FGD: Double Secret Lottery Probation

Justin Azevedo
April 12 2013 10:11AM

 


 

Dean Bettman: Bill, what is the worst team in this league?

Bill: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.

Dean Bettman: Cut the crap, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the hot tub? Who delivered the used equipment to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with jock straps. Every spring, the benches explode.

Bill: You're talking about Calgary, sir.

Dean Bettman: Of course I'm talking about Calgary, you Twerp! This year is going to be different. This year we are going to grab the bull by the balls and kick those punks out of the league.

Bill: What do you intend to do sir? Calgary's already in the lottery.

Dean Bettman: They are?

Bill: Yes, sir.

Dean Bettman: Oh. Then as of this moment, they're on double secret lottery probation!

Bill: Double secret lottery probation, sir?

Dean Bettman: There is a little-known codicil in the National Hockey League constitution which gives the dean unlimited power to preserve order in time of league emergency. Find me a way to revoke Calgary's charter. You live next door. Put Doan on it. He's a sneaky little bugger, just like you, right? The time has come for someone to put their foot down. And that foot is me.

~

Doan: Dress that line. Dress that line, mister! Dress that line, player. Mister, hold my mount. [to Cervenka] You fat, disgusting slob! You're a goddamned disgrace!

Tanguay: (aside) A vicious mother, isn't he?

Cammalleri: He can't do that to our players.

Tanguay: Only we can do that to our players.

Doan: Redo those skate laces! Dress those pant buckles! Straighten that helmet! And goddamn it, untuck that jersey! Attention! Eyes front! What's that on your chest, mister?

Cervenka: It's a crest, sir.

Doan: A crest! On your uniform? Just tell me, mister, what team would sign a man like you?

Cervenka: It's a Flames crest, sir.

~

Cammalleri: Point of parliamentary procedure!

Backlund: Don't screw around, they're serious this time!

Cammalleri: Take it easy, I'm pre-law.

Tanguay: I thought you were post-biosteel.

Cammalleri: What's the difference? Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our injury reserve lists—we did. But you can't hold a whole team responsible for the behavior of a few, sick perverted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole NHL system? And if the whole NHL system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our sporting institutions in general? I put it to you, Bill: isn't this an indictment of our entire hockey society? Well, you can do what you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the great sport of hockey. Gentlemen!

[Leads the Flames out of the hearing, all humming "Ring of Fire"]

Bill: Order!

Dean Bettman: You've done it this time, buster! No more Flames! I'm calling the national office! I'm going to revoke your charter! And if you wiseguys do one more thing, one more, I'm going to kick you out of the league! No more winning of any kind!

~

Giordano: Hey, quit your blubberin'. When I get through with this baby you won't even recognize it.

Cammalleri: Cervenka, you can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You screwed up. You trusted us! Hey, make the best of it! Maybe we can help.

Cervenka: That's easy for you to say! What am I going to tell Jaromir?

Cammalleri: I'll tell you what. I'll swear you were doing a great job taking care of his Yugo, but, you parked it out back last night and this morning, it was gone. Gio takes care of the wreck. We report it to the police. Jaromir's insurance company buys him a new car.

Cervenka: Will that work?

Cammalleri: Hey, it's gotta work better than the truth.

Kiprusoff: My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

[Kiprusoff gives Cervenka a six-pack.]

Cammalleri: You better listen to him, Cherv. He's won a Vezina.

[Cammalleri and Kiprusoff shake hands.]

Giordano: There you go now, just leave everything to me.

[Giordano fires up his blow-torch and laughs.]

~

Kiprusoff: Christ! Fifteen years of hockey down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Oilers!

Glencross: My mother's gonna kill me.

Backlund: I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

Cervenka: Can't believe I threw up in front of Dean Bettman.

Tanguay: Face it, Roman. You threw up on Dean Bettman.

[Giordano walks in, supporting an injured Cammalleri.]

Giordano: Move. Move it.

Tanguay: Damn.

[Tanguay walks over and helps Giordano support Cammalleri.]

Tanguay: Jesus Christ! What happened? You look grotesque.

Cammalleri: Well, some of the Coyotes did a little dance on my face.

Kiprusoff: Who was it?

Cammalleri: Uh, it was Shane and Keith and some of the other Hitler youth.

Tanguay: Why? What ya do?

Cammalleri: I don't know. They're just animals, I guess. Looks like I missed something.

Tanguay: Yeah, you did. We're all officially kicked out of the league. Bettman just got our stats.

Cammalleri: They kicked us out of the league? Huh?! That makes sense.

Kiprusoff: Hey! What's this lying around crap?!

SVEN: Well, what the hell we s'posed to do, you moron?!

Giordano: War's over, man. Bettman dropped the big one.

Kiprusoff: What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Panthers stole the Cup from us in 2004? Hell no!

Cammalleri: Panthers?

Tanguay: Forget it. He's rolling.

Kiprusoff: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough . . . the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go! C'mon!

