FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 23-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#301 RexHolez
November 16 2013, 09:49PM
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@Stack Pad Save

Talk about raising the kids hopes, making him rush to make the game, fly all night and then, in great Oiler fashion shatter all hope with mismanagement

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#302 Reg Dunlop
November 16 2013, 09:51PM
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Making random changes should work out occasionally. Random decisions sometimes are right. It takes a real talent to have every decision backfire and every change prove disastrous. Eakins is like an anti-savant.

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#303 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 09:58PM
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Buffalo makes "BOLD MOVES" and has half as many wins in the two games they've played since the changes than we have all season. Eakins is at best an AHL coach (and that's debatable, he had one good year). Get the broom out.

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#304 Ryan Pike
November 16 2013, 10:03PM
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Bold moves and smart moves are rarely the same moves.

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#305 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 10:07PM
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I'd put Yakupov on waivers just to get rid of him and his distraction. Management is incapable of proving they can do anything to make improvements so just get rid of him. He's soft.

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#306 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 10:16PM
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that was just.....filthy lol.

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#307 Drowning in Oil
November 16 2013, 10:19PM
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I take it all back. The Oilers are now a Power House. Mac T and KLowe are mad wizards. Eakins is a strategic general. Go Oil, Go!!

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#308 TDSM31
November 16 2013, 10:50PM
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YFC Prez wrote:

Dubnyk is playing very well. Has since the briz signing. Just reinforces the notion that he needs to be pushed. Dubnyk is the reason were winning this game.

Yeah, Dubnyk has turned his game around but I still have a mild stroke when the other team gets outside shots on him...like SJ hit a couple posts on really generic looking shots then there were a few tonight that made me flinch. I guess I shouldn't complain...at least they're not going in.

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#309 Tim
November 16 2013, 10:58PM
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GSP

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#310 ?
November 16 2013, 11:03PM
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Stack Pad Save wrote:

fLames suck and I hope they stock pile for this weak draft and end up in an eternal rebuild of hell ... oh wait dont worry Brian Burke and Feaster will trade their first overall draft pick for Joffrey Lupul at the deadline.

They'll still be out of their rebuild before the 6 ring circus in EDM (kudos to Brownlee)

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#311 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:04PM
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admiralmark wrote:

Thanks to Oilersnation twitter tonight and the suggestion we should play Benny Hills theme music to watch the game to make it more enjoyable.

http://youtu.be/JcNhDstL4-k

4 unanswered goals was the result...

LOL

Lol......that would be f'ing hilarious....if someone hacked into the Oilers sound system and played Benny Hill when they hit the ice for the start of the next game!

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#312 ?
November 16 2013, 11:38PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

Flames fans are so stupid, other than Monahan and BearChief you guys have jack-$hit to work with! Better go for 30th next year so you can get some real talent in Mcdavid. This years draft is pretty weak. CGY outplayed Oilers for 40 mins, a real NHL team would have won 5-0.

I'd still rather have Reinhart or Ekblad rather than Yakupov or RNH

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#313 Walter White
November 16 2013, 11:39PM
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Perfect game for the flames tonight!!

completely dominated the Oilers, clearly proving we are way ahead of them in rebuild, yet gained better draft position.....could it get any better? WW

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#314 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:58PM
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Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty) wrote:

I know you come to Edmonton for work.....so here's some advice....up here when a man tells you to blow him....he ain't asking ya for a date..... ;)

On the other hand.....what do you look like?.........are you slim?

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#315 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 17 2013, 12:14AM
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Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty) wrote:

Fast and Easy?.........do you have a pretty face Jeff?

i tbink thats the fourth time youve made sexual references towards me... makes me worried. hang around in seedy places like this i guess one can expect to bump into your type. are all edm guys as desperate as you?

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#316 ?
November 17 2013, 12:36AM
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Hauk15 wrote:

Sure our goalies suck. You can't even compare Calgary's offense to Edmonton's. Hall, Eberle, Nugent-Hopkins, Yakupov, J.Schultz, Gagner, Perron,Hemsky. You guys have Monahan, BearChief, and Camalerri. Your prospects are junk bud, go ride a horse cowtown boy.

