July 09 2013 08:36AM
Well, it's summer time (I guess. What it do, Nature Mom?) Once all the rain clears up and our friend Mr. Sunshine pops his erstwhile jerk head into our atmosphere for but a few days, you're going to want to be suitably suited. We're talking t-shirts, guy. The t-shirt is the only garment that offers appropriate range of motion and light fabric to keep you from overheating as your summer plans of world domination come to fruition.
We at Flames Nation know, when it comes to the shirt game, that you've got a lot of competition out there vying for your hard earned dollar and fashion acumen. We understand that you have choice, and sometimes that power can be overwhelming. Perhaps a helpful guide can point you in the right direction.
If the right direction you're looking for is a Flames Nation exclusive Got Loob? t-shirt. Otherwise we can't help you. On the other hand, here are 12 Very Terrific Reasons Why You Should Buy A Got Loob? T-Shirt.
1. Derr, Hakan Loob
Just in case you were under the impression that these t-shirts are inspired by Flames Nation's own very rugged, handsome, and excessively articulate wunderblooger The Book of Loob, and you're not yet willing to come to terms with how much you respect and revere the young man, I'm here to tell you that's not the case, so fear not, and maybe do some work on your own self confidence, idiot!
No, of course, OF COURSE, Got Loob pays tribute to the wonderful and dynamic Hakan Loob, who happens to be this dashing silver tongued Swedish mensch pictured below:
You might not look as wonderful as the former Flames Stanley Cup Champion and 50 goal scorer (STILL the only Swedish player in NHL history to do the deed, right non descript twins from hockey market on coastal Western Canada?), but you'll come pretty damn close.
Unless of course, the Färjestads BK General Manager happens to be wearing one (we're working on it), in which case the universe would explode, but in a manner in which we'd all still be pretty happy about the whole thing.
2. Partial Proceeds go to the Alberta Flood Cleanup
The jags who contribute to FlamesNation have made a lifetime of taking and taking and taking from the community of Calgary, and let's face it, will continue to do so for a very long, long time.
In an effort to offset some of the karmic justice waiting to brutally and swiftly bring us redress, the Nation Networks Overlords have decided to see to it that portions of the proceeds for these wonderfully crafted garments will be sent in the direction of the Alberta Flood cleanup efforts.
(Which, by the way, can still be directly contributed to here)
That oughta buy us some time!
3. Some people don't like it
@FlamesNation shirts kinda suck man.!! Shoulda had monahan on the front or something..— Mark watier (@12watchdog) July 2, 2013
Sometimes fashion is controversial. This is one of those times. This is one of those rare opportunities where you get to pick a side and defiantly stand by it!
Have some damn convictions, won't you?
4. Paving the Way for new designs
Got Loob?, of course, was voted on by you, the fans, with maybe a bit of a gentle nudge by yours truly possibly helping sway the votes, so hey, we're giving the fans what they want. But democracy is not always popular, and sometimes your side doesn't win.
Well look at it this way, you whiner: once we clear out these VERY MUCH FOR A LIMITED TIME products, we will be paving the way for another round of votes for a new design of Flames Nation t-shirts.
So if you were #TeamPostApexPlayer or #TeamIntellectualHonesty, or even my plan B, #GRITCHART, the road to your dream's reality will have a shorter path once we ship product already crowding up our tiny warehouse in Ryan Pike's kitchen that he doesn't know we''ve occupied yet.
5. I'll kick this puppy if you don't
Yeah. This is on you.
6. Uh, it's Red
Red is the colour of passion and power, and to a lesser extent Communism, which is kitschy and retro now, so no matter how you slice it, wearing our red t-shirt will make you hip beyond any fathomable degree. Even the hipsters will tell you how much they iroincally liked you even after you got cool.
7. Improved Shirt Possession Numbers
Part of the reason you come to FlamesNation is for the in-depth look at statistical analysis. Our contributors paw through all the raw numbers trying to suss out appreciable patterns and information that we think will be interesting and educate you on the nature of your favourite players donning the Flaming C once attired by Hakan Loob.
There's no reason as to why that trend wouldn't continue for you with the purchase of a t-shirt. Ownership of a Got Loob? t-shirt improves your shirt possession numbers, your shirtRel%, and lowers your offensive shirt start percentage as well.
Basically what we're getting at is you'll be more valuable as a person.
8. The Shirts are secretly weaved with gold thread
24 karat threads hold together the soft, comfortable, but unrelentingly durable fabric of FlamesNation merch. We're talking precious metals here.
What this means is, if you're not the kind of person who likes to wear shirts, or has a keen plan to provide a stable financial future for your family, this shirt can be stored away for years as a family heirloom, and will never lose it's value.
It's the FlamesNation Advantage! (Note: The gold threads in your Flames Nation t-shirt may or may not actually exist, rendering this point void. Maybe).
9. Look at what you're wearing now
Yeah, the guy wearing the $27.99 Flames Nation t-shirt is going to take fashion advice from the guy that doesn't wear a shirt that nice in a year. COME ON!
Serioulsy though...when it comes to our merch, much like the results of the Flames 2013 Entry Draft, you could do worse.
10. I told you about the puppy right?
Remember that puppy.
11. You support your friends here at Flames Nation
You may be surprised to hear this, but FlamesNation does not have a very abundant budget. We don't know if the money to keep the site solvent has been pilfered away by a hidden Kent Wilson gambling habit, or if Wanye at OilersNation is robbing us when we sleep like the dirty Edmonton criminal he is and they all are, but one way or another, these sort of financial endeavours help pay the bills here on FN, which, I don't need to tell you, helps keep up pumping out the high quality content and also the stuff written by Azevedo that you've all come to more or less expect from a bunch of schlubs who are just happy to have the audience.
Seriously though Kent, get help.
Anyway, this sort of commercial venture helps keep the Good Ship FlamesNation afloat, and we can't stress enough how much we appreciate and value your support on the site, both financially and you know, for our own stupid egos.
12. It's not a Squee Shirt
Seriously, those clowns do not deserve nice things.
That's why they have Squeee shirts.
I hate them all so much. Help us out and buy an actual quality Got Loob? t-shirt to let those Up North jokers know that their team's rebuild isn't the only thing not working for anyone out there.
Bonus Reason: Dana Murzyn offering you advice
There it is.