[He runs out of the room screaming but then returns.]

Kiprusoff: What happened to the Flames I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh?! This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst! "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Kipper, we might get in trouble." Well, just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this! Bettman, he's a dead man! Daly, dead! Doan—

Cammalleri: Dead! Kipper's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now, we could fight 'em with conventional weapons - sticks and such. That could take years and cost millions of lives. Oh no. No, in this case, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.

Kiprusoff: And we're just the guys to do it.

[Tanguay and Giordano stand.]

Tanguay: Let's do it.

Kiprusoff: Let's do it!

[Everybody cheers and starts running out of the room, with Kiprusoff still standing there.]

Kiprusoff: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

[Kiprusoff runs out with them.]

- Inspiration

~

Go Flames. Game time is 7PM MST. Catch it on Sportsnet 960 The Fan or Sportsnet West.

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 22-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#51 Q
April 12 2013, 08:19PM
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@Kent

I'm a little surprised that Sven has done so little! So will his game carry over to the nhl Kent?

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#52 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 08:31PM
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@Q

He's looked good in this game. Two of the four chances came off his stick.

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#53 clyde
April 12 2013, 08:33PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

He's looked good in this game. Two of the four chances came off his stick.

He is going to be a very good player. be patient

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#54 Baalzamon
April 12 2013, 08:34PM
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It's nice to see players like Horak and Brodie continuously beat expectations (especially Brodie)

@Q

Sven has like 3 shots in this game already, all scoring chances. I think he'll be fine, given a little time. I mean, he is a 1st year pro after all.

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#55 mattyc
April 12 2013, 08:43PM
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owie! poor tanguay - that looked like it hurt..

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#56 clyde
April 12 2013, 08:44PM
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Athletes do not start approaching their prime until the age of 23-26. Proper development is key. This is whybWeisbrod wants college guys when possible.

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#57 schevvy
April 12 2013, 08:46PM
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Ouch. Tanguay. Probably done for the year

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#58 clyde
April 12 2013, 08:48PM
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schevvy wrote:

Ouch. Tanguay. Probably done for the year

Which is fine.

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#59 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 08:49PM
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This is, uh, quite the period.

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#60 ChinookArch
April 12 2013, 08:51PM
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Skill-wise there is very little differnce between these two teams, and yet the Yotes have 10 more points.

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#61 clyde
April 12 2013, 08:51PM
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Shame to see the Hobey Baker awarded to a very inferior player to Gaudreau but oh well.

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#62 schevvy
April 12 2013, 08:53PM
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@clyde

Other guy was a senior. NCAA hates giving awards to the younger guys.

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#63 clyde
April 12 2013, 08:53PM
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ChinookArch wrote:

Skill-wise there is very little differnce between these two teams, and yet the Yotes have 10 more points.

Hansel, Boedker and Yandel are very skilled and have bought in to Tippets system.

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#64 clyde
April 12 2013, 08:54PM
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schevvy wrote:

Other guy was a senior. NCAA hates giving awards to the younger guys.

True, butvtoo bad. Should to the best player. IMO

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#65 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 08:55PM
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Joey Mac has had a good game so far.

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#66 mattyc
April 12 2013, 09:02PM
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Backlund's looked really good tonight. Jackman has also had a couple really strong shifts

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#67 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:03PM
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Backlund having a monster of a game too I'd say. He would have a couple more points if his linemates were executing.

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#68 ChinookArch
April 12 2013, 09:06PM
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Brodie has been one of the best players on the ice tonight.

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#69 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:07PM
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ChinookArch wrote:

Brodie has been one of the best players on the ice tonight.

Again.

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#70 Baalzamon
April 12 2013, 09:09PM
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@ChinookArch

The difference between an average and an elite coach.

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#71 mattyc
April 12 2013, 09:09PM
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@Kent Wilson

He really holds on to the puck well now, and is a lot tougher to knock over. He looks stronger than last couple years to me.

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#72 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:11PM
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Chances were 6-5 Flames in the second.

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#73 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:13PM
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@mattyc

Brodie? yeah his physical play is solid. His space management and play reading has improved by leaps and bounds in my eyes though. He's closing gaps all over the place and making reads in the neutral zone that limits the opponents space. When he does mess up or get behind the play, he has the mobility to recover.

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#74 Subversive
April 12 2013, 09:14PM
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Baalzamon wrote:

The difference between an average and an elite coach.

I'm wondering if now that Iggy is gone the team will be more willing to do what the coach says, given that the captainwhocandowhateverhewants isn't leading the way by bad example. Could explain the improved play since his trade.

Let's hope bad luck and bad goaltending can continue for just a little longer.

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#75 mattyc
April 12 2013, 09:18PM
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@Kent Wilson

haha I meant Backlund, but it's definitely true of Brodie too. Brodie's best attribute IMO is his skating. As a rule of thumb, I'd always target good skaters (especially defensemen).

