GDB 36.0: FEASTER AND FAMINE

Jason Gregor
April 03 2013 02:53PM

While the Flames shipped out Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester and replaced them with prospects that Barry Fraser wouldn't draft, the Oilers skate into the Saddledome ready to show Flames fans what six years of sucking can do for you.

The Flames haven't won a playoff series since 2004, the Oilers have won three since then, and in 24 days the Phlegms will be out of the playoffs for the 4th straight year. Make no mistake the last seven years have been brutal for Oilers fans, but at least they have something to show for their loyalty. The Oilers seven-year drought produced Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Nail Yakupov, Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner.

The Flames' plunge into suckville has garnered them first rounders like: Mikael Backlund (softer than oleo), Greg Nemisz (4th liner in AHL), Tim Erixon (oops, he wouldn't sign in your dump of a city), _______ (didn't have 1st or 2nd round pick when missing 2010 playoffs), Sven Baertschi (solid potential 2nd liner) and Mark Jankowski (say it slowly, Stanstead College in Quebec).

Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot had a brighter future.

Most Oilers fans won't poke that much fun at Calgary, okay one might in a few paragraphs, mainly because Edmontonians doesn't possess the inferiority complex that exists in Calgary. Oiler fans won't need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.

Think about that for a second.

Your team never made the playoffs, in fact they "Choked" every year in the final ten games. For the past three years, the Flames were close to the playoffs with ten games to go, and in those combined 30 games, you won a paltry 12. You averaged 4 wins in the final 10 games of the season in your annual push-to-the-playoffs-only-to-fail-and-not-get-a-top-ten-pick.

The only thing more inept than Steve Tambellini's summer free agent signings, is the Flames management in February and March and the Flames play on the ice in March and April.

Which leads us to tonight...

The Oilers and their fans head into this game knowing they will win, which is exactly how the Flames and their fans have felt the last three years. It won't be much of a battle, considering the Flames most effective forward these days is Brian McGrattan.

The Flames got a better return for Joe Piskula than they have for Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester. At least McGrattan is on your team and contributing. Top-notch GMing by Feaster and company.

  • Hall/Nugent-Hopkins/Eberle
  • Paajarvi/Gagner/Hemsky
  • Jones/Horcoff/Yakupov
  • Brown/Smyth/Petrell

  • Smid/Petry
  • N.Schultz/J.Schultz
  • Whitney/Potter

  • Dubnyk

The Flames will counter with a lineup that would battle stage an epic battle with the 2010 Oilers:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win their 5th straight with an easy 4-2 win. The Oilers top line has combined for 19 points in the last four games and they will register six tonight.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Many in Calgary will claim, "Awesome deal, getting something (5th rounder) for Blake Comeau." Get used to saying this Flames fans, as you enter into the phase where you think every draft pick will pan out eventually.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After he admitted Monday night that he hadn't been, "intellectually honest about his team," Jay Feaster announces during the 2nd period intermission that the Flames will indeed be a playoff contender next year. "Mikka Kiprusoff begged me not to trade him today. He's committed to winning and we will sign him to an extension in the summer.

"Also, now that Jarome Iginla, who secretly always preferred his hometown over Calgary, is gone our core guys will flourish. Want to wager on where we finish relative to Edmonton next year? I’ll tell you very honestly. I’m getting a little sour. How many teams . . . every year, for the last 10 years, five years, eight years, have finished in the bottom five, bottom seven, bottom 10? They’ve had a pick anywhere from No. 1 to No. 10 year after year after year after year, and they still wander in the desert. And they’re no closer to getting out than they were 10 years ago. We are still positioned better than the Oilers," screams Feaster. 

Good times...

***UPDATE...Turns out the NSOGDB wasn't that far off... An actual quote from Jay Feaster today..."Murray Edwards (Flames majority owner)  told me last evening that he expects us to be in the playoffs next year." You can't make this up. Wow, Edwards is delusional if he believes that. 

AND NOW A WORD FROM A DIEHARD OILER FAN

Jeanshorts runs the Oilersnation twitter and when he heard I was writing this GDB he begged me to let him write a quite blurb on behalf of all Oilers fans... so here goes... 

Oh, Calgary...

Where do we even begin? 

You're like the Springfield Tire Yard of the NHL; You're ugly, can be smelled in 46 states (and 10 provinces) and you're nothing but a humungous pile of burning rubble at this point.  

