FGD: Smokin' Buds

bookofloob
October 30 2013 04:03PM

Yeah okay there buddy.

Tonight is the night, Citizens. It's them. They are in town. 

They may have taken Doug Gilmour. They may have given us Jamal Mayers Syndrome. They may come from a market with a suffocatingly delusional fanbase and irritating "local" media.  They might have Sloth as a coach and Chunk might be their best player. They might have a nitwit General Manager with the foresight of the entire city of Troy. They are the most overhyped, overrated, grammatically incorrectiest, laughable, loathable, loseable, suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked that never do anything of any consequence but still get more attention than Miley Cyrus no matter where they go. They are the New york Jets of hockey. The Paul Stanley of Puck.

We hate them.

But tonight, they are in our barn. They are the Toronto Maple Leafs, and brother, they are going down.

The Flames Of Calgary

image via SI

Lineups, as always, via our good friends/minions over at Daily Faceoff. Good lads, those...lads.

  • Glencross - Franchise - Jones
  • Cammalleri - Colborne - Galiardi
  • Baertschi - Monahan - Hudler
  • Bouma - Backlund - McGrattan
  • Butler - Brodie
  • Wideman - Russell
  • O'Brien - Smith
  • Ramo

So....this is what happens when two of your best players are out of the lineup. Mark Giordano and Lee Stempniak are both scheduled to miss lengthy periods of hockey playing time due to broken feet. Yup, both of them. Foots all broken all over the place. Gio, sadly and to the point where I could use a good swig of whiskey right now, is gone for essentially two months, after that day to day injury the captain was suffering from ended up being a day to day to day to day ailment. Meanwhile, Stemper Fi, likely the most consistent forward the team has employed all year is "week to week", which, if you're scoring at home, is probably at least a week.

As a result, somehow, Mikael Backlund gets punished. The Flames best two-way forward is checking in for about 5 minutes tonight, centering the hopelessly employed Brian McGrattan, who obviously is in the lineup because hello Colton Orr. Should be all kinds of deterrence and Star Protection out there on the ice hockey rink tonight.

The blueline is a garbage fire.

Derek Smith checks in for a second game as Chris Breen continues to be plagued by tall but terrible hockey player syndrome (also, abdominal ouchie or something). #ChristButler is sure to log about 25 minutes of ice time tonight as the hockey gods are cruel and mean spirited jags. TJ Brodie save us all.

Karri Ramo is awesome. There, I said it.

Lerfs

Darcy Tucker and Colby Armstrong are still on the Leafs payroll, so I'm just going to go ahead and assume they factor pretty heavily into the lineup tonight.

  • Tucker - Orr - Armstrong
  • Bozak - Brozak - Blowzak
  • McLaren - Carlton The Bear - Wendel's mustache
  • Grabovski haha just kidding
  • The Mike Komisarek Sextuplets
  • All The Goalies In The NHL ever

Phil Kessel will not be in the lineup tonight, as he is home sick from eating all the Halloween Candy that his mom left out for the rest of the kids tomorrow. His fat padded face hides the shame and bewilderment of a youth who once had hope. Similarly, Joffrey Lupul is likely to miss at least the first period tonight as he gets caught up in texting pictures of his dinger to unsuspecting girls here in his home province.

Darcy Tucker is still being paid by the Toronto Maple Leafs in 2013.

Colby Armstrong is still being paid by the Toronto Maple Leafs in 2013.

Colton Orr: Still a meathead.

Even though it's due to injury I imagine Tyler Bozak has more or less lost his number one center job to Nazem Kadri, which, surely, is emabarrassing. Man is his face black.

Quick tip, if you're going to the game tonight, boo Dion Phaneuf. Not only is it fun, not only can you take him off his game, but if you happen to run into him after the game, he'll probably spit on you and charm you with his winning personality. Oh, the stories that guy can't tell.

Playoff Race Implications

None. Come on guys, it's early.

Odds and Ends

The Leafs are coming off a win against Edmonton, a feat so easily accomplished even the Leafs can do it. This likely brings them into Cowtown with an inflated sense of confidence in their abilities, especially seeing as they've had a really strong start to the year.

This is hilarious, because the team is in reality not that good, as the numbers dictate they're going to be coming down to earth and back into Leafs fan pandemonium soon enough, leaving their play on the ice resembling the rotting, distended, but somehow probably cash-insulated corpse of Harold Ballard. They are a team that scores just a little bit less than they get scored on, possess the puck quite a bit less than defend, and well, they get outshot. If not for some hot goaltending from whatever goalie the Leafs hang out to dry on any given night and a bonkers beginning to Phil Kessel's campaign.

