seasons of XXth, 30th, 30th and 29th would suggest. Yeah we know you are better than us on paper. You have an all world goalie capable of winning you any game he decides. We have a worn out old Russian and some 9 foot something or other backing him up.

Your Captain has X 30 goal seasons in a row, our Captain makes $30 million dollars a game.

PROOF MEET PUDDING

We know that you have been to the playoffs X times since 2006 and all we have been getting up here is our collective asses handed to us. We know we aren’t even close to you in the standings.

We know that the cumulative 5 year record of our respective teams is:

We know all sorts of facts.

Having said all of that:

WE WOULD RATHER BE US THAN YOU

That’s right. The Oilers are coming out of an extended dark age and yours are only beginning now. And you know it too – don’t even pretend you can’t see four or five years of basement dwelling on the horizon ahead of you. Look how old you are! And the no trade clauses! Tsk tsk tsk. It boggles the mind!

Had any UFA or RFA of note chosen the Edmonton Oilers in the past 10 years we might be in a similar pickle. But guess what. They didn’t. And the garbage that we were able to sign are almost all off the books. Then you know what happens? That’s when the winning starts.

Now sure that might be tomorrow and not today. We know that you are surging ETC ETC ETC and hope to put a playoff berth firmly in your sights tonight. And we know that this ain’t exactly the best Oilers squadron of the past 3

There are many areas the Oilers can whip the Calgary Flames at and this includes:

SEXIER BRASS

Sutter v Renney? Are we kidding here? Not to mention that the corpse of Tambellini could be left in the sun for a week and be more attractive in a bathing suit than Jay Feaster. No no, this isn't even a contest between the two franchises.

MORE RYANS

Compare the rosters

MORE SQUEEE

Something something

MORE NUGE

Something something

AND SO

In closing here are some more incendiary quotes from OilersNation via twitter:

@bcherri01 This one is for first dibs on tee times #battleofalberta

@JSBMrevolution Time to show the world who the REAL best cousin kissers are #Wait #battleofalberta

@MyqWilson “Who wins BOA? Jay Feaster asks for the question to be rephrased in the form of a cheeseburger*

You are the worst monsters in human history. We look forward to watching you miss the playoffs.

Signed,

A team out of the playoffs for XX consecutive months

PS Even at the end of the article we would STILL rather be us than you.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 Bauer
March 16 2012, 03:54PM
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I hope Someone punches Iginla in the VAGINA, and Fatser chokes on his cheeseburger!!!!!!

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#52 The Soup Fascist
March 16 2012, 04:18PM
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T&A4Flames wrote:

The only reason Sven was called up is because we already were playing with 7 of our AHLers and couldn't keep depleting our minor team... and we are still winning! What does that say about our future???!!!

* Crickets

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#53 Mason Storm
March 16 2012, 04:32PM
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T&A4Flames wrote:

1988 Olympics ring a bell...

Congrats on being the capital..woo hoo!!

Malls, Capitals... yeahhhh. Oh and in case your uneducated mind wasn't aware, Calgary has a University as well.

It does ring a bell. Pretty sure it involved a Jamaican bobsled team and no golds for Canada. Thanks Calgary.

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#54 Dman09
March 16 2012, 04:39PM
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T&A4Flames wrote:

How's Ryan Smyth doing....?

Smyth has more points than 87% of your team and is playing on the third line so I would have to say he's doing pretty good.

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#55 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
March 16 2012, 05:05PM
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T&A4Flames wrote:

Riiigghhhhttt. So by your logic, does that not mean these players came back to CGY because they wanted to?? Cammi has a no trade so he would have had to approve it.

You can save the "Oh, another no trade clause" comment.

No place to go but up... you could just stay right where you are and have been the last 3 years.. BOTTOM...DWELLING! See Islanders, New York

this is like the fat girl arguing with the handicap girl about who is prettier. in reality, both sides have no chance of going to the prom..

