GDB 36.0: FEASTER AND FAMINE

Jason Gregor
April 03 2013 02:53PM

While the Flames shipped out Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester and replaced them with prospects that Barry Fraser wouldn't draft, the Oilers skate into the Saddledome ready to show Flames fans what six years of sucking can do for you.

The Flames haven't won a playoff series since 2004, the Oilers have won three since then, and in 24 days the Phlegms will be out of the playoffs for the 4th straight year. Make no mistake the last seven years have been brutal for Oilers fans, but at least they have something to show for their loyalty. The Oilers seven-year drought produced Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Nail Yakupov, Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner.

The Flames' plunge into suckville has garnered them first rounders like: Mikael Backlund (softer than oleo), Greg Nemisz (4th liner in AHL), Tim Erixon (oops, he wouldn't sign in your dump of a city), _______ (didn't have 1st or 2nd round pick when missing 2010 playoffs), Sven Baertschi (solid potential 2nd liner) and Mark Jankowski (say it slowly, Stanstead College in Quebec).

Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot had a brighter future.

Most Oilers fans won't poke that much fun at Calgary, okay one might in a few paragraphs, mainly because Edmontonians doesn't possess the inferiority complex that exists in Calgary. Oiler fans won't need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.

Think about that for a second.

Your team never made the playoffs, in fact they "Choked" every year in the final ten games. For the past three years, the Flames were close to the playoffs with ten games to go, and in those combined 30 games, you won a paltry 12. You averaged 4 wins in the final 10 games of the season in your annual push-to-the-playoffs-only-to-fail-and-not-get-a-top-ten-pick.

The only thing more inept than Steve Tambellini's summer free agent signings, is the Flames management in February and March and the Flames play on the ice in March and April.

Which leads us to tonight...

The Oilers and their fans head into this game knowing they will win, which is exactly how the Flames and their fans have felt the last three years. It won't be much of a battle, considering the Flames most effective forward these days is Brian McGrattan.

The Flames got a better return for Joe Piskula than they have for Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester. At least McGrattan is on your team and contributing. Top-notch GMing by Feaster and company.

  • Hall/Nugent-Hopkins/Eberle
  • Paajarvi/Gagner/Hemsky
  • Jones/Horcoff/Yakupov
  • Brown/Smyth/Petrell

  • Smid/Petry
  • N.Schultz/J.Schultz
  • Whitney/Potter

  • Dubnyk

The Flames will counter with a lineup that would battle stage an epic battle with the 2010 Oilers:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win their 5th straight with an easy 4-2 win. The Oilers top line has combined for 19 points in the last four games and they will register six tonight.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Many in Calgary will claim, "Awesome deal, getting something (5th rounder) for Blake Comeau." Get used to saying this Flames fans, as you enter into the phase where you think every draft pick will pan out eventually.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After he admitted Monday night that he hadn't been, "intellectually honest about his team," Jay Feaster announces during the 2nd period intermission that the Flames will indeed be a playoff contender next year. "Mikka Kiprusoff begged me not to trade him today. He's committed to winning and we will sign him to an extension in the summer.

"Also, now that Jarome Iginla, who secretly always preferred his hometown over Calgary, is gone our core guys will flourish. Want to wager on where we finish relative to Edmonton next year? I’ll tell you very honestly. I’m getting a little sour. How many teams . . . every year, for the last 10 years, five years, eight years, have finished in the bottom five, bottom seven, bottom 10? They’ve had a pick anywhere from No. 1 to No. 10 year after year after year after year, and they still wander in the desert. And they’re no closer to getting out than they were 10 years ago. We are still positioned better than the Oilers," screams Feaster. 

Good times...

***UPDATE...Turns out the NSOGDB wasn't that far off... An actual quote from Jay Feaster today..."Murray Edwards (Flames majority owner)  told me last evening that he expects us to be in the playoffs next year." You can't make this up. Wow, Edwards is delusional if he believes that. 

