GDB 71.0: BATTLE OF ALBERTA
Wanye
March 16 2012 12:20PM

Oh hey Calgary. How’s things? It’s just Wanye - your friendly neighbour to the North. Just thought we’d pop in with a few friends to talk about the ice hockey match this evening.
Things aren’t as dire up here in Edmonton as seasons of XXth, 30th, 30th and 29th would suggest. Yeah we know you are better than us on paper. You have an all world goalie capable of winning you any game he decides. We have a worn out old Russian and some 9 foot something or other backing him up.
Your Captain has X 30 goal seasons in a row, our Captain makes $30 million dollars a game.
PROOF MEET PUDDING

We know that you have been to the playoffs X times since 2006 and all we have been getting up here is our collective asses handed to us. We know we aren’t even close to you in the standings.
We know that the cumulative 5 year record of our respective teams is:
We know all sorts of facts.
Having said all of that:
WE WOULD RATHER BE US THAN YOU
That’s right. The Oilers are coming out of an extended dark age and yours are only beginning now. And you know it too – don’t even pretend you can’t see four or five years of basement dwelling on the horizon ahead of you. Look how old you are! And the no trade clauses! Tsk tsk tsk. It boggles the mind!
Had any UFA or RFA of note chosen the Edmonton Oilers in the past 10 years we might be in a similar pickle. But guess what. They didn’t. And the garbage that we were able to sign are almost all off the books. Then you know what happens? That’s when the winning starts.
Now sure that might be tomorrow and not today. We know that you are surging ETC ETC ETC and hope to put a playoff berth firmly in your sights tonight. And we know that this ain’t exactly the best Oilers squadron of the past 3
There are many areas the Oilers can whip the Calgary Flames at and this includes:
SEXIER BRASS
Sutter v Renney? Are we kidding here? Not to mention that the corpse of Tambellini could be left in the sun for a week and be more attractive in a bathing suit than Jay Feaster. No no, this isn't even a contest between the two franchises.
MORE RYANS

