GDB 36.0: FEASTER AND FAMINE

Jason Gregor
April 03 2013 02:53PM

While the Flames shipped out Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester and replaced them with prospects that Barry Fraser wouldn't draft, the Oilers skate into the Saddledome ready to show Flames fans what six years of sucking can do for you.

The Flames haven't won a playoff series since 2004, the Oilers have won three since then, and in 24 days the Phlegms will be out of the playoffs for the 4th straight year. Make no mistake the last seven years have been brutal for Oilers fans, but at least they have something to show for their loyalty. The Oilers seven-year drought produced Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Nail Yakupov, Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner.

The Flames' plunge into suckville has garnered them first rounders like: Mikael Backlund (softer than oleo), Greg Nemisz (4th liner in AHL), Tim Erixon (oops, he wouldn't sign in your dump of a city), _______ (didn't have 1st or 2nd round pick when missing 2010 playoffs), Sven Baertschi (solid potential 2nd liner) and Mark Jankowski (say it slowly, Stanstead College in Quebec).

Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot had a brighter future.

Most Oilers fans won't poke that much fun at Calgary, okay one might in a few paragraphs, mainly because Edmontonians doesn't possess the inferiority complex that exists in Calgary. Oiler fans won't need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.

Think about that for a second.

Your team never made the playoffs, in fact they "Choked" every year in the final ten games. For the past three years, the Flames were close to the playoffs with ten games to go, and in those combined 30 games, you won a paltry 12. You averaged 4 wins in the final 10 games of the season in your annual push-to-the-playoffs-only-to-fail-and-not-get-a-top-ten-pick.

The only thing more inept than Steve Tambellini's summer free agent signings, is the Flames management in February and March and the Flames play on the ice in March and April.

Which leads us to tonight...

The Oilers and their fans head into this game knowing they will win, which is exactly how the Flames and their fans have felt the last three years. It won't be much of a battle, considering the Flames most effective forward these days is Brian McGrattan.

The Flames got a better return for Joe Piskula than they have for Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester. At least McGrattan is on your team and contributing. Top-notch GMing by Feaster and company.

  • Hall/Nugent-Hopkins/Eberle
  • Paajarvi/Gagner/Hemsky
  • Jones/Horcoff/Yakupov
  • Brown/Smyth/Petrell

  • Smid/Petry
  • N.Schultz/J.Schultz
  • Whitney/Potter

  • Dubnyk

The Flames will counter with a lineup that would battle stage an epic battle with the 2010 Oilers:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win their 5th straight with an easy 4-2 win. The Oilers top line has combined for 19 points in the last four games and they will register six tonight.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Many in Calgary will claim, "Awesome deal, getting something (5th rounder) for Blake Comeau." Get used to saying this Flames fans, as you enter into the phase where you think every draft pick will pan out eventually.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After he admitted Monday night that he hadn't been, "intellectually honest about his team," Jay Feaster announces during the 2nd period intermission that the Flames will indeed be a playoff contender next year. "Mikka Kiprusoff begged me not to trade him today. He's committed to winning and we will sign him to an extension in the summer.

"Also, now that Jarome Iginla, who secretly always preferred his hometown over Calgary, is gone our core guys will flourish. Want to wager on where we finish relative to Edmonton next year? I’ll tell you very honestly. I’m getting a little sour. How many teams . . . every year, for the last 10 years, five years, eight years, have finished in the bottom five, bottom seven, bottom 10? They’ve had a pick anywhere from No. 1 to No. 10 year after year after year after year, and they still wander in the desert. And they’re no closer to getting out than they were 10 years ago. We are still positioned better than the Oilers," screams Feaster. 

Good times...

***UPDATE...Turns out the NSOGDB wasn't that far off... An actual quote from Jay Feaster today..."Murray Edwards (Flames majority owner)  told me last evening that he expects us to be in the playoffs next year." You can't make this up. Wow, Edwards is delusional if he believes that. 