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#76 Baalzamon
April 12 2013, 09:19PM
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@Subversive

The Flames were playing pretty good for the 1st 8 games or so though. And that stinker against the oilers was after the Iggy trade too. I really think Iggy's refusal to listen to coaches was a fan-invented myth.

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#77 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:20PM
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@mattyc

Yeah fair enough. Backlund is a bit more robust this year.

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#78 Baalzamon
April 12 2013, 09:22PM
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mattyc wrote:

haha I meant Backlund, but it's definitely true of Brodie too. Brodie's best attribute IMO is his skating. As a rule of thumb, I'd always target good skaters (especially defensemen).

Just in case you're implying the Flames should pass on Barkov at the draft because of "skating issues" keep in mind that people had the same complaint about John Tavares.

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#79 Subversive
April 12 2013, 09:23PM
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@Baalzamon

True, they were playing well at the beginning of the year, but Iggy wasn't really a part of it, from my memory. The team was driving possession and deserved to win a bunch more games, but I didn't see a noticeable shift in Iggy's play.

Not sure if it's a myth or not, but I do think the culture of a room can influence things. When someone has been around that long and has that much power in the organization, it can become unhealthy and actually counter productive to trying to win games. I think Iginla is probably a good person, but I also think he had an enormous ego and sense of entitlement in Calgary.

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#80 mattyc
April 12 2013, 09:29PM
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@Baalzamon

No not necessarily, I think skating is maybe more important for defensemen because they have to skate back quicker to recover when they pinch, but in general i think it's one of the most important attributes. Having said that I still think I would prefer MacKinnon, but I don't know too much about Barkov except that there has been some criticism of his skating.

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#81 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:30PM
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Just about a brilliant play there by Baertschi.

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#82 clyde
April 12 2013, 09:33PM
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mattyc wrote:

No not necessarily, I think skating is maybe more important for defensemen because they have to skate back quicker to recover when they pinch, but in general i think it's one of the most important attributes. Having said that I still think I would prefer MacKinnon, but I don't know too much about Barkov except that there has been some criticism of his skating.

My worry is that he was so physically developed at such a youngbage that he may not develop much more

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#83 Q
April 12 2013, 09:36PM
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@Baalzamon

Good to hear . I'm blacked out hear in utah.

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#84 clyde
April 12 2013, 09:36PM
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I am speaking of Barkov when I talk aboutvmy worry of early development

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#85 Baalzamon
April 12 2013, 09:40PM
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@Subversive

Iginla was averaging 4 shots per game at that point. You probably don't remember because only one went in.

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#86 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:45PM
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I liked Iginla a bit to start the year, but he quickly settled back into the general ES liability he's been for a season or two after that.

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#87 mk
April 12 2013, 09:48PM
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Game sounds good via radio - sounds like Backlund is making things happen. :)

@Kent

Any thoughts on Hanowski's impending arrival to the team?

Also, thoughts on Reinhart so far? I hear his name coming up a lot on the call, lots of shots sounds like.

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#88 dotfras
April 12 2013, 09:49PM
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Late to the party - what happened to Tanguay?

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#89 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:49PM
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Baertschi should have at least 2 points in this game.

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#90 dotfras
April 12 2013, 09:50PM
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Great no look pass by Sven there.

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#91 ChinookArch
April 12 2013, 09:50PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

I liked Iginla a bit to start the year, but he quickly settled back into the general ES liability he's been for a season or two after that.

The whole team was good except Kipprusoff at the beginning of the season. They seemed like an enthusiastic and disciplined bunch, that lodt confidence when they were not getting the bounces. The hockey gods are a fickle lot.

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#92 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:51PM
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@dotfras

Twisted his knee. He's done for the year I'm sure.

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#93 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:52PM
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@mk

I have no opinion really. Never seen him play, so who knows. He's 22, might as well take a look.

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#94 mattyc
April 12 2013, 09:53PM
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@dotfras

someone fell on his knee and it twisted awkwardly.

Baertschi needs someone to finish - he's been creating tons of chances.

Reinhart looks physically outmatched, he just gets thrown around.

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#95 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:54PM
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What a shot by Yandle.

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#96 Baalzamon
April 12 2013, 09:54PM
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@clyde

That's certainly a valid concern, and one I raised about Mark McNeill in his draft year. The thing about Barkov is he's already shown he can play among men--and excell while doing it. His skillset is also about a hundred times better than McNeill's across the board, which doesn't hurt.

I do think I'd probably take MacKinnon ahead of Barkov though.

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#97 Q
April 12 2013, 09:54PM
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This is awesome! Tanguay only has 7:21 on ice. He's done here!

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#98 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 09:56PM
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Coyotes must have been given specific instructions to take shots from everywhere. Don't remember the last time an opponent took some many shots from nowheres-ville.

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#99 mattyc
April 12 2013, 09:57PM
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@Q

probably sulking somewhere ;) (he hurt his knee)

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#100 Kent Wilson
April 12 2013, 10:03PM
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Chances were 4-3 PHX in the third.

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