FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 23-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#101 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 09:02PM
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Oilers are so damn bad, I'm on the verge of taking the year off. I can't take it anymore, a loss tonight will kill all my hope.

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#102 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 09:02PM
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The Oilers are an outstanding group of individuals.

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#103 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 09:08PM
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@YFC Prez

And how would Weber help with the inept coaching who wouldn't have a clue how to use him properly?

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#104 Parallex
November 16 2013, 09:13PM
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Really impressed with Monahan tonight... showing great patience and smarts with the puck.

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#105 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 09:17PM
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@Hauk15

Stood up for himself.

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#106 Fresh Mess
November 16 2013, 09:33PM
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LOL. Gagner wiffs on the open net. LOL

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#107 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 09:49PM
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I'm embarrased for the oiler fans... being so open with the self loathing because they have become accustomed to it... i cant even bring myself tto pile on, as they are so wounded and defenceless

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#108 Hemmercules
November 16 2013, 09:51PM
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Drowning in Oil wrote:

I can't be the only one that cringes with the ice time Smyth gets. I realize he is an absolute penalty killing juggernaut but my god. Eakins has a chub for this guy!!

Without smytty the oilers shave zero net presence. Zero. They are so soft that the oldest guy on the team has to do all the dirty work. He almost got a couple dirties and tips tonight.

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#109 Drowning in Oil
November 16 2013, 09:56PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

He gets the PP time that Perron should be playing, I hate Eakins why he still has a job is beyond me. 4-16-2 after tonight. Brutal.

Hammer - nail - head.......... Bang on, this team is a disaster from top to bottom. Really nice to see Calgary's #6 overall outshine our 3 (in a row) #1 overalls!!

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#110 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 10:23PM
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oh! the drama!!!

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#111 vetinari
November 16 2013, 10:40PM
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The Barons win!?!

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#112 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 11:52PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

Obviously. They are 5-15-2 they deserve to be insulted. jack-ass.

you win. I think. haha. carry on with the angst. bebebe

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#113 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 11:54PM
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Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty) wrote:

I know you come to Edmonton for work.....so here's some advice....up here when a man tells you to blow him....he ain't asking ya for a date..... ;)

your mind goes strait to sheep does it? sorry no, dont have any, but you could prolly order some in through the mail like all the brides in edmonton

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#114 Hauk15
November 17 2013, 12:12AM
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Jonny T wrote:

And your goalie and offense doesn't?

Please. Stop talking about our prospects, you know nothing about them. Feed Marnincin some stakes.

You're a funny guy, you. I like you.

Sure our goalies suck. You can't even compare Calgary's offense to Edmonton's. Hall, Eberle, Nugent-Hopkins, Yakupov, J.Schultz, Gagner, Perron,Hemsky. You guys have Monahan, BearChief, and Camalerri. Your prospects are junk bud, go ride a horse cowtown boy.

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#115 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 17 2013, 12:14AM
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Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty) wrote:

Fast and Easy?.........do you have a pretty face Jeff?

i tbink thats the fourth time youve made sexual references towards me... makes me worried. hang around in seedy places like this i guess one can expect to bump into your type. are all edm guys as desperate as you?

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#116 SydScout
November 17 2013, 03:56AM
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Burnward wrote:

Maybe this combined game thread thing isn't such a good idea.

Pretty ridiculous.

If Kent, Justin et al are reading, any chance we could get two threads going for Flames Oilers games. One for analysis, one for trolls.

My brain has atrophied reading pathetic sniping from behind monitors. Reflecting particularly poorly on Oilers, serious vitriol descending into tedium en mass.

Side note - often wondered why Oilers got more comments on their threads. Now understand the content. YYC fans haven't exactly covered themselves in glory either.

Enough.

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#117 Fresh Mess
November 16 2013, 03:54PM
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I was really looking forward to joining a pile on of mocking Oiler incompetence. This entry was so completely void of cleverness, I was disappointed. I do agree with condemning the "squeeee" stupidity though.