AND NOW A WORD FROM A DIEHARD OILER FAN

Jeanshorts runs the Oilersnation twitter and when he heard I was writing this GDB he begged me to let him write a quite blurb on behalf of all Oilers fans... so here goes... 

Oh, Calgary...

Where do we even begin? 

You're like the Springfield Tire Yard of the NHL; You're ugly, can be smelled in 46 states (and 10 provinces) and you're nothing but a humungous pile of burning rubble at this point.  

If this is what Jay Fester considers "retooling" then dear god DO NOT let him near your car. It'd be like Pimp My Ride if instead of putting TV's and a new engine in they blew the car up and told you to "never speak of this again!" 

Although, it's not like we should really be surprised that Feaster buttfumbled BOTH the Iginla and Bouwmeester trades. We've all seen Spaceballs; it's only a matter of time until he accidentally locks himself in a limousine and eats himself to death. 

But hey, it's not all no-name prospects and crying into your cousins breasts in Cowtown. I mean, at least your leading goal scorer isn't former Oiler 4th liner Curtis Glencross. 

And it's not like you're relying on a guy who hasn't played an NHL game in 4 years and only has 11 career wins to be your number one goalie next season.

Or that your hot-shot first round pick flamed out (PUN INTENDED) with only one assist in his 10-game stint. 

Or that you traded away two of your marquee players and somehow wound up with an even worse prospect pool than you started with, which was already one of the worst in the league. 

Actually, basically all that's left is for Murray Edwards to sign Feaster to a five year extension and you'll be set!  

 You know what, this is typical Calgary. First you steal all our business headquarters and now you have the audacity to steal the title of "Most Comically Inept Run Team In The National Hockey League"? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! 

Unfortunately Calgary looks like they'll be rewarded for this absolute atrocity of a season with a top-three pick. The good thing is that with their recent draft history the nation of Bosnia will be able to celebrate their country's first ever draft pick as the Flames select their top high school player Ahmed Mujo (56GP-0G-0A). 

We fully believe in Karma and things coming full circle. Flames fans, and management, have been ripping the Oilers futility hard for the last 4 years. I hope you brought a flashlight, sleeping bag and foamy Calgary, because the basement is dark, damp and it smells like Jerry Sandusky's rec room. Payback's a bitch and this one's going to hurt. A lot. 

Tell your hot cousin I said what's up. 

"They're ALL my hot cousin!" - Guy from Calgary

Love, Oilersnation

 RECENTLY BY JASON GREGOR

Ddf3e2ba09069c465299f3c416e43eae
One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
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#101 Kent Wilson
April 03 2013, 09:47PM
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Not getting any better for the Flames in this period.

The teams have officially switched spots.

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#102 Feaster beaster
April 03 2013, 09:50PM
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Feaster should lace up the skates and chase down some Pringles..

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#103 Comeau for Mayor
April 03 2013, 09:51PM
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@Feaster beaster

Comeau would never have let this happen....

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#104 Oil Feasters Hips
April 03 2013, 09:54PM
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Comeau for Mayor wrote:

Comeau would never have let this happen....

Cervenka is the best player not currently playing in any league......

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#105 Kent Wilson
April 03 2013, 09:54PM
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Well, this is a paddlin'

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#106 Cervenka for Prime Minister
April 03 2013, 09:57PM
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Oil Feasters Hips wrote:

Cervenka is the best player not currently playing in any league......

Mark jankowski will wear # 12 next year

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#107 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:01PM
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Jay Feaster is walking down the street with a six pack of beer under his arm.

Jay sees his friend who asks him "Hey, Jay, whatcha get the case of beer for?"

Jay replies "For my friend, Jarome Iginla, he's leaving town."

The friend says "Your best trade yet."

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#108 They're $hittie
April 03 2013, 10:04PM
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Taylor Hall top ten in league scoring.

