GDB 36.0: FEASTER AND FAMINE

Jason Gregor
April 03 2013 02:53PM

While the Flames shipped out Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester and replaced them with prospects that Barry Fraser wouldn't draft, the Oilers skate into the Saddledome ready to show Flames fans what six years of sucking can do for you.

The Flames haven't won a playoff series since 2004, the Oilers have won three since then, and in 24 days the Phlegms will be out of the playoffs for the 4th straight year. Make no mistake the last seven years have been brutal for Oilers fans, but at least they have something to show for their loyalty. The Oilers seven-year drought produced Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Nail Yakupov, Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner.

The Flames' plunge into suckville has garnered them first rounders like: Mikael Backlund (softer than oleo), Greg Nemisz (4th liner in AHL), Tim Erixon (oops, he wouldn't sign in your dump of a city), _______ (didn't have 1st or 2nd round pick when missing 2010 playoffs), Sven Baertschi (solid potential 2nd liner) and Mark Jankowski (say it slowly, Stanstead College in Quebec).

Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot had a brighter future.

Most Oilers fans won't poke that much fun at Calgary, okay one might in a few paragraphs, mainly because Edmontonians doesn't possess the inferiority complex that exists in Calgary. Oiler fans won't need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.

Think about that for a second.

Your team never made the playoffs, in fact they "Choked" every year in the final ten games. For the past three years, the Flames were close to the playoffs with ten games to go, and in those combined 30 games, you won a paltry 12. You averaged 4 wins in the final 10 games of the season in your annual push-to-the-playoffs-only-to-fail-and-not-get-a-top-ten-pick.

The only thing more inept than Steve Tambellini's summer free agent signings, is the Flames management in February and March and the Flames play on the ice in March and April.

Which leads us to tonight...

The Oilers and their fans head into this game knowing they will win, which is exactly how the Flames and their fans have felt the last three years. It won't be much of a battle, considering the Flames most effective forward these days is Brian McGrattan.

The Flames got a better return for Joe Piskula than they have for Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester. At least McGrattan is on your team and contributing. Top-notch GMing by Feaster and company.

  • Hall/Nugent-Hopkins/Eberle
  • Paajarvi/Gagner/Hemsky
  • Jones/Horcoff/Yakupov
  • Brown/Smyth/Petrell

  • Smid/Petry
  • N.Schultz/J.Schultz
  • Whitney/Potter

  • Dubnyk

The Flames will counter with a lineup that would battle stage an epic battle with the 2010 Oilers:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win their 5th straight with an easy 4-2 win. The Oilers top line has combined for 19 points in the last four games and they will register six tonight.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Many in Calgary will claim, "Awesome deal, getting something (5th rounder) for Blake Comeau." Get used to saying this Flames fans, as you enter into the phase where you think every draft pick will pan out eventually.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After he admitted Monday night that he hadn't been, "intellectually honest about his team," Jay Feaster announces during the 2nd period intermission that the Flames will indeed be a playoff contender next year. "Mikka Kiprusoff begged me not to trade him today. He's committed to winning and we will sign him to an extension in the summer.

"Also, now that Jarome Iginla, who secretly always preferred his hometown over Calgary, is gone our core guys will flourish. Want to wager on where we finish relative to Edmonton next year? I’ll tell you very honestly. I’m getting a little sour. How many teams . . . every year, for the last 10 years, five years, eight years, have finished in the bottom five, bottom seven, bottom 10? They’ve had a pick anywhere from No. 1 to No. 10 year after year after year after year, and they still wander in the desert. And they’re no closer to getting out than they were 10 years ago. We are still positioned better than the Oilers," screams Feaster. 

Good times...

***UPDATE...Turns out the NSOGDB wasn't that far off... An actual quote from Jay Feaster today..."Murray Edwards (Flames majority owner)  told me last evening that he expects us to be in the playoffs next year." You can't make this up. Wow, Edwards is delusional if he believes that. 

AND NOW A WORD FROM A DIEHARD OILER FAN

Jeanshorts runs the Oilersnation twitter and when he heard I was writing this GDB he begged me to let him write a quite blurb on behalf of all Oilers fans... so here goes... 

Oh, Calgary...

Where do we even begin? 

You're like the Springfield Tire Yard of the NHL; You're ugly, can be smelled in 46 states (and 10 provinces) and you're nothing but a humungous pile of burning rubble at this point.  

If this is what Jay Fester considers "retooling" then dear god DO NOT let him near your car. It'd be like Pimp My Ride if instead of putting TV's and a new engine in they blew the car up and told you to "never speak of this again!" 

