GDB 36.0: FEASTER AND FAMINE

Jason Gregor
April 03 2013 02:53PM

While the Flames shipped out Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester and replaced them with prospects that Barry Fraser wouldn't draft, the Oilers skate into the Saddledome ready to show Flames fans what six years of sucking can do for you.

The Flames haven't won a playoff series since 2004, the Oilers have won three since then, and in 24 days the Phlegms will be out of the playoffs for the 4th straight year. Make no mistake the last seven years have been brutal for Oilers fans, but at least they have something to show for their loyalty. The Oilers seven-year drought produced Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Nail Yakupov, Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner.

The Flames' plunge into suckville has garnered them first rounders like: Mikael Backlund (softer than oleo), Greg Nemisz (4th liner in AHL), Tim Erixon (oops, he wouldn't sign in your dump of a city), _______ (didn't have 1st or 2nd round pick when missing 2010 playoffs), Sven Baertschi (solid potential 2nd liner) and Mark Jankowski (say it slowly, Stanstead College in Quebec).

Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot had a brighter future.

Most Oilers fans won't poke that much fun at Calgary, okay one might in a few paragraphs, mainly because Edmontonians doesn't possess the inferiority complex that exists in Calgary. Oiler fans won't need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.

Think about that for a second.

Your team never made the playoffs, in fact they "Choked" every year in the final ten games. For the past three years, the Flames were close to the playoffs with ten games to go, and in those combined 30 games, you won a paltry 12. You averaged 4 wins in the final 10 games of the season in your annual push-to-the-playoffs-only-to-fail-and-not-get-a-top-ten-pick.

The only thing more inept than Steve Tambellini's summer free agent signings, is the Flames management in February and March and the Flames play on the ice in March and April.

Which leads us to tonight...

The Oilers and their fans head into this game knowing they will win, which is exactly how the Flames and their fans have felt the last three years. It won't be much of a battle, considering the Flames most effective forward these days is Brian McGrattan.

The Flames got a better return for Joe Piskula than they have for Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester. At least McGrattan is on your team and contributing. Top-notch GMing by Feaster and company.

  • Hall/Nugent-Hopkins/Eberle
  • Paajarvi/Gagner/Hemsky
  • Jones/Horcoff/Yakupov
  • Brown/Smyth/Petrell

  • Smid/Petry
  • N.Schultz/J.Schultz
  • Whitney/Potter

  • Dubnyk

The Flames will counter with a lineup that would battle stage an epic battle with the 2010 Oilers:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win their 5th straight with an easy 4-2 win. The Oilers top line has combined for 19 points in the last four games and they will register six tonight.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Many in Calgary will claim, "Awesome deal, getting something (5th rounder) for Blake Comeau." Get used to saying this Flames fans, as you enter into the phase where you think every draft pick will pan out eventually.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After he admitted Monday night that he hadn't been, "intellectually honest about his team," Jay Feaster announces during the 2nd period intermission that the Flames will indeed be a playoff contender next year. "Mikka Kiprusoff begged me not to trade him today. He's committed to winning and we will sign him to an extension in the summer.

"Also, now that Jarome Iginla, who secretly always preferred his hometown over Calgary, is gone our core guys will flourish. Want to wager on where we finish relative to Edmonton next year? I’ll tell you very honestly. I’m getting a little sour. How many teams . . . every year, for the last 10 years, five years, eight years, have finished in the bottom five, bottom seven, bottom 10? They’ve had a pick anywhere from No. 1 to No. 10 year after year after year after year, and they still wander in the desert. And they’re no closer to getting out than they were 10 years ago. We are still positioned better than the Oilers," screams Feaster. 

Good times...

***UPDATE...Turns out the NSOGDB wasn't that far off... An actual quote from Jay Feaster today..."Murray Edwards (Flames majority owner)  told me last evening that he expects us to be in the playoffs next year." You can't make this up. Wow, Edwards is delusional if he believes that. 

AND NOW A WORD FROM A DIEHARD OILER FAN

Jeanshorts runs the Oilersnation twitter and when he heard I was writing this GDB he begged me to let him write a quite blurb on behalf of all Oilers fans... so here goes... 

Oh, Calgary...

Where do we even begin? 

You're like the Springfield Tire Yard of the NHL; You're ugly, can be smelled in 46 states (and 10 provinces) and you're nothing but a humungous pile of burning rubble at this point.  

If this is what Jay Fester considers "retooling" then dear god DO NOT let him near your car. It'd be like Pimp My Ride if instead of putting TV's and a new engine in they blew the car up and told you to "never speak of this again!" 

Although, it's not like we should really be surprised that Feaster buttfumbled BOTH the Iginla and Bouwmeester trades. We've all seen Spaceballs; it's only a matter of time until he accidentally locks himself in a limousine and eats himself to death. 