That's what finishing among the leagues worst for 338473844 years like the oilers gets you.

Too bad Lowe has f**ked up your team so bad that the Oilers are gonna have go rebuild the rebuild.

Flames vs Oilers, 2027 1st rouns series.

Lol

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#317 Jonny T
November 17 2013, 12:41AM
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@Hauk15

Hauk.

You made us look like plugs for 6 minutes. You have pretty low standards for being proud of that.

We haven't developed any offensive stars yet. Do you read english? If we took your place in the past 4 years, we'd have your "elite" players. You finished last. Get over yourself.

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#318 ?
November 17 2013, 12:41AM
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Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty) wrote:

Did you not read the title of the article?......don't play coy Jeffery........is it ok if I call you Jeffery?

Control your hormones sir :)

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#319 DrDave
November 17 2013, 02:00AM
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Suck it indeed! GOILERS!!!!

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#320 travis
November 17 2013, 08:36AM
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dangilitis wrote:

Have to re-post some of my older material. Are you reading, Justin? Maybe you should come to Edmonton but I suspect you were too effin stupid to get into U of A so had to settle for U of C. Even so, you couldn't hack it in Edmonton, what, with your fear of its roads and gang violence... sissy boy!

Yes the roads suck in Edmonton but calgarian drivers might as well be driving on gravel road because they can't go a consecutive 60 minute period without crashing into one another.

Your team blows. The one thing I knew when the season started was that the Oil would dominate the lowly Flames, and you know what? 20 minutes away from hating the team for even failing to deliver on that. But leave it to the Flames to suck more. Cammalleri gone by the end of this year, and Hudler not too far behind. Monahan is the only good piece of that dreadful excuse for the organization and he will be bogged down by plugs for the next decade until he can't bear it and asks Jabba the Hut for a trade. Jankowski makes your team look like a laughing stock and the fact that Buffalo picked a dud at 14 doesn't make that pick look any less retarded.

The sense of undeserved entitlement in Calgary angers even Rob Ford. A bunch of spoiled oil execs and pretentious 20-30 somethings with more money than common sense. And too stupid to see the parallels between the Oilers and the Flames, and to see that their team is actually 5 years behind, despite a similar record of futility in what actually matters, which is playoff success.

Fact - every time the Flames have won the conference, the Oilers have won the conference the following year. Everything you think the Flames can do well (excluding sucking), the Oilers will do it better, no matter how much they suck. Because Calgary will always be Edmonton's spoiled, bitter little sister (kind of like Daniel to Henrik, or vice versa, I don't really care)

Nenshi will be getting senior discounts at Applebee's before calgarians sniff the playoffs again.

So Justin, time to fold up your Kiprusoff jersey, fall off your sad bandwagon for the next decade and hopefully longer, and try and enjoy your team's success in an 8 team beer league that no one watches outside of Calgary and the province of Saskatchewan. Wait, no one will watch in Calgary either once the Riders romp the Stamps.

And DSF, wow you are a coward. Ference is a million times the human being that you are. Why do I know this? Because he doesn't post stuff to antagonize a group of people and then run away before people can engage. You are a real loser. Maybe you should move to Calgary, you'd fit right in. And why don't you give Justin while you're here, misery loves company...

Please man. I'm a proud Edmontonian, even though I don't live there anymore, and your post is so over-exaggerated it actually makes me gag. Stop your incessant non-sense. We won 1 meaningless game. You're embarrassing us. Edmonton is a terrible city. It just is...accept it. Don't try to sugarcoat it. I love edmonton because it's my home, but I mean, in all seriousness, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

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#321 Chet134
November 17 2013, 08:41AM
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I don't understand how any Edmonton Oiler fan can make fun of any franchise in the league. After this year the oilers will have tied a league record for the most consecutive years being out of the playoffs. After next year we will have the record. The oilers are the laughing stock of the league. We're run by egos and excuses. The one positive out of this season is that Edmonton has very loyal fans under another dismal season. I'm not looking for the world but I'm looking for accountability.

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#322 SmellOfVictory
November 17 2013, 10:19AM
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Todd wrote:

I know lots about your prospects. Lots a prayers and 2nd tier guys. Not 1 true elite guy. Zilch.

