GDB 71.0: BATTLE OF ALBERTA

Wanye
March 16 2012 12:20PM

Oh hey Calgary. How’s things? It’s just Wanye - your friendly neighbour to the North. Just thought we’d pop in with a few friends to talk about the ice hockey match this evening.

Things aren’t as dire up here in Edmonton as seasons of XXth, 30th, 30th and 29th would suggest. Yeah we know you are better than us on paper. You have an all world goalie capable of winning you any game he decides. We have a worn out old Russian and some 9 foot something or other backing him up.

Your Captain has X 30 goal seasons in a row, our Captain makes $30 million dollars a game.

PROOF MEET PUDDING

We know that you have been to the playoffs X times since 2006 and all we have been getting up here is our collective asses handed to us. We know we aren’t even close to you in the standings.

We know that the cumulative 5 year record of our respective teams is:

We know all sorts of facts.

Having said all of that:

WE WOULD RATHER BE US THAN YOU

That’s right. The Oilers are coming out of an extended dark age and yours are only beginning now. And you know it too – don’t even pretend you can’t see four or five years of basement dwelling on the horizon ahead of you. Look how old you are! And the no trade clauses! Tsk tsk tsk. It boggles the mind!

Had any UFA or RFA of note chosen the Edmonton Oilers in the past 10 years we might be in a similar pickle. But guess what. They didn’t. And the garbage that we were able to sign are almost all off the books. Then you know what happens? That’s when the winning starts.

Now sure that might be tomorrow and not today. We know that you are surging ETC ETC ETC and hope to put a playoff berth firmly in your sights tonight. And we know that this ain’t exactly the best Oilers squadron of the past 3

There are many areas the Oilers can whip the Calgary Flames at and this includes:

SEXIER BRASS

Sutter v Renney? Are we kidding here? Not to mention that the corpse of Tambellini could be left in the sun for a week and be more attractive in a bathing suit than Jay Feaster. No no, this isn't even a contest between the two franchises.

MORE RYANS

Compare the rosters

MORE SQUEEE

Something something

MORE NUGE

Something something

AND SO

In closing here are some more incendiary quotes from OilersNation via twitter:

@bcherri01 This one is for first dibs on tee times #battleofalberta

@JSBMrevolution Time to show the world who the REAL best cousin kissers are #Wait #battleofalberta

@MyqWilson “Who wins BOA? Jay Feaster asks for the question to be rephrased in the form of a cheeseburger*

You are the worst monsters in human history. We look forward to watching you miss the playoffs.

Signed,

A team out of the playoffs for XX consecutive months

PS Even at the end of the article we would STILL rather be us than you.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#101 Bucknuck
March 16 2012, 06:45PM
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@Mark-LW

Last time I checked, Mario Lemieux never played for the Calgary Flames. Why would a Flames fan bother to bring it up? Why don't they compare the Flames players to the Oilers players... or is it just too embarrassing for them?

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#102 oiler/hab
March 16 2012, 07:09PM
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@NLR

are you kidding???? THIS IS SPORTS!!!!!!

You need to be banned!!!!

Moderated, my ass!!!!

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#103 oilman3
March 16 2012, 08:47PM
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the flames have had almost no chances in this game. they are fortunate to only be down two and all with hall out. iginla and baertchi must have set a record by now with how many times they've had their pockets picked.

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#104 D-man
March 16 2012, 11:35PM
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schevvy wrote:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Flames get two goals each from Iggy and Sven and win 4-2.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Us Flames fans will go into a state of depression because this is Sven's last game.

NOT SO OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Jay Feaster in his post-game celebration accidentally trips Lee Stempniak and elbows Lance Bouma's shoulder in order to allow Sven to stay up with the club. When Stempniak is on the ground injured Hemsky walks by and trips over him, causing him to miss the rest of the season.

Sven's no Eberle.

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#105 Jordan Nugent-Hallkins
March 17 2012, 01:52AM
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Hahaha

Haaaahahahahaha

Hahahahahaha

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#106 Bryzarro World
March 17 2012, 02:29PM
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@RKD

Hey dumbass... Still talking out both sides of your ass I see. Great. This is the giy who claimed skewing when he was in fact the one talkin BS and changing the context of the convo.

