GDB 36.0: FEASTER AND FAMINE

Jason Gregor
April 03 2013 02:53PM

While the Flames shipped out Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester and replaced them with prospects that Barry Fraser wouldn't draft, the Oilers skate into the Saddledome ready to show Flames fans what six years of sucking can do for you.

The Flames haven't won a playoff series since 2004, the Oilers have won three since then, and in 24 days the Phlegms will be out of the playoffs for the 4th straight year. Make no mistake the last seven years have been brutal for Oilers fans, but at least they have something to show for their loyalty. The Oilers seven-year drought produced Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Nail Yakupov, Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner.

The Flames' plunge into suckville has garnered them first rounders like: Mikael Backlund (softer than oleo), Greg Nemisz (4th liner in AHL), Tim Erixon (oops, he wouldn't sign in your dump of a city), _______ (didn't have 1st or 2nd round pick when missing 2010 playoffs), Sven Baertschi (solid potential 2nd liner) and Mark Jankowski (say it slowly, Stanstead College in Quebec).

Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot had a brighter future.

Most Oilers fans won't poke that much fun at Calgary, okay one might in a few paragraphs, mainly because Edmontonians doesn't possess the inferiority complex that exists in Calgary. Oiler fans won't need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.

Think about that for a second.

Your team never made the playoffs, in fact they "Choked" every year in the final ten games. For the past three years, the Flames were close to the playoffs with ten games to go, and in those combined 30 games, you won a paltry 12. You averaged 4 wins in the final 10 games of the season in your annual push-to-the-playoffs-only-to-fail-and-not-get-a-top-ten-pick.

The only thing more inept than Steve Tambellini's summer free agent signings, is the Flames management in February and March and the Flames play on the ice in March and April.

Which leads us to tonight...

The Oilers and their fans head into this game knowing they will win, which is exactly how the Flames and their fans have felt the last three years. It won't be much of a battle, considering the Flames most effective forward these days is Brian McGrattan.

The Flames got a better return for Joe Piskula than they have for Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester. At least McGrattan is on your team and contributing. Top-notch GMing by Feaster and company.

  • Hall/Nugent-Hopkins/Eberle
  • Paajarvi/Gagner/Hemsky
  • Jones/Horcoff/Yakupov
  • Brown/Smyth/Petrell

  • Smid/Petry
  • N.Schultz/J.Schultz
  • Whitney/Potter

  • Dubnyk

The Flames will counter with a lineup that would battle stage an epic battle with the 2010 Oilers:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win their 5th straight with an easy 4-2 win. The Oilers top line has combined for 19 points in the last four games and they will register six tonight.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Many in Calgary will claim, "Awesome deal, getting something (5th rounder) for Blake Comeau." Get used to saying this Flames fans, as you enter into the phase where you think every draft pick will pan out eventually.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After he admitted Monday night that he hadn't been, "intellectually honest about his team," Jay Feaster announces during the 2nd period intermission that the Flames will indeed be a playoff contender next year. "Mikka Kiprusoff begged me not to trade him today. He's committed to winning and we will sign him to an extension in the summer.

"Also, now that Jarome Iginla, who secretly always preferred his hometown over Calgary, is gone our core guys will flourish. Want to wager on where we finish relative to Edmonton next year? I’ll tell you very honestly. I’m getting a little sour. How many teams . . . every year, for the last 10 years, five years, eight years, have finished in the bottom five, bottom seven, bottom 10? They’ve had a pick anywhere from No. 1 to No. 10 year after year after year after year, and they still wander in the desert. And they’re no closer to getting out than they were 10 years ago. We are still positioned better than the Oilers," screams Feaster. 

Good times...

***UPDATE...Turns out the NSOGDB wasn't that far off... An actual quote from Jay Feaster today..."Murray Edwards (Flames majority owner)  told me last evening that he expects us to be in the playoffs next year." You can't make this up. Wow, Edwards is delusional if he believes that. 

AND NOW A WORD FROM A DIEHARD OILER FAN

Jeanshorts runs the Oilersnation twitter and when he heard I was writing this GDB he begged me to let him write a quite blurb on behalf of all Oilers fans... so here goes... 

