GDB 36.0: FEASTER AND FAMINE

Jason Gregor
April 03 2013 02:53PM

While the Flames shipped out Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester and replaced them with prospects that Barry Fraser wouldn't draft, the Oilers skate into the Saddledome ready to show Flames fans what six years of sucking can do for you.

The Flames haven't won a playoff series since 2004, the Oilers have won three since then, and in 24 days the Phlegms will be out of the playoffs for the 4th straight year. Make no mistake the last seven years have been brutal for Oilers fans, but at least they have something to show for their loyalty. The Oilers seven-year drought produced Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Nail Yakupov, Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner.

The Flames' plunge into suckville has garnered them first rounders like: Mikael Backlund (softer than oleo), Greg Nemisz (4th liner in AHL), Tim Erixon (oops, he wouldn't sign in your dump of a city), _______ (didn't have 1st or 2nd round pick when missing 2010 playoffs), Sven Baertschi (solid potential 2nd liner) and Mark Jankowski (say it slowly, Stanstead College in Quebec).

Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot had a brighter future.

Most Oilers fans won't poke that much fun at Calgary, okay one might in a few paragraphs, mainly because Edmontonians doesn't possess the inferiority complex that exists in Calgary. Oiler fans won't need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.

Think about that for a second.

Your team never made the playoffs, in fact they "Choked" every year in the final ten games. For the past three years, the Flames were close to the playoffs with ten games to go, and in those combined 30 games, you won a paltry 12. You averaged 4 wins in the final 10 games of the season in your annual push-to-the-playoffs-only-to-fail-and-not-get-a-top-ten-pick.

The only thing more inept than Steve Tambellini's summer free agent signings, is the Flames management in February and March and the Flames play on the ice in March and April.

Which leads us to tonight...

The Oilers and their fans head into this game knowing they will win, which is exactly how the Flames and their fans have felt the last three years. It won't be much of a battle, considering the Flames most effective forward these days is Brian McGrattan.

The Flames got a better return for Joe Piskula than they have for Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester. At least McGrattan is on your team and contributing. Top-notch GMing by Feaster and company.

  • Hall/Nugent-Hopkins/Eberle
  • Paajarvi/Gagner/Hemsky
  • Jones/Horcoff/Yakupov
  • Brown/Smyth/Petrell

  • Smid/Petry
  • N.Schultz/J.Schultz
  • Whitney/Potter

  • Dubnyk

The Flames will counter with a lineup that would battle stage an epic battle with the 2010 Oilers:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win their 5th straight with an easy 4-2 win. The Oilers top line has combined for 19 points in the last four games and they will register six tonight.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Many in Calgary will claim, "Awesome deal, getting something (5th rounder) for Blake Comeau." Get used to saying this Flames fans, as you enter into the phase where you think every draft pick will pan out eventually.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After he admitted Monday night that he hadn't been, "intellectually honest about his team," Jay Feaster announces during the 2nd period intermission that the Flames will indeed be a playoff contender next year. "Mikka Kiprusoff begged me not to trade him today. He's committed to winning and we will sign him to an extension in the summer.

"Also, now that Jarome Iginla, who secretly always preferred his hometown over Calgary, is gone our core guys will flourish. Want to wager on where we finish relative to Edmonton next year? I’ll tell you very honestly. I’m getting a little sour. How many teams . . . every year, for the last 10 years, five years, eight years, have finished in the bottom five, bottom seven, bottom 10? They’ve had a pick anywhere from No. 1 to No. 10 year after year after year after year, and they still wander in the desert. And they’re no closer to getting out than they were 10 years ago. We are still positioned better than the Oilers," screams Feaster. 

Good times...

***UPDATE...Turns out the NSOGDB wasn't that far off... An actual quote from Jay Feaster today..."Murray Edwards (Flames majority owner)  told me last evening that he expects us to be in the playoffs next year." You can't make this up. Wow, Edwards is delusional if he believes that. 

AND NOW A WORD FROM A DIEHARD OILER FAN

Jeanshorts runs the Oilersnation twitter and when he heard I was writing this GDB he begged me to let him write a quite blurb on behalf of all Oilers fans... so here goes... 

Oh, Calgary...

Where do we even begin? 

You're like the Springfield Tire Yard of the NHL; You're ugly, can be smelled in 46 states (and 10 provinces) and you're nothing but a humungous pile of burning rubble at this point.  

