FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 22-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#151 Todd
November 16 2013, 11:50PM
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Gkpoil wrote:

Not sure what you're talking about, but you should probably calm down a bit too there tiger. The oilers suck, not too many people will argue that, but you flamer fans seem to think that your rebuild is going to be over so quickly.

Most of you slack-jawed hicks think that the oiler rebuild has been going on since 2006 (last time oilers challenged for the cup), couldn't the same thing be said for Calgary since 2004? Sure you guys finished 9th a couple times.... I'd rather totally sh*t the bed and have Hall, RNH and Yak.

You guys play just good enough the secure an average player (when your GM doesn't pick some no-name) in the draft but are still sh*tty enough to miss the post season.

Exactly...

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#152 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 17 2013, 12:17AM
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Damn! I think I scared him off......

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#153 MessyEH!
November 17 2013, 06:07AM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Here's what's really tragic.

This province is the hockey capital of the world. We produce hockey players like Vancouver produces street arsonists and Toronto produces ludicrous mayors. Do you realize that there are more than twice as many Alberta born players in the NHL than there are Russian born players? And Russia has 100 times the population, and twice as much snow.

Alberta has produced Hart, Norris, and Vezina trophy winners. Alberta born players captain three NHL teams. The next big thing in hockey, 15 year old Tyler Benson, is from Alberta. He shattered the Alberta Bantam scoring record last year. The record he broke belonged to Joffrey Lupul. And whose record did Lupul break? Jerome Inginla's. This province breeds excellence in hockey.

In the 1980's our professional teams reflected that. For eight (that is EIGHT!) straight years an Alberta team was in the Stanley Cup final, winning 6 times. Alberta owned the NHL in the 1980's. Alberta was called Death Valley for eastern teams making their swing through here.

We have the most loyal, rabid, knowledgable hockey fans in the NHL. And that is because most of us have played the game, coached our kids, got up at 5:30 to clear the outdoor rinks or to drive to 6 a.m. practices. We live, breathe and die for the game.

The Battle of Alberta used to mean something. It used to mean the battle for supremacy of the NHL. Which used to mean, when Edmonton played Calgary back in the 1980's, it was to determine who was the best Hockey Club in the world. Yes. The World.

So now, as we prepare for tonight's tilt, between two bottom feeders with nothing at stake but the title of least worst "professional"team in the NHL, it makes me mad and sad. Ignorance, arrogance, cronyism, breathtaking stupidity, yeah they're all to blame for our plight. We've been over it all so many times I can't bear to rehash the reasons for this disgrace.

I just think it didn't have to be this way. It shouldn't be like this. None of us, North and South, Flame or Oiler, deserve this.

Can't beleive this got two trashes.

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#154 Jim
November 16 2013, 03:51PM
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I can't wait for the head of customer service to give Oilers fans a new speech.

The last one was really good MacT.

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#155 Cynic
November 16 2013, 04:31PM
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As a guy who has lived in both cities and hates both teams equally, I enjoyed this. One thing about the ring roads, however. Edmonton's is a little more of a goat track right now thanks to all the Sh Park -related construction, but at least it's nearly a full circle. Calgary's is nice and all, but it's more of a horseshoe. Like many of Calgary's freeways, it's incomplete and thanks to indian reservations, not likely to ever be finished. You'd know that if you weren't stuck on "bus pass" - you know, that one that gets you from mom's house to grad school at Alberta's (to be charitable) second-best university. Other than that, I agreed with almost every word you wrote.

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#156 Bryan in SK
November 16 2013, 05:56PM
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Well, I wear a bag on my head now when I wear my Oilers jersey, so let me just say this...

GO RIDERS!!!!!

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#157 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 06:53PM
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Dan the Man wrote:

The best you can come up with is insulting our roads? Seriously? That's pretty weak.

actually the roads in Edmonton are bad to an Epic degree. this is sad truth.

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#158 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 07:45PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

take it back to calgary bud, why are there so many flames fans on this site? you tools got nothing better to do than troll an oilers site?