The Flames, bless their hearts, could be the team that truly begins the downward spiral towards Hoglundicity. The tide has to turn on this one eventiually, after all. The Curse of the Risebrough has to be lifted soon enough. Might as well be against a team that has two Brian McGrattans on it instead of the customary one.

Bob Hartley's top two centers tonight are Ex-Leafs. One wonders if Bobby H. has tapped into some sort of mystic playing against your old team phenomenon and expects his pivots to come out on fire, even though that's stupid. We'll find out tonight!

Really though, it's not like it should be hard to find the motivation to hate Toronto. It's smoggy, criminal, polluted, dirty, foul, doughy, cracked, Allan Thickelike, broken, snooty, overwrought, shrill, ignorant, brash, Ford-esque and I'm only talking about the fanbase. The team is just as bad and also features Mason Raymond.

Sum it up

Not much else to say. Game time is at 6, because Toronto is a whiny, entitled market who can't stay in bars past 11:30 because of court ordered curfews of TSN's Wednesday Night Hockey Schedule, so try to leave work early so you can make it out to the Dome or to your house or drinking establishment to see it. Come on, it's not like you work very hard anyway, no one's even going to notice.

What they will notice is the slovenly wave of Blue Depravity, an anamorphic blob of mostly brain dead Leafs faithful who will try to take your seat at the bar once you get up to use the bathroom. It is not very smart or tactful, so it can be easily duped into doing things for you, but it's not very good and is more grating than anything. So show up early before they ruin everything you hold dear.

Finally, I'm going to say bad things about all our friends over at Leafs Nation. Cam Charron favourite Star Wars movie is Episode VII. Justin Fisher once tried to sell me drugs behind the alley at Burger King, but all he had in his inventory was Burger King. Jeffler cries. A lot. Steve Dangle once met Tie Domi on the subway, and was very impressed by his wit and candor. Blake Murphy once met Steve Dangle on the subway, and was very impressed by his wit and candor. The G in Emily G stands for Goalie Wins. The F in Ryan F stands for Goalie Wins. John Steitzer in fact has never Steitz'd.

That's it. Go Flames Go. Phil Kessel needed the money and played the groundhog in the Bill Murray classic Groundhog's Day.

PS - Visit LeafsNation for probably a far more serious preview.

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The Book of Loob is the Nation's resident expert in flim-flammery and twaddle. An unabashed Flames fan, when BoL is not intellectually bankrupting Flames Nation, he can be seen rooting for Blair Jones, often to excess, at Book of Loob. Follow him on twitter here.
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#101 Clyde
October 30 2013, 08:34PM
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Mitch P wrote:

It's difficult to change the tradition of the game. It'll happen. Supporters of fighting are on the wrong side of history.

Or, is this opinion just cyclical. A few years ago the editor of the Hockey News made getting fighting out of hockey his biggest goal. If the editor of the hockey bible failed, what makes you think the many fewer voices of today will make the difference?

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#102 Clyde
October 30 2013, 08:38PM
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? wrote:

And maybe the only difference is luck. PDO. etc. How do you know coaching made the difference?

Great response. You said anyone can throw a great team out and win. I said they can't and cited 2 examples. You are probably right. It was just bad luck. Any one who studies advanced stats wouldake a great coach

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#103 ChinookArch
October 30 2013, 08:39PM
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Russell's been good tonight, nice to SE him pot one.

Correction off of Jones.

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#104 Jibmeister
October 30 2013, 08:40PM
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Did Butler just hit himself in the face with the puck?

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#105 Burnward
October 30 2013, 08:41PM
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This team don't stop. I don't care if we lose, the effort is so great this year.

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#106 ChinookArch
October 30 2013, 08:41PM
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@Clyde

Your David Jones picks up another goal.

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#107 ?
October 30 2013, 08:47PM
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@Clyde

Only difference could be some pucks went in for Colarado. Maybe EDM wouldve won in 86 if not for Steve Smith. Nice way to ignore that one.

I know one thing. The guy continuously banging the drum for 2 goons to beat each other up would make a terrible coach. Kudos juniour Don Cherry, :)

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#108 ChinookArch
October 30 2013, 08:49PM
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I can't remember another more undeserved win. The hockey gods are going to rain down on the Leafs in a bad way this year..

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#109 SmellOfVictory
October 30 2013, 08:51PM
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I've compiled a list of Flames defencemen who should never be responsible for zone entry or rushing the puck:

Dennis Wideman
Chris Butler
Derek Smith
Dennis Wideman
Shane O'Brien

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#110 Clyde
October 30 2013, 08:54PM
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? wrote:

Only difference could be some pucks went in for Colarado. Maybe EDM wouldve won in 86 if not for Steve Smith. Nice way to ignore that one.

