FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 23-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#401 PapaMike
November 16 2013, 06:38PM
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Anyone know what the lineups will be? I see Oscar was assigned to OKC and Arcobello recalled.

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#402 Ed Wailin'
November 16 2013, 08:52PM
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@YFC Prez

hahahaha touche' sir

I'm just saying, it was in obvious response to the earlier fight... I'm less ok with that than I am for Mcgratten fighting a dude that asks him to fight, thats all.

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#403 Cynic
November 16 2013, 09:38PM
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I was watching football and just tuned in to this Oilers loss. Which of Albertan's POS teams is winning the Corgis?

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#404 Serious Gord
November 16 2013, 09:48PM
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Alsker wrote:

Holy f^ck we make any team look good. Just got in so haven't endured this sh*tshow yet. 2 minutes and see what half dozens giveaways and woohoo a goal for the fLames. Why the f*ck is Arco sitting again? I've been against Eakins being tossed but now screw it...Fire Lowe..Fire Eakins..Fire the management team..

Arco. Bella!! Couldn't get into cgy in time - lots of flight delays due to weather.

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#405 Alsker
November 16 2013, 09:50PM
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@Serious Gord

Thx, thought it was just a brainfart by management...

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#406 Ryan Pike
November 16 2013, 10:01PM
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Bold moves and smart moves are rarely the same moves.

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#407 Alsker
November 16 2013, 10:04PM
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YFC Prez wrote:

Total brainfart. Mac t sends down one of his most consistent players to make room for a d man who doesn't even play a game. Then calls him back up the next game. How many flights did arco take for no reason whatsoever.

Most businesses don't have the profit margin to be that careless with money. Must be nice

They said yesterday he never left town as it was a paper move only to allow Klefbom to come up(why god only knows). I assumed he would have traveled with the team to Cowtown last night. Lets just hope kBlowe has zero input into our olympic team and he's there for old times sake only. What a clusterfuc& this is.

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#408 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 10:24PM
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oh! the drama!!!

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#409 Andy7190
November 16 2013, 10:26PM
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@Alsker

I'm not sure what Hartley sees in Berra. That's the same goal Joey Mac gave up and ended up in the minors for. Oilers have life.

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#410 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 11:31PM
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Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty) wrote:

It could be worse Jonny.....you could be from Lethbridge.

hahaba i have had to work out of edmonton many time this year... I'll take Letthy any day

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#411 Jonny T
November 16 2013, 11:36PM
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@Hauk15

I like this. I like you.

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#412 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 11:52PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

Obviously. They are 5-15-2 they deserve to be insulted. jack-ass.

you win. I think. haha. carry on with the angst. bebebe

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#413 Jonny T
November 16 2013, 11:52PM
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@Todd

Todd. Hello.

1) We will acquire elite talent in time. Don't you worry about that. Losses like these will help.

2) Jankowski is now 6'4 185 lbs. Oh and he just turned 19. Sure he's still a bit awkward because he's growing into his body, but his talent is undeniable. With guys like Poirier, Klimchuc, Johnny Hockey, Ferland, Knight, our collection of better college players, plus next year's draft picks, we have players that contribute in different ways. Don't comment on a prospect base you know nothing about.

3) We're building a "team". Last I checked, "teams" win stanley cups. Not a collection of elite "small forwards" that think they can dangle their way to the playoffs.

and finally....

4) Thanks for providing us a "Dummies" handbook on how not to run a rebuild.Beleive me, we'll be using it.

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#414 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 11:54PM
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Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty) wrote:

I know you come to Edmonton for work.....so here's some advice....up here when a man tells you to blow him....he ain't asking ya for a date..... ;)

your mind goes strait to sheep does it? sorry no, dont have any, but you could prolly order some in through the mail like all the brides in edmonton

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#415 Jonny T
November 16 2013, 11:56PM
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@Todd

Never did I say the rebuild would be quick. Infact I am one of the people that saw through the consecutive 9th place finishes.

I just think we'll build a better team overall in the long run. That's all.

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#416 Jonny T
November 17 2013, 12:01AM
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@Hauk15

And your goalie and offense doesn't?

Please. Stop talking about our prospects, you know nothing about them. Feed Marnincin some stakes.

You're a funny guy, you. I like you.

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#417 flameon47
November 17 2013, 12:01AM
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@Hauk15

Yes because tanking for talent worked out sooooo well for you guys right? After all these first overall picks and tanking for your rebuild I guess you guys are finally in line for a playoff appearance right? Wait, what? Your 29th place in the league? Dat doesn't seem right for all the tanking you did for talent you must be higher in the ranks than that. Oh wait I forgot tanking for first overall picks don't get you into the playoffs. I thought you guys were gonna make the playoffs the year but so far it looks grim for you guys. Atleast we can learn from your teams mistakes and do our rebuild right way and maybe by the time we are finished with our rebuild you guys might be closer to playoff spot. But you should really try lowering your expectations because sure you won tonight by 2 goals even thought you were outplayed like you said, but we are just starting our rebuild and you guys are suppose to be finished (main word being suppose) your rebuild by now, so I guess when we finish ours we will be able to really walk over you guys. Skate over you guys I guess would be more correct...

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#418 Jonny T
November 17 2013, 12:11AM
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@oilslicks

Yeah. We did the same. Dubnyk didn't let us score stupid goals.

That's why I blamed Reto Berra.

I don't understand what you're trying to say exactly.

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#419 Thinker
November 17 2013, 12:37AM
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@YFC Prez

Wayne where are you? I think a lifetime ban is in order.

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#420 ubermiguel
November 17 2013, 06:02PM
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