PHOTOSHOP V: YAK CITY

Wanye
July 29 2012 06:02PM

So it turns out that all you need to do to get what you want in life is plead, pout and complain in the most public forum you can find. Entries have poured in at the deadline and our heartfelt apologies go out to all of the entries that didn't make the final cut. We love you too, just less than the people who made it into the finals is all.

We just cannot overemphasize how much we enjoy these photoshop contests and appreciate everyone's hard work. After setting down pretty specific theme that alienated a lot of people in the comments section - we feel completely vindicated now that we have narrowed down the 26 all top quality entries into a final 8.

2012 Summer olympics be damned - this is the competition that is being watched by the World.

As usual we have removed the names of the entrants to keep this from turning into a popularity contest. Because a photoshop contest where a winner is announced based on the highest share of the popular vote can't be turned into a popularity contest.

ENTRY 1: THE MESSAGE

 

We kick off our finalists with this old school classic of a bomb by an author who stated in his email that "you sounded desperate, so I thought I'd give it a shot." Simultaneously summarizing our main strategy with chicks and nailing a spot in the final 8 entries? Well played good Sir. Well played.

This is a take on a landmark album by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. Yes, the stylist for the Village People used to hire himself/herself out to other acts for days on end ensuring everyone looked silly. It was the 70s man, most everyone was on PCP in those days. 

Bonus points for the golden Squee on Eberle's pantaloons.

ENTRY 2: YAKIEMINEM

In our last article shaming people into making more entries in the contest we asked the question "What would Eminiem look like with Yakupov's head on his shoulders?" Well this question can now be placed in the Answered column because he looks like this and quite frankly he looks good.

Very good. 

We are loving the details on the entry too - throwing in an Eberle gangster for life headline is right on point. Eberle is a gangster for life dammit.

ENTRY 3: I SCORE GOAL

Don't think that the double entendre of Yak City is lost on us here. Grills? A bejeweled Oilers pendant? A good old fashioned barf-a-rama on such an epic scale that the makers of Stand By Me would be proud of it? Yes, yes. YES! This entry might not be the first one you would show to your Grandparents during Spanish Easter Dinner but man oh man is it funny.

Less courageous websites with lamer readers and older judges might not display this entry. We flash our best attempts at gang signs in their direction and guffaw loudly at their scorn. Guffaw AND chortle.

"I score goal!" says the Yak. "We will watch you score goal and drink beer!" says the Wanye.

ENTRY 4: SOVIET AIRLIFT

EEEE!!!! Soviet propaganda! Edmonton Skyline with superimposed cash raining down! YMCMB banner appeasing the sole judge! Cross handed pistols held in the pimpingest way possible showing us all that Yak is a man who will shoot first and look gangster shortly thereafter. 

This is a top quality entry that makes us wish we could learn to do photoshop ourselves. Oh the fun we would have if we had a fraction of this person's talent.

ENTRY 5: RUN THIS TOWN

Continuing right along in our Parade of Excitement take a look at this entry. YMCMB added to an Eminem publicity shot and a Nugent Hopkins face added to that. Taylor Hall doing a very convincing Lil Wayne. Jordan Eberle rocking a sideways cap and a bullet proof vest. Not to menton the big man standing in front of RX1 covered in hockey related tats?

Yes, this is what the creators of Photoshop had in mind when they wrote the first product spec back in 1973. Exactly this level of awesome.

Sidebar: If we were in charge of the world RX1 would actually have these very banners on the side of it within minutes. And a 5000 foot statue of Eberle on the roof with a fire groin that shoots flames into the Edmonton night every 15 minutes for the next 200 years.

ENTRY 6: GANGSTER ENOUGH

The author of this unreal entry asked us in the email if it was "gangster enough." Let's see here. Everyone is tatted up. The Nuge is inferring death to his rivals on what we believe to be a Yelawolf body shot. Hall has his face covered because he is presumably committing a crime either moments before or after this picture was taken. YakDaddy1 is wearing fur and has an Oil drop tattoed on his face and Lord Eberle von Awesome has yeg tatted on his fingers as we imagine he does in real life. 

Oh yeah and a bullet ridden Rexall Place with the light of victory streaming out into the dark night.

Yeah, it's gangster enough.

ENTRY 7: CHICKEN AND BEER AND YAK

Yakupov has already made it known that he doesn't drink nor does he go to clubs. We can't help but think he will completely reevaluate this strategy - and may indeed consider cannibalism - after seeing how happy he looks in a strip club surrounded by chicken and beer. This was one of four classic albums remade by the author who took the new album from ATL favourite Ludacris and turned it on it's ear.

All 4 were sick entries by the by and spoiler alert: He sent a NUGE version of a DMX cover that is so terrifying we will have to save it for another day. But best believe that is gonna be seen by human eyes soon too. 

