FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 23-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#401 the-wolf
November 16 2013, 10:50PM
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Shameful. If those rumors i've heard are about going for it are true than this game should be a big wake up call to reality for Flames ownersip/management.

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#402 jonny94
November 16 2013, 10:51PM
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I'm excited for the next Oilers/Flames GDB. I'm sure Wanye will have a few responses for this witty Justin blogger.

Good battle between both teams, good to see both teams compete for a much needed W.

I really hope the Oilers next 20 games help us forget these past 20.

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#403 Andy7190
November 16 2013, 10:52PM
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@Johnnydapunk

Good insight there, thanks.

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#404 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:04PM
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admiralmark wrote:

Thanks to Oilersnation twitter tonight and the suggestion we should play Benny Hills theme music to watch the game to make it more enjoyable.

http://youtu.be/JcNhDstL4-k

4 unanswered goals was the result...

LOL

Lol......that would be f'ing hilarious....if someone hacked into the Oilers sound system and played Benny Hill when they hit the ice for the start of the next game!

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#405 Stack Pad Save
November 16 2013, 11:05PM
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? wrote:

They'll still be out of their rebuild before the 6 ring circus in EDM (kudos to Brownlee)

All I have left as an Oilers fan right now is that we are better than the fLames and "further" in our rebuild .... it may be sad, it may be petty, but it's the best I have felt about this team since the first game of this f*^king season.

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#406 MMAX
November 16 2013, 11:08PM
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Let's see...Sh*t the bed in the 1st, a bit better in the 2nd but didn't score,sh*t the bed for the first few minutes of the 3rd until the flood gates opened. If it wasn't for Dubnyk, the Oil would have been dead in the water again. I wonder what he'll get for his good play. Can't ship him down to OKC,so he'll probably ride the pine while Bryz starts. I love how management rewards good play. Fedun sent down for Potter???? Arcobello sent down and Acton put in his place???? Un-f'n-real.

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#407 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:27PM
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Jonny T wrote:

It'll be many tough years here, I'm not denying that. It's an embarassing loss for us mainly because we played you guys. If that isn't rock bottom, I don't know what is.

It could be worse Jonny.....you could be from Lethbridge.

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#408 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 11:32PM
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Jonny T wrote:

It'll be many tough years here, I'm not denying that. It's an embarassing loss for us mainly because we played you guys. If that isn't rock bottom, I don't know what is.

Flames fans are so stupid, other than Monahan and BearChief you guys have jack-$hit to work with! Better go for 30th next year so you can get some real talent in Mcdavid. This years draft is pretty weak. CGY outplayed Oilers for 40 mins, a real NHL team would have won 5-0.

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#409 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 11:37PM
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? wrote:

A real AHL team would've beat an injured Flames team 8-0. So I guess EDM is an ECHL team?

Why you heff to mad? Flames suck! Oilers suck too, but Oilers still win! haha off to bed now flamers!!

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#410 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:42PM
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Walter White wrote:

Perfect game for the flames tonight!!

completely dominated the Oilers, clearly proving we are way ahead of them in rebuild, yet gained better draft position.....could it get any better? WW

Phase one of the rebuild....acceptance of the culture of losing.

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#411 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:47PM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

i didnt expect edmonton fans to be so open with tbeir preferences but hey each to their own i wont judge you but i dont swing that way youll have to get one of your edm buddies good luck ;-)

I know you come to Edmonton for work.....so here's some advice....up here when a man tells you to blow him....he ain't asking ya for a date..... ;)

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#412 Todd
November 16 2013, 11:50PM
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Gkpoil wrote:

Not sure what you're talking about, but you should probably calm down a bit too there tiger. The oilers suck, not too many people will argue that, but you flamer fans seem to think that your rebuild is going to be over so quickly.

Most of you slack-jawed hicks think that the oiler rebuild has been going on since 2006 (last time oilers challenged for the cup), couldn't the same thing be said for Calgary since 2004? Sure you guys finished 9th a couple times.... I'd rather totally sh*t the bed and have Hall, RNH and Yak.

