FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 22-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#101 Stack Pad Save
November 16 2013, 09:43PM
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Can any one tell me why on earth the Oilers called up Klefbom just to send him back down and than let that time bomb in his own end Potter play? Did he really have 3 giveaways in his own end before the flames scored that 2nd goal? Seriously WTF.

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#102 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:27PM
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Jonny T wrote:

It'll be many tough years here, I'm not denying that. It's an embarassing loss for us mainly because we played you guys. If that isn't rock bottom, I don't know what is.

It could be worse Jonny.....you could be from Lethbridge.

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#103 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:37PM
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@Jeff In Lethbridge

Calgary is south of Edmonton, and Lethbridge is south of Calgary......so Jeff....while you're down there......

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#104 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 11:37PM
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? wrote:

A real AHL team would've beat an injured Flames team 8-0. So I guess EDM is an ECHL team?

Why you heff to mad? Flames suck! Oilers suck too, but Oilers still win! haha off to bed now flamers!!

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#105 dangilitis
November 17 2013, 02:06AM
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Have to re-post some of my older material. Are you reading, Justin? Maybe you should come to Edmonton but I suspect you were too effin stupid to get into U of A so had to settle for U of C. Even so, you couldn't hack it in Edmonton, what, with your fear of its roads and gang violence... sissy boy!

Yes the roads suck in Edmonton but calgarian drivers might as well be driving on gravel road because they can't go a consecutive 60 minute period without crashing into one another.

Your team blows. The one thing I knew when the season started was that the Oil would dominate the lowly Flames, and you know what? 20 minutes away from hating the team for even failing to deliver on that. But leave it to the Flames to suck more. Cammalleri gone by the end of this year, and Hudler not too far behind. Monahan is the only good piece of that dreadful excuse for the organization and he will be bogged down by plugs for the next decade until he can't bear it and asks Jabba the Hut for a trade. Jankowski makes your team look like a laughing stock and the fact that Buffalo picked a dud at 14 doesn't make that pick look any less retarded.

The sense of undeserved entitlement in Calgary angers even Rob Ford. A bunch of spoiled oil execs and pretentious 20-30 somethings with more money than common sense. And too stupid to see the parallels between the Oilers and the Flames, and to see that their team is actually 5 years behind, despite a similar record of futility in what actually matters, which is playoff success.

Fact - every time the Flames have won the conference, the Oilers have won the conference the following year. Everything you think the Flames can do well (excluding sucking), the Oilers will do it better, no matter how much they suck. Because Calgary will always be Edmonton's spoiled, bitter little sister (kind of like Daniel to Henrik, or vice versa, I don't really care)

Nenshi will be getting senior discounts at Applebee's before calgarians sniff the playoffs again.

So Justin, time to fold up your Kiprusoff jersey, fall off your sad bandwagon for the next decade and hopefully longer, and try and enjoy your team's success in an 8 team beer league that no one watches outside of Calgary and the province of Saskatchewan. Wait, no one will watch in Calgary either once the Riders romp the Stamps.

And DSF, wow you are a coward. Ference is a million times the human being that you are. Why do I know this? Because he doesn't post stuff to antagonize a group of people and then run away before people can engage. You are a real loser. Maybe you should move to Calgary, you'd fit right in. And why don't you give Justin while you're here, misery loves company...

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#106 Jason
November 17 2013, 10:29AM
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Why is a bra better than the flames?? It has two cups .. Gg

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#107 Dog Train
November 16 2013, 03:56PM
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I forgot about this nonsense. So there is something on the line tonight.

Please Oilers, if you're going to show up then do it tonight.

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#108 Max Powers - Team HME Evans
November 16 2013, 06:25PM
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So you guys are letting trolls write articles now?

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#109 Spaz
November 16 2013, 06:27PM
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Sad state of affairs when you can't tell if it's an oiler fan or a flames fan ripping the oilers in a GDB.

At least you bastards have been enjoying ELPH, I've had season tickets for the last 5 years and this has been the most depressing span in it.

