GDB 04: THE BATTLE OF ALBERTA

Wanye
January 26 2013 12:11PM

We have a little tradition here at the Nation Network. They who win the Battle of Alberta writes the next GDB on both sites. So buckle up Flames Fans because you are going to get it and we are going to give it to you.

For far too long Edmontonians and Calgarians have battled back and forth with the same old witty jabs and name calling.  Calgary has one Cup - a bra has two. Edmonton has no running water or intelligence of any sort. You have the Stampede, we have a free hot dog lunch in the parking lot of Bonnie Doon shopping mall. Yeah, yeah yeah. We get it.

This time around we are dispensing with the usual insults and getting to the heart of the matter of what is really wrong with you Calgary.

THIS IS US - THIS IS YOU

Oooooh. We get it Calgary. You are the rich neighbours to the South with all of your money and power and fancy high rise buildings. Everyone understands that at some point in the mid 90s all of our businesses picked up and moved down Highway 2. Well guess what? We were like 8 years old when that happened. Didn't care then - didn't care now.

Frankly you did us a favour Calgary. We will never figure out how jedi mind tricked the bulk of our corporate douchebags to pack up their drycleaned belongings and move three hours away but we thank you.

And while we watch the game tonight and see a bunch of non-plussed suit types sitting on their hands in the Saddledome in jerseys that still have their tags on we will thank the Gods that none of them are up here pretending to be Oilers fans anymore.

Good riddance.

US v YOU

Speaking of Flames fans where have they gone? We seem to remember a whole mess of people filing into your Red Mile during your ill fated Cup run. People all over the were quick to cheer for "KIPPPPPERRRRRRRR" and "IGGGGGYYY" and Company. And yet nowdays there don't seem to be nearly as many people up repping the flaming C.

That's probably because the bulk of people following aren't really Flames fans. They are sports consumers. When the milk is fresh you are all happy to have a glass. When the milk goes sour - no one will come within a hundred miles.

Contrast that with Edmonton. We have been drinking sour milk for so long we have developed a taste for it. In fact many of us now prefer it. Doesn't matter if the Oilers finish in last place every year until the end of time. Oilers fans are in the business of living and dying with the team. Anyone with any hockey sense at all would have abandoned this team years ago and yet here we are millions strong all around the world.

And luckily the Oil are on the verge of being awesome. While Calgary is going to gently float down to the bottom of the league until your 33 NTCs expire in 2035.

STILL US STILL YOU

Looking at your roster - who is there even to get excited about?! Iginla in the prime of the twilight of his fine career? Pfft. Steve Begin? Jiri Hudler? Who the hell are any of these old bastards anyway? There is literally not a single player on your entire roster that we could possibly get excited about. Anyone skilled is old. Anyone young is marginal. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

We remember when we were trying to convince ourselves that players like Roman Cervenka were going to be the answer. Our Cervenka had names like Cole and O'Sullivan. We hoped and prayed late into the night that they could find something deep down within themselves and become awesome. And guess what - it didn't work.

It never works. Your roster was built around a core and that core expired about 4 years ago. Now you are like the guy who went all in on a 5-3 offsuit with a hunch "things were going to look better after the flop." Well the flop came up all Kings and now you have nothing left to do but play out your hand.

And lose.

Losers.

AND SO IN CLOSING

There is literally nothing you can do to win this battle Flames fans. Even if the Oilers lose (and they may) they are still the far superior team and we both know it. Even if the Flames win by 10 goals it will be no more satisfying than being given a free shrimp cocktail at a banquet on the Titanic. You are headed to the bottom and everyone on board is starting to sense disaster.

And there isn't an insult in the book you can lob our way that will have any impact. Yes we are  your hillbilly cousins up Highway 2. We are eternal optimists who have had a crap team and lacked the brain stem or the reality check to realize it. Now after being rewarded for coming in last for so long we have an embarassment of riches for a lineup and 18 year old Russian superstars sliding all over while we lose our drunken minds in celebration.

Its all happening up here and nothing is happening down there and you would be madder except that most of your bandwagon jumping fans have left long ago. Perhaps we should lend you the terms "ELPH" and "Shitanusly bad hockey." They got us through some dark days.