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#56 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
March 16 2012, 05:15PM
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Mitch2 wrote:

Fun Facts:

Matt Stajan last 5 GP - 3G 3A - 6 pts

_________________

Jordan Eberle last 5GP - 1G 3A - 4pts

Taylor Hall last 5GP - 4G 0A - 4pts

RNH last 5 GP - 1G 3A - 4 pts

Sam Gagner last 5GP - 0G 1A - 1pt

Shawn Horcoff last 5GP - 1G 1A - 2pts

Ales Hemsky last 5GP - 0G 0A - 0 pts

this game is fun.

Fun fact: # of stanley cup final appearances since the current CBA was put into place:

Oilers---- 1

Flames---- 0

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#57 Quicksilver ballet
March 16 2012, 05:55PM
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Seen this somewhere else on the www, thought it would fine a home here...

This game will be a nightmare for Mr. Willis' moneypuck passion for statistics. This one will throw his 5v5, 5v4, 4v5 data into the trash can. Oilers win big, 75-1, Oilers unfortunately allow an empty netter working a 6v5 in the last minute.

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#58 Hat Pughes
March 16 2012, 06:57PM
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@Bucknuck

Flame Fans live in a fantasy world...just like the guy I saw at the Jets /Flames games in a Flames Jersey sporting number 8 and the namebar of..........

wait for this....................

"Ovechkin"

I tapped him on the shoulder and say "hey buddy .. umm". I stopped my question when I heard the snorting and grunting he was emitting because I would have had to use multisyllable words to ask...and why bother.

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#59 DJ Dynasty Handbag
March 16 2012, 10:14PM
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in the immortal words of Shaq....

"calgary, tell me how my ass tastes"

#eatsh!tflames

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#60 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
March 16 2012, 10:48PM
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I have exerciiiiiiiiised the demons

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#61 D-man
March 16 2012, 10:50PM
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Scott wrote:

Just so we all understand how the internet works:

This article was posted to both sites, ON and FN. So Wayne trolled first!

You Oilers fan have enjoyed watching your team lose 60% of the time and haven't watched meaningful hockey since November.

I'd much rather watch a team that A) played meaningful hockey in the second half of the season and B) had a chance to win more than 1 out of every three games.

So you keep enjoying the fact that tomorrrow, when there is world peace and no world hunger and everyone is sitting around a campfire singing Kumbaya, your Oilers will have a chance to make it to the playoffs.

Until that day, I'll stick with the team that actually wins games.

Oilers fans... EAT SH!T!

I'd rather watch a team that can score a pretty goal once in a while. If I had to watch the Flames on a regular basis I'd become a soccer fan.

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#62 dougtheslug
March 16 2012, 11:11PM
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By the way, Eberle has now passed the Sedin twins in the scoring race. He is now top 10 in scoring. Because he is one of the ten best forwards in the league. Takeasuckathat.

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#63 The Farmer
March 16 2012, 10:17AM
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Well done fine sir, feels good to finally get a GDB in against the middle mediocre meddling morons who will miss the playoffs once again. (I have to admit that Baertschi (sp?) kid looks pretty good tho)

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#64 misfit
March 16 2012, 11:14AM
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Stocc wrote:

My buddy from Edmonton is currently on vacation in Geneva. Click here to check out the photo he took of the thermostat in his hotel bedroom. He promised to crank it up for the game tonight so my GDP is Eberle's first ever NHL hat trick.

That must be an imitation thermostate as it only covers a hotness (yes hotness, not heat) range of 5-30 degrees. A real Eberle would start at lava...minimum.

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#65 Vintage Flame
March 16 2012, 11:40AM
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While I'm sure all of you up north in stinkville had this day circled on your soiled, stained lucky draw'ers that you use more as a calender than an undergarment, it must still sting that despite no matter how much you have hope in that farce of a "re-build", that your team sucks, your management sucks; and no matter how much money Katz has, he's still an idiot for keeping everyone else around.

Keep the faith Oil-fan, you have the Hall, Eberle and the Nuuuuuge... for now. By the time you're able to get rid of that slug Horcoff, Little Huey, Dewey and Louie will be just as S#!tty as he is.