Oh, Calgary...

Where do we even begin? 

You're like the Springfield Tire Yard of the NHL; You're ugly, can be smelled in 46 states (and 10 provinces) and you're nothing but a humungous pile of burning rubble at this point.  

If this is what Jay Fester considers "retooling" then dear god DO NOT let him near your car. It'd be like Pimp My Ride if instead of putting TV's and a new engine in they blew the car up and told you to "never speak of this again!" 

Although, it's not like we should really be surprised that Feaster buttfumbled BOTH the Iginla and Bouwmeester trades. We've all seen Spaceballs; it's only a matter of time until he accidentally locks himself in a limousine and eats himself to death. 

But hey, it's not all no-name prospects and crying into your cousins breasts in Cowtown. I mean, at least your leading goal scorer isn't former Oiler 4th liner Curtis Glencross. 

And it's not like you're relying on a guy who hasn't played an NHL game in 4 years and only has 11 career wins to be your number one goalie next season.

Or that your hot-shot first round pick flamed out (PUN INTENDED) with only one assist in his 10-game stint. 

Or that you traded away two of your marquee players and somehow wound up with an even worse prospect pool than you started with, which was already one of the worst in the league. 

Actually, basically all that's left is for Murray Edwards to sign Feaster to a five year extension and you'll be set!  

 You know what, this is typical Calgary. First you steal all our business headquarters and now you have the audacity to steal the title of "Most Comically Inept Run Team In The National Hockey League"? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! 

Unfortunately Calgary looks like they'll be rewarded for this absolute atrocity of a season with a top-three pick. The good thing is that with their recent draft history the nation of Bosnia will be able to celebrate their country's first ever draft pick as the Flames select their top high school player Ahmed Mujo (56GP-0G-0A). 

We fully believe in Karma and things coming full circle. Flames fans, and management, have been ripping the Oilers futility hard for the last 4 years. I hope you brought a flashlight, sleeping bag and foamy Calgary, because the basement is dark, damp and it smells like Jerry Sandusky's rec room. Payback's a bitch and this one's going to hurt. A lot. 

Tell your hot cousin I said what's up. 

"They're ALL my hot cousin!" - Guy from Calgary

Love, Oilersnation

 RECENTLY BY JASON GREGOR

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One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
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#351 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:43PM
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Hall does all the dirty work, and Eberle just cleans up.

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#352 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 10:43PM
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JEBERLE!!!!!!!!!!!

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#353 quintana
April 03 2013, 10:43PM
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Hat tricker wrote:

Rob Kerr should go sell used cars...he's so brutal....

so is Ken Wilson!!!!! EBERLESQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

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#354 dotfras
April 03 2013, 10:44PM
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Could see that one coming.

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#355 schevvy
April 03 2013, 10:45PM
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*drink* , *passes out*

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#356 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:45PM
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The only way the Flames can beat the Oilers tonight is if they switch games, challenge us instead to a "Pie Eating Contest" and bring Feaster down from the manager's box!

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#357 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 10:47PM
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I wonder if Feaster thinks there is some sort of secret trade deadline only he knows about...

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#358 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:47PM
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Somebody today was wondering if Cervenka should be re-signed this off-season.

I can't see him being too enthusiastic given how he and Hartley have gotten along this year.

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#359 Jay
April 03 2013, 10:47PM
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Well at least the flamers showed up and got dressed.... Easy points, thanks for helping us make sure your st.louis pick is next year you queers

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#360 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:47PM
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dotfras wrote:

Could see that one coming.

MacDonald didn't.

zing

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#361 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:48PM
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Jay wrote:

Well at least the flamers showed up and got dressed.... Easy points, thanks for helping us make sure your st.louis pick is next year you queers

Be better than this.

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#362 schevvy
April 03 2013, 10:48PM
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@RexLibris

SHUT UP REX!!!!

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#363 mk
April 03 2013, 10:48PM
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If I were Hartley, I'd pause the game, go to the options menu, change teams, pull the goalie, change back, score and repeat. It always works for me...

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#364 Walter Sobchak
April 03 2013, 10:48PM
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This might be Yakupov best game this season.

