That's Enough, Barbara

bookofloob
February 15 2013 01:09PM

 

 

There's a lot of ground to cover today, what with tonight's matchup between the Flames and Blues, Roman Horak being recalled, the idiotic drivel belched out by Rhett Warrener about Jarome Iginla, and the corresponding croneyism by the media proleteriat in this city upholding it.

Certainly, there is a veritable buffet of Calgary Flame related tedium to load up our plates with, but save some room for dessert, friends, because today we're going to delve deeper into a topic we can all relate to, one that seems to resonate with everyone, based on the response it gets whenever we bring it up.

That, of course, is this whole business of your Calgary Flames and their goal song.

A Word on Taste

If you're a long time reader of the blog (we thak you for that!), you'll know that this is not new territory for us. Indeed, this is common ground for anyone who has been wearing a Flaming C on their hearts for at least the last couple of seasons.

You'll recall that the article was essentially a joint panel consisting of Arik, Vintage Flame, and myself, and we all boldly asserted our takes on what we think the lucky tune should that reverberates across an elated Saddledome whenever the local heroes find twine. Then, at the end, in the sea of comments where only the bravest of the brave ever dare, we opened it up to you, the fine Citizens of Flames Nation, to weigh in as well.

The results gleaned from this experiment was a vast and disparate range of musical tastes, styles, and choice, and different philosophies on what the goal song should MEAN made for a really ecclectic mix.

This is the problem.

While in any society it is often preferable to have differing opinions and alternate viewpoints, as these are the very things that weave the fabric of a functioning democracy, the things that assert a culture. But in practice, at least on matters that are significantly less important, the voice of the people does not represent the greater good. This is most definitely true in this case.

With a wide array of musical styles and a glut of options for songs, to choose but ONE composition to represent the Calgary Flames fanbase is an excercise in futility. You just can't do it. This is why this time, this article is not an interactive, let's choose a song format. We tried that. It doesn't work. Obviously, you're free to chime in your own preferences in the comments section, but let's look at some examples of types of Flames fans and their own musical appetence.

Many of you, in conversations I've had on the subject over the past year, tend to want something Rammstein-ey, something loud, something terrifying, something you can do shots of absynthe to and terrorize your elderly neighbours with.

Some of you would like to see the team prop up the city's longstanding love for Country music, and all the twang and cowboy boots that go along with it.

Some people want something poppy, akin to Barbara Streisand just not, Barbara Streisand. ANYTHING but Barbara Streisand.

Some of you want Nickelback.

Some of you, clearly, have terrible taste in music.

I maintain that a great song would be Hellfire by the Cunninlynguists, but I accept the fact that Calgary is not a hip hop town, and that now many of you are too questioning my own taste in music, which I assure you is both varied and exquisite, but I realize that a hip hop anthem is not destined for the Calgary Flames.

You see the problem. THIS is the reason WHY we have Duck Sauce, an anathema to our joy, haunting our nightmares when we sleep. We can't ever choose anything that will make all of us happy. But we CAN choose something that the majority hates.

This is why we can't have nice things.

#*ck Sauce

It's why we are where we're at. I think most of us can agree the goal song has to go. There's a small majority of people who inexplicably like it (right, Torie Peterson?), but for the most part, those of us sitting inside the Dome recoil in embarrassment when the Flames score (WHEN THE FLAMES SCORE!!!), and the fact that the only lyrics to the song are literally "BARBARA STREISAND" makes the team a bit of a laughing stock.

The problem is, the Flames are scoring this year, especially at home. In 7 contests this season where the Flames have played host, they have scored 22 goals, or, if you prefer, 3.14 goals per game. If you extrapolate those numbers over the course of the shortened season (save for regression and whatnot), you're looking at roughly 75 home goals in 24 games. If you're able to listen to Duck Sauce approximately 53 more times, be my guest, but the rest of us are all going to start bringing our iPods to games. Maybe that at least woud illicit a more boisterous response from a usually passive Calgary crowd. Worth a shot, anyway.

No one knows why this is our plight, why the team is doing this to us, save for maybe Geordie McLeod or Ken King, or maybe Murray Edwards just really loves the song, I don't know. There's never been any real explanation for it, because, well, when has anyone ever demanded to know why an arena PA guy plays the songs that he plays?