So enjoy your one and only FGD write-up. THANK GOD Wanye did it, it made me laugh and it was brilliantly done. As so many Oiler twits err.. tweeps have been saying since by back-and-forth with Wanye last night on Twitter, THIS IS YOUR STANLEY CUP Shelbyville... How freaking pathetic is that?

At least we know the problems with our team, but if your ONE ambition in a season is to beat the Flames.. Lol, then you should be copying the pic Wanye used at the top, blow it up (you're good at that!) and paste it to the paper bags you put on your head as you walk into WrecksAll errrr Rexall!

So go squeeeeeeeeeeeze into your 1980's tear soaked Oilers jersey, pound a few red bull and get ready to assume the position, cause this one might sting a tad!

Last night Wanye called this game the "Hour of our REDEMPTION"..
It's just too bad Edmonton misspelled redemption and unfortunately use this as the definition..

re·tard. ation
noun
1. a slowing down, diminution, or hindrance, as in a machine.
verb
1. to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.

... Great GDB!! I laughed, I cried, I did it all.. Good times!
.. Remember Edmonton, even a busted clock is right twice a day! Good luck.. pffft...

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Well Flames fans, you guys were doomed from the start. Adam and Eve must have been Flames fans because they were stupid enough to eat the apple. If they were Oiler fans, they would have skewered the snake and had a bbq.

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#67 David S
March 16 2012, 12:00PM
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Between keeping an eye on that "Dez Jones" loser trolling Taylor Hall on Twitter last night (challenging a pro athlete to a bar fight - you gotta be pretty damn stupid to do that) and anticipating Wanye's GDB (clap clap good sir), I can truthfully say this has been a pretty awesome last 24 hours.*

*Good god I need a real life.

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#68 Walter Sobchak
March 16 2012, 12:04PM
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@Vintage Flame

Not bad, not bad.

First we dont "pound" are Red Bull we "crush it" up in Shelbyville

Second our jerseys are no worse the that horse's head with snot flying out of it's nose!

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#69 Jeff Lebowski
March 16 2012, 12:05PM
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Pajamah wrote:

I'm not going to troll, although that would be fun.

All you have to do is listen to both Team radio stations in both cities (which I do frequently)

Trust me, Edmonton has an inferiority complex, we wish we were better, but rarely do you ever hear that we strive to accomplish something that Calgary has.

On the flip side, ever since the Sutterites have been in charge of Calgary, there is a "we'd better beat Edmonton, and everything else will work out from there" mentality.

Do you think any other team cares that much about being better than a rebuilding team?

And what happens next season, or 2-3 years from now. Of course we wait, because we can't get worse, but Calgary, oh, you can get alot worse. My only hope is your top pick in 2014 will have the fire in his belly like Taylor Hall does, and we see good games again.

Really? You don't strive for what we have. Let's look at '04 and '06.

In 2004 Calgary went on a run. Fans spontaneously went to the streets. The Red Mile was born. It was pure joy and most important it was original.

2006 and Oiler fans do what? The Copper Kilometre? The only difference is you decided to stab each other. Dynamite.

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#70 VK63
March 16 2012, 01:03PM
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Team canada scouts will be in attendance. Golf club reps. Boat salesmen.

The BOA indeed.

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#71 Shredder
March 16 2012, 01:29PM
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I have to say I'm impressed with the chatter on here, good old fashioned ribbing between 2 non-playoff rivals. I'm impressed with how classy the comments are from the Flames contigent...I guess I sometimes pair you with the classless Canucks fans in my head...I'll try to stop that. That being said, I can NOT stand that Vintage Flame guy...like I really hate him and I've never met him.

That being said, if the Flames keep the top pick this year and don't trade it off, they might start having a little bit of a farm team worth looking at...there's no doubting Sven is a talent, but outside him I'm not impressed.

I'm going to be at the game tonight...in the nosebleeds where the true die-hards come out no less...this should be fun tonight.