For all u tools that think edmonton is dead think again. Actually more n more buisnesses are moving away from calgary. Capital powe closed it's offices as well as a few other major buisnesses, call centers, etc

Your mayor is spouting muslim propaganda as well... How that workin out for you?

You.guys wanna be toronto so bad you had to erect a giant peni$ in the air like a little jealous brother from your surrounding trailer parks.

Also why does your dt smell like horse crap or yeast year round? Suck losers u have to bitch about others to make urself feel better.

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#107 Ales Hallsky
March 16 2012, 10:39AM
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Who says it helps to be a 14yo girl whenst Sqeeeeeeeeeeeeing? Im pretty sure i can outsquee any 14yo girl.

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#108 jeremywilhelm
March 16 2012, 10:41AM
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Haha. Best one yet Wanye. I was legitemately LoLing.

PS. Where the heck are the lineups??! There must be lineups and Game day news for the love of god, you hack!!!

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#109 schevvy
March 16 2012, 10:44AM
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SVENSQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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#110 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 10:52AM
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Ales Hallsky wrote:

Who says it helps to be a 14yo girl whenst Sqeeeeeeeeeeeeing? Im pretty sure i can outsquee any 14yo girl.

...as can most of your 15year old boys... which I hear you trolls in Shelbyville ...like

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#111 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 10:55AM
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Ales Hallsky wrote:

oh yeah: Eat $h!t Flamers

I'd say the same thing to you but your team has been doing that for the last 7years for you... suck it, bottom feeders!

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#112 jeremywilhelm
March 16 2012, 10:56AM
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The nuge looks like he is built like a 14 year old anime nerd.

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#113 Canuck Fan
March 16 2012, 11:04AM
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Comment on how the Canucks are lightyears better than both teams, so haha.

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#114 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 11:08AM
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geoilersgist wrote:

actually 7 years ago was the lockout and after that we went to the conference final...typical flames fan and being smarter than nobody

Oh, sorry. My bad..... you've only sucked 5 straight years.

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#115 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 11:13AM
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Ales Hallsky wrote:

Who says it helps to be a 14yo girl whenst Sqeeeeeeeeeeeeing? Im pretty sure i can outsquee any 14yo girl.

NOBODY can out 'squeeeeeeeeeeee' louder and better than Steve Tambi when the 1st overall lottery pick goes ...yet again.... to the Edmonton Oilers!!!!!!!!!!

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#116 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 11:18AM
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Oilers Coffey wrote:

Always fun to read to quips of Flames fans...Almost the biggest posers in the NHL, well next to Canucks fans.

Flames Nation Anthem: "We're Number 9!!!" "We're Number 10!!!"

Mediocrity = Flames

Great article Wanye, fun read, but I gotta say I got the shivers when Feasters Mug comes scrolling into view....Shivers again... UGLY

It's even more fun to read Oil fan comments that somehow try to make their team more impressive than ours... yes, "we're #9" blah, blah...

Let me try....

"we're #29, we're #30..."

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE...." we won the lottery for 1st overall again....SQUEEEEEEEEEEE..." (jumping for joy, hugs all around!!!)

Wow...yea, that is fun.

Seriously, though, I really just want to see the TRUE BOA in the playoffs where both teams seem to factor in....

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#117 Jeff Lebowski
March 16 2012, 11:20AM
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Haha that was amusing. The Oiler fan lament is some day we'll be better, just wait.

It's funny because it used to be Oilers won 5 cups! You're either living in the past or waiting..waaaaiiiitttttinnng for the future. The present, well that's another story.

Your posts just show how sad you are that Calgary has advanced so far past Edmonton in every category.

Where we're tall, you're short. Where we're rich, you're poor etc.

Calgary is the preferred destination for the best of the best and Edmonton...isn't. In fact people leave Edmonton for a better life in Calgary. And you know it.

The hate or resentment only goes one direction. You see in Calgary we don't even think about you losers.