I don't care what you chirp about in this blog, it's not even close to the insult Rexall place is giving us each game.

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#110 kevin
November 16 2013, 08:49PM
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Getting the show run tonight in Calgary, getting baldly out shot ! what a display of skill and talent we have. J O K E ! our top line and $80 million dollar line no less giving up the puck costing us a goal. This is sickening to watch.

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#111 DSF
November 16 2013, 08:59PM
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Someone is going to kill Ference.

He attacked an injured player.

And he deserves it.

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#112 Parallex
November 16 2013, 09:13PM
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Really impressed with Monahan tonight... showing great patience and smarts with the puck.

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#113 Alsker
November 16 2013, 09:43PM
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Holy f^ck we make any team look good. Just got in so haven't endured this sh*tshow yet. 2 minutes and see what half dozens giveaways and woohoo a goal for the fLames. Why the f*ck is Arco sitting again? I've been against Eakins being tossed but now screw it...Fire Lowe..Fire Eakins..Fire the management team..

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#114 Stack Pad Save
November 16 2013, 10:43PM
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Potter, zero ice time in the third. Enough of the negative, time to celebrate! Love it when the RNH-Hall-Eberle line decides to take over a game and dominate. Yak had a good jump in his game, starting to use his teamates more. Belove and Petry both had excellent third periods.

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#115 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 11:35PM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

it's clearly an extremely emotional roller coaster for you. my sympathy... you might want to take some time off to find balance and stability again. it is afterall just a game.

The Oilers are my heroin, sometimes its good stuff (tonight when we beat your $hit team), but most of the time it makes me want to jump off a bridge. fLAMES suck! get used to it.

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#116 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:47PM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

i didnt expect edmonton fans to be so open with tbeir preferences but hey each to their own i wont judge you but i dont swing that way youll have to get one of your edm buddies good luck ;-)

I know you come to Edmonton for work.....so here's some advice....up here when a man tells you to blow him....he ain't asking ya for a date..... ;)

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#117 BIG E
November 17 2013, 10:24AM
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Brent G. wrote:

Having had the unfortunate experience of being moved to Edmonton recently for work I can tell you it is a total sh*t hole in comparison to Calgary; and I was born in Edmonton. Sure u of a is a great school and lister was the best year of my life but really the city is old, tired, ugly and disjointed. There is literally nothing in the downtown core worth speaking about and the night life is subpar.

The people are friendly but I have yet to find someone who is really committed to the city and wouldn't leave tomorrow. Katz owns that monstrucity of a house and doesn't even live there, choosing greener pastures as so many people here would love to have the option of doing. Edmontonians know they are living in Calgarys shadow. Even the 'nice' areas of the city (like south side) are generic, cookie cutter houses that are boring.

I look forward to getting out of this place ASAP and hope to watch the city burn in the review mirror as I go. This city was obviously a mistake from day one and burning it to the ground and starting over seems to be the only likely option at this point.

Calgary definitely has it's problems like all cities do but I can tell you in my return to Edmonton recently it really puts things into perspective of what a great great place it is by comparison

Too much...? :)

Way to verbose. Ya gotta git in there with quick hitters, jab and run just like I do with your sister. Really we don't expect much intellectual tenacity by mouth breathers from Calgareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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#118 gotommygo
November 16 2013, 04:01PM
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Classic. Nicely done, JA.

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#119 PaperDesigner
November 16 2013, 05:20PM
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camdog wrote:

Good grief I thought this article and it's responses were satire. I didn't know it was to be taken seriously.

Now to the main point of the article, the new arena looks like a giant sperm...

It's difficult to tell whether the post was supposed to be satire. From what I understand, satire is usually supposed to be funny...

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#120 Serious Gord
November 16 2013, 05:53PM
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oilersinsider wrote:

The sad thing is, it would take less than one season for Lowe to get hired on somewhere else. Edmonton isn't the only boys fraternity in hockey and definitely not the only team managed insanely if viewed by its fan base.