If this is what Jay Fester considers "retooling" then dear god DO NOT let him near your car. It'd be like Pimp My Ride if instead of putting TV's and a new engine in they blew the car up and told you to "never speak of this again!" 

Although, it's not like we should really be surprised that Feaster buttfumbled BOTH the Iginla and Bouwmeester trades. We've all seen Spaceballs; it's only a matter of time until he accidentally locks himself in a limousine and eats himself to death. 

But hey, it's not all no-name prospects and crying into your cousins breasts in Cowtown. I mean, at least your leading goal scorer isn't former Oiler 4th liner Curtis Glencross. 

And it's not like you're relying on a guy who hasn't played an NHL game in 4 years and only has 11 career wins to be your number one goalie next season.

Or that your hot-shot first round pick flamed out (PUN INTENDED) with only one assist in his 10-game stint. 

Or that you traded away two of your marquee players and somehow wound up with an even worse prospect pool than you started with, which was already one of the worst in the league. 

Actually, basically all that's left is for Murray Edwards to sign Feaster to a five year extension and you'll be set!  

 You know what, this is typical Calgary. First you steal all our business headquarters and now you have the audacity to steal the title of "Most Comically Inept Run Team In The National Hockey League"? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! 

Unfortunately Calgary looks like they'll be rewarded for this absolute atrocity of a season with a top-three pick. The good thing is that with their recent draft history the nation of Bosnia will be able to celebrate their country's first ever draft pick as the Flames select their top high school player Ahmed Mujo (56GP-0G-0A). 

We fully believe in Karma and things coming full circle. Flames fans, and management, have been ripping the Oilers futility hard for the last 4 years. I hope you brought a flashlight, sleeping bag and foamy Calgary, because the basement is dark, damp and it smells like Jerry Sandusky's rec room. Payback's a bitch and this one's going to hurt. A lot. 

Tell your hot cousin I said what's up. 

"They're ALL my hot cousin!" - Guy from Calgary

Love, Oilersnation

 RECENTLY BY JASON GREGOR

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One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
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#1 oilersman
April 03 2013, 02:57PM
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Jabba the Fister wandering in the desert. Looks good on him.

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#2 yawto
April 03 2013, 02:57PM
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Here come the Oilers first season series win against the flames in a long time. Nice to have front row seats to thier demise. Like Gregor said, the problem with the Flames is they base thier suckcess on how they finish compared to us. We base our success on how we do compared to the rest of the league. While we were busy sucking you guys managed to just barely ice a better product but were happy with that. While you guys are sucking for the next decade, promise we will let you come to Edmonton and have a peek at what Lord Stanley looks like. And don't worry Flame boys, we been keeping the 30th place seat nice and warm for you. Sit back and get comfortable in it, looks like you are going to be there a long time.

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#3 schevvy
April 03 2013, 02:59PM
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Damn. This sucks. Flames win 3-0 as Joey Mac gets the shutout. Right? Right.

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#4 khlhfs
April 03 2013, 03:01PM
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I'm an oilers fan and I have to say I'm ashamed of how bad this smack talk is. When it comes to these flames GDB's Wanye's the man. Gregor is a professional though, so I guess he can't go off the rails.

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#5 book¡e
April 03 2013, 03:01PM
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I don't know if anyone has said this yet, but Calgary is in really bad shape. Besides having a terrible NHL team, they have almost no good prospects.

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#6 suba steve
April 03 2013, 03:02PM
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Rob Schneider said it best..."we suck again"

Go Oil, beat us like a rented mule.

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#7 Biscuit
April 03 2013, 03:07PM
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LOL 2010 Oilers!! What a brutal lineup that was.

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#8 TonyDanzaPervo
April 03 2013, 03:08PM
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book¡e wrote:

I don't know if anyone has said this yet, but Calgary is in really bad shape. Besides having a terrible NHL team, they have almost no good prospects.

Fantastic

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#9 cavemanpacino
April 03 2013, 03:11PM
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HA! well played JS. i can just picture feaster sitting alone at his home going to town on a family pack from KFC....shirtless. suck it flames!

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#10 Rick
April 03 2013, 03:11PM
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Re: NSOGDP, apparently he couldn't wait until the second intermission, TSN is indicating that Feaster is already saying that ownership is giving him his marching orders to make the playoffs next year.

As a thoroughly frustrated fan that has been watching an incompetent GM wander aimlessly for the last few years this is shaping up to be the start of some damn fine entertainment to see another team go through something equally embarrassing.