AND NOW A WORD FROM A DIEHARD OILER FAN

Jeanshorts runs the Oilersnation twitter and when he heard I was writing this GDB he begged me to let him write a quite blurb on behalf of all Oilers fans... so here goes... 

Oh, Calgary...

Where do we even begin? 

You're like the Springfield Tire Yard of the NHL; You're ugly, can be smelled in 46 states (and 10 provinces) and you're nothing but a humungous pile of burning rubble at this point.  

If this is what Jay Fester considers "retooling" then dear god DO NOT let him near your car. It'd be like Pimp My Ride if instead of putting TV's and a new engine in they blew the car up and told you to "never speak of this again!" 

Although, it's not like we should really be surprised that Feaster buttfumbled BOTH the Iginla and Bouwmeester trades. We've all seen Spaceballs; it's only a matter of time until he accidentally locks himself in a limousine and eats himself to death. 

But hey, it's not all no-name prospects and crying into your cousins breasts in Cowtown. I mean, at least your leading goal scorer isn't former Oiler 4th liner Curtis Glencross. 

And it's not like you're relying on a guy who hasn't played an NHL game in 4 years and only has 11 career wins to be your number one goalie next season.

Or that your hot-shot first round pick flamed out (PUN INTENDED) with only one assist in his 10-game stint. 

Or that you traded away two of your marquee players and somehow wound up with an even worse prospect pool than you started with, which was already one of the worst in the league. 

Actually, basically all that's left is for Murray Edwards to sign Feaster to a five year extension and you'll be set!  

 You know what, this is typical Calgary. First you steal all our business headquarters and now you have the audacity to steal the title of "Most Comically Inept Run Team In The National Hockey League"? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! 

Unfortunately Calgary looks like they'll be rewarded for this absolute atrocity of a season with a top-three pick. The good thing is that with their recent draft history the nation of Bosnia will be able to celebrate their country's first ever draft pick as the Flames select their top high school player Ahmed Mujo (56GP-0G-0A). 

We fully believe in Karma and things coming full circle. Flames fans, and management, have been ripping the Oilers futility hard for the last 4 years. I hope you brought a flashlight, sleeping bag and foamy Calgary, because the basement is dark, damp and it smells like Jerry Sandusky's rec room. Payback's a bitch and this one's going to hurt. A lot. 

Tell your hot cousin I said what's up. 

"They're ALL my hot cousin!" - Guy from Calgary

Love, Oilersnation

 RECENTLY BY JASON GREGOR

Ddf3e2ba09069c465299f3c416e43eae
One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
Avatar
#501 Bruce Veloor
April 04 2013, 07:48PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
The Soup Fascist wrote:

No. You don't sound creepy at all, Mr. Veloor.

And I thought you were outstanding in your role as "subject #3" in "To Catch a Predator - the Calgary Files".

Don't you hate it when the missus smells like soup?

I'll let Steve Armitage conclude as I'll avoid vomiting on your perception:

https://soundcloud.com/ignitedsoul13/steve-armitage-edmonton-mike

Avatar
#502 Pucker
April 04 2013, 07:49PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

501. A new page - and let's move on to Vancouver

Avatar
#503 The Soup Fascist
April 04 2013, 10:05PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props
Bruce Veloor wrote:

Don't you hate it when the missus smells like soup?

I'll let Steve Armitage conclude as I'll avoid vomiting on your perception:

https://soundcloud.com/ignitedsoul13/steve-armitage-edmonton-mike

Doubt if I have ever met your "missus" let alone smelled her. I think I can safely assume she smells like the Michelin factory and "she" is deflated and folded neatly under your race car bed.

Is your (court mandated) psychologist aware of your offerings on this site?

Avatar
#504 UsedRugs
April 05 2013, 12:19AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Props
0
props

My favourite part of the game was where Calgary got their asses handed to them.

Comments are closed for this article.