Two Minutes Hate! The Gary Leeman Edition

bookofloob
January 10 2013 10:59AM

 

Good day to you, Nation. Welcome to what is now both 2013 and a post lockout utopian dream. Surely with all the news of ratified CBAs, schedule planning, game matchups, shortened training camps, and what is surely to be an exciting blend of rusty hockey players blowing three goal leads and highlight reel dangles, you can expect FlamesNation to lend it's unique stance and unparalleled voice of the Community of The Flaming C throughout all their trials and tribulations this upcoming campaign.

Today though, we pan an ex-Calgary Flame who played a total of 59 games with the team more than 20 years ago and is, at best, entirely forgettable, because, well mostly because it was ahead in the queue and we don't play games with the queue. So with that in mind, Gary Leeman, this is your Two Minutes Hate.

Nobody Believes You Gary

To truly understand just who Gary Leeman was, perhaps the following statement is the best way to really characterize his essence: Gary Leeman is the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Goodnight, everybody!

I'm being told I need to explain more. Well, okay then, but it's giving me a headache, just so you know.

Leeman was, if you want to believe the scouts from THE 1980'S, a very promising and, I kid you not, rugged young product out of Saskatchewan. Gary was essentially all of the same parts that make up the ultimate "This guy is a Maple Leaf" guy, Wendel Clark, only he lacked that one characteristic that distinguished Wendel from any and all other Leaf greats: Success.

Yes, Leeman embodies the Leafs in that he was very overhyped, very underwhelming, and even though we're thousands of kilometers away, Calgary ended up having him shoved down out throats, even though we never wanted it.

For a while there, Gary had people convinced. He had played quite respectably in Junior with the Regina Pats, being named an All-Star, and inexplicably represented Canada at TWO World Junior Championships, proving once and for all that every player to ever suit up at that tournament is destined for greatness (For further reading on the subject, see Gendron, Martin)

This was enough to get Leeman, or GLee Man, as I think I'd like to refer to him as from here on out, drafted by the Maple Leafs in the second round of the 1982 NHL Entry Draft.

But see, here's the thing. To this point, GLee Man was a defenseman. And I guess pretty okay at it too. But upon joining the Leafs in 1983, the team and the player had the audacity to believe that, in the NHL, hockey's highest tier, it would be easy to just start from scratch and turn Gary into a left winger. Which they did. Again, in the NHL.

In some ways, it made sense, as it was the 1980's, and defensemen ceased to exist for most of the decade. But to anyone watching as the years went on, perhaps that would have been a more preferable outcome for Gary's career.

Because again, for a while, Leeman's smoke and mirrors chicanery was paying dividends for him. Where he should have been playing left wing on a line with like Joe Sacco, or Tom Kurvers, or like, I don't know, Ogie Oglethorpe, Leeman used his Jedi Mind Tricks to convince then head coach John Brophy to put him on a line with Wendel Clark and the speedy Russ Courtnall, and against all odds, GLee Man started to score goals. Like, kinda regularly.

He even became the second Leaf, somehow, to score 50 goals since Rick Vaive, who, again somehow, was the first one in the Leafs long history to do it. What an organization.

But all good things must come to an end, and Gary knew it was time. Time for the next installment of his nefarious plan: Time to destroy your Calgary Flames.

Gary Leeman, Revealed!

I have a theory. It's not so much a theory as it is ABSOLUTELY TRUE, but is failed to be recognized by scientists and world leaders, and their ignorance is to blame for all of this. The truth is, Doug Risebrough's Doug Gilmour Trade is the cause of all terrible and chaotic things to have ever happened in the world.

Hitler was a concert pianist, pollution, smog, all leading enviromental strife that we know today ceased to exist, Geddy Lee never meets Alex Lifeson, thus negating the existence of Rush, life was great.

But then on that fateful day back in January of 1992, Doug Risebrough did the dumbest thing anyone has ever done, and a rift in the space time contiuum jostled our collective history in such a way that dark forces took over, providing us with such grim consequences that we have never quite recovered from.

For most of the editions of Two Minutes Hate! I have ever written, I've managed to somehow include Doug Risebrough in there for being responsible for making it all happen. And while he deserves it, people often wonder if it's fair to fault Riser exclusively for all the tragedies that have befallen the Flames over the years. And the answer is no. Because Gary Leeman also has to shoulder some of this responsibility.

Sure, Risebrough went and mortgaged the future away on shady gamblings like a drunk dad does with your college fund, but it was wrong of Leeman to bamboozle Dougy, being that it was obvious that Riser had no idea what he was doing. It's irresponsible, but this is what happened.