There's been theories. The prevailing one I've heard is that it's designed to shame the road team. "Hey, Dallas, we just scored on you 7 times, feel bad while we blast your earholes with this grating, repetitive loop of a song over and over". Which is a fine idea on paper, until you realize that it's the home faithful that have to be subjected over and over and over again to this tripe, and if it's designed to make one group of people hate it, wouldn't there be potential for it to evoke similar emotions from the rest of us?

Because that's what happened.

So Whatcha Want?

So this means to effectively come up with a suitable goal song (which, I don't know, can we?), there needs to be a certain criteria met to best envelope the wants and needs of an admittedly divided and diverse fanbase. It's a little bit restrictive, but, alas, it has to be.

To me, a goal song needs to be the following:

  1. It has to illicit a positive response. Your team just scored a goal, this is obvious.
  2. It should be catchy, easily stuck in your head. (Barbara Streisand does indeed do this, but shut up forever)
  3. It needs to be fan friendly, meaning relatively inoffensive. That's a tall order, because in general, people are idiots and will be offended by anything

Lastly, if a goal song is meant to be this big, monumental, tradition of a thing, it needs to be something you can build a small legacy around. It needs to be something that when you hear it, you need to think "hey, the Flames just scored"...and that's when you hear it ANYWHERE, not just at the Dome.

As an example, what do you think of whenever you hear the Chelsea Dagger? Exactly.

That's a perfect archetype, because it helps define the Blackhawks fans. Their fans love it, we all hate it, and it resonates that way. And it does away with all these things we think a goal song needs: in the Flames case, it's not something that needs to be by a local artist, have anything about fire, or hell, or anything particularly incendiary, it just needs to be good. We already have songs with that particular imagery for when the Flames come out for their warmup, and for when they win a game. The goal song has every opportunity to be different.

Which, admittedly, it is right now, but that doesn't mean it's not garbage.

We can fix it. Let's fix it.

01f20cee6c900dc633fe87a421630f41
The Book of Loob is the Nation's resident expert in flim-flammery and twaddle. An unabashed Flames fan, when BoL is not intellectually bankrupting Flames Nation, he can be seen rooting for Blair Jones, often to excess, at Book of Loob. Follow him on twitter here.
Avatar
#1 Danger
February 18 2013, 04:32PM
Trash it!
1
trashes
Props
0
props

The chorus (or just the da-da-da-da part) from "500 Miles" by the Proclaimers would work because it is equal parts catchy and fun for the fans and irritating for the visitors. Very much in the Chelsea Dagger vein.

Avatar
#2 Baalzamon
February 15 2013, 01:28PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
1
props

"... the city's longstanding love for Country music..."

personally, I've never seen any evidence of this. I've lived in Calgary my whole life, and I know a lot more metal fans than country fans.

In fact, I probably know more people who absolutely hate country music than are even ambivalent towards it.

As for what the goal song should be, why not an instrumental? That way there's no possibility of it having "offensive" lyrics, and it can still be great.

Avatar
#3 Baalzamon
February 15 2013, 01:31PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

In direct opposition to my instrumental idea, why not "Through the Fire and the Flames" by DragonForce? It's probably a bit busy for a lot of peoples' taste, but there are some sections of it that could work as a goal song.

Besides, it's fast and energetic. Like Hartley's system is supposed to be.

Avatar
#4 Torie Peterson
February 15 2013, 01:33PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Official recommendation: any Taylor Swift song :D Hahaha. I like anything I can bop around to ... hence my Barbra Streisand love. It's catchy. Danceable. Boom - I'm happy!

Avatar
#6 Kent Wilson
February 15 2013, 01:37PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
2
props

@Torie Peterson

Taylor Swift? TAYLOR SWIFT?

*punctures own ear drums*

Avatar
#9 Domebeers.com
February 15 2013, 01:46PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
1
props

An appropriate song for the Flames would be one that is a little older, past its prime, and comes with a high royalty fee.

#DropsMic

Avatar
#10 Kent Wilson
February 15 2013, 01:46PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

How about Unchained Melody?

Avatar
#11 BitGeek
February 15 2013, 01:49PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
1
props

Wouldn't it be cool if they had a goal song tailored to suit each of the Flames top scorers? and mebbe a generic one for the not-so-prolific scorers.

An example the other night by someone on twitter suggested if Cervenka scored a third goal they should have played "moves like jagger" in a nod to Jagr on the other team...

