May 22 2013 11:22AM
And then there were nine.
One day after Kent updated us all on what is truly a grim goaltending situation for your Calgary Flames, young Daniel Taylor of Plymouth, a broth of a lad, packed up his pads and shipped off far away overseas.
No, Danny is not joining the British Armed Forces in an ongoing fight for Democracy (or whatever it is they do, I'm horribly ignorant when it comes to worldly matters). Nay, he has, as it turns out, inked himself a deal to go play in the SEL with Färjestad BK.
According to a press release via the team's website (WARNING: SWEDISH!), Taylor will duke it out with incumbent puckstopper Fredrik Pettersson-Wentzel for ALL THE MINUTES next season in Scandinavia. Hilariously, if you translate the page into English, it does make it seem like Danny Taylor is the greatest goalie in the history of the world, who does everything with poise and grace, and that's pretty adorable. In all seriousness, I'm happy for Danny. He seems like a solid dude, and I'd like to see good things happen for him over in Europe.
Because really, it's not like those good things were ever going to happen here.
Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the REAL reason why this is such a glorious opportunity for Danny, as it should be noted that everything Färjestad is (read: pretty damn good at hockey) is because of their superhero boss and former Flames God, Mr. Hakan Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooobbbbbb. So I guess you could say I'm a little bit jealous.
May 09 2013 11:44AM
Oh, those poor Vancouver Canucks. Since the dawn of the 1970's, the west coast whale has on more than one occasion been on the brink of glory, only to fall off the cliff into the pits of stinky despair. Indeed, over the years, the Nucks have boasted rosters with high degrees of skill, speed, hockey IQ, and twins, squandering these gifts as each window of success slowly drew close, drawing to mind comparisons to any number of applicable scenes from the Indiana Jones movies.
Indeed, a litany of talent has passed through Vancouver with an alarming frequency on par with the number of times the team unveils progressively uglier jerseys, and despite all of this,Vancouver always ends up on the outside looking in. It would be easy to sympathize with them, as surely any halfway compassionate human being can want to see any entity that continually has sand kicked in their face taste even a glimmer of success, and the Canucks are most certainly that.
WELL F#%* THAT AUDIO, PAVEL BURE. The Canucks and their fanbase are probably the league's most entitled organization, and have never conducted themselves in a manner that affords them even a shred of decency when being referred to by literally almost anyone else. Instead, all that we're going to offer here today is two minutes of unbridled disdain and crass name calling, and I don't feel the least bit guilty or ashamed to do it. (Though admittedly, I will have to tread carefully, as Canucks and their fans tend to dive into violent backlash when provoked, seemingly without warning.)
April 25 2013 10:49PM
The best and worst thing you can say about the Flames 4-1 loss to the St. Louis Blues tonight is that there is only one game left. As tried and true die hard hockey fans, we're conditioned to always want to see more hockey, and more hockey from the teams whose colours we bleed, but this season has been such a calamity for your Calgary Flames that giving it a nice viking funeral seems like the only way to truly end it.
But we had to all find the muster to get through tonight first. You know who didn't do this? The Flames. In the meaningless allegory of playing for pride that the month of April has been, the Flaming C has been good enough to steal games from teams with playoff aspirations, or just barely succumb to the depth of defeat despite putting in an effort prominent enough that it should have resulted in a win.
Neither of these things happened tonight, as the Flames, or, to be more specific, the Half Flames/Heat party time duo, coasted from start to finish in this one, as the Blues, and the nine fans they had in attendance, easily sidestepped the Flames en route to a first round playoff matchup against probably Los Angeles.
April 18 2013 09:11AM
Was it Benjamin Franklin, or maybe even Roger Millions, who coined the famous quote "Nothing is certain except for death, taxes, and the Flames beating the Red Wings"?
(I'm pretty sure it was Ben Franklin, but I'm willing to admit that I didn't do the research on that one)
Regardless, it was business as usual for the Flames on this night, as the Flames do what they always do (beat the Red Wings), with the players that have typically been the drivers of their success in the past (Kiprusoff and Begin)
Kipper's prowess and two pretty goals by Begin were the keys to the game as your Calgary Flames triumphed 3-2 over the Detroit Red Wings Presented By Amway (shoutout to Ryan Lambert), and sent Flames home unhappy, somehow.
April 07 2013 02:00AM
Well, chalk one up to you guys on Team Tank Mode. Your Calgary Flames (they are still YOUR Calgary Flames, are they not?) outclassed and outplayed their division rivals tonight, had a strong enough game to win, lost., and now sit one step closer to the NHL's consolation prize in MacKiDrouJoneKov, or whatever other backwards high school kid Jay Feaster decides to draft that no one's ever heard of.
Indeed, it was not the Flames night. A 5-2 loss to the Canucks might be more or less the way people expected this game to end, but that line really flatters the Canucks and makes the Flames look like the fat kid at the dance who couldn't score a date, but that's not how this one played out in reality.
In the same vein, the Flames, now with 11 games left in the season, are riding it out down the stretch and playing for something meaningful, just not in the way you'd be hoping they would. The most we can hope for now is for the team to play compeitive, watchable hockey, where the results dictate the Flames get something worthwhile out of it.
Which is exactly what happened tonight, and it was infuriating. A 5-2 loss, and all the Flames have to show for it is a shot at a Top 3 pick and a broken Matt Stajan.