We all know the disheartening details of what happened that day, we've been subjected to it ad nauseum, and rehashing it here one more time, well...I can't, I can't, I just can't, it's going to make me cry.

But we all know that Doug Risebrough and his naivety believed Cliff Fletcher's lie, that wily old veteran, that Gary Leeman was a perennial goal scorer who would be a wonderful centerpiece along with all of Toronto's other assorted garbage in exchange for what would be Doug Gilmour and a good core of players to make your team an instant contender. Which the Leafs never ended up becoming, but that is a hilariously telling endeavor in it's own right.

Just so we're clear, let me re-read that to you: Gary Leeman, centerpiece, Doug Gilmour trade.

If you haven't thrown your chair through your monitor yet, let's continue.

Leeman Proves To Be a Leeboy

(Just as an aside, if you find Wikipedia page, which I am 90% sure is autobiographical, you'll read that Gary needed a change of scenery, and that's why he was traded to the Flames in 1992. Which suggests that Gary Leeman was the reason the trade named after Doug Gilmour happened)

We'll keep this short, but damaging, because that's what Gary Leeman was to Calgary. Being the centerpiece of a trade that sent one of the finest forwards this organization has known, coupled with being a 50 goal scorer once (to this day, no one has any idea how this happened)

But as you all surely know by now, THINGS DIDN'T EXACTLY WORK OUT.

Gary Leeman played 59 games for the Flames. Over two seasons. Are we understanding this here? He played 29 games over the balance of the 91-92 season after being traded from Toronto, and then the Flames could only stomach another 30 games of Leeman brand suck before shipping him off to Montreal for one time Flames killer Brian Skrudland. A very old Brian Skrudland. Who was welcomed with open arms for not being Gary Leeman.

The numbers for those two season are staggering: 59 GP, 11 G, 23 PTS, and a responsible -6 (people cared about +/- back then, so it counts, okay?)

Meanwhile, in the same two seasons, Doug Gilmour threw on his Leafs jersey for 123 games, scoring 47 goals, 129 ASSISTS (!!!), for 176 points. +45. But Gary Leeman scored 50 goals one time, so he's probably better, eh Riser? I hope you're crying, wherever you are right now.

LET THE HATE FLOW THROUGH YOU

Gary Leeman's Legends Of Hockey Page (best oxymoron) states that due to dwindling ice time in Calgary (which we can all assume he feels was undeserved, because someone had to think so, right?), that Leeman asked for a trade. Gary Leeman asked for a trade. GARY LEEMAN ASKED FOR A TRADE. Let me tell you something Gary, you weren't the only one asking for you to be traded. You all probably forget, but we held a city wide parade in Calgary when "his" request was finally granted. Harvey the Hound was the marshal. Bearcat Murray did things. It was pretty great.

Gary, unlike most people who wrong the Flames, ultimately got the last laugh though, as the season he was traded to Montreal, he ended up winning a Stanley Cup because Patrick Roy. One of the most undeserved Stanley Cup rings was made that season, and that is an atrocity we can't just up and undo. It's like that time on MASH where Major Burns got sent back home to HEY WHERE ARE YOU ALL GOING?

As mentioned off the top, it seems weird to pen an entire anti-tribute to a guy that, in the long run, is a blip on the radar of all things Flaming C, but like it or not, if you're the punchline on what is the worst trade in HOCKEY HISTORY, you're in for a bit of a hate job if you didn't live up to your end of the bargain. So, Mr. Leeman, if we laugh in those rare instances where we remember who you are, it's not because we're laughing with you, it's because we're done crying. We haven't let bygones be bygones, we're not being the bigger person. Rest assured, we still hate you, we just don't have the energy to do anything other than laugh.

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The Book of Loob is the Nation's resident expert in flim-flammery and twaddle. An unabashed Flames fan, when BoL is not intellectually bankrupting Flames Nation, he can be seen rooting for Blair Jones, often to excess, at Book of Loob. Follow him on twitter here.
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#1 Scary Gary
January 10 2013, 12:46PM
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Great read, I think you've taken your hate to a new level.

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#3 Kent Wilson
January 10 2013, 02:38PM
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I wonder if Gary Leeman even has one fan out there.

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#4 MC Hockey
January 10 2013, 04:24PM
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Too bad for people named "Gary" and having "man" in their surname who are in pro hockey. Perhaps Bettman competes with Leeman for most hated? Or maybe you recall the infamous Russian Garense Skimanovanski (also known as Gary) who played for the California Golden Seals for 3 games but was run out of town for loud and smelly belching on the ice. Anyone else remember Garense?