But hey, it's not all no-name prospects and crying into your cousins breasts in Cowtown. I mean, at least your leading goal scorer isn't former Oiler 4th liner Curtis Glencross. 

And it's not like you're relying on a guy who hasn't played an NHL game in 4 years and only has 11 career wins to be your number one goalie next season.

Or that your hot-shot first round pick flamed out (PUN INTENDED) with only one assist in his 10-game stint. 

Or that you traded away two of your marquee players and somehow wound up with an even worse prospect pool than you started with, which was already one of the worst in the league. 

Actually, basically all that's left is for Murray Edwards to sign Feaster to a five year extension and you'll be set!  

 You know what, this is typical Calgary. First you steal all our business headquarters and now you have the audacity to steal the title of "Most Comically Inept Run Team In The National Hockey League"? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! 

Unfortunately Calgary looks like they'll be rewarded for this absolute atrocity of a season with a top-three pick. The good thing is that with their recent draft history the nation of Bosnia will be able to celebrate their country's first ever draft pick as the Flames select their top high school player Ahmed Mujo (56GP-0G-0A). 

We fully believe in Karma and things coming full circle. Flames fans, and management, have been ripping the Oilers futility hard for the last 4 years. I hope you brought a flashlight, sleeping bag and foamy Calgary, because the basement is dark, damp and it smells like Jerry Sandusky's rec room. Payback's a bitch and this one's going to hurt. A lot. 

Tell your hot cousin I said what's up. 

"They're ALL my hot cousin!" - Guy from Calgary

Love, Oilersnation

 RECENTLY BY JASON GREGOR

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One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
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#401 NewAgeSys
April 03 2013, 10:40PM
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Ok its time to let the dogs out, it looks like Yakupov hurt his shoulder.

Seriously lets get freaking real here, lets put the hammer down and start going to their net and running their goaltender over, immediastly, we need to learn to catch another more physical gear to close games like this out, we need to go for their throats now and hit them at every opportunity, lets close this one out going down the middle to their net. lets get hard on the body, hit and recover first.

Lets see some action and remind the men how close we were to golfing just two weeks ago.

Lets use some simple plays to set up the net playaction and lets run their goalie and get their minds off of so much run and gun, lets hit them down the middle with numbers and serioisly run their tender over a few times to make them reatc instead of us reacting.

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#402 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:41PM
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They need to rest Hemsky. Whatever "nagging injury" hampered him last game is definitely showing up tonight. Slow and poor passing.

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#403 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 10:42PM
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chibbs wrote:

Well, if you want fake boobs then watch that. The real ones are playing the oilers.

Wow. Pretty cheeky considering the team you will be subjected to for the next five years - let alone tonight.

Enjoy!

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#404 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:42PM
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@NewAgeSys

"running their goalie"

But then they'll put Kiprusoff in net and...

wait...

Yeah, let's run their goalie!

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#405 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:43PM
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SQQQQQUUUUEEEEEE!

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#406 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 10:43PM
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JEBERLE!!!!!!!!!!!

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#407 quintana
April 03 2013, 10:43PM
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Hat tricker wrote:

Rob Kerr should go sell used cars...he's so brutal....

so is Ken Wilson!!!!! EBERLESQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

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#408 dotfras
April 03 2013, 10:44PM
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Could see that one coming.

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#409 schevvy
April 03 2013, 10:45PM
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*drink* , *passes out*

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#410 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:45PM
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The only way the Flames can beat the Oilers tonight is if they switch games, challenge us instead to a "Pie Eating Contest" and bring Feaster down from the manager's box!

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#411 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 10:47PM
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I wonder if Feaster thinks there is some sort of secret trade deadline only he knows about...

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#412 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:47PM
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Somebody today was wondering if Cervenka should be re-signed this off-season.

I can't see him being too enthusiastic given how he and Hartley have gotten along this year.

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#413 Jay
April 03 2013, 10:47PM
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Well at least the flamers showed up and got dressed.... Easy points, thanks for helping us make sure your st.louis pick is next year you queers

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#414 schevvy
April 03 2013, 10:48PM
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@RexLibris

SHUT UP REX!!!!

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#415 mk
April 03 2013, 10:48PM
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If I were Hartley, I'd pause the game, go to the options menu, change teams, pull the goalie, change back, score and repeat. It always works for me...

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#416 Walter Sobchak
April 03 2013, 10:48PM
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This might be Yakupov best game this season.

The kid is doing a lot of good things out there tonight.

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#417 Rocket
April 03 2013, 10:49PM
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Man it sure is nice to see* The Oilers actually dominate The Flames in their own barn for once.

So rare, so nice. Good thing I'm at work & missing the game.

