That's Enough, Barbara
bookofloob
February 15 2013 01:09PM
There's a lot of ground to cover today, what with tonight's matchup between the Flames and Blues, Roman Horak being recalled, the idiotic drivel belched out by Rhett Warrener about Jarome Iginla, and the corresponding croneyism by the media proleteriat in this city upholding it.
Certainly, there is a veritable buffet of Calgary Flame related tedium to load up our plates with, but save some room for dessert, friends, because today we're going to delve deeper into a topic we can all relate to, one that seems to resonate with everyone, based on the response it gets whenever we bring it up.
That, of course, is this whole business of your Calgary Flames and their goal song.
A Word on Taste
If you're a long time reader of the blog (we thak you for that!), you'll know that this is not new territory for us. Indeed, this is common ground for anyone who has been wearing a Flaming C on their hearts for at least the last couple of seasons.
You'll recall that the article was essentially a joint panel consisting of Arik, Vintage Flame, and myself, and we all boldly asserted our takes on what we think the lucky tune should that reverberates across an elated Saddledome whenever the local heroes find twine. Then, at the end, in the sea of comments where only the bravest of the brave ever dare, we opened it up to you, the fine Citizens of Flames Nation, to weigh in as well.
The results gleaned from this experiment was a vast and disparate range of musical tastes, styles, and choice, and different philosophies on what the goal song should MEAN made for a really ecclectic mix.
This is the problem.
While in any society it is often preferable to have differing opinions and alternate viewpoints, as these are the very things that weave the fabric of a functioning democracy, the things that assert a culture. But in practice, at least on matters that are significantly less important, the voice of the people does not represent the greater good. This is most definitely true in this case.
With a wide array of musical styles and a glut of options for songs, to choose but ONE composition to represent the Calgary Flames fanbase is an excercise in futility. You just can't do it. This is why this time, this article is not an interactive, let's choose a song format. We tried that. It doesn't work. Obviously, you're free to chime in your own preferences in the comments section, but let's look at some examples of types of Flames fans and their own musical appetence.
Many of you, in conversations I've had on the subject over the past year, tend to want something Rammstein-ey, something loud, something terrifying, something you can do shots of absynthe to and terrorize your elderly neighbours with.
Some of you would like to see the team prop up the city's longstanding love for Country music, and all the twang and cowboy boots that go along with it.
Some people want something poppy, akin to Barbara Streisand just not, Barbara Streisand. ANYTHING but Barbara Streisand.
Some of you want Nickelback.
Some of you, clearly, have terrible taste in music.
I maintain that a great song would be Hellfire by the Cunninlynguists, but I accept the fact that Calgary is not a hip hop town, and that now many of you are too questioning my own taste in music, which I assure you is both varied and exquisite, but I realize that a hip hop anthem is not destined for the Calgary Flames.
You see the problem. THIS is the reason WHY we have Duck Sauce, an anathema to our joy, haunting our nightmares when we sleep. We can't ever choose anything that will make all of us happy. But we CAN choose something that the majority hates.
This is why we can't have nice things.
#*ck Sauce
It's why we are where we're at. I think most of us can agree the goal song has to go. There's a small majority of people who inexplicably like it (right, Torie Peterson?), but for the most part, those of us sitting inside the Dome recoil in embarrassment when the Flames score (WHEN THE FLAMES SCORE!!!), and the fact that the only lyrics to the song are literally "BARBARA STREISAND" makes the team a bit of a laughing stock.
The problem is, the Flames are scoring this year, especially at home. In 7 contests this season where the Flames have played host, they have scored 22 goals, or, if you prefer, 3.14 goals per game. If you extrapolate those numbers over the course of the shortened season (save for regression and whatnot), you're looking at roughly 75 home goals in 24 games. If you're able to listen to Duck Sauce approximately 53 more times, be my guest, but the rest of us are all going to start bringing our iPods to games. Maybe that at least woud illicit a more boisterous response from a usually passive Calgary crowd. Worth a shot, anyway.
No one knows why this is our plight, why the team is doing this to us, save for maybe Geordie McLeod or Ken King, or maybe Murray Edwards just really loves the song, I don't know. There's never been any real explanation for it, because, well, when has anyone ever demanded to know why an arena PA guy plays the songs that he plays?
There's been theories. The prevailing one I've heard is that it's designed to shame the road team. "Hey, Dallas, we just scored on you 7 times, feel bad while we blast your earholes with this grating, repetitive loop of a song over and over". Which is a fine idea on paper, until you realize that it's the home faithful that have to be subjected over and over and over again to this tripe, and if it's designed to make one group of people hate it, wouldn't there be potential for it to evoke similar emotions from the rest of us?