I know one thing. The guy continuously banging the drum for 2 goons to beat each other up would make a terrible coach. Kudos juniour Don Cherry, :)

Great support of your argument again. You would hate to see how many of my players have excelled and how well my teams have done.

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#111 SmellOfVictory
October 30 2013, 08:54PM
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Macy wrote:

Wow, leafs fan here. Glad to see we have more fans in Calgary than Calgary does. It's like watching a rider game in Calgary. Why does Calgary not even like themselves? Nice passion you bunch of losers!

Because Calgary is the only city in Canada with a job market, so we get all your rejects out here.

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#112 beloch
October 30 2013, 08:55PM
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Well, the leafs suck balls, but their witch doctor is very very good! The Flames should feed Feaster an extra goat next time they play the leafs.

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#113 Kent Wilson
October 30 2013, 08:56PM
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Chances were 5-3 Leafs in the third.

Calgary deserved a better fate in that one.

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#114 ChinookArch
October 30 2013, 08:56PM
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Ramo was .857 tonight: terrible.

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#115 Baalzamon
October 30 2013, 08:58PM
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ChinookArch wrote:

I can't remember another more undeserved win. The hockey gods are going to rain down on the Leafs in a bad way this year..

Or maybe the hockey gods are smiling on the leafs. How else does one explain... this?

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#116 gussey
October 30 2013, 08:58PM
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Wow, that was a frustrating game. Clyde I agree with you and admire your tenacity in voicing your opinions on fighting. I lost the desire long ago to argue with stats guys on the benefit of sticking up for your teammates. Lucic runs over miller and nobody did anything.. And that was the right thing to do apparantly. I just don't get the arguement. Anyways, good effort flames, poor goaltending, hartley pulled the goalie to earlier and I don't like seeing tother teams fan come into our staduim and own it. Sad day

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#117 beloch
October 30 2013, 09:01PM
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@Baalzamon

Goats, chickens, and Kessel's virginity.

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#118 Clyde
October 30 2013, 09:08PM
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gussey wrote:

Wow, that was a frustrating game. Clyde I agree with you and admire your tenacity in voicing your opinions on fighting. I lost the desire long ago to argue with stats guys on the benefit of sticking up for your teammates. Lucic runs over miller and nobody did anything.. And that was the right thing to do apparantly. I just don't get the arguement. Anyways, good effort flames, poor goaltending, hartley pulled the goalie to earlier and I don't like seeing tother teams fan come into our staduim and own it. Sad day

It is more the understanding that at the nhl level there are roles to play and they are defined by a coaches system which is designed to forge an identity and lead to a successful team. Hartley has a vision for this team as do other coaches for their team. The stats crowd will hate hartleys style as it doesn't make sense for them and they are not the most flexible thinkers in the world IMO. I like watching a team with total buy in to whatever the coaches system Is as it leads to spirited and cohesive hockey. I do admit that I like a team that sticks up for one another and feel that element is needed

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#119 KetchupKid
October 30 2013, 09:23PM
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gussey wrote:

Wow, that was a frustrating game. Clyde I agree with you and admire your tenacity in voicing your opinions on fighting. I lost the desire long ago to argue with stats guys on the benefit of sticking up for your teammates. Lucic runs over miller and nobody did anything.. And that was the right thing to do apparantly. I just don't get the arguement. Anyways, good effort flames, poor goaltending, hartley pulled the goalie to earlier and I don't like seeing tother teams fan come into our staduim and own it. Sad day

This creates a false dichotomy. It isn't EITHER you dress goons OR you let the other team run roughshod over you. There is a spectrum in between.

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#120 Willi P
October 30 2013, 09:25PM
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ChinookArch wrote:

Ramo was .857 tonight: terrible.

Reto Berra?

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#121 Willi P
October 30 2013, 09:27PM
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ChinookArch wrote:

Ramo was .857 tonight: terrible.

The KHL must be terrible if Ramo could get such a great save %. Sometimes he makes the first one but he get so far out of position on many plays after the shot. Calgary wins this one with decent goaltending.