You guys play just good enough the secure an average player (when your GM doesn't pick some no-name) in the draft but are still sh*tty enough to miss the post season.

Exactly...

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#413 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 11:57PM
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Jonny T wrote:

Todd. Hello.

1) We will acquire elite talent in time. Don't you worry about that. Losses like these will help.

2) Jankowski is now 6'4 185 lbs. Oh and he just turned 19. Sure he's still a bit awkward because he's growing into his body, but his talent is undeniable. With guys like Poirier, Klimchuc, Johnny Hockey, Ferland, Knight, our collection of better college players, plus next year's draft picks, we have players that contribute in different ways. Don't comment on a prospect base you know nothing about.

3) We're building a "team". Last I checked, "teams" win stanley cups. Not a collection of elite "small forwards" that think they can dangle their way to the playoffs.

and finally....

4) Thanks for providing us a "Dummies" handbook on how not to run a rebuild.Beleive me, we'll be using it.

Jankowski who? Flames prospects are a joke. Nurse, Klefbom, and Marincin are real prospects. Calgary might be the only team that has drafted worse than Edmonton. You guys will get Ekblad this year, good for you. Your goalies and offense still blows.

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#414 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 11:58PM
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Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty) wrote:

I know you come to Edmonton for work.....so here's some advice....up here when a man tells you to blow him....he ain't asking ya for a date..... ;)

On the other hand.....what do you look like?.........are you slim?

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#415 Todd
November 16 2013, 11:59PM
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Jonny T wrote:

Todd. Hello.

1) We will acquire elite talent in time. Don't you worry about that. Losses like these will help.

2) Jankowski is now 6'4 185 lbs. Oh and he just turned 19. Sure he's still a bit awkward because he's growing into his body, but his talent is undeniable. With guys like Poirier, Klimchuc, Johnny Hockey, Ferland, Knight, our collection of better college players, plus next year's draft picks, we have players that contribute in different ways. Don't comment on a prospect base you know nothing about.

3) We're building a "team". Last I checked, "teams" win stanley cups. Not a collection of elite "small forwards" that think they can dangle their way to the playoffs.

and finally....

4) Thanks for providing us a "Dummies" handbook on how not to run a rebuild.Beleive me, we'll be using it.

I know lots about your prospects. Lots a prayers and 2nd tier guys. Not 1 true elite guy. Zilch.

You have Robert Nilson, Andrew Cogliano and Pajarvi. Except even those guys were good enough to make the NHL at 19.

We have been in your shoes. We also hyped up second rate prospects as elite hopeful. You have no idea what's in store.

Serious Johnny Hockey?? Do you mean Nathan Gerbe. The other 5'0" college phenom hobby baker winner that Buffalo just bought out (Buffalo!!) it's hilarious how much hope Flamers but in an NCAA drawf with less then 1 second experience of pro hockey at any level .

You'll learn... Enjoy it

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#416 oilerman53
November 17 2013, 05:44AM
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The Oilers put together a late game rally to actually win a game!!! Yeesh the Battle Of Alberta has started to smell something awful the past few years. Tonight I sleep better knowing we stuck it to Calgary amidst our general sh!ttiness. Hahahhahahha Suck It!

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#417 hemi
November 17 2013, 05:50AM
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Bottom line, The Oil WON! I will take it.

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#418 Quintana
November 17 2013, 08:33AM
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geoilersgist wrote:

EatSh!tFlames

That is all

And EatSh!t Justin..

Now that is all

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#419 Quicksilver ballet
November 17 2013, 09:59AM
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@2004Z06

The overstepping the sporting bounds often happens when a loser is established. It's just heat of the moment meanderings that will fade into oblivion. We all have our "dagger" moments.

We should cut them some slack. The flames did just lose to a 30th place hockey club. There's obviously some healing time required for Flames fans.

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#420 Jason
November 17 2013, 10:29AM
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Why is a bra better than the flames?? It has two cups .. Gg

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