FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 22-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
Avatar
#51 vetinari
November 16 2013, 04:28PM
Trash it!
2
trashes
+1
19
props

Cutting edge wit? New insight into struggling franchises? Humorous observations? This article had NONE of that...

Hopefully Justin's mom will let him stay up past his 9:00 pm bedtime to watch the game, otherwise, she'll just have to tell him what happened after she makes him breakfast tomorrow morning.

Even being in last place with a management team that sucks and 80% of our roster full of AHL players, we're still happy to not be the Flames!

Tonight's game is win-win for Oilers fans-- either we get two points or we get closer to another first overall draft pick and a clean sweep of our management team.

Go Oilers! Or not... I don't care much anymore...

Avatar
#52 PaperDesigner
November 16 2013, 05:18PM
Trash it!
7
trashes
+1
19
props

I don't find this post funny in the slightest. It's not because I lack a sense of humour, but rather, because I have a good one. Feel free to make fun of a city. Next time, try to actually include wit! This garbage is pointless.

Avatar
#53 Harlie
November 16 2013, 05:45PM
Trash it!
2
trashes
+1
19
props

HAHA!! Well played Justin, good write up.

I'm surprised that there is at least one literate person in Cowtown.

http://wpmedia.blogs.edmontonjournal.com/2008/09/flames_moran.jpg

Q: What do the Calgary Flames and possums have in common?

A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What does a Flames fan do when his team has won the Stanley Cup?

A: He turns off the PlayStation

Avatar
#54 Hauk15
November 17 2013, 12:16AM
Trash it!
4
trashes
+1
19
props
Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

peace out.

Flames suck. Goodnight plug.

Avatar
#56 Bill
November 16 2013, 04:27PM
Trash it!
6
trashes
+1
18
props

This....piece was written by a 22 year old dillweed Cowtowner who apparently drank a bit too much fecal matter in his tap water after the flooding this summer.

'YEEHAW' is the only thing I have to say about Calgary, it tells everyone all they need to know....

Avatar
#57 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 05:09PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
18
props
Steve wrote:

I had to double check I was still on flames nation bc of all the trolling Soiler fans on here trying haha. Keep up the good work!!!

Calgary and Edmonton GDB's are put on both team sites. Winner of the last game gets to write the GDB. no ones trolling

Edit: ya! what Bucknuck said...

Avatar
#58 Eddie Shore
November 17 2013, 01:00AM
Trash it!
1
trashes
+1
18
props

Hard to imagine something worse than this article yet the comments section trumps it. The comment sections are nearly unreadable these days.

On an unrelated note, thanks for the two points.

Avatar
#59 **
November 16 2013, 04:08PM
Trash it!
2
trashes
+1
17
props

Someone forgot their medication. *calls Justin's mom*

Avatar
#60 Johnnydapunk
November 16 2013, 04:13PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
17
props

Man I miss Battle of Alberta's that had proper hate and meant something...

Flames Oil full line brawl

Avatar
#61 michael
November 16 2013, 04:45PM
Trash it!
12
trashes
+1
17
props

You were not even alive the last time Calgary sipped Stanley Cup glory. All your memories are of a college girls baring there breasts on the red mile. The closest you'll ever get to see a woman's breasts. Blogging from your grandmothers basement because Dad kicked you out for trolling Oiler's sites looking for a real tem to cheer for.

Avatar
#62 75ers
November 16 2013, 05:01PM
Trash it!
2
trashes
+1
17
props

Let's combine the 2 teams, build one giant monster rink in Red Deer and all just get along. Just one happy Alberta hockey family... Ya right, GO Oilers.

Avatar
#63 AngryOilersFan
November 16 2013, 08:50PM
Trash it!
3
trashes
+1
17
props

My god Smyth is brutal, why is he on the PP, Eakins is a brutal coach. This season is brutal. This team is brutal. Just plain brutal!

Avatar
#64 Cynic
November 16 2013, 10:38PM
Trash it!
9
trashes
+1
17
props

Congrats, Oiler fan. You beat the 2nd-worst franchise in the NHL. Celebrate.

