FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 22-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#201 Oilcruzer
November 16 2013, 04:07PM
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Well written blog.

Doesn't change that both teams suck and one has an ability to do something about it, if they choose to.

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#202 **
November 16 2013, 04:31PM
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Justin Azevedo wrote:

man i'm getting #Pwned

got your meds yet son?

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#203 Ryan Pike
November 16 2013, 04:34PM
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Sounding like Berra and Dubnyk get the starts. Smith and Bouma back in for Calgary in place of O'Brien and Jackman.

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#204 camdog
November 16 2013, 04:37PM
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@Christian Roatis

I live in the explosion radius of those refineries, what's the difference?

On an aside the new areana does like a giant sperm...

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#205 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 04:40PM
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@dougtheslug

Just wanted to reply to this to bring it to the new page. Mega props!

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#206 The poster formerly known as Koolaid drinker #33
November 16 2013, 04:53PM
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BOA is just sad now......hoping for a goalie fight tonight.

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#207 Drowning in Oil
November 16 2013, 06:16PM
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CALGARY........ THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN'S AFTERBIRTH!!

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#208 MangoTanker
November 16 2013, 07:09PM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Here's what's really tragic.

This province is the hockey capital of the world. We produce hockey players like Vancouver produces street arsonists and Toronto produces ludicrous mayors. Do you realize that there are more than twice as many Alberta born players in the NHL than there are Russian born players? And Russia has 100 times the population, and twice as much snow.

Alberta has produced Hart, Norris, and Vezina trophy winners. Alberta born players captain three NHL teams. The next big thing in hockey, 15 year old Tyler Benson, is from Alberta. He shattered the Alberta Bantam scoring record last year. The record he broke belonged to Joffrey Lupul. And whose record did Lupul break? Jerome Inginla's. This province breeds excellence in hockey.

In the 1980's our professional teams reflected that. For eight (that is EIGHT!) straight years an Alberta team was in the Stanley Cup final, winning 6 times. Alberta owned the NHL in the 1980's. Alberta was called Death Valley for eastern teams making their swing through here.

We have the most loyal, rabid, knowledgable hockey fans in the NHL. And that is because most of us have played the game, coached our kids, got up at 5:30 to clear the outdoor rinks or to drive to 6 a.m. practices. We live, breathe and die for the game.

The Battle of Alberta used to mean something. It used to mean the battle for supremacy of the NHL. Which used to mean, when Edmonton played Calgary back in the 1980's, it was to determine who was the best Hockey Club in the world. Yes. The World.

So now, as we prepare for tonight's tilt, between two bottom feeders with nothing at stake but the title of least worst "professional"team in the NHL, it makes me mad and sad. Ignorance, arrogance, cronyism, breathtaking stupidity, yeah they're all to blame for our plight. We've been over it all so many times I can't bear to rehash the reasons for this disgrace.

I just think it didn't have to be this way. It shouldn't be like this. None of us, North and South, Flame or Oiler, deserve this.

Who the hell in their right mind would trash this?

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#209 Batfink
November 16 2013, 07:42PM
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@Batfink

"An event in which people died isn't to be used as a punch line on this website. We're better than that. At least we should be."

So, it's allowed to highlight people being murdered now is it? Double standards are great. Twice as good as normal standards, by definition. This site is getting a little too Orwellian.

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#210 reaperfunkss (2nd tier fan)
November 16 2013, 07:56PM
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This will be my last game to watch this season if the Oilers play like the..well the Oilers.

Not worth my time.

i will pay attention again when Klown gets fired.

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#211 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 08:37PM
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What a fight. Good job boys

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#212 Parallex
November 16 2013, 08:39PM
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I hate that friendly tap Dancing Bear gave at the end of the fight... demonstrates the "only for show" aspect of staged goon fights. Pointless.

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#213 Ed Wailin'
November 16 2013, 08:40PM
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You gotta admit, he's a classy face puncher at least...

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#214 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 09:08PM
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DSF wrote:

Someone is going to kill Ference.

He attacked an injured player.

And he deserves it.

I was surprised by Ferrence... I thought he was a bigger man then that.

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#215 Randaman
November 16 2013, 09:18PM
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outdoorzguy wrote:

Take those microphones off the referees. They never work most of the time and we Canadians understand DO know what's happening. The NFL doesn't work in arenas!!

Can someone also take the microphone away from Hrudy? What a moron.

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#216 Randaman
November 16 2013, 09:22PM
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Fresh Mess wrote:

that's a goal

This is hockey, not rugby.

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#217 Fresh Mess
November 16 2013, 09:32PM
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This is the first Flames sweater I've actually liked. that franchise has a long history of hideous sweaters, culminating with the nostril fire-breathing horse.

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#218 Hockey fan 1976
November 16 2013, 09:38PM
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LMAO. God the Oilers suck!!! Am shutting the TV off. Brutal!!!!

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#219 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 09:39PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

I'm not condoning what Ference did, but when your on a losing streak, playing on a brutal team while trying to keep the team motivated........sometimes you just snap! Ference simply snapped.