Because that's what happened.
So Whatcha Want?
So this means to effectively come up with a suitable goal song (which, I don't know, can we?), there needs to be a certain criteria met to best envelope the wants and needs of an admittedly divided and diverse fanbase. It's a little bit restrictive, but, alas, it has to be.
To me, a goal song needs to be the following:
- It has to illicit a positive response. Your team just scored a goal, this is obvious.
- It should be catchy, easily stuck in your head. (Barbara Streisand does indeed do this, but shut up forever)
- It needs to be fan friendly, meaning relatively inoffensive. That's a tall order, because in general, people are idiots and will be offended by anything
Lastly, if a goal song is meant to be this big, monumental, tradition of a thing, it needs to be something you can build a small legacy around. It needs to be something that when you hear it, you need to think "hey, the Flames just scored"...and that's when you hear it ANYWHERE, not just at the Dome.
As an example, what do you think of whenever you hear the Chelsea Dagger? Exactly.
That's a perfect archetype, because it helps define the Blackhawks fans. Their fans love it, we all hate it, and it resonates that way. And it does away with all these things we think a goal song needs: in the Flames case, it's not something that needs to be by a local artist, have anything about fire, or hell, or anything particularly incendiary, it just needs to be good. We already have songs with that particular imagery for when the Flames come out for their warmup, and for when they win a game. The goal song has every opportunity to be different.
Which, admittedly, it is right now, but that doesn't mean it's not garbage.
We can fix it. Let's fix it.
@Torie Peterson
Taylor Swift? TAYLOR SWIFT?
*punctures own ear drums*
"... the city's longstanding love for Country music..."
personally, I've never seen any evidence of this. I've lived in Calgary my whole life, and I know a lot more metal fans than country fans.
In fact, I probably know more people who absolutely hate country music than are even ambivalent towards it.
As for what the goal song should be, why not an instrumental? That way there's no possibility of it having "offensive" lyrics, and it can still be great.
An appropriate song for the Flames would be one that is a little older, past its prime, and comes with a high royalty fee.
#DropsMic
Wouldn't it be cool if they had a goal song tailored to suit each of the Flames top scorers? and mebbe a generic one for the not-so-prolific scorers.
An example the other night by someone on twitter suggested if Cervenka scored a third goal they should have played "moves like jagger" in a nod to Jagr on the other team...
@Parallex
Speaking of things that need to go away...that abysmal "fan right/fan wrong" promo by the Flames/Telus. Ugh.
First things first....
If we can get the goal song changed, we can do anything. ;o)
Oh boy I'm gonna get roasted for suggesting this. Here it goes just start listening at 15 sec in. It's very catchy:
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=wePMYM4av6Q&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DwePMYM4av6Q
Serena Ryder Stompa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz7jCY1cpHk
have it re-miked and sped up a bit but could be catchy oh oh oh oh clapping my hands stomping my feet: all things we want to do when the Flames score
"How You Like Me Now" by The Heavy. The chorus is exactly what I would want for my goal song. It's easy, catchy and rubs it in to the other team. Perfect.
In direct opposition to my instrumental idea, why not "Through the Fire and the Flames" by DragonForce? It's probably a bit busy for a lot of peoples' taste, but there are some sections of it that could work as a goal song.
Besides, it's fast and energetic. Like Hartley's system is supposed to be.
Official recommendation: any Taylor Swift song :D Hahaha. I like anything I can bop around to ... hence my Barbra Streisand love. It's catchy. Danceable. Boom - I'm happy!
I thought the same thing about country music. Neither myself nor many of my peers have been particularly fond of it.
Social media, I've found, really opens your eyes. There is a ton of support for country in Calgary and especially in the surrounding areas.
I love instrumentals! I'm all for it
I hope you didn't take my comment as a slight, not that it seems like you have. Either way, it wasn't meant to be. Ive just noticed your affinity for it on twitter.
I suspect you're in the minority on that one
But yeah, what Kent said
#swizz
How about Unchained Melody?
What's the name of Chicago's goal song? That's a great goal song... I know because I'm filled with seething rage everytime I hear it go off and I'd want a similer reaction from fans of other teams whenever my team score. :)
Personally I think the goal song doesn't have to mean anything beyond - "Eff You" to the opposing team. If it has catchy refrain that the crowd can get into then I'm down for it.
The current goal song sucks bobo and needs to go and definitely NO Taylor Swift. blech.
@Parallex
Chelsea Dagger. Referenced in the post in fact.
Dear Lord Torie, Your love for TSwizz is unstoppable. LIKE THE SONG THAT THE FLAMES GOAL SONG SHOULD BE:
FOXY SHAZAM (FTW): unstoppable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFt3OqmGSbI
D'oh... my eyes must have skipped over that part. But yeah, call me a poor sport or "fan wrong" but I want a goal song that completely rubs their noses in the fact that they just got got.