You have Robert Nilson, Andrew Cogliano and Pajarvi. Except even those guys were good enough to make the NHL at 19.

We have been in your shoes. We also hyped up second rate prospects as elite hopeful. You have no idea what's in store.

Serious Johnny Hockey?? Do you mean Nathan Gerbe. The other 5'0" college phenom hobby baker winner that Buffalo just bought out (Buffalo!!) it's hilarious how much hope Flamers but in an NCAA drawf with less then 1 second experience of pro hockey at any level .

You'll learn... Enjoy it

There's a difference between "good enough to play in the NHL at 19" and "rushed into the NHL because management is stupid." Cogliano is the only one of those three that's a legitimate NHLer, or ever was.

Additionally, while way too many Flames fans hang their hat on Gaudreau, as size does still present a potential barrier to success, JG has far outperformed Gerbe at the same age. Or any recent small forward prospect in the NCAA.

Points/Game: 18 y/o season: Gerbe: 0.46 Gaudreau: 1.00

19 y/o season: Gerbe: 1.15 Gaudreau: 1.46

20 y/o season: Gerbe: 1.58 Gaudreau (so far): 1.82

You will note that there is a large gap in production between the two at every single step in their NCAA careers for their age. They're not comparable outside of size. Their playstyles are completely different and Gaudreau is substantially more productive. It's like comparing Hal Gill and Zdeno Chara as players just because they're both really tall defencemen.

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#323 oilersinsider
November 16 2013, 04:50PM
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Jim wrote:

Imagine if Kevin Lowe was fired and had to go look for a job in the NHL.

What skills do you have ? I know winning

What is your record with the Oilers? and not when you were a player

The sad thing is, it would take less than one season for Lowe to get hired on somewhere else. Edmonton isn't the only boys fraternity in hockey and definitely not the only team managed insanely if viewed by its fan base.

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#324 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 06:29PM
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Virtual_Xi wrote:

I liked the GDB! that road comment was hella funny, I drive those streets too, HA! "pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker!" so true. Although I will say this, at least we can drive the speed limit or more during rush our on all our roads, vs the 10km/hr deerfoot

back to hockey, this is going to be an awful game, tune out folks! make your 2.5 hours actually count by drinking wine in the gutter.

At least if the game really stinks the GSP fight is tonight. Sports bar is only 4 blocks from my house

#Back-up plan

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#325 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 06:47PM
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PapaMike wrote:

Anyone know what the lineups will be? I see Oscar was assigned to OKC and Arcobello recalled.

I was just thinking the same thing. Looks like the writer got a little caught up in the boa banter ( which I think he did a half decent job on .... At least better than he's getting credit for ) and forgot to put in the line ups for tonight.

I hope arco is playing. He should under no circumstances not be in the line-up with the season he's had. That was a big mistake. Time for Eakins to set things right.

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#326 exsanguinator
November 16 2013, 06:55PM
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Max Powers - Team HME Evans wrote:

So you guys are letting trolls write articles now?

The winner of the the previous Oilers/Flames game allows a writer to write the GDB for both sites. Since the Oilers haven't won anything in 8 years I suggest you get used to being trolled by FN writers.

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#327 Ryan Pike
November 16 2013, 07:01PM
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Klefbom down, Acrobello up. Decent chance that Arcobello plays, but not 100% sure.

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#328 RexHolez
November 16 2013, 07:14PM
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People are actually gonna watch?

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#329 RKD
November 16 2013, 07:15PM
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It's a country club mentality in either city. Darryl Sutter was accused of nepotism. Though the Oilers brass isn't related they could easily be accused of the same thing. Lowe and McTavish hiring only their buddies amongst others are trying to run a team based on an ability that is still a mystery. Both organizations didn't hire hockey-minded people for a number of years. Even if the Oilers had a #1 goalie and better defense I still don't think they would even be better than a .500 team. Upper management in both cities need to stop being so stubborn and address the real problems instead of just riding things out and hoping for a turnaround. Newsflash, that turnaround is never coming by just riding it out.