Although, it's not like we should really be surprised that Feaster buttfumbled BOTH the Iginla and Bouwmeester trades. We've all seen Spaceballs; it's only a matter of time until he accidentally locks himself in a limousine and eats himself to death. 

But hey, it's not all no-name prospects and crying into your cousins breasts in Cowtown. I mean, at least your leading goal scorer isn't former Oiler 4th liner Curtis Glencross. 

And it's not like you're relying on a guy who hasn't played an NHL game in 4 years and only has 11 career wins to be your number one goalie next season.

Or that your hot-shot first round pick flamed out (PUN INTENDED) with only one assist in his 10-game stint. 

Or that you traded away two of your marquee players and somehow wound up with an even worse prospect pool than you started with, which was already one of the worst in the league. 

Actually, basically all that's left is for Murray Edwards to sign Feaster to a five year extension and you'll be set!  

 You know what, this is typical Calgary. First you steal all our business headquarters and now you have the audacity to steal the title of "Most Comically Inept Run Team In The National Hockey League"? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! 

Unfortunately Calgary looks like they'll be rewarded for this absolute atrocity of a season with a top-three pick. The good thing is that with their recent draft history the nation of Bosnia will be able to celebrate their country's first ever draft pick as the Flames select their top high school player Ahmed Mujo (56GP-0G-0A). 

We fully believe in Karma and things coming full circle. Flames fans, and management, have been ripping the Oilers futility hard for the last 4 years. I hope you brought a flashlight, sleeping bag and foamy Calgary, because the basement is dark, damp and it smells like Jerry Sandusky's rec room. Payback's a bitch and this one's going to hurt. A lot. 

Tell your hot cousin I said what's up. 

"They're ALL my hot cousin!" - Guy from Calgary

Love, Oilersnation

 RECENTLY BY JASON GREGOR

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One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
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#1 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:04PM
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I don't mean to pile on, but I have been waiting a long time, a very long time, for a game like this against Calgary.

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#2 Kent Wilson
April 03 2013, 11:04PM
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Well this has been a long time coming. Enjoy it Oilers fans. You've taken it in the teeth for years. Now it's our turn.

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#3 Matt Henderson
April 03 2013, 03:31PM
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The 2013 Flames are the 2007 Oilers.

They dont even know how bad it will get. Heck, Murray Edwards said he expects the Flames to be in the Playoffs next year.

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#4 oilersman
April 03 2013, 02:57PM
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Jabba the Fister wandering in the desert. Looks good on him.

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#5 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:48PM
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Jay wrote:

Well at least the flamers showed up and got dressed.... Easy points, thanks for helping us make sure your st.louis pick is next year you queers

Be better than this.

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#6 Matt Henderson
April 03 2013, 07:57PM
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#7 Walter Sobchak
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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Pffft, Tyler Seguin.

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#8 dougtheslug
April 04 2013, 12:56AM
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lionlager wrote:

Keep planning that parade.

We know the route. Starts at the Legislature, down Jasper Ave to Churchill Square. Still remember.

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#9 Matt Henderson
April 03 2013, 04:26PM
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@Travis Dakin

I'm still waiting for the Oilers to barely miss the playoffs and win the Lotto with a 0.002% chance.

On his way to shake Daly's hand he gives Feaster the old Finger Shoot Eye Wink and smiles like the dumb bastard he is for the next 45 minutes while TSN is asking him "What is it like to draft 1st Overall for the 4th year in a row?"

Answer? "Better this year because I didnt have to trade my best forward and defenseman *turns to Jay and Winks again* to do it."

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drdoogie16 wrote:

@Jasongregor

Jason, thin-skinned maybe a bit, however thin-haired you got that one covered or I guess not covered in this case. Never have I seen as many posts on this sight - all the 'Oil' fan as they proudly call themselves have jumped out of their half tons and onto the old bandwagon once more. I'll give you greasy mullet heads this, you do stand behind your team!! The beauty of the new 'parody rules' NHL is that there is no long rebuild unless you are the Oiler or the Islanders. Didn't we think that the Habs, Blue Jackets and Ducks were going to be bottom feeders this year. What about Phoenix, NJ and St. Louis the previous year? Don't make idiotic statements like the Flames or any other franchise except the Oil are going to suck for 9 straight years. It ain't gonna happen so sorry to break it to you inbreds. Enjoy the rest of the season 'OIL FANS'!!!!

What "parody rule" are you talking about? The Flames doing a parody of an NHL hockey team?

You are an embarrassment to Flames fans.

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#11 book¡e
April 03 2013, 03:01PM
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I don't know if anyone has said this yet, but Calgary is in really bad shape. Besides having a terrible NHL team, they have almost no good prospects.