Yeah you won the last one. It must have felt like the Stanley Cup (reminiscing about that must have felt nice) and now you can think you're witty and clever. But you're just sad, sad people with nothing else to look forward to.

Oh that's right the Oilers will be good...someday.

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#118 Dave
March 16 2012, 11:20AM
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@Sean17

Here here.

This is the 1st GDB I've been able to read further then the first 5 lines. Stats are nice and all but they aren't the end all be all. Ask Billy Beane how well the A's have done in the last decade.

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#119 Dan the Man
March 16 2012, 11:28AM
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What was the score the last time these two teams met? Oh right....6-1 for the Oil. Suck it hard Calgary!

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#120 etownman
March 16 2012, 11:30AM
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Is that hellboy wearing #13? Ugggllllliiiieeee! Mighty Rising Oil 4.....flameouts 1 (maybe)..

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#121 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 11:31AM
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Dan the Man wrote:

What was the score the last time these two teams met? Oh right....6-1 for the Oil. Suck it hard Calgary!

What was the score the 8 times before that?? I can't remember....

Ah, doesn't matter... the record is enough.

Something like.. 14-1 Flames in the last 15

BOTTOM. FEEDERS!!!!

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#122 etownman
March 16 2012, 11:34AM
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Cammy likes it so much I think he sees a 5 year extension for 6.5 per.......oh wait that's jaybo's top up...too funny!

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#123 etownman
March 16 2012, 11:36AM
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Hey Jeff....poke poke....yes you guys really do squeal like p*gs!

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#124 Shredder
March 16 2012, 11:39AM
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Hahahaha, Eat Sh!t indeed...I love it...That's how you keep a rivalvry between 2 non-playoff teams going in the morning.

I'm not going to lie though, I worry about the Sven-sanity hot streak going on...it's boosting Iggy, who's red-hot right now too, and that douche loves to pound on the Oilers. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of respect for Iggy, but I don't like him anymore...Time for Hall to show him how a winger is supposed to play.

I'm not going to make predictions, since I"m almost always wrong, but I'd like to see a good battle of the youth tonight...Sven, Horak & Bouma vs. Nuge, Hall & Eberle...

**remiscing about MacIntyre KO of Ivanans...

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#125 hunkybill
March 16 2012, 11:39AM
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Oil. Ram it where the sun don't shine with a FIST.

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#126 They're $hittie
March 16 2012, 11:40AM
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Is there going to be live game chat?

I want to hear about how SVEN is going to score 50 goals next year and lead the flames to a cup.

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#127 Pajamah
March 16 2012, 11:41AM
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Jeff Lebowski wrote:

Haha that was amusing. The Oiler fan lament is some day we'll be better, just wait.

It's funny because it used to be Oilers won 5 cups! You're either living in the past or waiting..waaaaiiiitttttinnng for the future. The present, well that's another story.

Your posts just show how sad you are that Calgary has advanced so far past Edmonton in every category.

Where we're tall, you're short. Where we're rich, you're poor etc.

Calgary is the preferred destination for the best of the best and Edmonton...isn't. In fact people leave Edmonton for a better life in Calgary. And you know it.

The hate or resentment only goes one direction. You see in Calgary we don't even think about you losers.

Yeah you won the last one. It must have felt like the Stanley Cup (reminiscing about that must have felt nice) and now you can think you're witty and clever. But you're just sad, sad people with nothing else to look forward to.

Oh that's right the Oilers will be good...someday.

I'm not going to troll, although that would be fun.

All you have to do is listen to both Team radio stations in both cities (which I do frequently)

Trust me, Edmonton has an inferiority complex, we wish we were better, but rarely do you ever hear that we strive to accomplish something that Calgary has.

On the flip side, ever since the Sutterites have been in charge of Calgary, there is a "we'd better beat Edmonton, and everything else will work out from there" mentality.

Do you think any other team cares that much about being better than a rebuilding team?

And what happens next season, or 2-3 years from now. Of course we wait, because we can't get worse, but Calgary, oh, you can get alot worse. My only hope is your top pick in 2014 will have the fire in his belly like Taylor Hall does, and we see good games again.