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#330 David S
November 16 2013, 07:52PM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

I bought the new Flames third jersey...

did anyone else yet?

http://www.tattoostime.com/images/236/sucker-forehead-tattoo.jpg

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#331 Johnnydapunk
November 16 2013, 08:23PM
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It's like the Oil never practise! No one seems to have a clue where the other players are. It shouldn't take 8 mins of hockey to start completing passes, boh!

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#332 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 08:25PM
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@Johnnydapunk

They're making the flames look like the pens so far. How many teams can make the flames look this good? I think we're just about all.

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#333 Parallex
November 16 2013, 08:45PM
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RKD wrote:

No, I heard the rumour was Dion was sleeping with Reg's wife and that's why Sutter traded him. The same guy told me Dion was wearing a ton of makeup during the presser because Iggy came into the dressing room and gave Dion a black eye. Not sure I buy it.

He must get around... because the rumor I heard was Conroy's wife (who has definite "Damn!" quality to her)... of course I don't believe any of that and just think that Regehr and Phaneaf just didn't get along in general.

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#334 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 09:02PM
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Oilers are so damn bad, I'm on the verge of taking the year off. I can't take it anymore, a loss tonight will kill all my hope.

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#335 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 09:03PM
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Oilers are so damn bad, I'm on the verge of taking the year off. I can't take it anymore, a loss tonight will kill all my hope.

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#336 Slats
November 16 2013, 09:09PM
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Justin is the double major so you can be idiot about 3 thiings including hockey.

Time to go back to the FN site for a peppy 20 post banter about how they should have left Monaghan back in junior ...

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#337 Hockey Fan 1976
November 16 2013, 09:09PM
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Ference, you better hide cause its coming to you.

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#338 Fresh Mess
November 16 2013, 09:12PM
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that's a goal

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#339 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 09:15PM
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Sorry for the spam comments, my computer is a dumb ass. Also what did Ference do? I missed it unfortunately...

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#340 Fresh Mess
November 16 2013, 09:33PM
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LOL. Gagner wiffs on the open net. LOL

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#341 negrilcowboy
November 16 2013, 09:48PM
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Ryan Pike wrote:

Flames are playing their game - counter-punch, keeping opposition to outside and whatnots. Solid 40 minutes so far.

feet movin and pucks to the net

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#342 Hemmercules
November 16 2013, 09:51PM
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Drowning in Oil wrote:

I can't be the only one that cringes with the ice time Smyth gets. I realize he is an absolute penalty killing juggernaut but my god. Eakins has a chub for this guy!!

Without smytty the oilers shave zero net presence. Zero. They are so soft that the oldest guy on the team has to do all the dirty work. He almost got a couple dirties and tips tonight.

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#343 ChinookArch
November 16 2013, 09:57PM
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I can't watch the game. Only one question, did McGrattan win the fight?

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#344 Rob F
November 16 2013, 10:03PM
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I thought the Detroit game was rock bottom.....so far this is rock bottom

i keep hearing......you gotta hit rock bottom and admit you have a problem before you get better

oilers need an intervention.......i know

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#345 Time Travelling Sean
November 16 2013, 10:12PM
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If the return is there trade one of the Big 4.

That might send the message that these "players-only meetings" aren't getting across.

Is it too late to get Renney back? :c

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#346 Andy7190
November 16 2013, 10:29PM
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I'm not sure what Hartley sees in Berra. That's the same goal Joey Mac gave up and he ended up in the minors for it. Oilers have life.

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#347 Andy7190
November 16 2013, 10:35PM
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Clyde wrote:

We got this guy for Jbo who many are predicting makes the Olympic team. Hope poirier turns into something

He could be a #1, but I'm not one of these people in love with giant goalies. Like Dubnyk.

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#348 Drowning in Oil
November 16 2013, 10:47PM
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YFC Prez wrote:

My ears hurt

I know, I know. I was screaming so I had to put it in caps!! I am that emotional with this bloody team!!

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#349 SmellOfVictory
November 16 2013, 10:48PM
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WHY THE HELL WAS COLBORNE ON THE ICE AT ALL WHEN THE FLAMES WERE DOWN? He's so god damned infuriating to watch.

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#350 the-wolf
November 16 2013, 10:50PM
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Shameful. If those rumors i've heard are about going for it are true than this game should be a big wake up call to reality for Flames ownersip/management.

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