Hauk15 are you really this slow or are you faking???

you haven't caught on yet that Oiler and Flames nations share a game day blog, written by the winner of the last game??

my god man calm down have a drink and laugh a little. tonights game really is hillarious when you consider the curcumstances.

and feel free to wear sweat pants with good shoes while your here... want our oiler neighbors to feel at home while in our house. :-D

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#159 Dangilitis
November 16 2013, 07:59PM
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Yes the roads suck in Edmonton but calgarian drivers might as well be driving on gravel road because they can't go a consecutive 60 minute period without crashing into one another.

I live in Calgary now and there was more to do with my family in Edmonton except if you want to claim the mountains to hide the complete lack of anything resembling excitement in the actual city.

The sense of undeserved entitlement in this city baffles even rob ford.

And the funniest part about this is people like justin who epitomize calgarian fans who watched the downfall of the oilers and why it has persisted way too long and are too stupid to realize that nenshi will be getting senior discounts at Applebee's before calgarians sniff the playoffs again.

As depressing as it has been every night to watch edmonton I will enjoy what a$$ kicking will be laid on the lowly flames for the next decade. So why don't all the flames fans who claim they weren't bandwagoners fold away those kiprusoff jerseys and try and enjoy their teams success in an 8 team league that no one watches outside of Calgary and the province of Saskatchewan ...

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#160 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 08:48PM
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Ed Wailin' wrote:

now that was a lame face punching....

Said the teeth stuck on ferrence's knuckles

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#161 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 09:13PM
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@DSF

I was surprised to hear that from a professional panel. I would have laughed my butt off if he included Omark in the deal.

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#162 Fresh Mess
November 16 2013, 09:17PM
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Andrew wrote:

I'm so glad MacT's answer for this heartless, nutless team is to stay the course. Is it possible Oiler fans will support another 7 yrs of this joke of an organization? Katz/Lowe/MacT seem to think so

MacLooselips isn't staying the course. His move was to trade away Smid for nothing and make the team weaker.

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#163 negrilcowboy
November 16 2013, 09:25PM
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trade hrudey to nashville

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#164 Reg Dunlop
November 16 2013, 09:40PM
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Nice to see 3 phlegms rough up little Nuge with the rest of the oil AWOL. Will an embarrassing shutout loss tonight be enough to get the attention of Katz?

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#165 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 09:42PM
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"Another give away, shoots, scores". Fire the entire management team or start trading off some of these prima donna kids. This team has no future. It belongs in Kansas City!! What an outright disgrace to not only the city of Edmonton but to the NHL and professional sports. I'm disgusted. But hey Oiler fan, make sure you get a good parking spot when you go to the next home game. Keep enabling this team, it' management and ownership by puting more $$$$$ into the team and Katz's pocket. What a disgrace!,,

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#166 Drowning in Oil
November 16 2013, 09:47PM
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I can't be the only one that cringes with the ice time Smyth gets. I realize he is an absolute penalty killing juggernaut but my god. Eakins has a chub for this guy!!

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#167 Rob Gilgan
November 16 2013, 10:02PM
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So good to see Ted Nolan back in the NHL.

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#168 Rob F
November 16 2013, 10:40PM
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congrats.....the oilers are the tallest midget.....

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#169 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 10:46PM
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lets see... Flames are rebuilding, expected to be bad but have looked very good in spite of mising its top players all year... get beat by a geam that is sposed to be past the rebuild and challenging for playoffs as they get better.. and they look like crap...

hahaha im actually lving the season so far as flames are playing a good style of hockey and fun to watch with exception of a couple games. Top pick at the xraft, a couple vets traded for first and second rounder drafts and prospects johny hockey coming up the pike and 30+ million in cap space... things xont look so bad. Id say rebuilding is fun and eazy.

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#170 Stack Pad Save
November 16 2013, 10:53PM
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JonnyT wrote:

..Sammy. Be honest with yourself. You won 1 game. 1. Due two incredibly lucky goals. Calm down. The oilers are still a very very below average hockey club. We outshot and outchanced you guys. On top of that, we went to the dirty areas to score unlike you guys. We're also in year 1 of rebuilding. Unlike you guys. I'd say I like my team better and evidently our flamers and I will not "suck it".