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#11 michael
April 03 2013, 03:11PM
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Nathan Mckinnon will look good in Calgary red. Perhaps next year they can suck enough to get Sam Rheinhart. They'll be 4 years behind the Oilers rebuild but in the years to come it will be nice to see all that top level talent in one place. Alberta. That is the one positive I see for both us and Calgary. The quality of the talent in the next few years will be awesome. Imagine being Vancouver? I'd hate to be their fanbase in the next few years.Always the bridesmaid never the bride.

And yeah Calgary you officially suck. Eat Buffalo pie and enjoy the cellar. Oilers 6-1 in a crushing win over the hapless Flames. Hall with 4 poinst and Ebs with the trick.

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#12 vetinari
April 03 2013, 03:12PM
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Dear Flame fans: Good luck on the "re-tooling" by the #1 tool in your organization, Uncle Fester. Let us know how that works out for you, won't you? Now, with all those #1 draft picks you have in this year's draft, will we see all of them in a Flames uniform by this October? Or more likely, by 2017?

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#13 The Hall Way
April 03 2013, 03:13PM
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Jeanshorts should win whatever the Oscar equivalent for journalism is.

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#14 Time Travelling Sean
April 03 2013, 03:13PM
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This is a nice change, but it's still unfair, only 48 games you Shamers have to put up with. GL with Seth, hope he doesn't turn into Johnson.

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#15 Scary Gary
April 03 2013, 03:16PM
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"Oiler fans won't need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years."

Seriously? The last three years? The oilers haven't finished above the flames since 2002/2003. I wonder if we'll have to develop the same short term memory oiler fans are notorious for...ugh!

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#16 Vintage Flame
April 03 2013, 03:18PM
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Wow.. I know you Oilers types aren't used to having much... errr, anything to talk smack about, but I waited 30 some odd hours for this...

Christ Gregor, I'm harder on the Flames than this... AND I'M A FLAMES FAN!!

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#17 Heyho
April 03 2013, 03:22PM
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Rick wrote:

Re: NSOGDP, apparently he couldn't wait until the second intermission, TSN is indicating that Feaster is already saying that ownership is giving him his marching orders to make the playoffs next year.

As a thoroughly frustrated fan that has been watching an incompetent GM wander aimlessly for the last few years this is shaping up to be the start of some damn fine entertainment to see another team go through something equally embarrassing.

Source for the Feaster quote?

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#18 Scary Gary
April 03 2013, 03:22PM
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Vintage Flame wrote:

Wow.. I know you Oilers types aren't used to having much... errr, anything to talk smack about, but I waited 30 some odd hours for this...

Christ Gregor, I'm harder on the Flames than this... AND I'M A FLAMES FAN!!

Caved-in to the pressure?

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#19 Vintage Flame
April 03 2013, 03:23PM
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In 212 games played vs. the Oil, the Flames are;
105-85-19-3

Can you guys even get close to .500 before the Flames sort this out? Hahahaha.. I'll take bets on that one.

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#20 Mac962
April 03 2013, 03:24PM
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NSOGDP- Flames ask Oilers if they can just toss all the sticks in at centre ice and pick teams that way, in order to save the fans from watching the Future too soon. Once Glencross puts on a Oil Jersey again , he refuses to take it off after the game, threatening retirement if he has to wear that Flaming C any longer. Seeing That, Kipper agrees to a Trade to Florida.

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#21 geoilersgist
April 03 2013, 03:26PM
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I almost feel bad for the Flames, but then I remember all the crap I have put up with living in this city the last 9 years.

#EatSh!tFlames

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#22 watkinator
April 03 2013, 03:28PM
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Cue the "we'll be able to retool as fast as Ottawa!" cries from Cowtown

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#24 velo
April 03 2013, 03:29PM
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Could you imagine Larry McDonald's calling you and talking about how great a place Calgary would be to play if you were a college FA? You'd have to check your call display, put him on hold and Google the bastard to figure out who the hell you were talking to. Goodness fLames...such a poor history, a disappointing recent past and dismal future.

Enjoy!

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#25 JaromeIginla
April 03 2013, 03:30PM
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BREAKING NEWS: Jarome Iginla trade to the Pittsburgh Penguins... last week

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#26 Archaeologuy
April 03 2013, 03:31PM
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The 2013 Flames are the 2007 Oilers.

They dont even know how bad it will get. Heck, Murray Edwards said he expects the Flames to be in the Playoffs next year.

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#27 smiliegirl15
April 03 2013, 03:35PM
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AND we don't wear those Ronald McDonald uniforms either! Talk about adding insult to injury.