I think you are completely wrong about this. Lowe is indeed a known entity in the NHL community. And that is exactly why he would never be hired to manage any where else.

MacT was never offered an nhl job as coach after resigning in '09. He never got another job in the nhl until he was hired by the oil this spring. By the same guy who hired him to be coach - Lowe.

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#121 Toro
November 16 2013, 06:13PM
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Justin Azevedo is a GOOF!

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#122 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 07:23PM
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What a $hitty article, douchebag troll

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#123 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 08:18PM
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Smid just doesn't look right in that red sweater.

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#124 Clyde
November 16 2013, 08:40PM
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K_Mart wrote:

Really Justin?!? You're making fun of our murder rate? It's tragic and people died, don't go there. Homicide in Edmonton has caused a ton of pain and should be kept separate from sports trash talk.

Agreed

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#125 DSF
November 16 2013, 09:07PM
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beloch wrote:

He has it coming, but McG might need skin-grafts over his knuckles after that 12-rounder!

The Flames were clearly the better team in the 1st, but Dubnyk looked a lot more confident than Berra. The Flames are going to have to keep dominating or Dubnyk might steal this one.

Ference was way over the line there.

He deserves a beating.

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#126 DSF
November 16 2013, 09:08PM
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YFC Prez wrote:

Wow even glen Healy is talking about Shea weber to Edmonton trades. But out here that's not really "thinking outside the box". I think I've heard every scenario possible.

How about Hall, Eberle, Hopkins and Yakupov to Nashville for Weber.

Nashville might turn that down though.

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#127 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 09:37PM
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Anybody wanna help me burn down Rexall tonight?

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#128 jonny94
November 16 2013, 10:51PM
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I'm excited for the next Oilers/Flames GDB. I'm sure Wanye will have a few responses for this witty Justin blogger.

Good battle between both teams, good to see both teams compete for a much needed W.

I really hope the Oilers next 20 games help us forget these past 20.

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#129 Gkpoil
November 16 2013, 11:13PM
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JonnyT wrote:

..Sammy. Be honest with yourself. You won 1 game. 1. Due two incredibly lucky goals. Calm down. The oilers are still a very very below average hockey club. We outshot and outchanced you guys. On top of that, we went to the dirty areas to score unlike you guys. We're also in year 1 of rebuilding. Unlike you guys. I'd say I like my team better and evidently our flamers and I will not "suck it".

Year 1 of your rebuild? you're right, you have been a perennial contender since 2004. Just because your GM won't admit it's a 'rebuild' until now doesn't mean the Flames are going to make the playoffs any sooner than the oil.

And yes, if you cheer for the Flamers you will "suck it", it just may take a decade before you'll admit it

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#130 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:18PM
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Jonny T wrote:

I did watch the game. We outplayed you. Plain and simple. Sure you had your cycle game going in the third period, which increases your puck possesion rate, but it is not the reason you guys won. We kept your shots mostly to the outside and kept you in the perimeter. And only the oilers would be proud of finally establishing a good forecheck, considering every other team in the league does this on a regular basis.

Our goalie gave up two stupid goals. That's what this came down to. Oh and thank Dubnyk.

Spoken like a fan of a rebuilding team....trust us....we know!

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#131 TonyT
November 17 2013, 03:33PM
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Hahaha this is pretty funny. I'm a diehard Edmontonian but even I can admit Calgary is nicer. The funny part of this topic was that in as much as people would leave Edmonton if they could, the same is true for Calgariy. It's nicer but that's not saying much... A lady at Costco this summer, asked me if I wanted to donate to Red Cross for flood victims. I thought she meant India (where they had a massive death toll) but then she said Calgary. I burst out laughing, I hope the rivers crest again next year you hick f*cks!

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#132 Dallas Eakins' Magnificent Forehead
November 16 2013, 03:44PM
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WE KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT WINNING YOU GODDAMM DIRTY LAZY OIL DRINKIN CORONA STRAW HAT TIPPIN DUMMIES!

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#133 **
November 16 2013, 04:14PM
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Zamboni Driver wrote:

The worst part about tonight.