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#128 Junker4ce
March 16 2012, 11:41AM
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@jeremywilhelm

Coming from a 14 year old anime* nerd, I wish I was built like that.

*not really (replace with star wars)

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#129 Bean-counting cowboy
March 16 2012, 11:42AM
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Have you oiler fans ever stopped to consider - "what if we don't improve?" Think Islanders, Columbus, etc.

The article's assertion that deep down every Flames fan wishes their team was the Oil right now is nonsense. I think the true deep down fear of every oil fan is "what if it never gets better?"

This team needs to show me something first. Sure you're good in spurts, but methinks there are going to be too many big ego's in that dressing room to sustain consistency an entire season. If the Oil lose a few that dressing room turns immediately toxic. All these kids have been stars on their own teams their whole life & now they have to share it with 2 or 3 more "superstars".

There's no question there is significant talent there with several players. But Crosby Malkin & Staal or Toews & Kane accomplished so much more than the Edmonton young guns at this point in their careers.

If you're not knocking at the playoff door next year, consider the "blow it up" experiment a failure & get ready for perpetual mediocrity - something us Flames fan have gotten use to the past few years - only difference - Last 20 games of the year are exciting for us & not for you.

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#130 borisnikov
March 16 2012, 11:45AM
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That was an incendiary extravaganza of hate laced with large dose of squee. Epic GDB!!!!!

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#131 Walter Sobchak
March 16 2012, 11:50AM
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Brilliant! Just frigging Brilliant! Wayne.

Ah, can’t wait till the summer when all the Flames fans will think Parise will join the Flames via UFA!

Meanwhile the Oilers will draft yet another elite level player!

We can watch and laugh as Peter Griffin adds another NMC to Flames roster!

Oh… Flames eat Sh!t

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#132 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 11:50AM
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Vintage Flame wrote:

While I'm sure all of you up north in stinkville had this day circled on your soiled, stained lucky draw'ers that you use more as a calender than an undergarment, it must still sting that despite no matter how much you have hope in that farce of a "re-build", that your team sucks, your management sucks; and no matter how much money Katz has, he's still an idiot for keeping everyone else around.

Keep the faith Oil-fan, you have the Hall, Eberle and the Nuuuuuge... for now. By the time you're able to get rid of that slug Horcoff, Little Huey, Dewey and Louie will be just as S#!tty as he is.

So enjoy your one and only FGD write-up. THANK GOD Wanye did it, it made me laugh and it was brilliantly done. As so many Oiler twits err.. tweeps have been saying since by back-and-forth with Wanye last night on Twitter, THIS IS YOUR STANLEY CUP Shelbyville... How freaking pathetic is that?

At least we know the problems with our team, but if your ONE ambition in a season is to beat the Flames.. Lol, then you should be copying the pic Wanye used at the top, blow it up (you're good at that!) and paste it to the paper bags you put on your head as you walk into WrecksAll errrr Rexall!

So go squeeeeeeeeeeeze into your 1980's tear soaked Oilers jersey, pound a few red bull and get ready to assume the position, cause this one might sting a tad!

Last night Wanye called this game the "Hour of our REDEMPTION"..
It's just too bad Edmonton misspelled redemption and unfortunately use this as the definition..

re·tard. ation
noun
1. a slowing down, diminution, or hindrance, as in a machine.
verb
1. to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.

... Great GDB!! I laughed, I cried, I did it all.. Good times!
.. Remember Edmonton, even a busted clock is right twice a day! Good luck.. pffft...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....oh sh**, that was awesome, the article was brilliant, especially for a Shelbyvillian, but this rebutle is absoltely genius..........priceless game day chatter.

Good times

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#133 backburner
March 16 2012, 11:51AM
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@DallyLamma

Don't make excuses for drinking the Haterade.. This was a clear, pre-meditated FAIL. Well, it will be after tonight.

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#134 wawful
March 16 2012, 11:56AM
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I assume this the result of that bet where the winner of the previous game in the Battle makes the GDT? Wow. You guys have obviously been bottling up material for a loooooong time now! Fortunately, you should have *plenty* of time to generate material for the next one.

