Two Minutes Hate! The Vancouver Canucks Are Miserable Bastards Edition
bookofloob
May 09 2013 11:44AM
Oh, those poor Vancouver Canucks. Since the dawn of the 1970's, the west coast whale has on more than one occasion been on the brink of glory, only to fall off the cliff into the pits of stinky despair. Indeed, over the years, the Nucks have boasted rosters with high degrees of skill, speed, hockey IQ, and twins, squandering these gifts as each window of success slowly drew close, drawing to mind comparisons to any number of applicable scenes from the Indiana Jones movies.
Indeed, a litany of talent has passed through Vancouver with an alarming frequency on par with the number of times the team unveils progressively uglier jerseys, and despite all of this,Vancouver always ends up on the outside looking in. It would be easy to sympathize with them, as surely any halfway compassionate human being can want to see any entity that continually has sand kicked in their face taste even a glimmer of success, and the Canucks are most certainly that.
WELL F#%* THAT AUDIO, PAVEL BURE. The Canucks and their fanbase are probably the league's most entitled organization, and have never conducted themselves in a manner that affords them even a shred of decency when being referred to by literally almost anyone else. Instead, all that we're going to offer here today is two minutes of unbridled disdain and crass name calling, and I don't feel the least bit guilty or ashamed to do it. (Though admittedly, I will have to tread carefully, as Canucks and their fans tend to dive into violent backlash when provoked, seemingly without warning.)
Post Game: The End, Mercifully, Is Nigh
bookofloob
April 25 2013 10:49PM
The best and worst thing you can say about the Flames 4-1 loss to the St. Louis Blues tonight is that there is only one game left. As tried and true die hard hockey fans, we're conditioned to always want to see more hockey, and more hockey from the teams whose colours we bleed, but this season has been such a calamity for your Calgary Flames that giving it a nice viking funeral seems like the only way to truly end it.
But we had to all find the muster to get through tonight first. You know who didn't do this? The Flames. In the meaningless allegory of playing for pride that the month of April has been, the Flaming C has been good enough to steal games from teams with playoff aspirations, or just barely succumb to the depth of defeat despite putting in an effort prominent enough that it should have resulted in a win.
Neither of these things happened tonight, as the Flames, or, to be more specific, the Half Flames/Heat party time duo, coasted from start to finish in this one, as the Blues, and the nine fans they had in attendance, easily sidestepped the Flames en route to a first round playoff matchup against probably Los Angeles.
Post Game: Same As It Ever Was
bookofloob
April 18 2013 09:11AM
Was it Benjamin Franklin, or maybe even Roger Millions, who coined the famous quote "Nothing is certain except for death, taxes, and the Flames beating the Red Wings"?
(I'm pretty sure it was Ben Franklin, but I'm willing to admit that I didn't do the research on that one)
Regardless, it was business as usual for the Flames on this night, as the Flames do what they always do (beat the Red Wings), with the players that have typically been the drivers of their success in the past (Kiprusoff and Begin)
Kipper's prowess and two pretty goals by Begin were the keys to the game as your Calgary Flames triumphed 3-2 over the Detroit Red Wings Presented By Amway (shoutout to Ryan Lambert), and sent Flames home unhappy, somehow.
Post Game: I, Uh, Well...Hmmm
bookofloob
April 07 2013 02:00AM
Well, chalk one up to you guys on Team Tank Mode. Your Calgary Flames (they are still YOUR Calgary Flames, are they not?) outclassed and outplayed their division rivals tonight, had a strong enough game to win, lost., and now sit one step closer to the NHL's consolation prize in MacKiDrouJoneKov, or whatever other backwards high school kid Jay Feaster decides to draft that no one's ever heard of.
Indeed, it was not the Flames night. A 5-2 loss to the Canucks might be more or less the way people expected this game to end, but that line really flatters the Canucks and makes the Flames look like the fat kid at the dance who couldn't score a date, but that's not how this one played out in reality.
In the same vein, the Flames, now with 11 games left in the season, are riding it out down the stretch and playing for something meaningful, just not in the way you'd be hoping they would. The most we can hope for now is for the team to play compeitive, watchable hockey, where the results dictate the Flames get something worthwhile out of it.
Which is exactly what happened tonight, and it was infuriating. A 5-2 loss, and all the Flames have to show for it is a shot at a Top 3 pick and a broken Matt Stajan.
Post Game: Flames Coast To Victory Over Hapless Oilers
bookofloob
April 04 2013 01:06AM
After an exceedingly long day mired by the pomp and circumstance surrounding the NHL's silly season, the Trade Deadline Day, you could understand if the Flames took their eye off the prize for a night and faltered against their bitter rivals for the second time in 3 nights.
And that's pretty much exactly what happened, but I'm here to tell you that it didn't break my spirit.
Because I wouldn't let it.
No, I went into shock, and man, did some great things happen inside my head. Let's revisit that, okay?
