GDB 04: THE BATTLE OF ALBERTA

Wanye
January 26 2013 12:11PM

We have a little tradition here at the Nation Network. They who win the Battle of Alberta writes the next GDB on both sites. So buckle up Flames Fans because you are going to get it and we are going to give it to you.

For far too long Edmontonians and Calgarians have battled back and forth with the same old witty jabs and name calling.  Calgary has one Cup - a bra has two. Edmonton has no running water or intelligence of any sort. You have the Stampede, we have a free hot dog lunch in the parking lot of Bonnie Doon shopping mall. Yeah, yeah yeah. We get it.

This time around we are dispensing with the usual insults and getting to the heart of the matter of what is really wrong with you Calgary.

THIS IS US - THIS IS YOU

Oooooh. We get it Calgary. You are the rich neighbours to the South with all of your money and power and fancy high rise buildings. Everyone understands that at some point in the mid 90s all of our businesses picked up and moved down Highway 2. Well guess what? We were like 8 years old when that happened. Didn't care then - didn't care now.

Frankly you did us a favour Calgary. We will never figure out how jedi mind tricked the bulk of our corporate douchebags to pack up their drycleaned belongings and move three hours away but we thank you.

And while we watch the game tonight and see a bunch of non-plussed suit types sitting on their hands in the Saddledome in jerseys that still have their tags on we will thank the Gods that none of them are up here pretending to be Oilers fans anymore.

Good riddance.

US v YOU

Speaking of Flames fans where have they gone? We seem to remember a whole mess of people filing into your Red Mile during your ill fated Cup run. People all over the were quick to cheer for "KIPPPPPERRRRRRRR" and "IGGGGGYYY" and Company. And yet nowdays there don't seem to be nearly as many people up repping the flaming C.

That's probably because the bulk of people following aren't really Flames fans. They are sports consumers. When the milk is fresh you are all happy to have a glass. When the milk goes sour - no one will come within a hundred miles.

Contrast that with Edmonton. We have been drinking sour milk for so long we have developed a taste for it. In fact many of us now prefer it. Doesn't matter if the Oilers finish in last place every year until the end of time. Oilers fans are in the business of living and dying with the team. Anyone with any hockey sense at all would have abandoned this team years ago and yet here we are millions strong all around the world.

And luckily the Oil are on the verge of being awesome. While Calgary is going to gently float down to the bottom of the league until your 33 NTCs expire in 2035.

STILL US STILL YOU

Looking at your roster - who is there even to get excited about?! Iginla in the prime of the twilight of his fine career? Pfft. Steve Begin? Jiri Hudler? Who the hell are any of these old bastards anyway? There is literally not a single player on your entire roster that we could possibly get excited about. Anyone skilled is old. Anyone young is marginal. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

We remember when we were trying to convince ourselves that players like Roman Cervenka were going to be the answer. Our Cervenka had names like Cole and O'Sullivan. We hoped and prayed late into the night that they could find something deep down within themselves and become awesome. And guess what - it didn't work.

It never works. Your roster was built around a core and that core expired about 4 years ago. Now you are like the guy who went all in on a 5-3 offsuit with a hunch "things were going to look better after the flop." Well the flop came up all Kings and now you have nothing left to do but play out your hand.

And lose.

Losers.

AND SO IN CLOSING

There is literally nothing you can do to win this battle Flames fans. Even if the Oilers lose (and they may) they are still the far superior team and we both know it. Even if the Flames win by 10 goals it will be no more satisfying than being given a free shrimp cocktail at a banquet on the Titanic. You are headed to the bottom and everyone on board is starting to sense disaster.

And there isn't an insult in the book you can lob our way that will have any impact. Yes we are  your hillbilly cousins up Highway 2. We are eternal optimists who have had a crap team and lacked the brain stem or the reality check to realize it. Now after being rewarded for coming in last for so long we have an embarassment of riches for a lineup and 18 year old Russian superstars sliding all over while we lose our drunken minds in celebration.

Its all happening up here and nothing is happening down there and you would be madder except that most of your bandwagon jumping fans have left long ago. Perhaps we should lend you the terms "ELPH" and "Shitanusly bad hockey." They got us through some dark days.

Oh and it's Wayne Gretzky's birthday today. Remember him?

GAME DAY PREDICTION: This is as easy to predict as getting some drunk Calgary tramp girl to flash her boobs during the only Cup run Calgarians will witness in the next two decades...Oilers win 5-2.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: One thing Flames and Oiler fans can agree on is it is great not having Mark Lee call the game on HNIC. Also buckle up it could be a long game with Tom Kowal and Greg Kimmerly reffing the game. They are as blind as the guys who thought every Calgary tramp girl who flashed on the red mile was hot.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: During the second period one of the mics at ice level picks up the audio from a conversation between Jarome Iginla and Jordan Eberle.