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#28 Mouse
April 03 2013, 03:39PM
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Buffalo got arguably more for Jason frickin Pominville that Calgary got for Iggy and Jaybo combined. That is the real joke in this. Getting so far below value put the Flames behind 1-2 years in the "retool".

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#29 Todd
April 03 2013, 03:40PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

The 2013 Flames are the 2007 Oilers.

They dont even know how bad it will get. Heck, Murray Edwards said he expects the Flames to be in the Playoffs next year.

Exactly... I remember when we were in the EXACT SAME PLACE.

We thought the rebuild would take 1-2 years. We thought Cogliano and Gagner were the answers (read Backlund and Baertschi). Our GM swung for the fences trying to land players via offer sheet. Then the bottom fell out.

We didn't know what was ahead... Its so long, painful and terrible that we still aren't even out of the woods. I hope the Lames are ready for a LONG ride of pure absolute suckery. I suppose they could short circuit it a bit and get back to middling for 8th place like the Leafs. But if you are gonna suck, you might as well do it right.

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#30 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 03:41PM
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schevvy wrote:

Damn. This sucks. Flames win 3-0 as Joey Mac gets the shutout. Right? Right.

Rrrrriiiiiight.

;-)

Best of luck tonight Schevvy. Maybe restock the liquor cabinet: if the Flames win, it's celebration time! If they lose....it's celebration time!

Honestly, an injured animal is the most dangerous, and these Flames are well and truly bleeding out. If the Oilers approach with complacency or arrogance it could get away from them very quickly. Tonight will be a good test of whether this young team can focus, or become distracted by standings and what might be.

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#31 Avalain
April 03 2013, 03:42PM
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This really doesn't sound much different than the GDB's that we get to write ourselves...

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#32 backburner
April 03 2013, 03:42PM
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Hey Oiler fans,

Do you think you have exclusive rights to suck every year for high round draft picks?

Screw you! The Flames will prove that they can do it even worse than you, just to prove a point!!

The New Battle of Alberta!

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#33 Will
April 03 2013, 03:42PM
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I wonder if they don't even fall far enough to land in the top three picks. Sure they're getting a great prospect who is projected to turn into a really good hockey player, but they'd miss out on a potential future superstar.

What really worries me is that a team like Colorado, who also seems like just a few key pieces short of a really impressive team, could end up with Seth jones.

Maybe we finish ninth in the west then win the lottery this year. It seems like that's Tambi bailiwick

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#34 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 03:43PM
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Why would the Flames need to re-tool? Feaster is doing a great job as one right now.

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#35 dotfras
April 03 2013, 03:46PM
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CALGARY IS GOING TO WIN THE LOTTERY. It's the only thing Feaster doesn't have control over. That means we have a good chance.

The worst thing Edmonton could do to us is wait to win until overtime.

PLEASE DESTROY US TONIGHT.

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#36 Six Rings
April 03 2013, 03:46PM
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Man... that kid from Bosnia sounds like a gem!

If the Flames don't get first overall, they should definitely trade up for it.

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#37 Johe
April 03 2013, 03:47PM
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Oilers 100000000000 Lames 0

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Ha.

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#38 Todd
April 03 2013, 03:47PM
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The interesting thing with Flames fans is they still try to bag on the Oilers for most likely missing the playoffs this year. They say it like making the playoffs, or getting 8th place is the primary goal of an NHL season. Cause you never know! Forget being a Stanley Cup contender, you just want to grind in at all costs then hopefully it works out!

Its been that way for the Flames for so many years. 8th place! 8th place! 8th place! They just don't understand that we are pretty happy to be in the race this year and continue to develop. We understand its most probable and logical we miss this year. But we are happy because its the road to a championship team or at least a strong Cup contender for many years, hopefully in a few short years, but certainly not this year. This year is part of the process, but Flamers just don't understand.

I actually think its smart brainwashing by Flames ownership. Their fans should demand a winner, not just a middling team whose goal is to grind into the playoffs. But for some reason Flamers have had their expectations lowered to the point that making the playoffs is the goal.

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#39 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 03:49PM
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Re: Feaster being told by Edwards that they will make the playoffs next year.

This is perhaps Edwards putting Feaster on notice, but also, were I a Flames fan, this is absolutely the last thing I would want to hear.

Presumably two of those three 1st round picks are now in play at the draft.