If this is what Jay Fester considers "retooling" then dear god DO NOT let him near your car. It'd be like Pimp My Ride if instead of putting TV's and a new engine in they blew the car up and told you to "never speak of this again!" 

Although, it's not like we should really be surprised that Feaster buttfumbled BOTH the Iginla and Bouwmeester trades. We've all seen Spaceballs; it's only a matter of time until he accidentally locks himself in a limousine and eats himself to death. 

But hey, it's not all no-name prospects and crying into your cousins breasts in Cowtown. I mean, at least your leading goal scorer isn't former Oiler 4th liner Curtis Glencross. 

And it's not like you're relying on a guy who hasn't played an NHL game in 4 years and only has 11 career wins to be your number one goalie next season.

Or that your hot-shot first round pick flamed out (PUN INTENDED) with only one assist in his 10-game stint. 

Or that you traded away two of your marquee players and somehow wound up with an even worse prospect pool than you started with, which was already one of the worst in the league. 

Actually, basically all that's left is for Murray Edwards to sign Feaster to a five year extension and you'll be set!  

 You know what, this is typical Calgary. First you steal all our business headquarters and now you have the audacity to steal the title of "Most Comically Inept Run Team In The National Hockey League"? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! 

Unfortunately Calgary looks like they'll be rewarded for this absolute atrocity of a season with a top-three pick. The good thing is that with their recent draft history the nation of Bosnia will be able to celebrate their country's first ever draft pick as the Flames select their top high school player Ahmed Mujo (56GP-0G-0A). 

We fully believe in Karma and things coming full circle. Flames fans, and management, have been ripping the Oilers futility hard for the last 4 years. I hope you brought a flashlight, sleeping bag and foamy Calgary, because the basement is dark, damp and it smells like Jerry Sandusky's rec room. Payback's a bitch and this one's going to hurt. A lot. 

Tell your hot cousin I said what's up. 

"They're ALL my hot cousin!" - Guy from Calgary

Love, Oilersnation

 RECENTLY BY JASON GREGOR

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One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
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#301 They're $hittie
April 03 2013, 10:04PM
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Taylor Hall top ten in league scoring.

Michael Granlund somewhere in AHL scoring.

Good thing those guys over at Hockey Wilderness think Garnlund is better than Hall who was supposedly a second line flop.

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#302 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 10:05PM
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you know paddy ....you know paddy....you know paddy,paddy you know

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#303 NewAgeSys
April 03 2013, 10:05PM
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We need to get our act together, come on bench, lets stop tht penetration they are getting, they are consistantly getting into the zone and getting good shots off, we need to engage them ssoner and stop those initial shots more consistantly.

We need to treat this game like a playoff game and that means we need to limit their chances but still generate our own. We will need to play much tighter defense if we hope to make it to the playoffs, so nows the time, lets just start hitting the puck carrier early, or stripping the puck, but we need to fix the defense immediatly before they work their way back into this dam game.

Ralph come on , blow a small fuse here and get the men moving , reming them what a fine line we are walking on and lets see some more goal and pressure, we need to get greassy now and pound them down the middle.

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#304 dotfras
April 03 2013, 10:06PM
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Captain Canada has one speed.

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#305 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:08PM
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dotfras wrote:

Captain Canada has one speed.

That speed is glacial... but he's still better than McGrattan!

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#306 Senhor
April 03 2013, 10:08PM
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Jay the obvious Feaster said tonight he wants his team to be bigger, faster, younger. Really? Not smaller, slower and older? Probably go draft more high schoolers. Or do a couple of offer sheets. Jeez. What a guy.

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#307 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 10:08PM
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Proposed amendment to BOA rules:

Winning team gets to write next Nation GDB ........ AND their Sportsnet broadcast team covers the next game. I have turned down the sound and am listening to a Yoko Ono album - much less irritating.

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#308 Intellectual Observations
April 03 2013, 10:09PM
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Subversive wrote:

Feaster said the players would play better since they were relieved trade deadline was passed.

My first thought was "Well, won't the other teams players have the same level of relief?"

What a f*cking maroon.

All I have to say is thank god Bouw keeps the iron man streak alive.....thanks to me and my superior GM skill set...

Jay F

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#309 dotfras
April 03 2013, 10:11PM
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Intellectual Observations wrote:

All I have to say is thank god Bouw keeps the iron man streak alive.....thanks to me and my superior GM skill set...

Jay F

THIS.

