FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 22-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#1 Brent G.
November 17 2013, 10:08AM
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Having had the unfortunate experience of being moved to Edmonton recently for work I can tell you it is a total sh*t hole in comparison to Calgary; and I was born in Edmonton. Sure u of a is a great school and lister was the best year of my life but really the city is old, tired, ugly and disjointed. There is literally nothing in the downtown core worth speaking about and the night life is subpar.

The people are friendly but I have yet to find someone who is really committed to the city and wouldn't leave tomorrow. Katz owns that monstrucity of a house and doesn't even live there, choosing greener pastures as so many people here would love to have the option of doing. Edmontonians know they are living in Calgarys shadow. Even the 'nice' areas of the city (like south side) are generic, cookie cutter houses that are boring.

I look forward to getting out of this place ASAP and hope to watch the city burn in the review mirror as I go. This city was obviously a mistake from day one and burning it to the ground and starting over seems to be the only likely option at this point.

Calgary definitely has it's problems like all cities do but I can tell you in my return to Edmonton recently it really puts things into perspective of what a great great place it is by comparison

Too much...? :)

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#2 Dallas Eakins' Magnificent Forehead
November 16 2013, 03:40PM
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WHATS THAT CALGARY WE CANT HEAR YOU OVER OUR 5 STANLEY CUPS!!! SQUUEEEEEEEE!

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#3 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 10:07PM
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I'd put Yakupov on waivers just to get rid of him and his distraction. Management is incapable of proving they can do anything to make improvements so just get rid of him. He's soft.

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#4 Mac962
November 16 2013, 03:47PM
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Now - our hockey teams- We suck the big one, so do you , but the expectations on us are much higher, People expect Edmonton to be elite. Calgary ? not so much - mediocrity as always as everything Calgary is. We don't want to be Toronto or Vancouver , but you do and it pains you that you can't be, Losers.

Toss the sticks in the middle of the ice and make two teams and see what happens, has to be more entertaining than what we are about to see.

I crave so much for Alberta to be Death Valley again for teams coming through. Of course with Calgary sucking our taint as always.

Smid ? Keep your head up you piece of crap. You fit right in now.

XOXOXOXOX

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#5 DSF
November 16 2013, 08:59PM
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Someone is going to kill Ference.

He attacked an injured player.

And he deserves it.

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#6 DSF
November 16 2013, 09:08PM
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YFC Prez wrote:

Wow even glen Healy is talking about Shea weber to Edmonton trades. But out here that's not really "thinking outside the box". I think I've heard every scenario possible.

How about Hall, Eberle, Hopkins and Yakupov to Nashville for Weber.

Nashville might turn that down though.

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#7 ?
November 16 2013, 11:38PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

Flames fans are so stupid, other than Monahan and BearChief you guys have jack-$hit to work with! Better go for 30th next year so you can get some real talent in Mcdavid. This years draft is pretty weak. CGY outplayed Oilers for 40 mins, a real NHL team would have won 5-0.

I'd still rather have Reinhart or Ekblad rather than Yakupov or RNH

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#8 Clay
November 16 2013, 03:53PM
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This is epic

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#9 Al Low
November 16 2013, 05:02PM
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Why is this dumbass even writing on this blog? I come here to read and interact with people about hockey, specifically the Oilers. I live in Calgary but cheer for Edmonton. This piece was inappropriate and on behalf of Calgarians, I apologize to the wonderful people of Edmonton on behalf of this immature fool.

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#10 JonnyT
November 16 2013, 10:50PM
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@Sammy

..Sammy. Be honest with yourself. You won 1 game. 1. Due two incredibly lucky goals. Calm down. The oilers are still a very very below average hockey club. We outshot and outchanced you guys. On top of that, we went to the dirty areas to score unlike you guys. We're also in year 1 of rebuilding. Unlike you guys. I'd say I like my team better and evidently our flamers and I will not "suck it".

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#11 Jonny T
November 16 2013, 11:04PM
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@Stack Pad Save

I did watch the game. We outplayed you. Plain and simple. Sure you had your cycle game going in the third period, which increases your puck possesion rate, but it is not the reason you guys won. We kept your shots mostly to the outside and kept you in the perimeter. And only the oilers would be proud of finally establishing a good forecheck, considering every other team in the league does this on a regular basis.

Our goalie gave up two stupid goals. That's what this came down to. Oh and thank Dubnyk.

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#12 mackb
November 16 2013, 03:31PM
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Last. Oh, I mean first. Just so used to being last...

[edit] I'm guessing Calgary's writing pool must be as bad as both our hockey teams. This is the worst GDB I've ever seen. Not informative, not very clever, humor is vacant, much less lacking. I kind of feel sorry for the Flames Nation readers if this is the quality they get.[/edit]

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#13 EVILTED
November 16 2013, 03:50PM
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The Edmonton Oilers make Rob Ford look cool and collected.