Avatar
#65 MMAX
November 16 2013, 10:48PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
17
props

This win should be enough to keep 6-Rings safe for a while.......Damn.

Avatar
#66 geoilersgist
November 17 2013, 12:18AM
Trash it!
4
trashes
+1
17
props

EatSh!tFlames

That is all

Avatar
#67 funkyjaman
November 16 2013, 05:51PM
Trash it!
2
trashes
+1
16
props

Came here looking for Hockey related info on tonight BOA. Left dumber for it. WTF.

Avatar
#68 Todd
November 16 2013, 07:41PM
Trash it!
1
trashes
+1
16
props
Hauk15 wrote:

take it back to calgary bud, why are there so many flames fans on this site? you tools got nothing better to do than troll an oilers site?

It's cross posted on both sites Einstein

Avatar
#69 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 09:03PM
Trash it!
15
trashes
+1
16
props

Ferrence take exception to a clean hit and punches a guy shaken up after hitting the boards... very Oiler.

Avatar
#70 Reality Check to the head
November 16 2013, 09:48PM
Trash it!
2
trashes
+1
16
props

If people are going to use the deaths related to the floods in southern Alberta as an excuse to delete posts...maybe the writer of this blog entry shouldn't mention edmonton being the murder capital of Canada in 2011. Hypocrites.

Avatar
#71 Drowning in Oil
November 16 2013, 10:42PM
Trash it!
8
trashes
+1
16
props

DUBNYK PLAYED GREAT TONIGHT. YOU GUYS WANTED HIM TO STEAL A WIN. TONIGHT MAY HAVE BEEN THE NIGHT. HE ACTUALLY PLAYED SO GOOD THAT THIS MANAGEMENT GROUP WILL PROBABLY HAVE BRYZ PLAY THE NEXT GAME........ SMYTH IS SO, SO BAD. THAT PASS WITH 2 MINUTES LEFT WAS A PASS MY 7 YEAR OLD MAKES, 2 FT BEHIND PERRON. HIS ICETIME IS ASTONISHING!!

Avatar
#72 YFC Prez
November 17 2013, 12:27AM
Trash it!
3
trashes
+1
16
props

"What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often"

*ahem* squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Avatar
#73 Dan the Man
November 16 2013, 05:02PM
Trash it!
6
trashes
+1
15
props

The best you can come up with is insulting our roads? Seriously? That's pretty weak.

Avatar
#74 Hockey Problems
November 16 2013, 05:38PM
Trash it!
2
trashes
+1
15
props

I was expecting a little bit of wit...

I got half of what I was expecting.

Avatar
#75 Batfink
November 16 2013, 07:33PM
Trash it!
4
trashes
+1
15
props
Robin Brownlee wrote:

I've edited/removed comments about or relating to the original reference to the flood in Calgary. That means some of you lost comments speaking out against the first reference because the initial comment was included. No other way.

An event in which people died isn't to be used as a punch line on this website. We're better than that. At least we should be.

In which case, I suggest you take down the article referring to Edmonton's dubious claim as 'Murder Capital of Canada'. What's good for the goose.....

Avatar
#76 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 09:45PM
Trash it!
1
trashes
+1
15
props

Oilers are losing to a team with half the talent and twice the work ethic. Get the coaches organized and friggin work like the flames. The proof is in the pudding.

Avatar
#77 Todd
November 16 2013, 11:44PM
Trash it!
1
trashes
+1
15
props

Flamers have no idea how bad it's gonna get... Enjoy the ride.

You guys are talking about trading Stajan, Cammy, Stempniak for magic beans. draft picks that MIGHT pay off in 5 years. Looks like Sven is your Gagner (a decent 2nd liner but not elite). Jankowski is flopping. Your hope is on a 155lb skinny college kid. Monahan might be decent but I would get excited about 1 single other player on your entire team.