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#122 Kevin R
October 30 2013, 09:29PM
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Clyde wrote:

It is more the understanding that at the nhl level there are roles to play and they are defined by a coaches system which is designed to forge an identity and lead to a successful team. Hartley has a vision for this team as do other coaches for their team. The stats crowd will hate hartleys style as it doesn't make sense for them and they are not the most flexible thinkers in the world IMO. I like watching a team with total buy in to whatever the coaches system Is as it leads to spirited and cohesive hockey. I do admit that I like a team that sticks up for one another and feel that element is needed

It's a retarded debate. If 5 minutes of McGratton will give Johhny Hockey the confidence to display the skills he has when he comes to this team(hopefully this year), then perfect. I am scratching my head on Backlund playing on that 4th line. Stajan is playing his way to getting us a 1st rounder if he can keep this up & play like that up to the trade deadline. Nice to see GlenX wake up a bit too. Sucks to lose this game, but I'll take a loss the way the boys played tonight over many of the losses I had to endure over the last 3-4 years. The worm is going to turn on these Leafs if they think they can play in their own end & win games. The Sharks & Canucks are going to eat these guys alive. I have no idea where Phaneuf figures he's worth 7.0mill for the next 8 years. Our light at the end of the tunnel on that trade is if the Leafs give him that kind of ridiculous contract. We can only hope.

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#123 GoLeafsGo
October 30 2013, 09:48PM
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Toronto half-asses 2 periods and then shows up for 1. It's been like that all season so far. Tonight it was the 3rd period when they decided to show up.

Good goaltending lets us get away with it, but I'm sure something's going to have to change if both goalies hit a cold streak.

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#124 Willi P
October 30 2013, 09:51PM
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GoLeafsGo wrote:

Toronto half-asses 2 periods and then shows up for 1. It's been like that all season so far. Tonight it was the 3rd period when they decided to show up.

Good goaltending lets us get away with it, but I'm sure something's going to have to change if both goalies hit a cold streak.

Well the Leafs had two good players tonight for their team. Both were goalies. Bernier and Ramo. Bernier was fantastic for the Leafs, Ramo was fantastic for the Leafs.

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#125 Clyde
October 30 2013, 10:11PM
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Kevin R wrote:

It's a retarded debate. If 5 minutes of McGratton will give Johhny Hockey the confidence to display the skills he has when he comes to this team(hopefully this year), then perfect. I am scratching my head on Backlund playing on that 4th line. Stajan is playing his way to getting us a 1st rounder if he can keep this up & play like that up to the trade deadline. Nice to see GlenX wake up a bit too. Sucks to lose this game, but I'll take a loss the way the boys played tonight over many of the losses I had to endure over the last 3-4 years. The worm is going to turn on these Leafs if they think they can play in their own end & win games. The Sharks & Canucks are going to eat these guys alive. I have no idea where Phaneuf figures he's worth 7.0mill for the next 8 years. Our light at the end of the tunnel on that trade is if the Leafs give him that kind of ridiculous contract. We can only hope.

Hartley either tries to motivate or change habits through ice time. Not sure what he wants from Backlund but I hope it worls

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#126 seve927
October 30 2013, 10:17PM
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Willi P wrote:

Reto Berra?

I see he got yanked tonight too. 3 goals on 9 shots, but Ortio won it in relief.

Ortio?

Bring on Corban Knight! Another goal and assist tonight.

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#127 SeanCharles
October 30 2013, 10:27PM
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Went to game; 5 things:

-Bernier was really good.

-We had a few redirect chances in the slot slide just wide of the post that could have beaten Bernier if on net.

-Baertschi looked confident out there, I think he will start lighting things up soon. Its great to have an exciting player like him again who can dangle the puck like that .

-We were the better team tonight but goaltending made the difference.

-We need a defenseman not currently on this roster with the ability to take some minutes away from some our current bottom end defenseman.

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#128 Willi P
October 30 2013, 10:28PM
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seve927 wrote:

I see he got yanked tonight too. 3 goals on 9 shots, but Ortio won it in relief.

Ortio?

Bring on Corban Knight! Another goal and assist tonight.

OK. Ortio then. Thought he was in Alaska.

Think Knight is doing well but 'artley seems to have a hate on for some young centers that play well (Backlund). Worry he would do the same with Knight.

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#129 theartfuldodger
October 30 2013, 10:33PM
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At first reading it was actually truely funny! Then the article went rdiculous and actually very incredibly innacurrate....shame! Worst article I have read on the Flames Nation....

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#130 theartfuldodger
October 30 2013, 10:37PM
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Seriously!! What a stupid blog!! I look on this site almost daily... this post is incredibly stupid! and dissapointing!

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#131 Scary Gary
October 30 2013, 10:55PM
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@theartfuldodger

Alcohol?

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#132 Burnward
October 30 2013, 11:15PM
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@Scary Gary

No accounting for taste.

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#133 brandon
October 30 2013, 11:25PM
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as a die hard flames fan in toronto, who had money on the game. and was in a bar while it was on.. wearing a flames jersey.... reading this just makes me, ugh.. i hate chris butler

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