ENTRY 8: FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE 

Now sure this entry might not technically fit the theme of "Rap Inspired" hockey entries. But it 1) mocks Calgary 2) Shows the Octane looking sexy and 3) has a swear word in it. That says something. Something very powerful indeed. We think it very deserving in its place among the final ocho. 

FINAL SUMMARY

Knowing that many of the actual Oilers read this site on the regular is beyond hilarious. Knowing that they will see these entries and wonder when they started playing in KookyTown is even funnier. Hells Bells Yakupov himself might even find this gold mine if he is like 99.345% of professional athletes who google themselves on an hourly basis and then pretend to be offended by all of the attention.

Throw your comments below and vote for the winner. The prize is gonna be an Oodle Noodle delivery GC should the winner live in Edmonton and Area and an OilersNation Draft Party tee shirt if they don't.

Classic photoshop contest right here. It's Yak City Bitch.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Oilers21
July 30 2012, 11:26AM
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this inspired a freestyle:

uh, uh here we go now x10

Yo, the name is Yak and I'm on the attack

Flew over from the motherland and won't fly back

Buy a G6 with my fattest stack

Grab Olli Jokinen and eat a Big Mac

Fill the net with pucks, got a million bucks

tie up Tambellini in the back of a truck

I rely on skill, I don't rely on luck

And if you hate on me I don't give a ----

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#2 Lowetide
July 29 2012, 06:08PM
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These are ALL awesome. I kept going from one to another and saying "well that will win" and now I'm not sure which one is best.

I vote "All of them"

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#3 Jason Gregor
July 30 2012, 03:56PM
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@Wanye

In case you are wondering, I asked Eberle, he liked Gangsta enough...

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#4 Chainsawz
July 31 2012, 12:27PM
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Gangster Enough is my new desktop background. I can't stop staring at it, productivity is down, and I don't care.

No offense to Soviet Air, but Gangster Enough is too epic. Someone has to be stuffing the ballot box on the right because not only shouldn't Soviet Air be winning but it shouldn't even be close.

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#5 @Oilanderp
July 30 2012, 08:40AM
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#1

Being an Oilers fan: It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.

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#6 Max Powers - Team HME Evans
July 29 2012, 10:08PM
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6 then 5 then 1. Holy crap that pic of the nuge in 6 is hilarious, and the Hall pic with dreads in 5 is beyond hilarity. Everyone in pic 1 just looks hilarious, especially Schultz.

We need to find more reasons to have Photoshop contests at this site. They're just too good.

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#7 Kent Wilson
July 30 2012, 05:05AM
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Outstanding work all around. Tough to pick a winner.

Any way we could get some posters printed up of some of these?

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#8 Erny Beckett
July 30 2012, 06:42AM
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Lowetide wrote:

These are ALL awesome. I kept going from one to another and saying "well that will win" and now I'm not sure which one is best.

I vote "All of them"

You would do well in Oiler's management

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#9 laughing pug
July 30 2012, 08:56AM
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Gangster Enough - fits the 118th Ave ambiance perfectly

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#10 ubermiguel
July 30 2012, 08:54PM
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Jason Gregor wrote:

@Wanye

In case you are wondering, I asked Eberle, he liked Gangsta enough...

Only because he's in it!

Or because it's awesome. Tough call.

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#11 jayoilfan
July 30 2012, 09:55PM
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Not only an Oiler fan am I, I am also a ww2 aircraft enthusiast and sorry but I cannot vote for #4, if the aircraft actually were a yak-1, yak-3, yak-9 etc, then Maybe. The concept is very good but the airplane geek in me screams wrongness!

Sorry yakman1619, but those are English Hawker Hurricanes, you can clearly see the tail flash bars and roundel on the fuslelage. The Yak and Hurricane are very different aircraft. If you do a google image search you will see the difference.

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#12 Capricorn Chicklet
August 02 2012, 09:09PM
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Celebrity Vote Off!

Jones, Whitney, Ebs and Hall as judges.

Set it up Gregor!

#Geterdone

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#14 sec206
July 29 2012, 06:16PM
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you people are f***ed. 6 it is

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#15 David S
July 29 2012, 06:25PM
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"Gangster enough" had some serious time put into it. Nice job budday!

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#16 DubyaB83
July 29 2012, 06:43PM
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Props to all but the banners on Rx1 are over the top. Winner:#5 run this town!

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#17 Jamie B.
July 29 2012, 06:45PM
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I don't want to choose between 4 and 6. Alright, fine, I'm going with Gangster Enough because it includes the rest of the Fab Four, but Soviet Airlift is both classy AND classic.

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#18 CDean
July 29 2012, 06:53PM
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The time and effort put into number 5 is obvious. It has my vote, nicely done.

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#19 Hags
July 29 2012, 07:01PM
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With respect to all entries, it's Chicken and Beer.