One detail that kept coming up when looking at rebuilding teams, the ones that have done it well have all been kicked off by ownership. Once the owners are on board, then things can proceed from there. If the owner is impatient, might as well put your fan hopes and expectations in a small jar and hide them at the back of the closet until reason prevails.

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#40 Toro
April 03 2013, 03:50PM
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Hahaha WOW were we really that bad of a team in 2010, what am awful looking team

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#41 Will
April 03 2013, 03:50PM
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Wow, Nashville just gave up its leading goal scorer, and what sounds like an okay AHL prospect for on of last year's big draft names, Fillip Foresburgh.

Does anyone else know why they made this move? I mean, if they think they're going to the playoffs, as their current tied for 8th standing might suggest, then why trade away your team's leading scorer for a solid future prospect?

However, now that they have done this, do we play Nashville again this year?

As for tonight, I seem to remember us playing spoiler to the flames at the end of last year, beating them twice down the stretch (and badly both times). And I think we even had a depleted roster. Hall was definitely out. So before we claim our victory tonight and rightful place in the standings, lets temper it with a look at the stat sheet from last game.

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#42 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 03:50PM
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@Todd

First off, yes I agree.

Secondly, it wasn't that long ago, albeit in a different economic climate, that Oiler fans were in the same mindset.

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#43 rubbertrout
April 03 2013, 03:52PM
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Going to the game tonight. The only question is if I wear my Eberle Jersey or my SQUEEE T-shirt.

*leaning towards SQUEE

**where are the hot cousins at?

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#44 rubbertrout
April 03 2013, 03:54PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

The 2013 Flames are the 2007 Oilers.

They dont even know how bad it will get. Heck, Murray Edwards said he expects the Flames to be in the Playoffs next year.

Although presumably Feaster won't try and beg Heater to come to Calgary . . .

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#45 Will
April 03 2013, 03:54PM
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RexLibris wrote:

Re: Feaster being told by Edwards that they will make the playoffs next year.

This is perhaps Edwards putting Feaster on notice, but also, were I a Flames fan, this is absolutely the last thing I would want to hear.

Presumably two of those three 1st round picks are now in play at the draft.

One detail that kept coming up when looking at rebuilding teams, the ones that have done it well have all been kicked off by ownership. Once the owners are on board, then things can proceed from there. If the owner is impatient, might as well put your fan hopes and expectations in a small jar and hide them at the back of the closet until reason prevails.

I hate to say it, but the Leafs are a good example of a team with downward pressure from owners to make the playoffs in a very short time frame. And though they did not make it in that time frame, in the shortened season this year, the team that Burke built is having success.

Which kind of makes you wonder what the standing would be like with a full season. It's pretty tight right now and over the course of a full season, very few teams in the league would really be "out of it" at this point.

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#46 Chaz
April 03 2013, 04:01PM
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Vintage Flame wrote:

In 212 games played vs. the Oil, the Flames are;
105-85-19-3

Can you guys even get close to .500 before the Flames sort this out? Hahahaha.. I'll take bets on that one.

In 5 Playoff series vs the Flames, the Oilers are;

4-1

Oh, and the one we lost we scored the winner on ourselves. Just in case you wanted to talk about games that really count.

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#47 Scary Gary
April 03 2013, 04:02PM
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Jason Gregor wrote:

Kicking a dog when it is down is easy...and bragging about being better than the Shames right now is akin to claiming your stuble grows the fastest at a bald convention...

The good news is that you'll get lots of practice carving the flames...enjoy your butter knife...

Two questions:

Doesn't Timberlake brag about being versatile as well?

Is versatile just a slick way of saying you're mediocre at everything?

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#48 Rick
April 03 2013, 04:03PM
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Heyho wrote:

Source for the Feaster quote?

@TSNJFranklin : "Murray Edwards told me to have this team in the playoffs next year... that's a marching order" Jay Feaster quoting a Flames owner

I don't know how to provide the actual link

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#49 vetinari
April 03 2013, 04:06PM
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To all our friends in Flameland, just be happy that our friend NewAgeSys is not much of a trash talker because it would go on for pages... and pages... and pages... in fact, your "re-tooling" might be over by the time he finished... See you around the draft table, fellas!

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#50 mk
April 03 2013, 04:09PM
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I had the thought earlier today that maybe the Alberta teams would have more camaraderie given the tough times we're going through/about to go through as hockey clubs. Maybe, we could be brothers of the basement and be friends?

Then I remembered, its the Oilers. We wouldn't want to stoop that low. GO FLAMES!

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