Did you watch the whole game? The fLames played better in the first, but not the second or the third. I would say you need to take off the fLame tinted goggles(P.S. they don't look good with your fake cowboy cowboy hat anyway).

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#171 Burnward
November 16 2013, 11:34PM
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If the one bright spot to the Oilers season is them beating this edition of the Flames, that about says it all about the state of things up north.

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#172 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 11:41PM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

you do realize you just insulted your own team, right?

I will be nice tho cause, like McGratton said in post game.. everyone is fighting a battle. God bless you my son.

Obviously. They are 5-15-2 they deserve to be insulted. jack-ass.

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#173 Gkpoil
November 16 2013, 11:47PM
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Jonny T wrote:

Do you hear what you're saying man? What are you so proud of? You're talking about the Oilers!! You're an Oilers fan!!! Calm down. What have they done that justifies anything you're saying? Good god. Please, keep your pride to yourself until your team starts living up to their prophesized glory years and 6 more stanley cups.

Not sure what you're talking about, but you should probably calm down a bit too there tiger. The oilers suck, not too many people will argue that, but you flamer fans seem to think that your rebuild is going to be over so quickly.

Most of you slack-jawed hicks think that the oiler rebuild has been going on since 2006 (last time oilers challenged for the cup), couldn't the same thing be said for Calgary since 2004? Sure you guys finished 9th a couple times.... I'd rather totally sh*t the bed and have Hall, RNH and Yak.

You guys play just good enough the secure an average player (when your GM doesn't pick some no-name) in the draft but are still sh*tty enough to miss the post season.

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#174 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 11:49PM
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Todd wrote:

Flamers have no idea how bad it's gonna get... Enjoy the ride.

You guys are talking about trading Stajan, Cammy, Stempniak for magic beans. draft picks that MIGHT pay off in 5 years. Looks like Sven is your Gagner (a decent 2nd liner but not elite). Jankowski is flopping. Your hope is on a 155lb skinny college kid. Monahan might be decent but I would get excited about 1 single other player on your entire team.

My point is you guys should stop flapping about being ahead of us in the rebuild. You still have no elite talent. And as we exemplify, it takes a long time to develop 18 year olds. Even 1st overalls.

You have no idea how bad your future is. I hope it sucks worse than I know it will.

But the fLAMES have 3 more points than the Oil. That must mean that BearChief and Monahan are better players than Hall, Nuge, Yak, Ebs. haha not. You flamers have mocked us, but soon you will see how it is to watch your team go to crap. Start stock piling the liquor, you're gonna need it flamers!

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#175 Todd
November 16 2013, 11:59PM
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Jonny T wrote:

Todd. Hello.

1) We will acquire elite talent in time. Don't you worry about that. Losses like these will help.

2) Jankowski is now 6'4 185 lbs. Oh and he just turned 19. Sure he's still a bit awkward because he's growing into his body, but his talent is undeniable. With guys like Poirier, Klimchuc, Johnny Hockey, Ferland, Knight, our collection of better college players, plus next year's draft picks, we have players that contribute in different ways. Don't comment on a prospect base you know nothing about.

3) We're building a "team". Last I checked, "teams" win stanley cups. Not a collection of elite "small forwards" that think they can dangle their way to the playoffs.

and finally....

4) Thanks for providing us a "Dummies" handbook on how not to run a rebuild.Beleive me, we'll be using it.

I know lots about your prospects. Lots a prayers and 2nd tier guys. Not 1 true elite guy. Zilch.

You have Robert Nilson, Andrew Cogliano and Pajarvi. Except even those guys were good enough to make the NHL at 19.

We have been in your shoes. We also hyped up second rate prospects as elite hopeful. You have no idea what's in store.

Serious Johnny Hockey?? Do you mean Nathan Gerbe. The other 5'0" college phenom hobby baker winner that Buffalo just bought out (Buffalo!!) it's hilarious how much hope Flamers but in an NCAA drawf with less then 1 second experience of pro hockey at any level .

You'll learn... Enjoy it

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#176 Hauk15
November 17 2013, 12:18AM
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Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty) wrote:

Damn! I think I scared him off......

good job, we gotta defend our internet territory from these flamer tools.