Oh and it's Wayne Gretzky's birthday today. Remember him?

GAME DAY PREDICTION: This is as easy to predict as getting some drunk Calgary tramp girl to flash her boobs during the only Cup run Calgarians will witness in the next two decades...Oilers win 5-2.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: One thing Flames and Oiler fans can agree on is it is great not having Mark Lee call the game on HNIC. Also buckle up it could be a long game with Tom Kowal and Greg Kimmerly reffing the game. They are as blind as the guys who thought every Calgary tramp girl who flashed on the red mile was hot.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: During the second period one of the mics at ice level picks up the audio from a conversation between Jarome Iginla and Jordan Eberle.

"Hey Ebs, tell Tambo I'd gladly waive my non-trade clause and come play with you guys." Eberle smiles and replies, "You betcha, but I hope you are okay playing on the 2nd line." Iginla smiles, "No problem, at least I'd have a chance to make the playoffs again." Within moment the Nations blow up with talk of a possible trade. Flames fans start calling him "Judas", while Oiler fans calmly sit back knowing that Iginla speaks the truth.

Thanks to Gregor for giving me his Game Day Predictions

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#151 Oilertown
January 26 2013, 08:25PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

Hudler and Cervenka are a band aid, on a better team they might actually be better, but its a collective group that will drag the rest down....eventually.

I've seen it! witnessed it! Ray Whitney, Lupal, Satan it can go on and on.

I am no fan of Horcoff by any means, but I see the Oilers as the one that does take a step this year, I'm still saying above a lottery pick around 22nd overall.

Flames will be 29th or 30th.

Please no I like seeing the flameouts out of lottery territory. Knowing them tho they will probably take some player nobody has heard of first overall haha.

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#152 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 08:26PM
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@Oilertown

I doubt they'll be on the ice at the same time.

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#153 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:26PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Question is...who is going to fight Hordichuk tonight? WHO?

Stajan.

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#154 OilClog
January 26 2013, 08:27PM
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The player introduction music is slightly creepy.

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#155 OilClog
January 26 2013, 08:27PM
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Can Yakupov please come sliding up right now.

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#156 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:27PM
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Cherry! Yeeesh that suit is awful!

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#157 OilHub
January 26 2013, 08:29PM
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Anyone have a different feed for the game I can't get cbc.

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#158 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:30PM
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NO MARK LEE!!!!! GODDAMNIT NO

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#159 Dennis
January 26 2013, 08:31PM
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Well, I guess we'll see what moronic calls these bonehead refs make tonight. Total bush league.

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#160 Oilertown
January 26 2013, 08:34PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

I doubt they'll be on the ice at the same time.

Ok you probably got me there. But seriously I hope Hordi just grabs someone and pummels them.

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#161 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 08:34PM
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OilHub wrote:

Anyone have a different feed for the game I can't get cbc.

Try moving your rabbit ears.

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#162 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 08:36PM
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Edmonton looking sharp early. Chances are 3-0 Oil.

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#163 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:36PM
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Oh Gio...

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#164 Dennis
January 26 2013, 08:38PM
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OilHub wrote:

Anyone have a different feed for the game I can't get cbc.

Try here bud, they usually have feeds.

http://atdee.net/index2.php

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#165 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:38PM
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Backs!!!!!

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#166 OilClog
January 26 2013, 08:38PM
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Goalie interference!! Right?

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#167 OilLeak
January 26 2013, 08:38PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Edmonton looking sharp early. Chances are 3-0 Oil.

I guess it didn't matter, damn.

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#168 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 08:38PM
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💪😏

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#169 OilClog
January 26 2013, 08:39PM
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He punched in him the head!

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#170 Oilertown
January 26 2013, 08:39PM
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Wow can you say goalie interference.

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#171 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:40PM
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Come on refs. That is a freakin goal

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#172 Smokey
January 26 2013, 08:40PM
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Goalie interference

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#173 Oilertown
January 26 2013, 08:40PM
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WOW!

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#174 Dennis
January 26 2013, 08:40PM
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WTF? No goalie interference there, yet there was on Thursday? Joke.