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#14 Oilcruzer
November 16 2013, 04:07PM
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Well written blog.

Doesn't change that both teams suck and one has an ability to do something about it, if they choose to.

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#15 David S
November 16 2013, 03:42PM
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U of C

Bonnyville

Grasshopper

Probably "that guy" you see at the bar wearing shorts and flip flops in November.

Being a fLames fan is the least of your problems.

BAH-HAHAHAHA!!!! SUCK IT FLAMER!!!! Oilers 5-3 in a sloppy pond hockey affair. Juuuust the way we like it.

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#16 gotommygo
November 16 2013, 04:01PM
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Classic. Nicely done, JA.

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#17 Reality Check to the head
November 16 2013, 04:37PM
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Doucheb@g).

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#18 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 07:23PM
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What a $hitty article, douchebag troll

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#19 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 09:03PM
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Ferrence take exception to a clean hit and punches a guy shaken up after hitting the boards... very Oiler.

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#20 DSF
November 16 2013, 09:07PM
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beloch wrote:

He has it coming, but McG might need skin-grafts over his knuckles after that 12-rounder!

The Flames were clearly the better team in the 1st, but Dubnyk looked a lot more confident than Berra. The Flames are going to have to keep dominating or Dubnyk might steal this one.

Ference was way over the line there.

He deserves a beating.

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#21 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 11:31PM
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Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty) wrote:

It could be worse Jonny.....you could be from Lethbridge.

hahaba i have had to work out of edmonton many time this year... I'll take Letthy any day

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#22 Kevin
November 16 2013, 03:44PM
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Whyowhydidweletomarrago- bestoilerever

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#23 O REALLY NOW
November 16 2013, 04:29PM
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Mac962 wrote:

Now - our hockey teams- We suck the big one, so do you , but the expectations on us are much higher, People expect Edmonton to be elite. Calgary ? not so much - mediocrity as always as everything Calgary is. We don't want to be Toronto or Vancouver , but you do and it pains you that you can't be, Losers.

Toss the sticks in the middle of the ice and make two teams and see what happens, has to be more entertaining than what we are about to see.

I crave so much for Alberta to be Death Valley again for teams coming through. Of course with Calgary sucking our taint as always.

Smid ? Keep your head up you piece of crap. You fit right in now.

XOXOXOXOX

Go Flames go.

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#24 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 17 2013, 12:15AM
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peace out.

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#25 Dallas Eakins' Magnificent Forehead
November 16 2013, 03:44PM
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WE KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT WINNING YOU GODDAMM DIRTY LAZY OIL DRINKIN CORONA STRAW HAT TIPPIN DUMMIES!

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#26 Zarny
November 16 2013, 04:31PM
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#FAIL

I live in Calgary. It isn't that great.

And at least the Oilers have Hall, Nuge, Eberle, Yakupov and Schultz.

The Flames have Monahan. They don't even have the hope their G might be good enough.

Lowe chased the dream after 2006 but at least it was for only 3 years.

The Flames deluded themselves for almost a decade that if they could just squeak into the playoffs Iggy and Kipper could carry them to another shot at the Cup.

If you thought the Oilers rebuild has taken a long time buckle up for what's coming Calgary's way.

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#27 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 07:48PM
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I bought the new Flames third jersey...

did anyone else yet?

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#28 Parallex
November 16 2013, 08:39PM
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I hate that friendly tap Dancing Bear gave at the end of the fight... demonstrates the "only for show" aspect of staged goon fights. Pointless.

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#29 ?
November 16 2013, 11:05PM
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Stack Pad Save wrote:

I don't really need a "zinger" to laugh over the internet like a girl (teehehhe), today I just get to point at the score board and smile.

And today Flames fans can still point to the standings and smile. Cheers

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#30 ?
November 16 2013, 11:34PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

Flames fans are so stupid, other than Monahan and BearChief you guys have jack-$hit to work with! Better go for 30th next year so you can get some real talent in Mcdavid. This years draft is pretty weak. CGY outplayed Oilers for 40 mins, a real NHL team would have won 5-0.

A real AHL team would've beat an injured Flames team 8-0. So I guess EDM is an ECHL team?

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#31 Jonny T
November 17 2013, 12:07AM
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@Todd

English Todd. English.

You're repeating yourself my man. I clearly said we will be collecting some elite talents in the future. Didn't say we had any now.

English Todd.

I said our prospects can contribute in different ways. I didn't say I'm hyping them up as "elite" hopefuls. Just that they have a better chance of augmenting our future elite players.

Johnny Hockey is a better player. Plain and simple. You know it, I know it. I honestly don't think he'll amount to be anything great, but I just have more hope because unlike you guys we'll build a "team".

You have failed in every department of hockey operations. To top it off....you're talking about edmonton. I don't have to say anything else. Just let your depression sink in.

Moral of the story...

English. Todd.