I just noticed it was written by a kid. That explains it.

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#118 Coco crisp
November 16 2013, 04:19PM
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This was an incredibly poor mans wanye game day blog. Stay in your lane son.

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#119 Quicksilver ballet
November 16 2013, 04:47PM
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I'm an Oiler fan and i'm not the least offended by this article. This is what the Skirmish of Alberta come to these days, no knife twisting whatsoever, void of passion on both ends. Might as well be an exhibition game.

Does anyone even care anymore, sucks to be a hockey fan in Alberta, now and for the foreseeable future. Half a dozen too many teams and not enough decent players to go around. Oilers, as usual, get outworked and hopefully embarrassed on national television this evening. 30th place is all ours you Flame hosers, so don't be taking an unplanned night off. When it comes to tanking, Edmonton wrote the book on that. Respect your tanking elders.

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#120 camdog
November 16 2013, 05:18PM
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Good grief I thought this article and it's responses were satire. I didn't know it was to be taken seriously.

Now to the main point of the article, the new arena looks like a giant sperm...

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#121 Bean-counting cowboy
November 16 2013, 07:27PM
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@Hauk15

"Comments are moderated. Pretend your mom is reading over your shoulder". go post that vitriol somewhere else.

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#122 Batfink
November 16 2013, 07:33PM
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Robin Brownlee wrote:

I've edited/removed comments about or relating to the original reference to the flood in Calgary. That means some of you lost comments speaking out against the first reference because the initial comment was included. No other way.

An event in which people died isn't to be used as a punch line on this website. We're better than that. At least we should be.

In which case, I suggest you take down the article referring to Edmonton's dubious claim as 'Murder Capital of Canada'. What's good for the goose.....

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#123 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 08:45PM
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Ference is a Beauty!

Takin care of business!

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#124 Walter Sobchak
November 16 2013, 09:26PM
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DSF wrote:

Ference was way over the line there.

He deserves a beating.

I'm not condoning what Ference did, but when your on a losing streak, playing on a brutal team while trying to keep the team motivated........sometimes you just snap! Ference simply snapped.

No excuses, but emotion is part of the game.

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#125 Fresh Mess
November 16 2013, 09:32PM
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This is the first Flames sweater I've actually liked. that franchise has a long history of hideous sweaters, culminating with the nostril fire-breathing horse.

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#126 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 09:58PM
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Buffalo makes "BOLD MOVES" and has half as many wins in the two games they've played since the changes than we have all season. Eakins is at best an AHL coach (and that's debatable, he had one good year). Get the broom out.

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#127 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 09:58PM
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Buffalo makes "BOLD MOVES" and has half as many wins in the two games they've played since the changes than we have all season. Eakins is at best an AHL coach (and that's debatable, he had one good year). Get the broom out.

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#128 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 10:24PM
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oh! the drama!!!

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#129 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 10:40PM
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What did gagner do to get a star? Perron, Hemmer, and Hall all had much better games

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#130 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 10:44PM
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Just saw the Ference fight....I liked it, dirty, but I liked it. Flamer got his ass beat. I like it a lot.

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#131 Stack Pad Save
November 16 2013, 10:45PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

Just saw the Ference fight....I liked it, dirty, but I liked it. Flamer got his ass beat. I like it a lot.

I showed my son some classic battle of Alberta line brawls. I was so happy to finally see an Oiler actually get mad on the ice and than do something. THAT fight was the turning point in the game for the Oilers. They finally got engaged in the game after Ference knocked dudes tooth out after a hit he didn't like taking. Great hockey.

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#132 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 10:48PM
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Stack Pad Save wrote:

looking forward to the next Flames vs Oilers OGD blog post

hahahaha wonder if it will have to be explained to five dozen half wits that dont get it... like tonigght... hahaba

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#133 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 11:22PM
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HAHAHAHA FLAMES FANS WHY YOU HEFF TO BE MAD!? ITS ONLY GAME! ONLY A GAME THAT THE OILERS WON! HAHA FLAMES ARE WORSE THAN OILERS AND OILERS ARE PRETTY BAD! NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN AN OIL WIN OVER CALGARY

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#134 Jonny T
November 17 2013, 12:01AM
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@Hauk15

And your goalie and offense doesn't?