"Hey Ebs, tell Tambo I'd gladly waive my non-trade clause and come play with you guys." Eberle smiles and replies, "You betcha, but I hope you are okay playing on the 2nd line." Iginla smiles, "No problem, at least I'd have a chance to make the playoffs again." Within moment the Nations blow up with talk of a possible trade. Flames fans start calling him "Judas", while Oiler fans calmly sit back knowing that Iginla speaks the truth.

Thanks to Gregor for giving me his Game Day Predictions

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#251 RKD
January 26 2013, 09:44PM
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Tech question Kent, the posting time on this forum appears to be fifteen minutes ahead. Comments are moderated but when I post it goes up right away. If my clock is behind are you editing comments before posting?

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#252 Jordan Nugent-Hallkins
January 26 2013, 09:47PM
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@RKD

Kent = Stalin, beware

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#253 Skidplate
January 26 2013, 09:47PM
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RKD, good question. I have noticed that as well.

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#254 Romanus
January 26 2013, 09:47PM
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negrilcowboy wrote:

i think simmer is better than hrudey

I used to like Hurley, but he's too Calgary biased now.

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#255 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 09:48PM
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@RKD

Comments only go into moderation when they are flagged for inappropriate language, so no.

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#256 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 09:49PM
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Jordan Nugent-Hallkins wrote:

Kent = Stalin, beware

I think we all know that all communists live in the Kapital.

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#257 seve927
January 26 2013, 09:49PM
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How can we have a TV time out and still come back with Sarich-Smith?

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#258 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 09:52PM
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#2 PP unit please!

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#259 seve927
January 26 2013, 09:54PM
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Yep, Hudler's awesome.

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#260 RKD
January 26 2013, 09:54PM
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Stempniak is on fire!

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#261 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 09:54PM
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Bouwmeester looks great tonight.

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#262 yomamen11
January 26 2013, 09:54PM
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Yahoooooooo!!!!

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#263 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 09:54PM
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Wow, full marks to Bouwmeester (the Edmonton native).

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#264 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 09:54PM
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@ChinookArch

Co-sign.

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#265 Kodiak
January 26 2013, 09:56PM
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Petry brutal again tonight. Not sure why he feels the need to chase guys way out to the corner. Pretty sure they aren't going to score from there.

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#266 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 09:56PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Bouwmeester looks great tonight.

I think he's been good in all 4 games. Maybe Hartly system fits his style of play.

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#267 seve927
January 26 2013, 10:01PM
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@ChinookArch

That's a bit generous, I think. He hasn't been terrible, but nothing like tonight. He's looking like a 5 million dollar player tonight!

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#268 Smokey
January 26 2013, 10:03PM
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Boumeester looks like the player Sutter signed. Good for Calgary. Best game I've seen him play in Calgary. Calgary must be happy.

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#269 seve927
January 26 2013, 10:03PM
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How did they catch Sarich on the ice against the kids? Scary.

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#270 Dennis
January 26 2013, 10:03PM
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Crap!! So close J. Schultz

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#271 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 10:04PM
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@seve927

He will probably never earn $6.6M Seve927.

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#272 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 10:05PM
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Chances were 9-4 in favor of the Flames by my count in the 2nd.

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#273 seve927
January 26 2013, 10:05PM
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@ChinookArch

That's just crazy talk.

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#274 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 10:06PM
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@Smokey

We'll see if it persists.

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#275 schevvy
January 26 2013, 10:06PM
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J-Bo must think he's in Florida, that was the BEST period I've seen him play his whole career in Calgary

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#276 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 10:09PM
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@schevvy

Hey how the canes doing this year? Aren't they in Red Deer tonight?

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#277 Smokey
January 26 2013, 10:10PM
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Man the problem with Oilers so far has been Dubby. He needs to make a save. I've still got big hopes for him as we have seen the best out of him late season.

Oilers got to get rid of the penalty bug. Oh well the Oil's best period is coming up. Put on your seatbelts Calgary fans, grab a popcorn, cause your in for a bumpy ride.

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#278 seve927
January 26 2013, 10:12PM
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Smokey wrote:

Man the problem with Oilers so far has been Dubby. He needs to make a save. I've still got big hopes for him as we have seen the best out of him late season.

Oilers got to get rid of the penalty bug. Oh well the Oil's best period is coming up. Put on your seatbelts Calgary fans, grab a popcorn, cause your in for a bumpy ride.

Yeah, if Sarich and Smith get more than 1 shift we could be in trouble.

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#279 schevvy
January 26 2013, 10:13PM
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ChinookArch wrote:

Hey how the canes doing this year? Aren't they in Red Deer tonight?