My point is you guys should stop flapping about being ahead of us in the rebuild. You still have no elite talent. And as we exemplify, it takes a long time to develop 18 year olds. Even 1st overalls.

You have no idea how bad your future is. I hope it sucks worse than I know it will.

Avatar
#78 Quicksilver ballet
November 17 2013, 09:59AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
15
props

@2004Z06

The overstepping the sporting bounds often happens when a loser is established. It's just heat of the moment meanderings that will fade into oblivion. We all have our "dagger" moments.

We should cut them some slack. The flames did just lose to a 30th place hockey club. There's obviously some healing time required for Flames fans.

Avatar
#79 Joel
November 16 2013, 03:57PM
Trash it!
5
trashes
+1
14
props

Upper management for the Oilers actually get paid a salary.

Imagine you had a record like the Oilers since the 2005 lockout.

Ha Ha Ha

Avatar
#80 Zamboni Driver
November 16 2013, 04:12PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
14
props

The worst part about tonight.

Game is on national TV. The whole country will get to see whatever in the hell it is the Flames and Oilers collectively play.

0-0 tie....20 rounds of slam dunk contest. Won, of course, by Gazdic.

Avatar
#81 archer
November 16 2013, 06:56PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
14
props

A bit of a lame attempt at humour, but some marks for effort. However, a city that has a rink that looks like a panty liner ("Linerdome") should not be trashing another city's rink

Avatar
#82 Bucknuck
November 16 2013, 06:59PM
Trash it!
7
trashes
+1
14
props

I don't really mind if our new Arena looks like sperm. Sperm makes me think of potency... and potency and the Oilers should be synonymous terms!!! They're going to make Edmonton pregnant with Stanley cups... just watch, and they are going to have to screw Calgary to get every one of them.

Mwah ha ha.

Avatar
#83 MessyEH!
November 16 2013, 07:17PM
Trash it!
1
trashes
+1
14
props
dougtheslug wrote:

Here's what's really tragic.

This province is the hockey capital of the world. We produce hockey players like Vancouver produces street arsonists and Toronto produces ludicrous mayors. Do you realize that there are more than twice as many Alberta born players in the NHL than there are Russian born players? And Russia has 100 times the population, and twice as much snow.

Alberta has produced Hart, Norris, and Vezina trophy winners. Alberta born players captain three NHL teams. The next big thing in hockey, 15 year old Tyler Benson, is from Alberta. He shattered the Alberta Bantam scoring record last year. The record he broke belonged to Joffrey Lupul. And whose record did Lupul break? Jerome Inginla's. This province breeds excellence in hockey.

In the 1980's our professional teams reflected that. For eight (that is EIGHT!) straight years an Alberta team was in the Stanley Cup final, winning 6 times. Alberta owned the NHL in the 1980's. Alberta was called Death Valley for eastern teams making their swing through here.

We have the most loyal, rabid, knowledgable hockey fans in the NHL. And that is because most of us have played the game, coached our kids, got up at 5:30 to clear the outdoor rinks or to drive to 6 a.m. practices. We live, breathe and die for the game.

The Battle of Alberta used to mean something. It used to mean the battle for supremacy of the NHL. Which used to mean, when Edmonton played Calgary back in the 1980's, it was to determine who was the best Hockey Club in the world. Yes. The World.

So now, as we prepare for tonight's tilt, between two bottom feeders with nothing at stake but the title of least worst "professional"team in the NHL, it makes me mad and sad. Ignorance, arrogance, cronyism, breathtaking stupidity, yeah they're all to blame for our plight. We've been over it all so many times I can't bear to rehash the reasons for this disgrace.

I just think it didn't have to be this way. It shouldn't be like this. None of us, North and South, Flame or Oiler, deserve this.

Hemmered on the Nails head good Sir.

This may have been the best comment ever.

I am going to find a Flames fan to hug.

Then pull the jersey over her head.