BOL, I'm so glad you've brought this up, our music at any point in the game is a laughing stock!
I'm up for anything, something remix maybe metal is always good.
followed by 1:15 into Kernkraft 400- Zombie Nation (Sports Remix).
Or strictly for humour purposes: "This Is How We Do It," by Montell Jordan Then we would definitely be a laughing stock...
Yeah, that promo is a load of brown bananas.
:)
Go With The Flow by Queens of the Stone Age.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sM4AJ3jhiKI
I love and hate every suggestion here
I like the tailored approach. I won't lie, I mark out a bit at the Iggy goal dance.
Someone on twitter suggested Baba O'Reilly as a goal song as just one more reason why the Flames need to acquire RO'R
And if we're taking nominations I nominate "Ya-Yo Gakk" by Steve Vai (because Steve Vai is awesome) or maybe something by Mr. Bungle.
Ya-yo Gakk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6JYXiXio74
of course if Foxy Shazam isn't your taste
There's always The Darkness - I believe in a thing called love... But that doesn't really have the chelsea dagger quality to it that unstoppable does.
Please...no country. That is all.
How about Du Hast?
What about something like Tick Tick Boom - The Hives or Hey Hey - Superchick... i got nothing.
Heaven's on Fire by Kiss. I've been in this boat for a while, or hell lets go back to Shot Down in Flames, what the hell was wrong wit that?
"Dig for Fire" by the Pixies.
1)It's the Pixies for crying out loud! 2)The title of the song. 3)See 1.
The only caveat is that it would have to start at the 2nd chorus as that's when the song is at it's crescendo.
what about the the last 29 seconds of Just by Radiohead? electric guitar solo with Thom Yorke repeating 'you do it to yourself'. I imagine that would irritate opposing teams
@bookofloob
For what it's worth, the song in Iggy's goal dance is "Fuldans" by a swedish group called Fulkultur. The english version is called "The Ugly Dance" or something.
I agree that most country music is lame. But surely no person would say that about Johnny Cash (would they)? RING of FIRE!
@Parallex
That was terrible.
Would love it if they used Du Hast, except that it's Kipper's song.
.. Though that might be rectified after this year.
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=BrXq_QY2de8&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DBrXq_QY2de8 "Paradise city" with the Go Flames Go chant in the background. I would use this just cut out the commentary parts and keep the Go Flames Go chant.
warriors call from volbeat
Danko Jones - Code of the Road Ramones - I Wanna Be Sedated Stooges - 1969 Black Sabbath - Supernaut Judas Priest - Freewheel Burnin' Hives - Hate to Say I Told You So BOC - Burnin' For You System of a Down - Sweet Pea
Panama - Van Halen, big chorus and it's catchy.
Might I suggest Jump Into The Fire by Harry Nilsson?
Not only does it rock, but they could play any number of parts...the drum solo, the guitar riff or Harry screaming.
I think I commented on this same subject the last time it was posted. I have the same suggestion too: take a page out of the Blackhawks' book and use "Flathead" by The Fratellis. Just as if not catchier than Chelsea Dagger. Or "I Bet you Look Good on the Dance Floor" by Arctic Monkeys. While we're at it, they should change their entrance and powerplay song too.
@bookofloob
No offence taken whatsoever :) I actually find it really interesting that people are so passionate about a goal song which is something I never really put much thought into before.
Oh yeah ... #Swizz4Life
This tune should be on the A list for a goal song. Awesome for you to remember this tune. Heard it on the radio a couple of months ago for the first time in years.
Absolutley no hip hop. NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!
Bad enough they play that Sh!t during the warmup some times.
I would rather hear the "burn baby burn" chorus from disco inferno for a goal song than that crap.
Johnny Cash's burning ring of fire is a natural in my opinion. Yeah I know its the victory song already though.
It should just be the "YEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHH" from one of the various songs that The Who have done.
Carry on my wayward son. That is all.
Definetly not Country!Country favours the emotional side and has little to do with a high energy sports event.I love Blue Radio ,but was dissapointed that Calgary chose them for the grey cup a few years ago.It should have been Sum 41.High Energy all the way.What,s being played is embarrassing
At the rate this game is going might as well make it Don't Stop Believing
"Burn it Up" by The Offspring.
Those dudes used to rule - much like Jarome and company. Match made in heaven.
The talking horse by the Melvins. This would also be a great segway to revive the old "POWER PONY" 3rd jersey and sell it subliminally. It will most likely upset the old folks and cowpokes though.....