Please. Stop talking about our prospects, you know nothing about them. Feed Marnincin some stakes.

You're a funny guy, you. I like you.

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#135 Hauk15
November 17 2013, 12:16AM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

peace out.

Flames suck. Goodnight plug.

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#136 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 17 2013, 12:17AM
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Damn! I think I scared him off......

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#137 geoilersgist
November 17 2013, 12:18AM
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EatSh!tFlames

That is all

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#138 Hauk15
November 17 2013, 12:27AM
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Jonny T wrote:

Hauk15

Sigh.

You've finished deadlast or next to it 4 years in a row. You didn't develop these guys into incredible players on offence. They literally fell into your lap. That tends to happen when you've been a terrible team.

Please. You have nothing to proud about.

Of course our prospects don't compare right now. Could you please give us some time to finish last for a couple of years? Jeez.

By the way what players have you guys developed into incredible offensive players? please enlighten me?

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#139 flameon47
November 17 2013, 12:41AM
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@Gkpoil

Doesn't seem like the oilers are going to do much to change it I guess they forgot when they finished their rebuild they are suppose to stop tanking, but I guess its an easy mistake to make when your players are so use to tanking. We will probably see the playoffs again before your team even moves from the bottom 10 in league just a few years of rebuilding to go.

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#140 Dave
November 17 2013, 12:42AM
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This is such a great piece because it shows the subtle differences between the Oiler bloggers and the Flames bloggers. Wanye will write his trash talk pieces and it comes across as a little playful and somewhat aggressive. This guy is dropping swears and just acting like a general douchebag with some pent up rage, and all of it is a garbage copycat bit trying to be like Wanye but without any of the self awareness.

So... to Justin: you aren't good at this. And some day the Oilers and Flames will be good again, but if you don't get your game on you'll still be an uninspired blogger.

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#141 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 17 2013, 06:36AM
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YFC Prez wrote:

You know you are commenting on both sites right now right. check out flames nation, were also in their territory.

this was pointed out several times but I don't think he ever quite figured it out. It is a pretty complex idea for some, obviously. ;-)

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#142 travis
November 17 2013, 09:12AM
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@Dangilitis

It's non-sense because you wrote a goddamn essay to try and overcompensate your personal insecurities. I'm an Oilers fan you retard. I'm just telling you to not get too proud because we've been worse longer than them, and I have 0 confidence it'll get better anytime soon. As an observant hockey fan, the flames management for many years were living in an illusion predicated on Darryl Sutter's terrible signings and philosophy. Feaster finally had some cap room and flexibility to put his own stamp on this team, and I'd say he's done a better job than our idiotic general managers. The moves Feaster made this offseason were actually pretty solid. He signed effective role players for cheap, retained useful veterans,has a plan of a team identity moving forward, and now has tons of cap space to work with. He also has us as an example of not to run a rebuild.

As mind boggling as they are at times (Jankowski??) I can guarantee you, when the time comes to draft a defenceman or a forward,they'll go for need and realize the importance of a strong blueline, and versatility/size down the middle. Our inept management clearly does not know how to build a team. Unfortunately, I am still an Oilers fan through and through, sigh. I'm hoping when our young guns reach their prime, we'll be a good team once again, but that will mainly be due their talent. Not a solid team game.

I also go to University of Toronto, which is better than the U of A and U of C combined. What is your point? What do universities have to do with anything?

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#143 Todd
November 17 2013, 11:37AM
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SmellOfVictory wrote:

There's a difference between "good enough to play in the NHL at 19" and "rushed into the NHL because management is stupid." Cogliano is the only one of those three that's a legitimate NHLer, or ever was.

Additionally, while way too many Flames fans hang their hat on Gaudreau, as size does still present a potential barrier to success, JG has far outperformed Gerbe at the same age. Or any recent small forward prospect in the NCAA.