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#5 Michael
January 10 2013, 04:35PM
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I still have nightmares about that trade...

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#6 Baalzamon
January 10 2013, 04:37PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

I wonder if Gary Leeman even has one fan out there.

probably the guy who bought season tickets just in time for his 50 goal season. There has to be at least one.

It's like those football victory prediction things, where they print cards with both outcomes and eventually someone gets only winners and then bets a lot of money. Probability demands the right to make idiots of people.

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#7 Kent Wilson
January 10 2013, 04:57PM
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@Baalzamon

Haha, that it does.

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#8 Kent Wilson
January 10 2013, 05:02PM
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Also, Im surprised no Rush fans have shown up to protest that gratuitous shot at their band.

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#9 Vowswithin
January 10 2013, 05:35PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Also, Im surprised no Rush fans have shown up to protest that gratuitous shot at their band.

I can only assume that loob has no idea about music and loves sweet pop beats that he can "dance to" ;). Rush isn't my favorite band but as a musician I to see a guy who can sing, play bass And keyboard with his feet.... Freaking amazing, not to mention it ain't no bs 4/4 simple stuff either.

Glad to say that I wasn't into hockey at the time Leeman was around (well I didn't keep close tabs on rosters that is)

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#10 ChinookArch
January 10 2013, 06:24PM
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This topic nearly always puts me in a bad mood. Stupid Doug Risebrough!

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#12 Vowswithin
January 10 2013, 07:49PM
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bookofloob wrote:

NOBODY LIKES RUSH!

(Next week, Nation Citizens pen Two Minutes Hate: The Book Of Loob Edition

Rush has won a number of Juno Awards, and was inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame in 1994. Over their careers, the members of Rush have been acknowledged as some of the most proficient players on their respective instruments, with each band member winning numerous awards in magazine readers' polls. As a group, Rush possesses 24 gold records and 14 platinum (3 multi-platinum) records.[1] Rush's sales statistics place them third behind The Beatles and The Rolling Stones for the most consecutive gold or platinum studio albums by a rock band.[2] Rush also ranks 79th in U.S. album sales, with 25 million units.[3] Although total worldwide album sales are not calculated by any single entity, as of 2004 several industry sources estimated Rush's total worldwide album sales at over 40 million.

Lol

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#14 the forgotten man
January 10 2013, 08:18PM
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Risebrough is the poster boy for the Peter Principle...should have never left ice level and put on a tie. More ludicrous than the Leeman trade, is the fact he found future employment after laying that coil of a turd...one wonders why they get more cynical with age.

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#15 the forgotten man
January 10 2013, 08:21PM
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Vowswithin wrote:

Rush has won a number of Juno Awards, and was inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame in 1994. Over their careers, the members of Rush have been acknowledged as some of the most proficient players on their respective instruments, with each band member winning numerous awards in magazine readers' polls. As a group, Rush possesses 24 gold records and 14 platinum (3 multi-platinum) records.[1] Rush's sales statistics place them third behind The Beatles and The Rolling Stones for the most consecutive gold or platinum studio albums by a rock band.[2] Rush also ranks 79th in U.S. album sales, with 25 million units.[3] Although total worldwide album sales are not calculated by any single entity, as of 2004 several industry sources estimated Rush's total worldwide album sales at over 40 million.

Lol

Rush to me is like the musical equivalent of the Chia Pet...millions sold, but why?

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#17 Baalzamon
January 10 2013, 09:02PM
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@bookofloob

what about being GM of the Blue Jackets?

okay, maybe that job only appears to suck because the guy who does it is terrible. I still get the giggles when I think about that Carter/Johnson trade.

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#18 Brent G.
January 10 2013, 09:33PM
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Why wouldn't they move him back to defence when he sucked in Calgary?

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#19 Baalzamon
January 10 2013, 09:58PM
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@Brent G.

Someone who is useless at forward would likely make a disastrous defenseman. Think Babchuk without the slapshot. I understand that Leeman was a defenseman before he reached the NHL, but he had never played on the blueline at anythig approaching the NHL level. Much like why people are generally not confident about Tanguay's ability to convert to center.

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#21 Captain Ron
January 11 2013, 02:10AM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

I wonder if Gary Leeman even has one fan out there.

Probably one, since mothers seem to be able to endure all.

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#22 Scott
January 11 2013, 09:51AM
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Thank goodness for Two Minutes Hate! for pointing out my mistake in not hating people that I had long since forgotten... I feel a much more fulfilled life now that I have resumed hating Gary Leeman! :)

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