P.S. The more smack that comes out of your mouth now, the sweeter it will be to watch you swallow it tonight!

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#135 A-Mc
March 16 2012, 11:59AM
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Wanye for Prime Minister!!

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#136 Pajamah
March 16 2012, 12:02PM
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Bean-counting cowboy wrote:

Have you oiler fans ever stopped to consider - "what if we don't improve?" Think Islanders, Columbus, etc.

The article's assertion that deep down every Flames fan wishes their team was the Oil right now is nonsense. I think the true deep down fear of every oil fan is "what if it never gets better?"

This team needs to show me something first. Sure you're good in spurts, but methinks there are going to be too many big ego's in that dressing room to sustain consistency an entire season. If the Oil lose a few that dressing room turns immediately toxic. All these kids have been stars on their own teams their whole life & now they have to share it with 2 or 3 more "superstars".

There's no question there is significant talent there with several players. But Crosby Malkin & Staal or Toews & Kane accomplished so much more than the Edmonton young guns at this point in their careers.

If you're not knocking at the playoff door next year, consider the "blow it up" experiment a failure & get ready for perpetual mediocrity - something us Flames fan have gotten use to the past few years - only difference - Last 20 games of the year are exciting for us & not for you.

For bean-counting, you'd think facts would be important.

Review both Chicago and Pittsburghs point totals within 3 years AFTER their 3rd high (or lottery) pick.

The 3rd year was where the big jump started. We're 2 yrs removed from Hall, 1 yr from RNH, and have another lottery pick coming. At the end of Halls RFA contract, the Oilers will be competitive with any team in the league, and likely be a playoff team.

Do you honestly believe Calgary can fill the gaps on their roster in 3 seasons to make them better than they are now? Kiprusoff, Iginla are already on the back 9, and Baertschi (sp) may end up being a great prospect, but not Art Ross/Rocket Richard trophy winner.

We already have two 30 goal scorers in Edmonton that we didn't have 3 seasons ago. Where will Calgary replace their *stifledlaughter*offense from?

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#137 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 12:02PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

Brilliant! Just frigging Brilliant! Wayne.

Ah, can’t wait till the summer when all the Flames fans will think Parise will join the Flames via UFA!

Meanwhile the Oilers will draft yet another elite level player!

We can watch and laugh as Peter Griffin adds another NMC to Flames roster!

Oh… Flames eat Sh!t

Ah yes... Wes Mantooth, perpetually #2

"I'm going to take your mom, Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner & NEVER call her again!"

Suck it.... #2!

Oh yea, enjoy you're drating your 4th "elite" player in a row and cheering on his calder winnig potential in a yet another losing season for the Oil.

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#138 hunkybill
March 16 2012, 12:04PM
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Oilers will at least get another FIST pick. Five points tonight for Nuuuuuge. Iggy goes home with an owie and Kipper stops ninety per cent of shots fired his way in a preview of future Alberta battles. Take heart Flames fans, at least you are not the Leafs. They REALLY are massive SUCKAGE.

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#139 Walter Sobchak
March 16 2012, 12:08PM
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@T&A4Flames

HaaaHaaa, Gold. That was a good one!

We will enjoy that 4th player very much so. Meanwhile enjoy Parise and his NMC for the next 5 years! If you land him.

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#140 Senator Theo
March 16 2012, 12:37PM
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wawful wrote:

I assume this the result of that bet where the winner of the previous game in the Battle makes the GDT? Wow. You guys have obviously been bottling up material for a loooooong time now! Fortunately, you should have *plenty* of time to generate material for the next one.

P.S. The more smack that comes out of your mouth now, the sweeter it will be to watch you swallow it tonight!

Where do we go to watch you guys swallow?

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#141 Jeff Lebowski
March 16 2012, 12:39PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

I can honestly say that the only time I ever heard Whyte Ave referred to as anything other than Whyte Ave during the Cup run was while I was in Calgary. I really think that was a made up thing from Calgaretards.

Exactly my point but we didn't make up your name, that was all you. We did do the celebration. Which you tried to copy. The stabbing was your own twist. Stabbing each other during a celebration. Who is retarded?