Game is on national TV. The whole country will get to see whatever in the hell it is the Flames and Oilers collectively play.

0-0 tie....20 rounds of slam dunk contest. Won, of course, by Gazdic.

Just for Laughs. NHL edition.

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#134 camdog
November 16 2013, 05:18PM
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Good grief I thought this article and it's responses were satire. I didn't know it was to be taken seriously.

Now to the main point of the article, the new arena looks like a giant sperm...

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#135 Virtual_Xi
November 16 2013, 05:23PM
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I liked the GDB! that road comment was hella funny, I drive those streets too, HA! "pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker!" so true. Although I will say this, at least we can drive the speed limit or more during rush our on all our roads, vs the 10km/hr deerfoot

back to hockey, this is going to be an awful game, tune out folks! make your 2.5 hours actually count by drinking wine in the gutter.

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#136 Hits from the BoNg
November 16 2013, 05:49PM
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Guess what ?

Another halfwit blogger, from Calgary ?!?

How does he breath with his head that far up his @ss ?

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#137 justDOit
November 16 2013, 06:21PM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Here's what's really tragic.

This province is the hockey capital of the world. We produce hockey players like Vancouver produces street arsonists and Toronto produces ludicrous mayors. Do you realize that there are more than twice as many Alberta born players in the NHL than there are Russian born players? And Russia has 100 times the population, and twice as much snow.

Alberta has produced Hart, Norris, and Vezina trophy winners. Alberta born players captain three NHL teams. The next big thing in hockey, 15 year old Tyler Benson, is from Alberta. He shattered the Alberta Bantam scoring record last year. The record he broke belonged to Joffrey Lupul. And whose record did Lupul break? Jerome Inginla's. This province breeds excellence in hockey.

In the 1980's our professional teams reflected that. For eight (that is EIGHT!) straight years an Alberta team was in the Stanley Cup final, winning 6 times. Alberta owned the NHL in the 1980's. Alberta was called Death Valley for eastern teams making their swing through here.

We have the most loyal, rabid, knowledgable hockey fans in the NHL. And that is because most of us have played the game, coached our kids, got up at 5:30 to clear the outdoor rinks or to drive to 6 a.m. practices. We live, breathe and die for the game.

The Battle of Alberta used to mean something. It used to mean the battle for supremacy of the NHL. Which used to mean, when Edmonton played Calgary back in the 1980's, it was to determine who was the best Hockey Club in the world. Yes. The World.

So now, as we prepare for tonight's tilt, between two bottom feeders with nothing at stake but the title of least worst "professional"team in the NHL, it makes me mad and sad. Ignorance, arrogance, cronyism, breathtaking stupidity, yeah they're all to blame for our plight. We've been over it all so many times I can't bear to rehash the reasons for this disgrace.

I just think it didn't have to be this way. It shouldn't be like this. None of us, North and South, Flame or Oiler, deserve this.

Quoted for excellence, Dougie!

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#138 Oilfan
November 16 2013, 06:55PM
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@camdog

A BEAUTIFUL SPERM!!! A BEAUTIFUL GIANT SPERM!!!

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#139 Kpat99
November 16 2013, 07:44PM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Here's what's really tragic.

This province is the hockey capital of the world. We produce hockey players like Vancouver produces street arsonists and Toronto produces ludicrous mayors. Do you realize that there are more than twice as many Alberta born players in the NHL than there are Russian born players? And Russia has 100 times the population, and twice as much snow.

Alberta has produced Hart, Norris, and Vezina trophy winners. Alberta born players captain three NHL teams. The next big thing in hockey, 15 year old Tyler Benson, is from Alberta. He shattered the Alberta Bantam scoring record last year. The record he broke belonged to Joffrey Lupul. And whose record did Lupul break? Jerome Inginla's. This province breeds excellence in hockey.

In the 1980's our professional teams reflected that. For eight (that is EIGHT!) straight years an Alberta team was in the Stanley Cup final, winning 6 times. Alberta owned the NHL in the 1980's. Alberta was called Death Valley for eastern teams making their swing through here.