No excuses, but emotion is part of the game.

I'm looking forward to seeing the day Taylor hall snaps. That's going to be a show and I think it's coming soon.

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#220 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 09:47PM
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Reg Dunlop wrote:

Nice to see 3 phlegms rough up little Nuge with the rest of the oil AWOL. Will an embarrassing shutout loss tonight be enough to get the attention of Katz?

Hard to call them phlegms when their lousy ass is kicking our lousier ass!!

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#221 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 09:49PM
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I'm embarrased for the oiler fans... being so open with the self loathing because they have become accustomed to it... i cant even bring myself tto pile on, as they are so wounded and defenceless

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#222 Stack Pad Save
November 16 2013, 10:46PM
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@Sammy

looking forward to the next Flames vs Oilers OGD blog post

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#223 Stack Pad Save
November 16 2013, 10:48PM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

lets see... Flames are rebuilding, expected to be bad but have looked very good in spite of mising its top players all year... get beat by a geam that is sposed to be past the rebuild and challenging for playoffs as they get better.. and they look like crap...

hahaha im actually lving the season so far as flames are playing a good style of hockey and fun to watch with exception of a couple games. Top pick at the xraft, a couple vets traded for first and second rounder drafts and prospects johny hockey coming up the pike and 30+ million in cap space... things xont look so bad. Id say rebuilding is fun and eazy.

fLames suck and I hope they stock pile for this weak draft and end up in an eternal rebuild of hell ... oh wait dont worry Brian Burke and Feaster will trade their first overall draft pick for Joffrey Lupul at the deadline.

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#224 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 10:50PM
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@Jeff In Lethbridge

You should save that post you just made somewhere and read it in 3 years. It'll likely give you a little chuckle , followed by a angry tearful mental breakdown

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#225 Jonny T
November 16 2013, 11:04PM
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@Stack Pad Save

I did watch the game. We outplayed you. Plain and simple. Sure you had your cycle game going in the third period, which increases your puck possesion rate, but it is not the reason you guys won. We kept your shots mostly to the outside and kept you in the perimeter. And only the oilers would be proud of finally establishing a good forecheck, considering every other team in the league does this on a regular basis.

Our goalie gave up two stupid goals. That's what this came down to. Oh and thank Dubnyk.

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#226 Stack Pad Save
November 16 2013, 11:05PM
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? wrote:

They'll still be out of their rebuild before the 6 ring circus in EDM (kudos to Brownlee)

All I have left as an Oilers fan right now is that we are better than the fLames and "further" in our rebuild .... it may be sad, it may be petty, but it's the best I have felt about this team since the first game of this f*^king season.

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#227 Hauk15
November 17 2013, 12:04AM
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Todd wrote:

I know lots about your prospects. Lots a prayers and 2nd tier guys. Not 1 true elite guy. Zilch.

You have Robert Nilson, Andrew Cogliano and Pajarvi. Except even those guys were good enough to make the NHL at 19.

We have been in your shoes. We also hyped up second rate prospects as elite hopeful. You have no idea what's in store.

Serious Johnny Hockey?? Do you mean Nathan Gerbe. The other 5'0" college phenom hobby baker winner that Buffalo just bought out (Buffalo!!) it's hilarious how much hope Flamers but in an NCAA drawf with less then 1 second experience of pro hockey at any level .

You'll learn... Enjoy it

no point arguing with these tards Todd, they will see in time. they have nothing.

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#228 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 17 2013, 12:09AM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

actually it was prolly me that implied rebuild would be fast n easy... its just so easy to bait the oiler fans cause they are all on or past tbeir last nerve

:-D :-D :-D

Fast and Easy?.........do you have a pretty face Jeff?

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#229 Hauk15
November 17 2013, 12:27AM
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Jonny T wrote:

Hauk15

Sigh.

You've finished deadlast or next to it 4 years in a row. You didn't develop these guys into incredible players on offence. They literally fell into your lap. That tends to happen when you've been a terrible team.

Please. You have nothing to proud about.

Of course our prospects don't compare right now. Could you please give us some time to finish last for a couple of years? Jeez.

By the way what players have you guys developed into incredible offensive players? please enlighten me?

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#230 YFC Prez
November 17 2013, 12:45AM
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Thinker wrote:

Wayne where are you? I think a lifetime ban is in order.

Lol. I assume your looking for wanye. Who's Wayne. Take a quick look at the article. It will all make sense.

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#231 Burnward
November 17 2013, 02:36AM
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Maybe this combined game thread thing isn't such a good idea.

Pretty ridiculous.

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#232 Quintana
November 17 2013, 08:33AM
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geoilersgist wrote:

EatSh!tFlames

That is all

And EatSh!t Justin..

Now that is all

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#233 **
November 16 2013, 04:12PM
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Oilers and Flames should battle it Old School:

Pick the best fighter on each team, have at it, and whoever is left standing his team wins.

It would be more entertaining and it would allow me to go about my day without wasting that much time watching three hours of NHL hockey bloopers.