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#310 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:11PM
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The Soup Fascist wrote:

Proposed amendment to BOA rules:

Winning team gets to write next Nation GDB ........ AND their Sportsnet broadcast team covers the next game. I have turned down the sound and am listening to a Yoko Ono album - much less irritating.

=)

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#311 Kent Wilson
April 03 2013, 10:11PM
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This feels like the longest game ever.

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#312 Q
April 03 2013, 10:12PM
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How the crap did sarich get a 2 yr deal? Unreal? He's a pilon! Babchucks a disgrace! Thankfully he's gone in a month!

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#313 Duster
April 03 2013, 10:13PM
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NewAgeSys wrote:

We need to get our act together, come on bench, lets stop tht penetration they are getting, they are consistantly getting into the zone and getting good shots off, we need to engage them ssoner and stop those initial shots more consistantly.

We need to treat this game like a playoff game and that means we need to limit their chances but still generate our own. We will need to play much tighter defense if we hope to make it to the playoffs, so nows the time, lets just start hitting the puck carrier early, or stripping the puck, but we need to fix the defense immediatly before they work their way back into this dam game.

Ralph come on , blow a small fuse here and get the men moving , reming them what a fine line we are walking on and lets see some more goal and pressure, we need to get greassy now and pound them down the middle.

Beat it..... No one cares...

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#314 Hammer and Nail
April 03 2013, 10:14PM
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vetinari wrote:

Jay Feaster is walking down the street with a six pack of beer under his arm.

Jay sees his friend who asks him "Hey, Jay, whatcha get the case of beer for?"

Jay replies "For my friend, Jarome Iginla, he's leaving town."

The friend says "Your best trade yet."

LOL.

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#315 FireOnIce
April 03 2013, 10:14PM
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I'm a Flames fan, but seriously, they are just pitifully awful, and they should feel awful.

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#316 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:15PM
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@FireOnIce

I think they do. I'd be angry at management. The players are just doing their jobs to the best of their abilities (most of them). Some are mailing it in, but most are at least trying.

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#317 Eddie Shore
April 03 2013, 10:16PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

This feels like the longest game ever.

Only 328 more until you will be competitive again. Keep your chin up.

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#318 Kent Wilson
April 03 2013, 10:17PM
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I had chances 11-9 Oilers in the second period.

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#319 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:18PM
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@Kent Wilson

Now really, there was that 9-0 drubbing in Boston last year. That was better than this?

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#320 dougtheslug
April 03 2013, 10:19PM
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Duster wrote:

Beat it..... No one cares...

Hey!No one talks to our NewAgeSystem like that! Wanna go?

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#321 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 10:20PM
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is there a new drug out there, apparently flames management has been experimenting but apparently not sharing playoffs hahahaha

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#322 Jankowski wears 12
April 03 2013, 10:21PM
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@Kent Wilson

I had Feaster outeating his opposition

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#323 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:23PM
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Having seen Gagner during Movember last year, I think what I may look forward to most in a playoff run is seeing his post-season beard. The kid is in his early 20s and has 5:00 shadow at 10 am.

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The Feaster Bunny wandering the desert looking for cheeseburger filled eggs.

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#325 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 10:25PM
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RexLibris wrote:

Having seen Gagner during Movember last year, I think what I may look forward to most in a playoff run is seeing his post-season beard. The kid is in his early 20s and has 5:00 shadow at 10 am.

grows a beard while eatin a bowl of iggy pops

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#326 Eddie Shore
April 03 2013, 10:25PM
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The poster formerly known as Koolaid drinker #33 wrote:

The Feaster Bunny wandering the desert looking for cheeseburger filled eggs.

This.

/thread

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#327 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 10:25PM
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Jankowski wears 12 wrote:

I had Feaster outeating his opposition

That's not really fair. The camera adds 10 pounds.

My question is why are their 8 cameras on him?

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#328 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:26PM
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Nice spin Millions. Did Edwards give you some marching orders in the intermission.

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#329 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:26PM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Hey!No one talks to our NewAgeSystem like that! Wanna go?

Will back ya up, buddy... NewAgeSys may be wordy and over the top, but he flies our flag proudly...

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#330 Duster
April 03 2013, 10:26PM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Hey!No one talks to our NewAgeSystem like that! Wanna go?

Sorry bud... His paragraphs are making my eyes bleed. Just trying to enjoy our win tonight. Don't need coaching lessons.

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#331 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:27PM
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I wonder if Kiprusoff said no to a trade to save Feaster any further embarrassment this week?