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#142 Let's Rebuild
March 16 2012, 12:45PM
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The one point from the article the most overlooked is the importance of the Ryans. Without Ryans on your team you can not win. It is a historical fact.

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#143 Talbot17
March 16 2012, 12:49PM
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i dont get why flames fan even argue, i laugh at the fact you all think your in the playoffs this year and even if u make it your done in 4 games, ridiculous lol

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#144 OILOSERS
March 16 2012, 12:50PM
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GO FLAMES GOOOOO HOES!!!!!

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#145 Tears of RED
March 16 2012, 12:52PM
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Pajamah wrote:

I'm not going to troll, although that would be fun.

All you have to do is listen to both Team radio stations in both cities (which I do frequently)

Trust me, Edmonton has an inferiority complex, we wish we were better, but rarely do you ever hear that we strive to accomplish something that Calgary has.

On the flip side, ever since the Sutterites have been in charge of Calgary, there is a "we'd better beat Edmonton, and everything else will work out from there" mentality.

Do you think any other team cares that much about being better than a rebuilding team?

And what happens next season, or 2-3 years from now. Of course we wait, because we can't get worse, but Calgary, oh, you can get alot worse. My only hope is your top pick in 2014 will have the fire in his belly like Taylor Hall does, and we see good games again.

Taylor Hall may have fire in his belly, but when he does crashing in the boards and all, the only burn he will feel is the broken bones in his ankle, knee or head. The Nuge is already twice broken.

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#146 Let's Rebuild
March 16 2012, 12:56PM
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This game is actually a no brainer, the Flames will be tired, (back to back) they can only go on adrenaline for so long. They will not be able to keep up with the speed of the Oilers and there will be a number of odd man rushes leading to penalties (#1 PP), sublime goaltending (Kipper), and glorious goals (Ebs, Hall, RNH). By the end of the game it will be clear, we just entered the next phase of the rebuild, and it is wonderful.

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#147 suba steve
March 16 2012, 01:00PM
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@The Soup Fascist

Going back further don't forget other first round errors...Stillman, Daniel Tkachuk, Rico Fata, Brent Krahn, Trevor Kidd. Basically every year they had a top 10-12 pick. Thank god we hit the odd basehit in later rounds and trades. Amazing we don't suck worse then we currently do. Sven looks like a keeper though, hope you get to see him tonight. Cheers Edmonites (thanks Mike Tyson).

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#148 Jeff Lebowski
March 16 2012, 01:01PM
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Your envy of Calgary is so obvious. We're the Tyler Durdens to you. We look how you want to look, we f&%$ how you want to f&%$.

But you're not, and you're very, very pissed off.

You see you guys try to pick up shifts so you can come down to Calgary and pretend to live a life that's foreign to you.

You go to our bars and see all the hot chicks and buy them drinks. It goes nowhere, you run out of money and go back home to screw your fat, ugly broads (who happen to be your first cousins).

You end up having kids with web feet and stunted growth. You tell your buddies that all the girls in Calgary are snobs and everyone is pretentious. You say things like Eat Sh&% Calgary.

But deep down you want to be us, even for just one day. You want to live to good life and not worry when Money Mart opens. You just want to be Calgary so much that you end up hating us because you will never be this good.

Back in 2004 you all put on Flames jerseys you were living the dream. You were finally Flames fans. Some of the more resentful/mongoloid amongst you started writing why all these Flames jerseys? We can't cheer for them. But you did. En masse.

And you're reminded of it every time you look at your retarded, web footed kids and grossly rotund cousin/wife.

Then you see your own web feet.

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#149 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
March 16 2012, 01:02PM
Trash it!
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Gregor or someone who knows stuff

Can you explain how Sven is still up? This was an emergency call was it not? I'd think that they've had plenty of time to get someone from Abottsford by now.

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#150 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 01:05PM
Trash it!
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Senator Theo wrote:

Where do we go to watch you guys swallow?

Go to "Debbie does the Oilers" oh wait.. that was the original title, I forgot it was changed to the more attractive... "Debbie does a dozen Mullets..."

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