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#177 Hauk15
November 17 2013, 12:22AM
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Jonny T wrote:

Hauk15

Sigh.

You've finished deadlast or next to it 4 years in a row. You didn't develop these guys into incredible players on offence. They literally fell into your lap. That tends to happen when you've been a terrible team.

Please. You have nothing to proud about.

Of course our prospects don't compare right now. Could you please give us some time to finish last for a couple of years? Jeez.

my team made your team look like a bunch of plugs tonight, i'm proud. Off you go now flamer. bring your hopes and dreams of Calgary being better than Edmonton with you. 3 years in a row by the way, we got 60 games to go, Edmonton finishes 20th this year. Book it.

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#178 hemi
November 17 2013, 05:50AM
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Bottom line, The Oil WON! I will take it.

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#179 Dangilitis
November 17 2013, 08:43AM
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I love it. Flames fans enjoyed the pre-game blog and earlier part of the night where they could hurl insults at the Oilers and their fans. Then, 6 minutes of reality on the ice and then sh*t got real for you. Now, we have hypocrites from Calgary coming out of the wood works saying Oilers fans are being malicious, immature, etc. But the insults were okay when they suited you, right? Believe me, no Oilers fan likes sharing blogs with you neanderthals. Why don't you all forget about this blog, and go back to the purely Flames Nation propaganda that defends the idiots in upper management and applauds the team's efforts in spite of futility. That was the state of Oilers fandom 5 years ago. Ignorance is bliss.

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#180 Dangilitis
November 17 2013, 08:53AM
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travis wrote:

Please man. I'm a proud Edmontonian, even though I don't live there anymore, and your post is so over-exaggerated it actually makes me gag. Stop your incessant non-sense. We won 1 meaningless game. You're embarrassing us. Edmonton is a terrible city. It just is...accept it. Don't try to sugarcoat it. I love edmonton because it's my home, but I mean, in all seriousness, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

What part of it is nonsense? Let's dissect. The fact that Calgary Flames suck? No. That the team is rebuilding and will lose its best current players in that process? No. The fact that the U of A is a superior institution to U of C? No one would debate that. That the Flames management has managed to do as crappy a job as the Oilers? Nope. The fact that Calgarians cling to the fact that one of their 2 sports teams is successful, yet that success is in a league where there are only 8 teams. No.

I am having real trouble seeing why you would gag, unless you can't co-ordinate your own tongue's movements. Which would make it real hard to swallow the news that you are an idiot.

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#181 Clay
November 16 2013, 03:53PM
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This is epic

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#182 Admiralmark
November 16 2013, 03:59PM
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Dog Train wrote:

I forgot about this nonsense. So there is something on the line tonight.

Please Oilers, if you're going to show up then do it tonight.

Yes then we could rename it the Battle of the Bottom of the Barrel

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#183 MessyEH!
November 16 2013, 07:19PM
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MessyEH! wrote:

Hemmered on the Nails head good Sir.

This may have been the best comment ever.

I am going to find a Flames fan to hug.

Then pull the jersey over her head.

My mom will be so pissed.

She lovez her flames Jersey

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#184 Bean-counting cowboy
November 16 2013, 07:23PM
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Go Flames! Monahan line will hopefully get going tonight.

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#185 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 07:52PM
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OK serious question....

does the winner of tonights game have "bragging" rights???

hahahahaha

drop the puck!

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#186 OilersareBRUTAL
November 16 2013, 08:40PM
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Belov looks PISSED! Now get out there and kill someone !

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#187 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 09:02PM
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Wow even glen Healy is talking about Shea weber to Edmonton trades. But out here that's not really "thinking outside the box". I think I've heard every scenario possible.

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#188 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 09:17PM
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@Hauk15

Stood up for himself.

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#189 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 09:42PM
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How much does Kevin Lowe get paid? Seriously Katz nut up your team is huge joke.

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#190 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 09:52PM
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@Jeff In Lethbridge

Pile away Jeff. Many fans have given up on this team getting better for a sustained period untill Lowe is gone. Ball is in Katz corner. At this point he is the only one who can make the changes that will make a difference.