Avatar
#12 Parallex
February 15 2013, 01:52PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

What's the name of Chicago's goal song? That's a great goal song... I know because I'm filled with seething rage everytime I hear it go off and I'd want a similer reaction from fans of other teams whenever my team score. :)

Avatar
#13 BitGeek
February 15 2013, 01:52PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Personally I think the goal song doesn't have to mean anything beyond - "Eff You" to the opposing team. If it has catchy refrain that the crowd can get into then I'm down for it.

The current goal song sucks bobo and needs to go and definitely NO Taylor Swift. blech.

Avatar
#14 Kent Wilson
February 15 2013, 01:55PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@Parallex

Chelsea Dagger. Referenced in the post in fact.

Avatar
#15 Trianglereverie
February 15 2013, 01:55PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Dear Lord Torie, Your love for TSwizz is unstoppable. LIKE THE SONG THAT THE FLAMES GOAL SONG SHOULD BE:

FOXY SHAZAM (FTW): unstoppable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFt3OqmGSbI

Avatar
#16 Parallex
February 15 2013, 01:58PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
Kent Wilson wrote:

Chelsea Dagger. Referenced in the post in fact.

D'oh... my eyes must have skipped over that part. But yeah, call me a poor sport or "fan wrong" but I want a goal song that completely rubs their noses in the fact that they just got got.

Avatar
#17 Scary Gary
February 15 2013, 01:59PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

BOL, I'm so glad you've brought this up, our music at any point in the game is a laughing stock!

I'm up for anything, something remix maybe metal is always good.

followed by 1:15 into Kernkraft 400- Zombie Nation (Sports Remix).

Or strictly for humour purposes: "This Is How We Do It," by Montell Jordan Then we would definitely be a laughing stock...

Avatar
#18 Kent Wilson
February 15 2013, 02:02PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
1
props

@Parallex

Speaking of things that need to go away...that abysmal "fan right/fan wrong" promo by the Flames/Telus. Ugh.

Avatar
#19 Parallex
February 15 2013, 02:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
Kent Wilson wrote:

Speaking of things that need to go away...that abysmal "fan right/fan wrong" promo by the Flames/Telus. Ugh.

Yeah, that promo is a load of brown bananas.

:)

Avatar
#20 BitGeek
February 15 2013, 02:05PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
1
props
Kent Wilson wrote:

Speaking of things that need to go away...that abysmal "fan right/fan wrong" promo by the Flames/Telus. Ugh.

First things first....

If we can get the goal song changed, we can do anything. ;o)

Avatar
#21 exsanguinator
February 15 2013, 02:06PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Go With The Flow by Queens of the Stone Age.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sM4AJ3jhiKI

Avatar
#23 Parallex
February 15 2013, 02:11PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

And if we're taking nominations I nominate "Ya-Yo Gakk" by Steve Vai (because Steve Vai is awesome) or maybe something by Mr. Bungle.

Ya-yo Gakk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6JYXiXio74

Avatar
#24 Trianglereverie
February 15 2013, 02:13PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

of course if Foxy Shazam isn't your taste

There's always The Darkness - I believe in a thing called love... But that doesn't really have the chelsea dagger quality to it that unstoppable does.

Avatar
#25 Scary Gary
February 15 2013, 02:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Please...no country. That is all.

Avatar
#26 Kent Wilson
February 15 2013, 02:25PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

How about Du Hast?

Avatar
#27 StormBine
February 15 2013, 02:26PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

What about something like Tick Tick Boom - The Hives or Hey Hey - Superchick... i got nothing.

Avatar
#28 Doomcats
February 15 2013, 02:27PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Heaven's on Fire by Kiss. I've been in this boat for a while, or hell lets go back to Shot Down in Flames, what the hell was wrong wit that?

Avatar
#29 AnOceanPearl
February 15 2013, 02:38PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

"Dig for Fire" by the Pixies.

1)It's the Pixies for crying out loud! 2)The title of the song. 3)See 1.

The only caveat is that it would have to start at the 2nd chorus as that's when the song is at it's crescendo.

Avatar
#30 NateBaldwin
February 15 2013, 02:41PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

what about the the last 29 seconds of Just by Radiohead? electric guitar solo with Thom Yorke repeating 'you do it to yourself'. I imagine that would irritate opposing teams

Avatar
#31 Baalzamon
February 15 2013, 02:43PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@bookofloob

For what it's worth, the song in Iggy's goal dance is "Fuldans" by a swedish group called Fulkultur. The english version is called "The Ugly Dance" or something.

Avatar
#32 gotommygo
February 15 2013, 02:44PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

I agree that most country music is lame. But surely no person would say that about Johnny Cash (would they)? RING of FIRE!