Avatar
#84 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 07:26PM
Trash it!
1
trashes
+1
14
props
Al Low wrote:

Why is this dumbass even writing on this blog? I come here to read and interact with people about hockey, specifically the Oilers. I live in Calgary but cheer for Edmonton. This piece was inappropriate and on behalf of Calgarians, I apologize to the wonderful people of Edmonton on behalf of this immature fool.

hahahaha

Avatar
#85 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 07:27PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
14
props

The sad thing is Flames fans and Oilers fans don't fight over whose team is better, we fight over whos team is worse.

Avatar
#86 Jay
November 16 2013, 08:54PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
14
props

I miss the lockout...

Avatar
#87 @Oilanderp
November 16 2013, 09:28PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
14
props
Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

I bought the new Flames third jersey...

did anyone else yet?

Expensive way to make shop rags.

Avatar
#88 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 09:56PM
Trash it!
1
trashes
+1
14
props
Alsker wrote:

Thx, thought it was just a brainfart by management...

Total brainfart. Mac t sends down one of his most consistent players to make room for a d man who doesn't even play a game. Then calls him back up the next game. How many flights did arco take for no reason whatsoever.

Most businesses don't have the profit margin to be that careless with money. Must be nice

Avatar
#89 Gkpoil
November 17 2013, 12:27AM
Trash it!
3
trashes
+1
14
props
flameon47 wrote:

Yes because tanking for talent worked out sooooo well for you guys right? After all these first overall picks and tanking for your rebuild I guess you guys are finally in line for a playoff appearance right? Wait, what? Your 29th place in the league? Dat doesn't seem right for all the tanking you did for talent you must be higher in the ranks than that. Oh wait I forgot tanking for first overall picks don't get you into the playoffs. I thought you guys were gonna make the playoffs the year but so far it looks grim for you guys. Atleast we can learn from your teams mistakes and do our rebuild right way and maybe by the time we are finished with our rebuild you guys might be closer to playoff spot. But you should really try lowering your expectations because sure you won tonight by 2 goals even thought you were outplayed like you said, but we are just starting our rebuild and you guys are suppose to be finished (main word being suppose) your rebuild by now, so I guess when we finish ours we will be able to really walk over you guys. Skate over you guys I guess would be more correct...

Speaking of playoffs...

This last decade has been by far the worst in oilers history, but they've won the same amount of playoff series as the all-mighty flames.

Just a though before bed....

Avatar
#90 lionlager
November 17 2013, 12:29AM
Trash it!
8
trashes
+1
14
props

Well, looks like you can't lose them all Oilers. The win feels weird I bet, but don't worry. You won't have to get used to it. Another season already written off. More top draft picks to collect and systematically break their spirits. Godspeed.

Avatar
#91 Loweblows
November 17 2013, 03:27PM
Trash it!
1
trashes
+1
14
props
Brent G. wrote:

Having had the unfortunate experience of being moved to Edmonton recently for work I can tell you it is a total sh*t hole in comparison to Calgary; and I was born in Edmonton. Sure u of a is a great school and lister was the best year of my life but really the city is old, tired, ugly and disjointed. There is literally nothing in the downtown core worth speaking about and the night life is subpar.

The people are friendly but I have yet to find someone who is really committed to the city and wouldn't leave tomorrow. Katz owns that monstrucity of a house and doesn't even live there, choosing greener pastures as so many people here would love to have the option of doing. Edmontonians know they are living in Calgarys shadow. Even the 'nice' areas of the city (like south side) are generic, cookie cutter houses that are boring.

I look forward to getting out of this place ASAP and hope to watch the city burn in the review mirror as I go. This city was obviously a mistake from day one and burning it to the ground and starting over seems to be the only likely option at this point.