They are actually not too bad this year, 23-21-7, and up 2-1 with 3:00 to go on Red Deer. They're a lot better than I thought they would be.

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#280 weevil17
January 26 2013, 10:14PM
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this was really low shot typical oiler fan article, but who cares because the flames are owning them. have fun missing the playoffs again oil!

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#281 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 10:15PM
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@schevvy

A lot better than last year!

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#282 schevvy
January 26 2013, 10:17PM
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ChinookArch wrote:

A lot better than last year!

They let Red Deer tie it though! :(

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#283 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 10:17PM
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I like the way the Flames are playing recently, but I really can't behind hartley's usage of Backlund the last couple of games. No matter what he does, his ice time keeps falling. Not even 7 minutes so far tonight.

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#284 Bob Cob
January 26 2013, 10:19PM
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Man, the only reason the the Flames are up is they are outworking the Oilers. The Oilers have more talent but the Flames work harder, have beaten them to pucks and have stayed out of the penalty box.

And what the hell was Shawn "I use a ringette stick instead of a hockey stick" Horcoff doing on the powerplay?

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#285 Smokey
January 26 2013, 10:19PM
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weevil17 wrote:

this was really low shot typical oiler fan article, but who cares because the flames are owning them. have fun missing the playoffs again oil!

The article was funny, but it was pretty sad to trash talk when we've been so awesome the last couple years. However if we miss the playoffs, I'm sure the Iggy will meet Horcoff on the golf course in May.

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#286 DonDon
January 26 2013, 10:20PM
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Have Calgary fans taken over this blog tonight? Seems so.

The Flames have a knack of exposing the Oilers' weaknesses in large part because of their veteran lineup. Not so much our veteran players. I don't have the benefit of the game's analytics, but our defence, other than for Justin Schultz, isn't playing well. Dubnyk has let in two soft goals. And what is Hemsky doing? Seems like his role is as a passenger.

Even Hall is struggling as a one-man team. The Flames are attacking in waves of three-on-two. Back to the drawing board Ralph.

Has Tambellini made the trade for Subban yet? Would sure help.

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#287 2:00 AM
January 26 2013, 10:28PM
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Point of curiosity; what happened to rick ball? I thought it was supposed to be no more mark lee... Go oilers! Show em whos boss.

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#288 Oilertown
January 26 2013, 10:29PM
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weevil17 wrote:

this was really low shot typical oiler fan article, but who cares because the flames are owning them. have fun missing the playoffs again oil!

Ya you guys too. I would far from say they have owned us tonight. Another point even if lames win they will still be behind us in standings.

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#289 RKD
January 26 2013, 10:29PM
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Can you really blame Jay-Bo, he like Jokinen are either guilty of overinflated stats playing in a weak SE division or that either player isn't as great as we thought they were. Funny how when Jokinen was making $2 million less and put up 61 points most people weren't complaining. If Jay-Bo was paid $4.6 million would people be as mad? Probably not.

When Jokinen and Jay-Bo were in Florida, they were in the prime of their careers. Maybe Jay-Bo will succeed more offensively under Hartley's 'uptempo' system. I wonder how Jokinen would have done in this style? Maybe better.

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#290 Smokey
January 26 2013, 10:29PM
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Big Bo with another block...and did Hrudy just call Horc a great captain comparing him to the glory years...good grief, where's Kevin Weeks.

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#291 seve927
January 26 2013, 10:29PM
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@Kent Wilson

Backlund seems to be getting regular shift now.

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#292 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 10:33PM
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Lee Stempniak is playing like a man possessed.

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#293 seve927
January 26 2013, 10:34PM
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Wow. This is the longest list of guys who've had a great 2+ periods in a long, long time.

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#294 ChinookArch
January 26 2013, 10:34PM
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Okay let's hope we see the #1 PP unit give some time to the 2nd unit.

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#295 seve927
January 26 2013, 10:41PM
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More Brodie awesomism coming out of his own end.

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#296 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 10:42PM
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Flames look a lot faster in transition tonight.

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#297 Zamboni Driver
January 26 2013, 10:44PM
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At this point only the blind faithers are thinking Devan Dubnyk is an NHL goalie.

He is patently awful.

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#298 seve927
January 26 2013, 10:46PM
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Great camera angle on the Glencross breakaway. What was he shooting at? Looked like there was nothing there.

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#299 JohnnyFlames
January 26 2013, 10:47PM
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How many times has the Nuge had his pocket picked by GlenX tonight? 5, at least, I reckon.

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#300 Kent Wilson
January 26 2013, 10:47PM
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Chances are 5-1 Flames in the third so far. Shots are 33-15 CGY.

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