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#32 Derzie
November 17 2013, 09:52AM
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The Coilers are by far and away the worst managed team in the NHL. Last night we lost to those lowly beasts. Call this our rock bottom rebuild moment. Nowhere to go but up now.

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#33 Dallas Eakins' Magnificent Forehead
November 16 2013, 03:55PM
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CURRENTLY THE CALGARY FLAMES MOST PROMISING PROSPECT IS A BOX OF SEA MONKEYS

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#35 michael
November 16 2013, 04:45PM
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You were not even alive the last time Calgary sipped Stanley Cup glory. All your memories are of a college girls baring there breasts on the red mile. The closest you'll ever get to see a woman's breasts. Blogging from your grandmothers basement because Dad kicked you out for trolling Oiler's sites looking for a real tem to cheer for.

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#36 Vowswithin
November 16 2013, 04:56PM
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#eat$hitoilers

https://fbcdn-photos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/s720x720/396165_10150496555357293_435481295_n.jpg

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#37 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 09:08PM
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DSF wrote:

Someone is going to kill Ference.

He attacked an injured player.

And he deserves it.

I was surprised by Ferrence... I thought he was a bigger man then that.

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#38 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 10:46PM
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lets see... Flames are rebuilding, expected to be bad but have looked very good in spite of mising its top players all year... get beat by a geam that is sposed to be past the rebuild and challenging for playoffs as they get better.. and they look like crap...

hahaha im actually lving the season so far as flames are playing a good style of hockey and fun to watch with exception of a couple games. Top pick at the xraft, a couple vets traded for first and second rounder drafts and prospects johny hockey coming up the pike and 30+ million in cap space... things xont look so bad. Id say rebuilding is fun and eazy.

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#39 Walter White
November 16 2013, 11:39PM
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Perfect game for the flames tonight!!

completely dominated the Oilers, clearly proving we are way ahead of them in rebuild, yet gained better draft position.....could it get any better? WW

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#40 Jonny T
November 17 2013, 12:17AM
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@Hauk15

Hauk15

Sigh.

You've finished deadlast or next to it 4 years in a row. You didn't develop these guys into incredible players on offence. They literally fell into your lap. That tends to happen when you've been a terrible team.

Please. You have nothing to proud about.

Of course our prospects don't compare right now. Could you please give us some time to finish last for a couple of years? Jeez.

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#41 Jonny T
November 17 2013, 12:41AM
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@Hauk15

Hauk.

You made us look like plugs for 6 minutes. You have pretty low standards for being proud of that.

We haven't developed any offensive stars yet. Do you read english? If we took your place in the past 4 years, we'd have your "elite" players. You finished last. Get over yourself.

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#42 Bucknuck
November 16 2013, 04:59PM
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Get ready for an a$$ kicking, Calgary. The boys in blue are more than due! And yeah I meant to make a rhyme there.

GDP: 6-2 Oil win

OGDP: Dubnyk lets in a softie in the first period

NSOGDP: Yakupov scores a hattrick, but Eakins doesn't give him the army jacket of honour because he didn't block a shot in the third period.

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#43 Bean-counting cowboy
November 16 2013, 07:23PM
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Go Flames! Monahan line will hopefully get going tonight.

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#44 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 07:33PM
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Bean-counting cowboy wrote:

"Comments are moderated. Pretend your mom is reading over your shoulder". go post that vitriol somewhere else.

take it back to calgary bud, why are there so many flames fans on this site? you tools got nothing better to do than troll an oilers site?

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#45 ?
November 16 2013, 11:03PM
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Stack Pad Save wrote:

fLames suck and I hope they stock pile for this weak draft and end up in an eternal rebuild of hell ... oh wait dont worry Brian Burke and Feaster will trade their first overall draft pick for Joffrey Lupul at the deadline.

They'll still be out of their rebuild before the 6 ring circus in EDM (kudos to Brownlee)

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#46 moody13
November 17 2013, 09:21AM
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@Dangilitis

Lol dangilitis. Sup Broski? Broseph? Get a coupla brewskis bud and we'll chill with a coupla other bros go snowshoeing or somethin. Is that was broskis do in edmonton these days?

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#47 Jim
November 16 2013, 03:51PM
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I can't wait for the head of customer service to give Oilers fans a new speech.

The last one was really good MacT.

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#48 GSP
November 16 2013, 03:57PM
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Il aurait été agréable à regarder ce match ce soir, mais j'ai un combat. J'ai toujours plaisir à regarder la bataille de l'Alberta. Oilers d'Edmonton vont gagner 6-1. Mon homme David Perron avec le tour du chapeau. Baise Calgary.

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#49 Steve
November 16 2013, 05:07PM
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I had to double check I was still on flames nation bc of all the trolling Soiler fans on here trying haha. Keep up the good work!!!

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#50 Fresh Mess
November 16 2013, 09:08PM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

Ferrence take exception to a clean hit and punches a guy shaken up after hitting the boards... very Oiler.

yeah. biatch move by Ferrence

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