Calgary definitely has it's problems like all cities do but I can tell you in my return to Edmonton recently it really puts things into perspective of what a great great place it is by comparison

Too much...? :)

I was raised in Sherwood Park and moved to calgary for school in 1988 and havent left yet. As a resident of both cities I can tell you both are two of the best cities in the world. Edmonton I can tell you with its river valley is far superior to calgary in that aspect. Calgary has wonderful mountainview and its core since I moved here in 1988 has become dynamic. When Edmonton gets the downtown arena I am sure it will bring that same electricity. It is obvious that Brent G lives a shallow life, probably lives in a basement suite and plays xbox all day since he probably has no friends since he is obviously a very negative person. My advice to you Brent is put down the controller, find a friend and start enjoying the wonderful city that you moved to for employment. Once you become more positive you may actually meet someone who enjoys being in your presence. Good luck in the future Brent.

Avatar
#92 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 08:45PM
Trash it!
4
trashes
+1
13
props

Ference is a Beauty!

Takin care of business!

Avatar
#93 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 08:45PM
Trash it!
3
trashes
+1
13
props

Yes! I've been waiting all year for that. I don't care if he gets the extra penalty minutes. When someone takes liberties on you don't give them a choice. Punch out their teeth just like that. Put an end to this soft crap!

Avatar
#94 Drowning in Oil
November 16 2013, 09:41PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
13
props

Remember when Eberle scored that amazing highlight reel goal against the Flames in the season opener a few years back. Oh, so much hope back then........... Look how far we have come!!

Avatar
#95 Stack Pad Save
November 16 2013, 10:45PM
Trash it!
4
trashes
+1
13
props
Hauk15 wrote:

Just saw the Ference fight....I liked it, dirty, but I liked it. Flamer got his ass beat. I like it a lot.

I showed my son some classic battle of Alberta line brawls. I was so happy to finally see an Oiler actually get mad on the ice and than do something. THAT fight was the turning point in the game for the Oilers. They finally got engaged in the game after Ference knocked dudes tooth out after a hit he didn't like taking. Great hockey.

Avatar
#96 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 10:58PM
Trash it!
1
trashes
+1
13
props
Walter Sobchak wrote:

I'm not condoning what Ference did, but when your on a losing streak, playing on a brutal team while trying to keep the team motivated........sometimes you just snap! Ference simply snapped.

No excuses, but emotion is part of the game.

I'm condoning what he did.

Avatar
#97 Hauk15
November 17 2013, 12:12AM
Trash it!
5
trashes
+1
13
props
Jonny T wrote:

And your goalie and offense doesn't?

Please. Stop talking about our prospects, you know nothing about them. Feed Marnincin some stakes.

You're a funny guy, you. I like you.

Sure our goalies suck. You can't even compare Calgary's offense to Edmonton's. Hall, Eberle, Nugent-Hopkins, Yakupov, J.Schultz, Gagner, Perron,Hemsky. You guys have Monahan, BearChief, and Camalerri. Your prospects are junk bud, go ride a horse cowtown boy.

Avatar
#98 Pouzar99
November 17 2013, 12:34AM
Trash it!
1
trashes
+1
13
props

I loved it back in the day when the Oilers and Flames were fighting over the Stanley Cup and playing the best hockey in the world.

I endured it when for the past two decades they were fighting over the last playoff spot and playing mediocre hockey.

I can barely stand it now when they are fighting over who gets to pick first overall and the hockey is literally dreadful.

But the Oilers will always be my team, so it was nice to see them storm back and win tonight, 4-2 over the SaddleDopes. Nice night for Stempniak.

Avatar
#99 Zarny
November 17 2013, 12:47AM
Trash it!
2
trashes
+1
13
props

Haha...nice W. Probably a game they shouldn't have won. Nice to see the other G let in a few softies.

Hopefully the Oil can get some confidence and build off of this.

Flames fans should buckle up for a long ride. They've got even less than the Oilers had when they started their rebuild.

Avatar
#100 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 09:15PM
Trash it!
3
trashes
+1
12
props
Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

Ferrence take exception to a clean hit and punches a guy shaken up after hitting the boards... very Oiler.

Have you watched this team the past 4 years. Those responses never happen. Typically the oilers are punching bags. Is is nice to see a player take exception and actually do something. And if stempniak can hit like that he can fight.

Comments are closed for this article.