Michael Granlund somewhere in AHL scoring.

Good thing those guys over at Hockey Wilderness think Garnlund is better than Hall who was supposedly a second line flop.

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#109 Intellectual Observations
April 03 2013, 10:09PM
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Subversive wrote:

Feaster said the players would play better since they were relieved trade deadline was passed.

My first thought was "Well, won't the other teams players have the same level of relief?"

What a f*cking maroon.

All I have to say is thank god Bouw keeps the iron man streak alive.....thanks to me and my superior GM skill set...

Jay F

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#110 dotfras
April 03 2013, 10:11PM
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Intellectual Observations wrote:

All I have to say is thank god Bouw keeps the iron man streak alive.....thanks to me and my superior GM skill set...

Jay F

THIS.

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#111 Q
April 03 2013, 10:12PM
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How the crap did sarich get a 2 yr deal? Unreal? He's a pilon! Babchucks a disgrace! Thankfully he's gone in a month!

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#112 dougtheslug
April 03 2013, 10:19PM
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Duster wrote:

Beat it..... No one cares...

Hey!No one talks to our NewAgeSystem like that! Wanna go?

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#113 Jankowski wears 12
April 03 2013, 10:21PM
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@Kent Wilson

I had Feaster outeating his opposition

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#114 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:23PM
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Having seen Gagner during Movember last year, I think what I may look forward to most in a playoff run is seeing his post-season beard. The kid is in his early 20s and has 5:00 shadow at 10 am.

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#115 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:26PM
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Nice spin Millions. Did Edwards give you some marching orders in the intermission.

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#116 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:26PM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Hey!No one talks to our NewAgeSystem like that! Wanna go?

Will back ya up, buddy... NewAgeSys may be wordy and over the top, but he flies our flag proudly...

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#117 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:28PM
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Wait! 1st round picks are all it takes? Quick, recall Kolanos, Nemisz and Irving.

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#118 chibbs
April 03 2013, 10:39PM
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@The Soup Fascist

Well, if you want fake boobs then watch that. The real ones are playing the oilers.

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#119 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:43PM
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Hall does all the dirty work, and Eberle just cleans up.

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#120 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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vetinari wrote:

What's so wrong with that? I kneed a Flames fan walking over to the bar during the second period and you don't hear me bragging about it. ;)

You should.

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#121 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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JEBERLE!!!!! So good I had to post it twice aparently

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#122 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 11:00PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

Pffft, Tyler Seguin.

But he is a center!

Duh...

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#123 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:00PM
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schevvy wrote:

If Iggy was here it'd be 6-2 Flames........ :)

How much have you had to drink tonight, schevvy?

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#124 Walter Sobchak
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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We want 10

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Our score looks like their GM. Hahaha

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#126 NewAgeSys
April 03 2013, 11:05PM
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I do believe I called it at 8-2 pre-game, yes baby yes.

Now lets forget this game and get ready for our next game,this ones history.

Rest recuperate and let the coaches get you ready to execute again.

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#127 @Oilanderp
April 03 2013, 11:08PM
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Jumpin Juniper!

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#128 NewAgeSys
April 03 2013, 11:09PM
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Dam, I predicted 8-3 for us, I regretfully retract my drum beating.

I will still gladly take the two points.

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#129 StHenriOilBomb
April 03 2013, 11:10PM
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I remember when the Oilers would score 2 goals to start the game and end up being blown out by the end... Feels good to be on the other side of it.

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#130 Robert Johnson
April 03 2013, 11:14PM
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Didn't know it was possible to suck and blow at the same time.

Is there level lower than rock bottom?

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#131 Dave Lumley
April 03 2013, 11:17PM
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What's the line "Oiler domination to follow"? Been a long time comin, Tambo - you da man!

Where the sax guy?

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#132 Wäx Män Riley
April 03 2013, 11:26PM
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Clyde Frog wrote:

I wonder if Feaster thinks there is some sort of secret trade deadline only he knows about...