Cheers,

Jonathan

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#72 Mac962
March 16 2012, 01:42PM
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Bought a cheap Bargain bin Flamers T shirt for tonights game. 5 bucks to the the best idea as to what i should do with that god awful piece of Crap during the game.

Just making the playoffs good enough for you Cowtowners ??

Not Us.. We build with the intent to WIN not contend.

Hey Feaster ! You slob... Just sayin...

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#73 They're $hittie
March 16 2012, 01:42PM
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Jeff Lebowski wrote:

Exactly my point but we didn't make up your name, that was all you. We did do the celebration. Which you tried to copy. The stabbing was your own twist. Stabbing each other during a celebration. Who is retarded?

Woooh! Wait. I must have mossed something. The flames made up celebrating in the streets after a sports victory. I guess this never happened in Europe years ago when soccer was being played.

Also I may be wrong on this, but wasnt the red mile right outside pengrowth. Meaning people were celebrating on there way home after the game. In Edmonton we all got together on a place independent of the arena to celebrate. Not just simply cause it was convenient.

Also no edmontonian ever called it the copper kilometer. That was the media, and most likely out of COWTOWN.

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#74 vetinari
March 16 2012, 02:08PM
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Wow. I haven't been this proud of being an Oiler fan in months. Best GDB in ages. More than anything Oilers, KICK THE FLAMES IN THE JUNK, TAKE THEIR PLAYOFF POSITION, and GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE.

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#75 They're $hittie
March 16 2012, 02:08PM
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Vintage Flame wrote:

That's funny, cause I'm pretty sure I said that the Oilers defense was going to be an Achilles heel this year.. AND that if Re-Khabby was able to stay sober long enough to legitimately lose the starting job to Dubnyk, they he too would screw it up.

How about that? Was I correct about any of that??

ya cause you were the first one to say that. Im pretty sure that every legit sports writer said that.

99 percent of edmontonians said that also.

I watch TSN too.

We all said that Iginla and Kipper would carry the flames to an 8th or 9th place finish.

So I guess the trends of sports writers are correct. That means that the flames are set to be in the ten worst for the next couple years.

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#76 reaperfunkss (2nd tier fan)
March 16 2012, 02:09PM
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Wanye is now my Troll god. Awesomeness all around.

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#77 The Soup Fascist
March 16 2012, 02:59PM
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@T&A4Flames

See "Reality" in post #130 earlier. It is on both Nation sites, Jethro. Maybe the internet really IS a new-fangled device in them parts!

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#78 Matt Henderson
March 16 2012, 03:15PM
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@Mort

What would you call the right to select 2nd in the entry draft? A kick in the pants? It has all the same perks as 9th, but with an infinitely better draft prize.

Do you think Pittsburgh wished they could have drafted Petteri Nokelainen at 16 instead of Malkin at 2 in 2004? Doubt it.

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#79 LoDog
March 16 2012, 03:29PM
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T&A4Flames wrote:

Actually dude, you're trolling our site....

LOL. That sums up the flamers right there. Don't even know how the internet works.

One thing is for sure, this will be a hell of a game.

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#80 Matt Henderson
March 16 2012, 03:35PM
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@T&A4Flames

Horcoff has been to the playoffs, Jaybo...

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#81 Pajamah
March 16 2012, 03:43PM
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OH, and by the way Flames fans...

HOOT HOOT HOOT HOOT!!

Remember when watching the games in Calgary

"Oilers suck"

Listen to Edmonton fans

"CALGARY sucks"

you're still pissed we got the capital and the university. Where you keep caged animals sure is top notch though

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#82 mayorpoop
March 16 2012, 03:52PM
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Mort wrote:

"The people of Shelbyville are not much smarter or less quick to anger than the people of Springfield. On some occasions, Shelbyville has been shown as the more culturally sophisticated of the two cities with a better public school system and hospital, demonstrated by Abe Simpson saying 'I'm going to a better place. Shelbyville hospital!' - from the Simpson's wiki page."