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#191 Drowning in Oil
November 16 2013, 09:56PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

He gets the PP time that Perron should be playing, I hate Eakins why he still has a job is beyond me. 4-16-2 after tonight. Brutal.

Hammer - nail - head.......... Bang on, this team is a disaster from top to bottom. Really nice to see Calgary's #6 overall outshine our 3 (in a row) #1 overalls!!

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#192 Harlie
November 16 2013, 10:15PM
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@Rob F

Why heff to be mad?

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#193 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 10:44PM
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@Drowning in Oil

My ears hurt

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#194 Sammy
November 16 2013, 10:46PM
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BTW, I know your from Calgary so I'll spell it out for you Justin. You and your Flamers can suck it. Your welcome!

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#195 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 11:57PM
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Jonny T wrote:

Todd. Hello.

1) We will acquire elite talent in time. Don't you worry about that. Losses like these will help.

2) Jankowski is now 6'4 185 lbs. Oh and he just turned 19. Sure he's still a bit awkward because he's growing into his body, but his talent is undeniable. With guys like Poirier, Klimchuc, Johnny Hockey, Ferland, Knight, our collection of better college players, plus next year's draft picks, we have players that contribute in different ways. Don't comment on a prospect base you know nothing about.

3) We're building a "team". Last I checked, "teams" win stanley cups. Not a collection of elite "small forwards" that think they can dangle their way to the playoffs.

and finally....

4) Thanks for providing us a "Dummies" handbook on how not to run a rebuild.Beleive me, we'll be using it.

Jankowski who? Flames prospects are a joke. Nurse, Klefbom, and Marincin are real prospects. Calgary might be the only team that has drafted worse than Edmonton. You guys will get Ekblad this year, good for you. Your goalies and offense still blows.

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#196 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 17 2013, 12:15AM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

i tbink thats the fourth time youve made sexual references towards me... makes me worried. hang around in seedy places like this i guess one can expect to bump into your type. are all edm guys as desperate as you?

Did you not read the title of the article?......don't play coy Jeffery........is it ok if I call you Jeffery?

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#197 YFC Prez
November 17 2013, 12:24AM
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Hauk15 wrote:

good job, we gotta defend our internet territory from these flamer tools.

You know you are commenting on both sites right now right. check out flames nation, were also in their territory.

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#198 Naky
November 17 2013, 03:28AM
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Blah blah blah your city sucks blah blah blah your team sucks blah blah blah you haven't won anything blah blah blah.

Pretty much what the comments section reads for either team's fans.

What a waste of time.

Instead, the two fan bases should be united in their realization that their team sucks and that they need to start holding their management and ownership responsible for the on-ice product by not supporting it so blindly.

But, hey, what is this common sense and logic I speak of? Allow me to write a pointless tirade of what section of which city sucks more than the others' instead.

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#199 Loweblows
November 17 2013, 05:37PM
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TonyT wrote:

Hahaha this is pretty funny. I'm a diehard Edmontonian but even I can admit Calgary is nicer. The funny part of this topic was that in as much as people would leave Edmonton if they could, the same is true for Calgariy. It's nicer but that's not saying much... A lady at Costco this summer, asked me if I wanted to donate to Red Cross for flood victims. I thought she meant India (where they had a massive death toll) but then she said Calgary. I burst out laughing, I hope the rivers crest again next year you hick f*cks!

Actually having lived in both cities i found both have their upsides and downsides- calgary has warmer winters and edmonton has nicer summers-edmonton has a nicer river valley, calgary has mountain views, edmonton is richer in arts, calgary has the stampede-people who say one city is better than the other probably have obviously not experienced the best that each city can offer-im sorry but driving a ring road doesnt teach you squat about the city-and finally edmonton has 5 stanleys and calgary has 1 and edmonton will get another before calgary so eat sh@$ edmonton haters.

Avatar
#200 Batfink
November 16 2013, 04:05PM
Trash it!
7
trashes
+1
6
props

Please sir, can I have our Smid back? A spirited article, well put and correct on many points. However:

2) GFYs

3) >4) Eat poop.

Other than that, I hope for a good tilt tonight may the best team win and all that BS.

Smell ya later.

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