His interpretation of the trade deadline rules has it ending, and I quote, "uuuhhhhhh.... sometime around tee off. Wait, what was the question?"

eatsh!t Flames lol

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#133 Rocket
April 04 2013, 12:06AM
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DigDeepNBleedBlue wrote:

That game was ugly. Damn! Even the crowd has turned.

Good times!

Vancouver's fragile right now. Go for blood!

Win and the Oil keep themselves, for sure, in a playoff spot for another night.

Yes, good times!

Vancouver is going to be really tough to beat at home. They're still a contender & they have that jerk Bieksa running around apparently doing whatever he wants against the kids.

Still, would be nice for The Oilers to keep rolling. Go for blood totally!

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#134 Todd
April 04 2013, 12:21AM
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Where is DSF???????

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#135 Rocket
April 04 2013, 12:29AM
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Todd wrote:

Where is DSF???????

Trying to come up with an argument why The Panthers are still better than The OIlers.

Now that Smithson is an Oiler, DSF's head just exploded.

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#136 Rocket
April 04 2013, 12:40AM
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oldhippy wrote:

Thing is, although he has always purported to be a disenchanted Oiler fan, he is actually a Flamer. No Oiler fan, no matter how disgusted with Oiler management, would ever defend the return on the Iginla trade. He has been off his game (and rocker) ever since that one sided movement.

In the future, DON'T FEED THE TROLL!

Well said. Good advice. I will try.

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#137 The Soup Fascist
April 04 2013, 01:10AM
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Franko J wrote:

@ Buttonpusher

It takes a couple kids from Calgary to turn your lacklustre and simply droll team from their last 6 seasons of pathetic performance.

You know I like watching the Oilers play and I really like watching Eberle and Hall play, but I never in the past few seasons I have ever said anything negative towards the Oilers, so if you want to rip our franchise look into the mirror first.

..... Says the fan of the team that gravy-trained on the back of St. Albert's Jarome Iginla for over a decade.

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#138 oldhippy
April 04 2013, 01:16AM
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@The Soup Fascist

Yeah man! Go Oilers.

Whoops! Reply to Rocket.

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#139 Franko J
April 04 2013, 01:44AM
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@ The Soup Facist

Now it is your turn to have the same success with Eberle and Hall. Oh by the way, it wasn't 10 years, more like 16 years. The point I was implying is that the hockey Gods sure have an interesting way of balancing things out. There is no denying that the Flames enjoyed many great games and memories from Iginla, but I always found he played some of his best games against the Oilers. I see the same thing from both Eberle and Hall when it comes to playing against the Flames.

I hope for your sake that both Eberle and Hall can lead your team to the cup. Because the guy from St. Albert couldn't do that for the Flames.

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#140 RikoMuerto
April 04 2013, 01:55AM
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What's interesting in a cuddle-myself-and-giggle sort of way is the way the coaches of Vancouver and Calgary have responded in their post-game press conferences. (Apologies I do not have links, but I'm sure Google is your friend here)

Basically, in both cases, they've stood there with shock on their faces, and saying "We had no response, we couldn't compete, they are too good for us to handle."

Man, I hope this all is just a prelude to something awesome and not just premature celebrating - although that happens to us all now and then, and is nothing to be ashamed of - but isn't it starting to seem that they are playing as a team.

Anyway, with a tip of the hat to listeners of John Short back in the day, long time lurker, first time poster.

Go Oil! #eatsh!tflames

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#141 Bruce Veloor
April 04 2013, 03:29AM
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Clyde Frog wrote:

I wonder if Feaster thinks there is some sort of secret trade deadline only he knows about...

I usually stop by for a riddle or a rhyme but this time I will intertwine some time, and shoot for the twine for my chuckle heads just north of the line that no free agent dares sign.