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#332 Nice Guy Eddy
April 03 2013, 10:28PM
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Who was that...umm..eccentric looking guy talking to Dollars?

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#333 A-Mc
April 03 2013, 10:28PM
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@RexLibris

Lol. So true

Im blonde haired and not hairy. I can go a week w/o shaving and yoid never know. My playoff beard would be embarrasing; even worse than nuges 3 lip hairs.

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#334 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:28PM
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Wait! 1st round picks are all it takes? Quick, recall Kolanos, Nemisz and Irving.

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#335 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 10:29PM
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Good night all!

Switching to Modern Family.

If I want to see two huge boobs I'd much rather watch Sofia Vegara than Feaster and Tambo.

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#336 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:29PM
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RexLibris wrote:

I wonder if Kiprusoff said no to a trade to save Feaster any further embarrassment this week?

Rex, would you want Feaster to be in charge of where you go and who you play for? Oh wait, never mind...

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#337 Jankowski wears 12
April 03 2013, 10:30PM
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The Soup Fascist wrote:

That's not really fair. The camera adds 10 pounds.

My question is why are their 8 cameras on him?

But he looks so slimming with that buzz cut......he can't help but store those nits for winter season....

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#338 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 10:32PM
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Dear ann flanders

my father is doin double life for murder, my sister is a whore, my brother is doing life for serial rape. my question is how do i tell my girlfriend i am a flames fan?

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#339 dotfras
April 03 2013, 10:34PM
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Wow, 10 first rounders & 3 seconds they've drafted in the lineup for the oilers tonight.

We have Backlund & Brodie.

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#340 dougtheslug
April 03 2013, 10:35PM
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Duster wrote:

Sorry bud... His paragraphs are making my eyes bleed. Just trying to enjoy our win tonight. Don't need coaching lessons.

Its taken us all season on ON to train NAS to keep his posts to under 3000 words. We've learned to adapt.

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#341 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:37PM
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dotfras wrote:

Wow, 10 first rounders & 3 seconds they've drafted in the lineup for the oilers tonight.

We have Backlund & Brodie.

Those aren't all Oilers' 1sts. Whitney, as an example.

But they do have Yakupov, Gagner, Hemsky, Dubnyk, Hall, Eberle, Nugent-Hopkins, and Paajarvi. Likely add Klefbom to that list next season.

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#342 schevvy
April 03 2013, 10:38PM
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dotfras wrote:

Wow, 10 first rounders & 3 seconds they've drafted in the lineup for the oilers tonight.

We have Backlund & Brodie.

And Begin! Jeez, he puts that list over the top! :)

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#343 Feaster Bunny
April 03 2013, 10:39PM
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Jankowski wears 12 wrote:

But he looks so slimming with that buzz cut......he can't help but store those nits for winter season....

I will be fired before the draft because I am a fat and useless

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#344 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:39PM
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Yak don't take crap...

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#345 chibbs
April 03 2013, 10:39PM
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@The Soup Fascist

Well, if you want fake boobs then watch that. The real ones are playing the oilers.

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#346 NewAgeSys
April 03 2013, 10:40PM
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Ok its time to let the dogs out, it looks like Yakupov hurt his shoulder.

Seriously lets get freaking real here, lets put the hammer down and start going to their net and running their goaltender over, immediastly, we need to learn to catch another more physical gear to close games like this out, we need to go for their throats now and hit them at every opportunity, lets close this one out going down the middle to their net. lets get hard on the body, hit and recover first.

Lets see some action and remind the men how close we were to golfing just two weeks ago.

Lets use some simple plays to set up the net playaction and lets run their goalie and get their minds off of so much run and gun, lets hit them down the middle with numbers and serioisly run their tender over a few times to make them reatc instead of us reacting.

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#347 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:41PM
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They need to rest Hemsky. Whatever "nagging injury" hampered him last game is definitely showing up tonight. Slow and poor passing.

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#348 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 10:42PM
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chibbs wrote:

Well, if you want fake boobs then watch that. The real ones are playing the oilers.

Wow. Pretty cheeky considering the team you will be subjected to for the next five years - let alone tonight.

Enjoy!

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#349 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:42PM
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@NewAgeSys

"running their goalie"

But then they'll put Kiprusoff in net and...

wait...

Yeah, let's run their goalie!

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#350 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:43PM
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SQQQQQUUUUEEEEEE!

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