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#20 nullterm
July 29 2012, 07:01PM
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4, I want a full sized version for my office wall.

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#21 Bak04
July 29 2012, 07:02PM
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Gotta go with E #6, that is a promising looking group to hang our futures playoff hopes on.

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#22 Pouzar99
July 29 2012, 07:06PM
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Sick. Absolutely sick. Made my night. Beats tearing our hair out trying to figure out how the brain trust can add a Top 4 D man when the season is gonna be cancelled anyway.

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#23 Aitch
July 29 2012, 07:34PM
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#6 - Glad someone had a little more time to spend on it than what I sent ya. lol

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#24 pistolpetestar
July 29 2012, 07:58PM
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I cannot get over how well Hall pulls off those dreads. It's uncanny! So for me #5 gets the win with #6 close on its heels with a very honorable mention to #4.

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#25 Steven
July 29 2012, 08:03PM
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They are all great, but #6 is definitely the best.

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#26 Walter
July 29 2012, 08:09PM
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Number 1 is number 1. That one killed it!

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#28 Jordan Nugent-Hallkins
July 29 2012, 08:16PM
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Gangster Enough, I almost died when I saw Nuge and Ebs

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#29 Harlie
July 29 2012, 08:31PM
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Gangsta, gang-gangsta That gangsta love

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#30 The real minnow
July 29 2012, 08:35PM
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Its #5 or bust..my computer in frustration or not

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#31 Wanyes bastard child
July 29 2012, 08:37PM
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Beer IS a thing!

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#32 Oilers G- Nations Poet Laureate
July 29 2012, 09:18PM
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My vote is for SIX

That is awesome photoshop

Yak City indeed

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#33 Puritania
July 29 2012, 09:25PM
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Wanye wrote:

The Nuge should get tons of tats. It looks good on him*

*Don't tell Mama Nuge**

** Or Tambo

Agreed, Nuge needs a sh*t load of tats, and Hallsy needs to grow some badass dreads.

Awesome job fellas and fellarettes, I honestly can't decide on who to vote for.

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#34 Kavy
July 29 2012, 09:31PM
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# 6 for sure. well played sir.

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#35 Eddie Edmonton
July 29 2012, 09:34PM
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#6

#6 has to win, hands down, IMO

#4 is a close second

I would like to frame #6 over my T.V for the upcoming season/s.

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#36 Harlie
July 29 2012, 09:38PM
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Hall with braids and all lil Wayne like. ROFL!

And squee on Eb's backwards Starter is classic.

Also dig the colors and vibe on that Soviet one.

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#37 Downright Fierce
July 29 2012, 09:41PM
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Entry 4.

Most original, perfect execution.

Yak City, bitch.

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#38 Jonathan Willis
July 29 2012, 09:49PM
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This is very tough... great work by everybody.

Four wins it narrowly for me.

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#39 Reality Check to the head
July 29 2012, 09:53PM
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Entry 6 is totally gangsta enough. It is also the cleanest of all the entries, but 1 and 5 get honourable mention for sure. Anyone that has Grand Master Flash reference deserves serious props. Nice job peeps!

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#40 mharco
July 29 2012, 10:00PM
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Soviet Airlift for sure

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#41 yawto
July 29 2012, 10:17PM
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Run this town fo sho

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#42 RexLibris
July 29 2012, 10:22PM
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I've always been partial to the Soviet Propaganda aesthetic, and the craftsmanship there is awesome.

But #6 is ridiculous. Gangster enough and then some. YEG tattoos on Eberle's knuckles, Yakupov in furs, Spongebob with the side-hat, Hall channeling the Battle in Seattle.

I feel like I'm in the old Mini-Wheats commercial: the mature classy side of me says #4, but the smart-mouthed kid in me says #6.

That is some nice work, indeed.

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#43 15w40
July 29 2012, 10:31PM
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Eberle kills the fro!! Love it.

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#44 treblecharger
July 29 2012, 10:36PM
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These are all so awesome! Way to go creative Nation types! I gotta go with Grandmaster Yak! Brilliant!

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#45 Slayer636
July 29 2012, 10:42PM
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I vote for Entry #6. All of them were pretty hilarious, but 6 does it for me.

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#46 TeddyTurnbuckle
July 29 2012, 10:53PM
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Tie for 1 and 6. Awesome job.

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#47 Reg Dunlop
July 29 2012, 11:04PM
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I am speechless. I know nothing about photoshop and less about gangsters but I do know funny. Kudos to all 8, well done.

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#48 Eulers
July 29 2012, 11:32PM
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#4 4 EULERS. Also, kudos to #1 for fitting Schutlz, Gagner, and Dubnyk in there.

Top rate, gents, top rate.

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#50 mouthbreather
July 29 2012, 11:55PM
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#6... Ebbs finger tattoos are sick!

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