Points/Game: 18 y/o season: Gerbe: 0.46 Gaudreau: 1.00

19 y/o season: Gerbe: 1.15 Gaudreau: 1.46

20 y/o season: Gerbe: 1.58 Gaudreau (so far): 1.82

You will note that there is a large gap in production between the two at every single step in their NCAA careers for their age. They're not comparable outside of size. Their playstyles are completely different and Gaudreau is substantially more productive. It's like comparing Hal Gill and Zdeno Chara as players just because they're both really tall defencemen.

Sorry... Extreme small size IS a factor that you cannot wish away. Until Gaudreau produces at the NHL level there is not a single scout in the universe that would call him a sure thing. Lots of deficiencies you can hope improve (foot speed etc). But size is obviously no changing. There is no stat, video, photo or award you could show me that would make me believe Gaudreau's game will translate to the NHL except him doing it. I'm not saying he can't. But with a pint sized skill player they are guilty until proven otherwise. I challenge you to find one scouting report in the planet that doesn't start or end with "but nobody can be sure his game will translate to the professional level". Not even NHL level, any professional level....

I don't say any of this to disparage you or Johnny G. I think he may be a star one day. But even including him on a list of top prospects is a stretch IMO until he proves he can do it against Chara & Hall Gill.

Its hilarious you call Pajarvi, Nilson not legitimate NHLers. I actually agree. They aren't. But my point was Oiler fans thought they were, and talked them up before they proved ANYTHING. But in the same breath Flames fans talk about all their sure fire awesome prospects who actually don't even have near the pedigree all of our flops did. Maybe some of your late 1st rounders will overachieve... But more than likely they won't. And in a few years you'll realize that all the guys you are pinning the future on are just 2nd tier average prospects who might, if they are lucky have an NHL career.

You should listen to us. We know what its like to have unrealistic expectations of guys like Nilson/Pajarvi (AKA all of you prospects outside Monahan).

I know you guys all hang your hat on the fact that Feaster will do it better. You will develop better. You will find hidden gems in the late 1st round picks. OK. Good luck with that.

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#144 MessyEH!
November 16 2013, 03:44PM
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"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

That about sums it up. How the hell did they get Rob Ford to write this steaming pile of dog poop.

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#145 BraveNugeWorld
November 16 2013, 03:56PM
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I would love to see MacT and Feaster announce before this game that they swapped 2014 first round picks, straight up. It would get rid of any notion of tanking for the rest of the season, and make the BoA more entertaining and meaningful.

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#146 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 04:40PM
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@dougtheslug

Just wanted to reply to this to bring it to the new page. Mega props!

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#147 #ThereGoesTheOilers
November 16 2013, 04:45PM
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I was going to trash the GDB, but on second thought, well done Justin.

At least it's the first BoA blog that doesn't proclaim the virtues of a team that is (admittedly not by much) sh**tier than ours.

Game day prediction: Oilers and Flames both lose.

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#148 oilersinsider
November 16 2013, 04:50PM
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Jim wrote:

Imagine if Kevin Lowe was fired and had to go look for a job in the NHL.

What skills do you have ? I know winning

What is your record with the Oilers? and not when you were a player

The sad thing is, it would take less than one season for Lowe to get hired on somewhere else. Edmonton isn't the only boys fraternity in hockey and definitely not the only team managed insanely if viewed by its fan base.

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#149 Bucknuck
November 16 2013, 05:08PM
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Steve wrote:

I had to double check I was still on flames nation bc of all the trolling Soiler fans on here trying haha. Keep up the good work!!!

it's on both sites, man. We aren't trolling. We're showing we are fans even when times are low, even when we have to read through a way too long list of insults to get here... We are still here.

True fans.

Go Oilers.

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#150 jonahgo
November 16 2013, 06:56PM
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it's hard to complain about hartley with all of this nonsense clogging up the thread. so whatever.

¡¡GO FLAMES!!

¡the oilers are literally the WORST!

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