Avatar
#33 ChinookArch
February 15 2013, 02:48PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
1
props

Oh boy I'm gonna get roasted for suggesting this. Here it goes just start listening at 15 sec in. It's very catchy:

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=wePMYM4av6Q&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DwePMYM4av6Q

Avatar
#34 ChinookArch
February 15 2013, 02:52PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@Parallex

That was terrible.

Avatar
#35 Vintage Flame
February 15 2013, 03:09PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
Kent Wilson wrote:

How about Du Hast?

Would love it if they used Du Hast, except that it's Kipper's song.

.. Though that might be rectified after this year.

Avatar
#36 Sims
February 15 2013, 03:23PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=BrXq_QY2de8&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DBrXq_QY2de8 "Paradise city" with the Go Flames Go chant in the background. I would use this just cut out the commentary parts and keep the Go Flames Go chant.

Avatar
#37 Fleury4pm
February 15 2013, 03:41PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

warriors call from volbeat

Avatar
#38 Derzie
February 15 2013, 03:54PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Danko Jones - Code of the Road Ramones - I Wanna Be Sedated Stooges - 1969 Black Sabbath - Supernaut Judas Priest - Freewheel Burnin' Hives - Hate to Say I Told You So BOC - Burnin' For You System of a Down - Sweet Pea

Avatar
#39 RKD
February 15 2013, 04:32PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Panama - Van Halen, big chorus and it's catchy.

Avatar
#40 FlameinATL
February 15 2013, 04:42PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Might I suggest Jump Into The Fire by Harry Nilsson?

Not only does it rock, but they could play any number of parts...the drum solo, the guitar riff or Harry screaming.

Avatar
#41 TheWinColumn
February 15 2013, 04:54PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

I think I commented on this same subject the last time it was posted. I have the same suggestion too: take a page out of the Blackhawks' book and use "Flathead" by The Fratellis. Just as if not catchier than Chelsea Dagger. Or "I Bet you Look Good on the Dance Floor" by Arctic Monkeys. While we're at it, they should change their entrance and powerplay song too.

Avatar
#42 Torie Peterson
February 15 2013, 05:02PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

@bookofloob

No offence taken whatsoever :) I actually find it really interesting that people are so passionate about a goal song which is something I never really put much thought into before.

Oh yeah ... #Swizz4Life

Avatar
#43 stuski
February 15 2013, 05:12PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
1
props

Serena Ryder Stompa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz7jCY1cpHk

have it re-miked and sped up a bit but could be catchy oh oh oh oh clapping my hands stomping my feet: all things we want to do when the Flames score

Avatar
#44 Captain Ron
February 15 2013, 06:21PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
FlameinATL wrote:

Might I suggest Jump Into The Fire by Harry Nilsson?

Not only does it rock, but they could play any number of parts...the drum solo, the guitar riff or Harry screaming.

This tune should be on the A list for a goal song. Awesome for you to remember this tune. Heard it on the radio a couple of months ago for the first time in years.

Absolutley no hip hop. NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!

Bad enough they play that Sh!t during the warmup some times.

I would rather hear the "burn baby burn" chorus from disco inferno for a goal song than that crap.

Johnny Cash's burning ring of fire is a natural in my opinion. Yeah I know its the victory song already though.

Avatar
#45 SmellOfVictory
February 15 2013, 06:44PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

It should just be the "YEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHH" from one of the various songs that The Who have done.

Avatar
#46 schevvy
February 15 2013, 07:26PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Carry on my wayward son. That is all.

Avatar
#47 Alt
February 15 2013, 07:31PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

Definetly not Country!Country favours the emotional side and has little to do with a high energy sports event.I love Blue Radio ,but was dissapointed that Calgary chose them for the grey cup a few years ago.It should have been Sum 41.High Energy all the way.What,s being played is embarrassing

Avatar
#48 schevvy
February 15 2013, 08:01PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

At the rate this game is going might as well make it Don't Stop Believing

Avatar
#49 jinx_me
February 15 2013, 10:03PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
1
props

"How You Like Me Now" by The Heavy. The chorus is exactly what I would want for my goal song. It's easy, catchy and rubs it in to the other team. Perfect.

Avatar
#50 Smeegs
February 15 2013, 10:45PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

"Burn it Up" by The Offspring.

Those dudes used to rule - much like Jarome and company. Match made in heaven.

Comments are closed for this article.