Please view this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFBDn5PiL00

now now my dearest Mort. i am at work. although i have made time and was able to search the Simpson's wiki page i do not have access to said youtube.

i am, without question, certain your link provides a both delightfully humorous and witty retort to my posting. one to enjoyed by many, i'm sure.

until then...

#eatsh!tflames

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#83 Scott
March 16 2012, 03:57PM
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Just so we all understand how the internet works:

This article was posted to both sites, ON and FN. So Wayne trolled first!

You Oilers fan have enjoyed watching your team lose 60% of the time and haven't watched meaningful hockey since November.

I'd much rather watch a team that A) played meaningful hockey in the second half of the season and B) had a chance to win more than 1 out of every three games.

So you keep enjoying the fact that tomorrrow, when there is world peace and no world hunger and everyone is sitting around a campfire singing Kumbaya, your Oilers will have a chance to make it to the playoffs.

Until that day, I'll stick with the team that actually wins games.

Oilers fans... EAT SH!T!

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#84 Dman09
March 16 2012, 04:07PM
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Jeff Lebowski wrote:

That we're better than you in every way possible. And we always will be. And you know it.

Thats a Toronto comment right there. Can`t actually think of anything so you have to write the most general statement possible with no evidence of anything. And you say we are delusional.

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#85 Pajamah
March 16 2012, 04:08PM
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Jeff Lebowski wrote:

That we're better than you in every way possible. And we always will be. And you know it.

You mean like how Calgary is the Capital of Alberta, nope

You mean like how you've won so many more Grey Cups, Stanley Cups, CIAU championships?

Nope, thats not it.

Let me frame this perfectly. Calgary has a better present than Edmonton, where as we have a better future, and sure as sh*t have had much more past success.

You and your sh*tbag town have accomplished nothing

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#86 Oilcruzer
March 16 2012, 04:30PM
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Wanye - uber-Props. Can't say enough how you absolutely nailed the GDB.

I am sick to death of the insane argument blowing out of the south that says...

"Calgary sucks less cuz we finish higher out of the Playoffs than Edmonton"

*Waa Waa Waa*

Really Calgary? Think about that... sucking less with no future means...

"Eat it!".

Oh ya, kids can grow up to be good looking, but if your family is old and ugly, it stays that way.

"I'd rather be me than you!"

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#87 Mason Storm
March 16 2012, 04:30PM
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Mitch2 wrote:

Hockey in March, remember when it mattered Edmonton?

It won't matter to you in April either.

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#88 The Soup Fascist
March 16 2012, 04:34PM
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Well I have basicaly ignored my job this afternoon (*gives Flames loafers a chance to check the definition of the word "job") today and have had fun . . . mostly at the expense of the Flame Phlegm. It has been an interesting, but sadly one sided dialogue. And I must be off to supper and the Big Game!

The Flame supporters on this site remind me of the Black Knight in the Monty Python sketch. While being inflicted by mortal wound after mortal wound they gleeful continue bleating, believing all is well.

There goes Vintage Flame's arms. "Tis but a scratch"

There goes Lebowski's legs. "It's just a flesh wound!"

T&A4Flames' with all four limbs removed remains hopeful. "Running away, you cowards! I will bite your legs off"

We'll call it a draw, then? Sure fellows, why not?

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#89 jeremywilhelm
March 16 2012, 04:44PM
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I am surprised people are freaking, this was by far the best GDB yet.

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#90 mayorpoop
March 16 2012, 04:48PM
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*speaking to myself* - "darn you Kettle you should know better than to assume they will understand"

facepalm.

#eatsh!tflames

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#91 schevvy
March 16 2012, 05:40PM
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Oilers > Canucks. Thank god that at least these Oilers fans know SOMETHING. Canucks fans know NOTHING. And they have no Stanley Cups haha

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#92 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
March 16 2012, 05:41PM
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Mitch2 wrote:

Gretzky was overrated and would not have put up even half his numbers if he hadn't played with Kurri and the rest of that team.