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#12 Chaz
April 03 2013, 04:01PM
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Vintage Flame wrote:

In 212 games played vs. the Oil, the Flames are;
105-85-19-3

Can you guys even get close to .500 before the Flames sort this out? Hahahaha.. I'll take bets on that one.

In 5 Playoff series vs the Flames, the Oilers are;

4-1

Oh, and the one we lost we scored the winner on ourselves. Just in case you wanted to talk about games that really count.

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#13 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 10:08PM
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Proposed amendment to BOA rules:

Winning team gets to write next Nation GDB ........ AND their Sportsnet broadcast team covers the next game. I have turned down the sound and am listening to a Yoko Ono album - much less irritating.

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#14 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 10:29PM
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Good night all!

Switching to Modern Family.

If I want to see two huge boobs I'd much rather watch Sofia Vegara than Feaster and Tambo.

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#15 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:16PM
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Robert Johnson wrote:

Didn't know it was possible to suck and blow at the same time.

Is there level lower than rock bottom?

Yeah, and the best part is we've already got it furnished for you. We left the keys in the mailbox.

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#16 Dave Lumley
April 03 2013, 11:19PM
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The game even shut DSF up. Great success!

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#17 justDOit
April 04 2013, 12:04AM
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drdoogie16 wrote:

@Jasongregor

Jason, thin-skinned maybe a bit, however thin-haired you got that one covered or I guess not covered in this case. Never have I seen as many posts on this sight - all the 'Oil' fan as they proudly call themselves have jumped out of their half tons and onto the old bandwagon once more. I'll give you greasy mullet heads this, you do stand behind your team!! The beauty of the new 'parody rules' NHL is that there is no long rebuild unless you are the Oiler or the Islanders. Didn't we think that the Habs, Blue Jackets and Ducks were going to be bottom feeders this year. What about Phoenix, NJ and St. Louis the previous year? Don't make idiotic statements like the Flames or any other franchise except the Oil are going to suck for 9 straight years. It ain't gonna happen so sorry to break it to you inbreds. Enjoy the rest of the season 'OIL FANS'!!!!

I have no retort for this, nor do I want to waste my time on one. I'm merely replying so that I can quote this mess of grammatical maladies and alcoholic ramblings for all to see again. We can only hope that a loved one rolls you onto your side tonight...

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#19 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 03:43PM
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Why would the Flames need to re-tool? Feaster is doing a great job as one right now.

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#20 Six Rings
April 03 2013, 03:46PM
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Man... that kid from Bosnia sounds like a gem!

If the Flames don't get first overall, they should definitely trade up for it.

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#21 chibbs
April 03 2013, 09:03PM
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now that Calgary is cleaning house, I think they could use a new sportsnet announcer first... el terrible!

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#22 vetinari
April 03 2013, 09:03PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Now I can switch to cheering for a lottery pick! Yay!

{Gently holds Kent as he sobs and reads draft previews...there there Flameman... there there}

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#23 vetinari
April 03 2013, 09:33PM
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Fun fact: Calgary's uniforms are the colour of a urinary tract infection!

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#24 Kypreos
April 03 2013, 09:38PM
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You know hockey sucks in Alberta when Edmonton fans start bashing the Flames announcer!

BTW Edmonton's announcer has a head like a horse!

I am thinking a like a big one maybe a Clydesdale or Percheron?

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#25 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 09:50PM
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man we miss comeau

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#26 Kent Wilson
April 03 2013, 10:56PM
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Well at least Iginla isn't here to see this, right?

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#27 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:57PM
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RexLibris wrote:

Did Yakupov just knee a Flame on the way out of the zone?

What's so wrong with that? I kneed a Flames fan walking over to the bar during the second period and you don't hear me bragging about it. ;)

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#28 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 11:05PM
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schevvy wrote:

Lol. Laugh is all we Flames fans can do now.

You fellas wouldn't mind helping us out by knocking the Sharks off on Fri ...... er ...... nevermind.

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#29 Rocket
April 04 2013, 12:32AM
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Franko J wrote:

" Kudos to the Oilers with the win. Irony is that dominant players on the Oilers have ties to Calgary."

And where is Iginla from again?

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#30 Todd
April 04 2013, 12:58AM
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dougtheslug wrote:

We know the route. Starts at the Legislature, down Jasper Ave to Churchill Square. Still remember.

Zing

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#31 khlhfs
April 03 2013, 03:01PM
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I'm an oilers fan and I have to say I'm ashamed of how bad this smack talk is. When it comes to these flames GDB's Wanye's the man. Gregor is a professional though, so I guess he can't go off the rails.