*By see I mean read TSN app. scores.

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#418 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:51PM
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@schevvy

Sorry, I didn't think you'd be able to hear me over the sound of how awesome Feaster is.

;-)

Stay strong, my friend.

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How stoned is that old dude behind the flames bench. He's still smiling.

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#420 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:51PM
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Why are the old Flames dudes behind Hartley so happy? Are they watching a video from 2006 on the Junbotron?

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#421 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:54PM
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Did Yakupov just knee a Flame on the way out of the zone?

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#422 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:56PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

This might be Yakupov best game this season.

The kid is doing a lot of good things out there tonight.

Agreed. He is reading and even establishing the play at a very high level tonight.

Based on our (Oilers' fans) many years of experience seeing 1st overalls adapt to the NHL game, this would seem to be ahead of the curve.

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#423 Wax Man Riley
April 03 2013, 10:58PM
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RexLibris wrote:

Feaster is actually quite healthy.

Every night he sleeps in a hyperbolic chamber.

Ohhhhh.....

I see what you did there.

lol

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#424 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:58PM
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7 to 2 !!!!!

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#425 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:58PM
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Whoa.

That was absolutely beautiful.

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#426 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 10:58PM
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JEBERLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#427 They're $hittie
April 03 2013, 10:58PM
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HAHAHAHA

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#428 schevvy
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Well at least Iginla isn't here to see this, right?

If Iggy was here it'd be 6-2 Flames........ :)

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#429 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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JEBERLE!!!!!

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#430 365
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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@Kent Wilson

Right. Looks like he might have been part of another losing streak in Pittsburgh.

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#431 schevvy
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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Le sigh. Lottery pick here we come!

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#432 dotfras
April 03 2013, 11:00PM
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I feel bad, Cancer isn't gettin any money from Tanguay!

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#433 They're $hittie
April 03 2013, 11:00PM
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did they take away halls and nuges assist on the last ebs goal

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#434 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:01PM
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I'm actually looking forward to seeing Smithson play with Brown and Petrell.

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#435 schevvy
April 03 2013, 11:01PM
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RexLibris wrote:

How much have you had to drink tonight, schevvy?

Way, way too much. This game, man. Just pathetic.

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#436 dotfras
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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8! Yikes.

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#437 They're $hittie
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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#438 BRHLBryce
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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lol this is awesome

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#439 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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YAKUPOV!

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#440 QUINTANA
April 03 2013, 11:03PM
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WE WANT 10!!!!!!!WE WANT 10!!!!!!!!

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#441 schevvy
April 03 2013, 11:03PM
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Lol. Laugh is all we Flames fans can do now.

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#442 Harlie
April 03 2013, 11:03PM
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Yakurri!!

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#443 Darrell
April 03 2013, 11:03PM
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Ocho Amigos !

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#444 vetinari
April 03 2013, 11:05PM
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Ladies and Gentlemen, our friends in Calgary need your help. They are just at the start of their "retooling" phase and are led by the biggest tool of them all. Please send them your extra draft picks, unused forwards, extra defencemen and European goaltenders because Lord Stanley knows, they need them!

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#445 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:05PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Well this has been a long time coming. Enjoy it Oilers fans. You've taken it in the teeth for years. Now it's our turn.

A little lower than the teeth, to be honest. But thank you Kent, it is a nice feeling.

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#446 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:06PM
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vetinari wrote:

Ladies and Gentlemen, our friends in Calgary need your help. They are just at the start of their "retooling" phase and are led by the biggest tool of them all. Please send them your extra draft picks, unused forwards, extra defencemen and European goaltenders because Lord Stanley knows, they need them!

Plante and Abney for that 5th round pick?

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#447 Rocket
April 03 2013, 11:06PM
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schevvy wrote:

Lol. Laugh is all we Flames fans can do now.

It sucks now but it really does feel better when you watch your prospects develop & The Flames have some good draft picks coming up.

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#448 Darrell
April 03 2013, 11:07PM
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In the playoffs any !

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#449 Canucks Suck
April 03 2013, 11:09PM
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I want to get something straightened out, if St. Louis does not make the playoffs we get their 2013 4th round pick right? So we would get this years 4th rounder and and next years first. Everyones knows this right? or am I wrong?

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#450 Dog Train
April 03 2013, 11:11PM
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Operation domination. Welcome to your new reality Flames.

No rest for the wicked. Back at it tomorrow night. Don't want to get too crazy but a regulation win would put us within 3 points of Vancity. The games won't be this easy going forward but at least we took care of business. We needed this one and we got it done big time. We have two legit scoring lines and with Yakupov playing better of late that third line is no slouch either. We need to cut down on the garbage turnovers though.

GO OILERS GO!!

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