The Oilers simply lucked out with deep draft gold. You should have a statue of Barry Fraser in front of Rexall which you all bow to on the way in. No Fraser and you would have been the Jets 2.0.

i make a pointless reference to 2006-2012 and you drop a gretzky overrated out of nowhere?

oh wait, i see the game now. random stuff out of left field. here we go!

midget grass fence rain.

your turn!

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#93 jumanji93
March 16 2012, 05:47PM
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ChinookArch wrote:

In writing this post the count is 248 posts. Hate is the only real thing that lasts. Enjoy losing another game to the city you hate the most C'Oiler fans.

Kudos VF, you have clearly become public enemy #1 on ON. BY my count it's VF 4 - Edmonton 0.

Nothing Flames is "Vintage"..

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#94 Mason Storm
March 16 2012, 05:50PM
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Mitch2 wrote:

You have really forgotten how hard it is to make the playoffs, you'll see. The Oilers are not one player from making the playoffs, they are several.

Listen to your inner rational voice, you know this to be true. In 2004 after missing the playoffs for 7 straight years I was thrilled to make it. What happened after blew my mind.

The Flames have a lot of dials they can turn in coming years, to say they are headed off a cliff is the same type of narrow analysis that had people auto checking the Capitals to win the East and Blue Jackets to be in the playoff race.

You simply do not know the future for the Flames or Oilers. Meanwhile in reality the Flames are competing for the playoffs, get back to me when your team is in the same spot in late March...

My rational voice tells me the Oilers will improve in the next few years, while the Flames will decline. The Oilers best players are under 25. Calgarys best players are over 35. If the Flames don't make the playoffs this year, there are no signs pointing to an improved Iginla and Kiprusoff next year. Hall, Eberle and Nugent-Hopkins are expected to be better next season. It's also a lot easier to improve team defense then team offense. So all signs point to a better Oilers team and a worse Flames team. I don't want to cheer for a team that competes for a playoff SPOT. I want to cheer for a team that competes for a STANLEY CUP.

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#95 NLR
March 16 2012, 05:51PM
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Gretzky was overated, and in case your wondering we we will suck our 50 cocks all at once, were not doing it like u in shelbyville sucking 50 over 50 months.

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#96 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
March 16 2012, 06:01PM
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Mitch2 wrote:

Mario - 915 GP - 1,723 pts.

Are we still talking about this or is it over yet?

P.S. Gretzky wanted to leave Edmonton, he requested the trade, it was all a big act with fake tears. Pocklington had to take the fall for it.

talking about what? you said gretzky post oilers and then you compare it to lemieux's career numbers?

so, if i follow, gretzky playing for the oilers doesnt count because the team was so good. we have to look at gretzky post oilers to accurately compare. lemieux playing with multiple HHOFers stands because it wasnt with the oilers.

about right?

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Mitch2 wrote:

Go crunch the numbers on Gretzky on the Oilers vs the rest of his career.

Get back to me later, I've already done it.

Mario > Wayne

I don't need to plug any numbers anywhere. The record books says Gretzky is the greatest player of all time but you seem to think he's overrated.

Jebus man, at least bring a knife to this gunfight. Shooting elastics will be no match for my SMith and Wesson.

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#98 NLR
March 16 2012, 06:13PM
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@Mitch2

Your right. Matt Stajan is probably the father.

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#99 Flanders
March 16 2012, 06:18PM
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Mitch 111,

You do know Gretzky is a hall of fame career in points ahead of the 2nd guy right? Thank you for making all Flames fans look stupid.

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#100 Mark-LW
March 16 2012, 06:24PM
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Jason Gregor wrote:

Mitch go look at the numbers of any player and show me guys who put up the same numbers between ages of 19-27 as they do from 27+.

In an era when everyone was scoring Gretzky scored 60, 70 and sometimes 80 more than everyone else in the league.

Not one single stat shows Lemieux was better offensively. The one thing Lemieux was better at was scoring on the PP. He had way more PP goals than Wayne, and we all know EV goals are harder to score.

You want to argue about Oilers and Flames go ahead, but bring up uniformed, inaccurate chirps about Lemieux makes most Flames fans embarrassed that you represent them I'm guessing.

owned.

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