Compare the rosters
MORE SQUEEE

Something something
MORE NUGE

Something something
AND SO
In closing here are some more incendiary quotes from OilersNation via twitter:
@bcherri01 This one is for first dibs on tee times #battleofalberta
@JSBMrevolution Time to show the world who the REAL best cousin kissers are #Wait #battleofalberta
@MyqWilson “Who wins BOA? Jay Feaster asks for the question to be rephrased in the form of a cheeseburger*
You are the worst monsters in human history. We look forward to watching you miss the playoffs.
Signed,
A team out of the playoffs for XX consecutive months
PS Even at the end of the article we would STILL rather be us than you.
Thanks 'Tooth. If that were to happen, re: Parise, I would most certainly enjoy it.
I have to say, most of you Oiler fans are a much more down to earth bunch than the idiots in Riotville.
But everyone in Edmonton thought there would be significant improvement this year with Hall, Eberle & RNH in the line up. I'm just saying, ya you'd better be pushin for a playoff spot this time next year - at what point for you would it be considered a failure?
I'm not disagreeing that Calgary will have holes. I'm well aware of the issues that could face this team in a few years. Too many Sutter years of playing for the now has hurt us, but already we're making strides at improving the farm & prospects. Difference is we're not having to tank to do it. We got a damn good prospect in Baertschi & didn't have to suck to get him - where the decision on who to draft could be made by a monkey.
I never said Baertschi would be Rocket Richard winner or any kind of trophy for that matter. Do you have to have a guy win that to be competitive & push for a Stanley cup or something?
The point I'm making is that this group in Edmonton hasn't shown me anything yet. Columbus was a cap team this year & has drafted high for years - there are no guarantees of anything.
It also seem...you can't win with Ryans either, at least not often.
Ogden---Sven is up till we get 2 injured players back, then he's back to the Dub. So says Feaster.
At one point I lived on 82nd ave...Whyte Ave rocks.
I hope to all the lords above us that the Flames finish 9th! heck wait a minute did feaster trade that pick away for a donut this year or next year?
may you sign Olli Joke inin again to a 5 year no trade clause contract and hang on to Kipper and Iggy until the end of time.
may camelleri add fungus to your locker room. and your saddledome boards are plastard with ads for viagra, centrum 50+, and senior care facilities.
and as expected when your team tanks - the "fans" will all of the sudden look really similar to empty seats, which will make the US economy "BAIL" out look like a warm summer day. and likely your future is a great as the Nevada real estate market right now.
It is all good for us - cuz when we buy up seats for the next decade of BOA blowouts in the saddledome, flames fans will be paying out their own pockets for someone to please take the tickets away.
As per Feaster's comments on a CGY radio station, by the 3rd emergency the team can dip into the junior ranks. Feast waited until the 4th E.CU. so he can opt to send back 1 AHLer 1st. When the 2nd regular is ready to return, the junior player has to go back to his junior team. Unless, I believe, they keep him past his 9 games and burn the 1st year on his contract. CGY couldn't possibly do that because we already have the maximum 50 contracts.
Enjoy 9th place Calgary!
Wanye, somehow your travels in the east have expanded your creative mind (Maybe its the fish), but that article was brilliant.
Yes. Yes we can.
I Hate everything Calgary. Except the girls i leave a little bit of Edmonton in every time i reluctantly have to go there.
Bashing aside- I will give the this, that Sven dude is a player. Its too bad his talents will waste in Horse crap city.
He would look awesome lined up with real Talent like Hall-Eberle and RNH. Not Gramps Iginla and Ollie Jokeanin. Now he reminds me of everything Calgary.. OVER RATED.
I can.
Agreed!
You should be careful about the 'girls' comments, all of CGY's street walkers come from Edmonton. They want to be paid in cash not cigarettes and booze (they'll go buy those on their own thank you). Besides, they're probably your sisters and cousins so, you know... gross!
As for Sven, better one wasted talent than 3 or 4... oh, and don't forget your soon to be #5 top prospect. ...Everything Edmonton...NOT RATED!!!
@T&A4Flames
Oh, well said. I think it's hands down; everyone hates Van and those two aliens!
Not yet Kent. But on that one magical day where Kesler finally cant hold the canucks on his back and the sedins show that they cant handle physical hockey the province will unite, the stars will align and Flames and Oilers fans will sing and laugh together for about two minutes. Maybe an hour if another riot breaks out.
You don't know if the team is going to start Winning or not. Remember the Sens in the 90's With all of their high picks. Nothing is for sure.
Looking at Wanye's MS paint thingy above and just noticed another little tidbit of interesting information. If the Oil win tonight they will surpass their point total from last year. And the year before that.
If Calgary wins they still need 12 points to even tie their total from last year.
Will the Flames make the playoffs this year? Answering that is like when your brother asks if you can pop that discustingly huge zit on his back. (For you cerebrally challenged flames fans the answer is "no").
Evidence of progress and decline is irrefutable.
Yes folks. I'm exceedingly glad I'm us and not you.
@Shredder
Yeah!! Me neither.. Wait...
I always find it funny when people say, "I can't stand that guy and I never even met him." It shows me that you hate me because of one of two reasons..
1. You know what I'm saying it right.
2. My kungfu is just that much better than yours. :)
Pick your poison, but either way all PR is good PR, so thanks for the love brotha!!
@The Soup Fascist
Soupy, an inspired piece. I started welling up. Thanks for taking a moment to serve up the Truth to our Cal-Gay-rean neighbors.
@Vintage Flame
Its got to be the kung fu, you have never said anything correct.
Agreed. BUT
they can lose out and still make the dance.
bastards!
We came out of the dark ages after the CBA only to have 1 good year then The Armageddon era which we are still in.