We have the most loyal, rabid, knowledgable hockey fans in the NHL. And that is because most of us have played the game, coached our kids, got up at 5:30 to clear the outdoor rinks or to drive to 6 a.m. practices. We live, breathe and die for the game.

The Battle of Alberta used to mean something. It used to mean the battle for supremacy of the NHL. Which used to mean, when Edmonton played Calgary back in the 1980's, it was to determine who was the best Hockey Club in the world. Yes. The World.

So now, as we prepare for tonight's tilt, between two bottom feeders with nothing at stake but the title of least worst "professional"team in the NHL, it makes me mad and sad. Ignorance, arrogance, cronyism, breathtaking stupidity, yeah they're all to blame for our plight. We've been over it all so many times I can't bear to rehash the reasons for this disgrace.

I just think it didn't have to be this way. It shouldn't be like this. None of us, North and South, Flame or Oiler, deserve this.

I want to give this a million props.

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#140 RKD
November 16 2013, 08:40PM
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That was a pretty good fight, if your read Gazdic's lips he told Brian "thanks for the scrap." I think Belov might have a charley horse from that Bouma hit.

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#141 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 09:02PM
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The Oilers are an outstanding group of individuals.

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#142 Cowtown 1989
November 16 2013, 09:08PM
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I used to have a great deal of respect for Ference but attacking an unwilling Stempy after a clean hit has me a bit riled up. I hope the Flames use this as a team rallying point for the rest of the game. Is the Battle of Alberta version 2.0 starting tonight?

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#143 Andrew
November 16 2013, 09:13PM
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I'm so glad MacT's answer for this heartless, nutless team is to stay the course. Is it possible Oiler fans will support another 7 yrs of this joke of an organization? Katz/Lowe/MacT seem to think so

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#144 Walter Sobchak
November 16 2013, 09:26PM
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DSF wrote:

Ference was way over the line there.

He deserves a beating.

I'm not condoning what Ference did, but when your on a losing streak, playing on a brutal team while trying to keep the team motivated........sometimes you just snap! Ference simply snapped.

No excuses, but emotion is part of the game.

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#145 Ryan Pike
November 16 2013, 09:45PM
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Flames are playing their game - counter-punch, keeping opposition to outside and whatnots. Solid 40 minutes so far.

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#146 Rob F
November 16 2013, 10:11PM
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everyone sh*ts on Yakupov.....why does RNH get a pass.......hes been just short of awful

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#147 Drowning in Oil
November 16 2013, 10:27PM
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I take it all back. The Oilers are now a Power House. Mac T and KLowe are mad wizards. Eakins is a strategic general. Go Oil, Go!!

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#148 Johnnydapunk
November 16 2013, 10:36PM
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YFC Prez wrote:

Dubnyk is playing very well. Has since the briz signing. Just reinforces the notion that he needs to be pushed. Dubnyk is the reason were winning this game.

Completely agree, Dubnyk has been on fire since the Bryz got signed. I actually rate Berra quite highly as well, his shot stopping is usually amazing. He has had a bit of a rough ride so far though.

Now is Dubnyks big test, this is what makes a good goalie great, not letting in the goal that matters. Fuhr was legendary for that.

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#149 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 11:32PM
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Jonny T wrote:

It'll be many tough years here, I'm not denying that. It's an embarassing loss for us mainly because we played you guys. If that isn't rock bottom, I don't know what is.

Flames fans are so stupid, other than Monahan and BearChief you guys have jack-$hit to work with! Better go for 30th next year so you can get some real talent in Mcdavid. This years draft is pretty weak. CGY outplayed Oilers for 40 mins, a real NHL team would have won 5-0.

Avatar
#150 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:42PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
9
props
Walter White wrote:

Perfect game for the flames tonight!!

completely dominated the Oilers, clearly proving we are way ahead of them in rebuild, yet gained better draft position.....could it get any better? WW

Phase one of the rebuild....acceptance of the culture of losing.

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