Clyde Frog.... You win with the funniest comment of the day. By far the fairest & best understated insult that can be laid upon Feaster. Hands down.

Dear Edmonton,

You are filthy but tasteful.... Just how we like our Edmonton women, Bikini's cut from sweat pants, bruises instead of tattoos with 90's Jagr (pelvic & skull) fashion hair.

There's still is no fan base worse than Vancouvers but at least its worth the trip to steal their girls that sport yoga slimming, lulu wearing, laser hair removed rocket bods that are made for porn.

If I were new to 'Ice' hockey.... Where would I rather go watch a game? I'd rather get stabbed in Vancover and have a west coast nurse bed pan me over visiting the chuck and make a bad decision going home with the Wall Mart greeter because I drank way too much when I gave up trying to find my way out of the 'Mall'

I hear its kinda cozy being an Edmonton-i-um knowing (fact) 66% of the population are dudes.(Ok now that's getting creepy.) At least Calgary can be admired for luring away your only attractive women and provided them with employment because they preferred serving Calgary men at hooters, strip clubs and soup kitchens as opposed to wearing sweat pants bikinis at the Best Edmonton Mall.

If your local sports franchise doesn't work out... you can at least enjoy raising a family in a safe city while hoping at least one of your kids doesn't look like your wife.

All seriousness aside, I don't mind the oilers. Anyone but Van. Their franchise is the second most futile to the Leafs (longest without a cup) I actually hope the leafs win one to rank the Canucks at the bottom with the dudes in Edmonton that can only meet Edmonton Women.

But I don't mind the Oilers. Don't mind em. Its true...... Eberle's moves are as dirty as the bronze stains on that chuckette's sweat-pants bikinis.

Yes, I keep saying Sweat Pant(s) bikinis as it seemed to be proper grammar because it wuz about Edmonton-i-um linguistics I choze dat uze if 4 respectful.

In conclusion, it is clear, the hockey gods have great sympathy (5 cups) but also a great sense of humor in giving you Tambelini and rewarding Kevin Lowe with the presidency. Only an oiler fan will truly get that joke one. That is if they were able to read good.

Don't mind the oilers. Its the Edmonton men's substitute for a having hot chick. As long as there's no touching at autograph sessions its not as as creepy as Sweat Pant(s) bikini's.

Ok I'll stop knowing I invented (or drew attention to) sweat pant(s) bikini's. I can rest with that.

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#142 Jon
April 04 2013, 07:15AM
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@Franko J

"Irony is that dominant players on the Oilers have ties to Calgary."

Kind of like Iginla and Bouwmeester?

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#143 The Soup Fascist
April 04 2013, 07:57AM
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Bruce Veloor wrote:

I usually stop by for a riddle or a rhyme but this time I will intertwine some time, and shoot for the twine for my chuckle heads just north of the line that no free agent dares sign.

Clyde Frog.... You win with the funniest comment of the day. By far the fairest & best understated insult that can be laid upon Feaster. Hands down.

Dear Edmonton,

You are filthy but tasteful.... Just how we like our Edmonton women, Bikini's cut from sweat pants, bruises instead of tattoos with 90's Jagr (pelvic & skull) fashion hair.

There's still is no fan base worse than Vancouvers but at least its worth the trip to steal their girls that sport yoga slimming, lulu wearing, laser hair removed rocket bods that are made for porn.

If I were new to 'Ice' hockey.... Where would I rather go watch a game? I'd rather get stabbed in Vancover and have a west coast nurse bed pan me over visiting the chuck and make a bad decision going home with the Wall Mart greeter because I drank way too much when I gave up trying to find my way out of the 'Mall'

I hear its kinda cozy being an Edmonton-i-um knowing (fact) 66% of the population are dudes.(Ok now that's getting creepy.) At least Calgary can be admired for luring away your only attractive women and provided them with employment because they preferred serving Calgary men at hooters, strip clubs and soup kitchens as opposed to wearing sweat pants bikinis at the Best Edmonton Mall.