The kid is doing a lot of good things out there tonight.

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#365 Rocket
April 03 2013, 10:49PM
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Man it sure is nice to see* The Oilers actually dominate The Flames in their own barn for once.

So rare, so nice. Good thing I'm at work & missing the game.

*By see I mean read TSN app. scores.

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A Gordie for Whitney

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#367 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:51PM
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@schevvy

Sorry, I didn't think you'd be able to hear me over the sound of how awesome Feaster is.

;-)

Stay strong, my friend.

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How stoned is that old dude behind the flames bench. He's still smiling.

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#369 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:51PM
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Why are the old Flames dudes behind Hartley so happy? Are they watching a video from 2006 on the Junbotron?

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#370 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:54PM
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Did Yakupov just knee a Flame on the way out of the zone?

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#371 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:56PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

This might be Yakupov best game this season.

The kid is doing a lot of good things out there tonight.

Agreed. He is reading and even establishing the play at a very high level tonight.

Based on our (Oilers' fans) many years of experience seeing 1st overalls adapt to the NHL game, this would seem to be ahead of the curve.

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#372 Kent Wilson
April 03 2013, 10:56PM
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Well at least Iginla isn't here to see this, right?

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#373 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:57PM
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RexLibris wrote:

Did Yakupov just knee a Flame on the way out of the zone?

What's so wrong with that? I kneed a Flames fan walking over to the bar during the second period and you don't hear me bragging about it. ;)

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#374 Wäx Män Riley
April 03 2013, 10:58PM
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RexLibris wrote:

Feaster is actually quite healthy.

Every night he sleeps in a hyperbolic chamber.

Ohhhhh.....

I see what you did there.

lol

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#375 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:58PM
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7 to 2 !!!!!

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#376 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:58PM
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Whoa.

That was absolutely beautiful.

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#377 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 10:58PM
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JEBERLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#378 They're $hittie
April 03 2013, 10:58PM
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HAHAHAHA

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#379 schevvy
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Well at least Iginla isn't here to see this, right?

If Iggy was here it'd be 6-2 Flames........ :)

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#380 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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vetinari wrote:

What's so wrong with that? I kneed a Flames fan walking over to the bar during the second period and you don't hear me bragging about it. ;)

You should.

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#381 Walter Sobchak
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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Pffft, Tyler Seguin.

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#382 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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JEBERLE!!!!!

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#383 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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JEBERLE!!!!! So good I had to post it twice aparently

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#384 365
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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@Kent Wilson

Right. Looks like he might have been part of another losing streak in Pittsburgh.

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#385 schevvy
April 03 2013, 10:59PM
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Le sigh. Lottery pick here we come!

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#386 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 11:00PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

Pffft, Tyler Seguin.

But he is a center!

Duh...

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#387 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:00PM
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schevvy wrote:

If Iggy was here it'd be 6-2 Flames........ :)

How much have you had to drink tonight, schevvy?

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#388 dotfras
April 03 2013, 11:00PM
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I feel bad, Cancer isn't gettin any money from Tanguay!

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#389 They're $hittie
April 03 2013, 11:00PM
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did they take away halls and nuges assist on the last ebs goal

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#390 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:01PM
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I'm actually looking forward to seeing Smithson play with Brown and Petrell.

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#391 schevvy
April 03 2013, 11:01PM
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RexLibris wrote:

How much have you had to drink tonight, schevvy?

Way, way too much. This game, man. Just pathetic.

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#392 dotfras
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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8! Yikes.

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#393 They're $hittie
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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#394 Walter Sobchak
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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We want 10

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#395 BRHLBryce
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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lol this is awesome

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#396 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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YAKUPOV!

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#397 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:02PM
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Flames failing to bury their chances? I don't know, I think their chances are well and truly buried now.

Oh, and Yay-kupov.

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#398 QUINTANA
April 03 2013, 11:03PM
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WE WANT 10!!!!!!!WE WANT 10!!!!!!!!

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#399 schevvy
April 03 2013, 11:03PM
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Lol. Laugh is all we Flames fans can do now.

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#400 Harlie
April 03 2013, 11:03PM
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Yakurri!!

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