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#175 11yomamen
January 26 2013, 08:41PM
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Good for Backs, GOOD FOR US :o)

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#176 Smokey
January 26 2013, 08:41PM
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Hrudey was wrong, good for Calgary...

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#177 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:41PM
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They can't review goalie interference btw. The review was for if he kicked it in

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#178 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 08:42PM
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Welcome to the NHL Justin. Nice pik pocket.

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#179 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 08:42PM
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Go Backlund go.

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#180 Oilertown
January 26 2013, 08:42PM
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Flamers think they have a player in Baklund I don't see it.

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#181 negrilcowboy
January 26 2013, 08:43PM
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gawd cbc has gotta employ the worst of the worst.

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#182 Dennis
January 26 2013, 08:43PM
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schevvy wrote:

They can't review goalie interference btw. The review was for if he kicked it in

No, but they can hold an on ice conference, which they didn't do yet did two nights ago for the very same thing.

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#183 thednp
January 26 2013, 08:43PM
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unbiased view - that interference is almost exactly why they called back the goal on Thursday against the Kings. Same refs, totally opposite call.

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#184 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 08:46PM
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Flames first PP unit has been terrible at controlling the play so far this year.

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#185 OilLeak
January 26 2013, 08:47PM
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Oilertown wrote:

Flamers think they have a player in Baklund I don't see it.

I disagree with you on this one, Backlund may not have the offense, but he's definitely a player.

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#186 OilClog
January 26 2013, 08:47PM
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I believe one of these refs is DSF or DSF related.

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#187 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 08:48PM
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@thednp

Right, the refs are against Edmonton! No wait the NHL hates the Oilers.

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#188 Locksmithluke
January 26 2013, 08:48PM
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Pretty dissapointed in the officiating early on! These zebras have a hard on for the boys in copper an' blue!! Completely runs Dubnyk and all is well in Cowtown!

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#189 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 08:50PM
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Nation getting love from CBC.

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#190 Smokey
January 26 2013, 08:52PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

@ Smokey

Oh B.S!! You know it and I know it! If you can’t see the forest from your knees then the you know sh!t about hockey.

The Flames are one step away from falling into the abyss the same as the Oilers.

I thought CBJ was going to be the worst team in the NHL this year........I don't anymore.

Regardless of who wins this game there is no one in the world of hockey that would take the Flames or there prospect over the Oilers.

Hudler is the definition of " I seen him when he was good"

Stajan will be bought out post haste as soon as the season is done......FACT!!!!

Cervenka is a Fistric hit away from never playing again, what is he 5'9 150lbs, he is of zero NHL experience.

This is what you hang your hat on!!! Pure BullSh!t!!!!!!

Oh, by the way, the reason Gagner's line is - anything is from one game!

The Flames don't have the speed the Oilers do....FACT!

I don't know if you have a tendency to read into everything you read. Oh boy. The Gagner's line has bled chances, their no bull, straight facts...subjectively you've been blinded by their heroics. Did you watch Vancouver and SanJose. Sedins ate their lunch. Everyone stunk in San Jose. LA, they were sos o till the heroics.

By the way I'm an Oilers fan. I want the line to succeed but their aturnover waiting to happen, and I sure as hell want them to light it up.

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#191 yomamen11
January 26 2013, 08:52PM
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Looks like Cammy finally shake that rust off his legs

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#192 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:52PM
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J. Shultz is playing well, best skater early on in my eyes

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#193 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 08:53PM
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At least there will be no telus commercials tonight.

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#194 negrilcowboy
January 26 2013, 08:54PM
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gotta keep movin their feeet

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#195 OilClog
January 26 2013, 08:54PM
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How about diving? He launched like a firecracker in a brown eye.

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#196 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:54PM
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Why the hell do coaches insist on putting Tanguay on the point?

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#197 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 08:56PM
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@schevvy

I have no idea. It has never worked.

I also wish Hartley would give the 2nd unit a bit more time.

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#198 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:56PM
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Yes!!!

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#199 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 08:56PM
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Thank St. Albert.

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#200 schevvy
January 26 2013, 08:57PM
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J-BO

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