If your local sports franchise doesn't work out... you can at least enjoy raising a family in a safe city while hoping at least one of your kids doesn't look like your wife.

All seriousness aside, I don't mind the oilers. Anyone but Van. Their franchise is the second most futile to the Leafs (longest without a cup) I actually hope the leafs win one to rank the Canucks at the bottom with the dudes in Edmonton that can only meet Edmonton Women.

But I don't mind the Oilers. Don't mind em. Its true...... Eberle's moves are as dirty as the bronze stains on that chuckette's sweat-pants bikinis.

Yes, I keep saying Sweat Pant(s) bikinis as it seemed to be proper grammar because it wuz about Edmonton-i-um linguistics I choze dat uze if 4 respectful.

In conclusion, it is clear, the hockey gods have great sympathy (5 cups) but also a great sense of humor in giving you Tambelini and rewarding Kevin Lowe with the presidency. Only an oiler fan will truly get that joke one. That is if they were able to read good.

Don't mind the oilers. Its the Edmonton men's substitute for a having hot chick. As long as there's no touching at autograph sessions its not as as creepy as Sweat Pant(s) bikini's.

Ok I'll stop knowing I invented (or drew attention to) sweat pant(s) bikini's. I can rest with that.

No. You don't sound creepy at all, Mr. Veloor.

And I thought you were outstanding in your role as "subject #3" in "To Catch a Predator - the Calgary Files".

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#144 Jay
April 04 2013, 08:27AM
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dougtheslug wrote:

We know the route. Starts at the Legislature, down Jasper Ave to Churchill Square. Still remember.

After 5 times it just becomes a habit!

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#145 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
April 04 2013, 10:44AM
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WOW! This is EPIC! a 500 post chain to ring in the new era in Alberta!

Someone should print this chain of comments and put it in a time capsule not to be opened until 2020 or, until the Oilers win their 10th Stanley Cup...whichever comes first!

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#146 Spydyr
April 04 2013, 02:09PM
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So 489 posts and counting and was expecting 417 involving DSF.Then not a one,Guess he fell into a bottle of scotch after the Jerred Smithson trade.

Talk about a fair weather Troll.

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#147 Gitagrip
April 04 2013, 03:01PM
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MICHAEL wrote:

You know whats even better thna going to bed knowing we beat Calgary 8-2? Getting up and knowing that we beat Calgary 8-2. Its like Christmas. You just can't get enough of that feeling of joy. And tonight we get to fly into Vancouver and hand the Nucks a little of their medicine back to the Sedin Sisters. Edmonton 5 Nucks 1.

*this*

and definitely #eatsh!tflames

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#148 yawto
April 03 2013, 02:57PM
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Here come the Oilers first season series win against the flames in a long time. Nice to have front row seats to thier demise. Like Gregor said, the problem with the Flames is they base thier suckcess on how they finish compared to us. We base our success on how we do compared to the rest of the league. While we were busy sucking you guys managed to just barely ice a better product but were happy with that. While you guys are sucking for the next decade, promise we will let you come to Edmonton and have a peek at what Lord Stanley looks like. And don't worry Flame boys, we been keeping the 30th place seat nice and warm for you. Sit back and get comfortable in it, looks like you are going to be there a long time.

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#149 cavemanpacino
April 03 2013, 03:11PM
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HA! well played JS. i can just picture feaster sitting alone at his home going to town on a family pack from KFC....shirtless. suck it flames!

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#150 Rick
April 03 2013, 03:11PM
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Re: NSOGDP, apparently he couldn't wait until the second intermission, TSN is indicating that Feaster is already saying that ownership is giving him his marching orders to make the playoffs next year.

As a thoroughly frustrated fan that has been watching an incompetent GM wander aimlessly for the last few years this is shaping up to be the start of some damn fine entertainment to see another team go through something equally embarrassing.

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