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#32 suba steve
April 03 2013, 03:02PM
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Rob Schneider said it best..."we suck again"

Go Oil, beat us like a rented mule.

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#33 Biscuit
April 03 2013, 03:07PM
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LOL 2010 Oilers!! What a brutal lineup that was.

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#34 backburner
April 03 2013, 03:42PM
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Hey Oiler fans,

Do you think you have exclusive rights to suck every year for high round draft picks?

Screw you! The Flames will prove that they can do it even worse than you, just to prove a point!!

The New Battle of Alberta!

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#35 Scary Gary
April 03 2013, 04:02PM
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Jason Gregor wrote:

Kicking a dog when it is down is easy...and bragging about being better than the Shames right now is akin to claiming your stuble grows the fastest at a bald convention...

The good news is that you'll get lots of practice carving the flames...enjoy your butter knife...

Two questions:

Doesn't Timberlake brag about being versatile as well?

Is versatile just a slick way of saying you're mediocre at everything?

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#36 Senator Theo
April 03 2013, 04:09PM
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Mujo sounds like he's going to be a bit of a project.

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#37 Travis Dakin
April 03 2013, 04:20PM
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Matt Henderson wrote:

The 2013 Flames are the 2007 Oilers.

They dont even know how bad it will get. Heck, Murray Edwards said he expects the Flames to be in the Playoffs next year.

It's so bad. Like, I can't even enjoy this. I actually feel bad for them. They really have no idea how much this is going to suck. I'm 33. The PRIME years of my life were robbed from me by the pain of being an Oilers fan. Now, these Flames fans are just at the beginning. It's such a long, horrible, humiliating road. And at the end, you come out a lot greyer, angrier and your balls sag a lot lower.

And then, when they do start winning, you can't even enjoy THAT because you're so damn jaded! The Oilers could win the cup this year and I'd still wake up in the morning wondering how Tambo is going to screw up the celebration.

The worst thing for the Flames too, is that this year ANY team missing the playoffs can win the lottery! Haha

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#38 vetinari
April 03 2013, 08:54PM
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Score-lers!!!! 2-1.

Joey "Don't Call Me Lanny" MacDonald lets one in... apparently went by where his mustache should have been...

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#39 Walter Sobchak
April 03 2013, 09:06PM
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Scary Gary wrote:

Hahaha, good stuff, but I prefer to be in denial.

Trust me, denial soon turn's into utter disappointment . Something's to help you through then next 3 years.

ELPH- Exciting Last Place Hockey.

Becoming a draft expert

ISS - Redline report - CS -Mackenzie's top ten, mid year and final season.

Craig Button draft list - WHL - OHL - QMJHL - NCAA draft eligible players.

AHL prospect depth players

Never draft for need, always BPA...Best Player Available.

Playing during ELC or returning to JR.

It's actually amazing what people will talk about when the team sucks!

Well, see ya in about 3 to 5.

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#40 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 09:12PM
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So if MacDonald gets pulled, does Kiprusoff's agent have to be consulted as to whether he'll play tonight?

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#41 Eddie Shore
April 03 2013, 09:20PM
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Feaster backtracking already.... Who'd have thought there would be a worse GM than Tambo in Alberta? Wants to get faster, bigger, stronger but wants to do it quickly. Good luck.

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#42 Subversive
April 03 2013, 09:56PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Well, this is a paddlin'

Feaster said the players would play better since they were relieved trade deadline was passed.

My first thought was "Well, won't the other teams players have the same level of relief?"

What a f*cking maroon.

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#43 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 09:56PM
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whats next, feasta goin tell us he found the best something or other... feaster announces flames sign a kid from afghanistan al kayda

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The Feaster Bunny wandering the desert looking for cheeseburger filled eggs.

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#45 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 10:25PM
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Jankowski wears 12 wrote:

I had Feaster outeating his opposition

That's not really fair. The camera adds 10 pounds.

My question is why are their 8 cameras on him?

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#46 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:47PM
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dotfras wrote:

Could see that one coming.

MacDonald didn't.

zing

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A Gordie for Whitney

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#48 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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Flames failing to bury their chances? I don't know, I think their chances are well and truly buried now.

Oh, and Yay-kupov.

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#49 FireOnIce
April 03 2013, 11:11PM
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Worry not Oilers fans. When the Flames are knocked out of playoff contention for sure in a game or two, they will go on a win streak, and down every team in front of you.

Enjoy the win. You'll need it once Jankowski becomes the best player from his draft class and we show you. Har, har, har. /facepalm

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#50 OilClog
April 03 2013, 11:17PM
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The next game day article is simple.

Calgary Sucks.

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