where is Omark? does sitting mean he is done as an Oiler? I s he in the doghouse again? Not good enough to play.
@Overpaid Wild
That's funny, cause I'm pretty sure I said that the Oilers defense was going to be an Achilles heel this year.. AND that if Re-Khabby was able to stay sober long enough to legitimately lose the starting job to Dubnyk, they he too would screw it up.
How about that? Was I correct about any of that??
Tomorrow yes.
The Vancouver Green Men (fans) or the Sedins...?
Thanks. I guess emergency callups are a bite different post TDD then.
Oh yes the old days...I am one of the 40+ generation that grew up in the heyday of the BOA...watching those I am so pumped to see some kickass action tonite and I miss old Ed Whalen and Stampede Wrestling :(
One of the best fights I remember from BOA was when Jason Arnott ragdolled Otto....loved it.
@Overpaid Wild
Why thankyou..
For the record, I said it on August 19 2011 at 04:01PM
The sisters for sure! Look at them! There freaking aliens! Nobody’s heads are that oblong with skinny faces!
@Vintage Flame
and the draft was sometime in June where tsn would have said it first.
Last big game of the season. We need to build off of our last meeting and show these guys that we are coming. 4-3 Oilers!! Hall scores the winner with less than 5 minutes left in regulation. GO OILERS GO!!
Funny thing, my wife took a picture of me on the i-Pad with the warped mirror set up & it looks just like the Sedins... (I hate to admit that but at least it's just a warped photo & not real), extra large cranial frontal lobe.
Who new you could get TSN on the rabbit ears in Shelbyville...hmmmm
Calgary would be nothing without edmonton and edmonton nothing with out calgary.
stupid comment to make, this is about hockey not which million person metropolis got cable first.
I guess when you got nothing brag about in hockey you have to find other stuff to write about.
Hold on a sec...wasn't Shelbyville always one step ahead of Springfield? That was the source of conflict, and why, ultimately, Shelbyville's town hall was burned to the ground by ravenous Springfieldians...are you coming to burn down Edmonton's city hall?
We need a lemon tree to cement this pointless rivalry.
... and your arguing about a comment?? Who said it first? Seriously, who gives a crap. Vintage knows his stuff and you don't, so don't complain about my comments when you went a string about a retarded & irrelavent thing that someone said.
And what exactly do you have to brag about? 29th place?
@T&A4Flames
And by the way, Vintage's comments are as strong and true as his Kung Fu...........
Hm... From that picture, it looks like RNH has the body of Justin Bieber.
I didn't know that the gods had bodies resembling 12-year-old girls.
@T&A4Flames
What do you have to brag about? A struggling 9th place team? C'mon lets be honest the flames are doing better but you guys really have nothing to brag about. If you make the playoffs you won't go far and thats a really big IF.
@Mort
I don't want to know how you know what the body of a topless 12-year old girl looks like. Can somebody record that guy's IP address please!?
I didn't say that I had anything to brag about. I know the reality of our teams situation. I'm just going to enjoy the ride as long as I can, because right now, it's on the edge of your seat exciting and fun.
No need. Pretty sure he and Chris Hanson have chatted on "To Catch a Predator - the Calgary Files".
Mort: Err .... uhh .... the duct tape and rope? They are for a ..... uhhh ...errr.. a craft! Yeah, that's it, that's the ticket, a craft!
Man this stuff just writes itself when Flame Fans come trolling!
Actually dude, you're trolling our site....
LOL!!!!! ZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
I beg to differ. The hockey gods have been the reason the Flames have been on this recent run; there's really no other logical explanation.
I think your mom smoked crack when you were still in her womb and then dropped you continually after birth because you are one messed up MF'er.
No fear people, you can't really put any weight on anything someone says from a city that has no idea how to number their streets as if math wasn't taught in their schools.
If Calgary was so great how come they don't have a mall that anyone has heard of? And why would you have a stadium shaped like a saddle? Your not cowboys, your city boys and the real cowboys just come to compete there. And who names a neighborhood after a cigarette brand????
Seriously Vintage Flame and T&A4Flames are delusional, and potentially a little retarded.
Vintage, if you really believe "all PR is good PR" you're going on the same train of thought as Sean Avery who sucker punches other players and leaves his sloppy seconds for Flames players to hit up...no wonder I hate your guts.
As for T&A4Flames - well how you compare Sven to any young Oiler is beyond me...Sven is the only good thing you have for next year, while the Oilers have several young guns, all of which I'd take over Sven (not that he's bad, in fact, I'd say Sven is going to be a good player). That being said, our comparisons and our "hope" is based around the following analogy:
There are 2 residential lots next to each other - sure the Flames have a full home built on their lot, but it's about to fall apart any day now. Meanwhile, the Oilers may only have a foundation built, but it's one hell of a foundation, and when the project is all said and done - it'll be a pretty wicked mansion that all will revere...
Oh, and don't forget that you two can Eat Sh!t...
9th place IS foresaken by the gods, Mort. Mid round, no playoff, close but no cigar, Hell.
Continue rolling the ball up the hill, only to have it roll back down. Forever hungrily grasping at the fruit in the tree only to have the branches pull back just out of reach.
That is the curse placed upon you, my friend. That is how the gods have chosen to forsake you. And that you havent realized it yet only serves to keep the impending disappointment so disheartening.
And on a totally unrelated note. . .
Peter Pocklington wrote a newspaper article where he justifies trading Gretz--then takes shots at anyone who suggests he sold him off. I gotta hand it to Puck: he's got balls the size of a Holstein bull.
http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2012/03/16/peter-pocklington-sets-the-record-straight-on-the-oilers-and-wayne-gretzky/
Haha.. Great comeback. On a scale of 1 to 30.. I'll give you a 29. Good luck in the lottery... again