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#234 O REALLY NOW
November 16 2013, 04:29PM
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Mac962 wrote:

Now - our hockey teams- We suck the big one, so do you , but the expectations on us are much higher, People expect Edmonton to be elite. Calgary ? not so much - mediocrity as always as everything Calgary is. We don't want to be Toronto or Vancouver , but you do and it pains you that you can't be, Losers.

Toss the sticks in the middle of the ice and make two teams and see what happens, has to be more entertaining than what we are about to see.

I crave so much for Alberta to be Death Valley again for teams coming through. Of course with Calgary sucking our taint as always.

Smid ? Keep your head up you piece of crap. You fit right in now.

XOXOXOXOX

Go Flames go.

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#235 Steve
November 16 2013, 05:07PM
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I had to double check I was still on flames nation bc of all the trolling Soiler fans on here trying haha. Keep up the good work!!!

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#236 99thOilerfan
November 16 2013, 06:20PM
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Hey ! like my jersey?

It does not MATTER, if you like it or not....

Go Oil!

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#237 Crooked
November 16 2013, 06:37PM
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You've got to have a really crummy life to actually get upset if someone makes fun of the neighborhood/city/province/country you live in.

This article was actually pretty funny. Well played, sir.

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#238 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 06:59PM
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Virtual_Xi wrote:

I liked the GDB! that road comment was hella funny, I drive those streets too, HA! "pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker!" so true. Although I will say this, at least we can drive the speed limit or more during rush our on all our roads, vs the 10km/hr deerfoot

back to hockey, this is going to be an awful game, tune out folks! make your 2.5 hours actually count by drinking wine in the gutter.

this game is gonna be a riot! id say make a drinking game out of it... everytime someone sucks so bad you actually laugh out loud, take a drink. please have a designated driver and drink responsibly!!

:-D :-D :-D :-D

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#239 Hoozonphirst
November 16 2013, 08:14PM
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The vaunted Battle of Alberta has sadly become the 'Bitch Slap of Alberta'. The score is incidental. What's on the History Channel tonight?

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#240 RKD
November 16 2013, 08:45PM
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Wow, TSN must really have a hard on for Monahan,

The Calgary Flames lead Edmonton Oilers 1-0 in the first period at the Scotiabank Saddledome. Rookie Sean Monahan scored his 14th goal of the season to give the Flames the early lead.

They've anointed him with 14 goals, I bet the Flames wished they knew when he scored those.

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#241 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 08:49PM
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So these guys try and slug the crap out of each other for 2 minutes. They get tired stop and pat each other on the head and say good fight buddy. The Oilers are down by one. They've lost their last 43 games. Why is Gazdic even on the ice? He's not going to score the tying goal!! After the loss tonight to the Flames, the only "BOLD MOVES" have to be the firing of Kevin Lowe (as President of Hockey Operations this crap falls on his shoulders), fire Craig McTavish (he' shown he's out of his element as GM), fire Scott Howson (simply because he was useless in Columbus and was useless in his first go around in Edmonton and what does he really do?) and fire Eakins because he obviously can't do anything with this team (see Patrick Roy). Does anyone think Katz cares? Who in the organization has to call Katz after each game to tell him about another loss. Do you think Katz is watching the game on CBC? Just keep filling those seats Oiler fans because Katz needs the money to finish all the me storefronts on his drug stores. He thanks you very much. By the way, there is no snow in Vancouver!!

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#242 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 09:02PM
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Oilers are so damn bad, I'm on the verge of taking the year off. I can't take it anymore, a loss tonight will kill all my hope.

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#243 Reg Dunlop
November 16 2013, 09:06PM
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The oil are only 20 NHL calibre players away from being playoff bound! Patience, oil fans.

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#244 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 09:08PM
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@YFC Prez

And how would Weber help with the inept coaching who wouldn't have a clue how to use him properly?

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#245 Randaman
November 16 2013, 09:16PM
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Can they just stay in Calgary after the game? They can have this bunch of coach killers. Pathetic on the effort scale so far

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#246 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 09:22PM
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My most hated penalty, even worse than delay of game. Bunch of dumb asses can't even manage a clean change.

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#247 vetinari
November 16 2013, 10:29PM
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The Barons.... er... Oilers have tied it...

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#248 vetinari
November 16 2013, 10:40PM
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The Barons win!?!

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#249 Rod from Viking
November 16 2013, 10:41PM
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YFC Prez wrote:

Dubnyk is playing very well. Has since the briz signing. Just reinforces the notion that he needs to be pushed. Dubnyk is the reason were winning this game.

Exactly, having your buddy for the back up was never a good idea, the team has been playing better in front of him as well. 4-2 Oil, the kind of 3rd period I have been hoping for, the Oil have played better since Gazdic took on McGratton, I thought that could have went bad and he did very well.

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#250 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 10:50PM
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Harlie wrote:

HAHA the fLames are worse than us.

Chiclet pickers.

wow that was dirty!!!

hahahaha

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