September 20 2012 04:44PM
You could have been Martin Brodeur.
Actually you could have been Marty Brodeur, Keith Tkachuk, Bryan Smolinski, Felix Potvin, Doug Weight, Geoff Sanderson, Slava Kozlov, Alex Zhamnov, Sergei Zubov, some guy named Craig Conroy, Robert Lang, Peter Bondra, or Sergei Nemchinov, but you you could have been Marty Brodeur.
Instead, you were Trevor Kidd. Fletcher's Mistake.
September 19 2012 12:11PM
G'day Hockey Fans! (If you haven't figured it out, that's "Hello, Hockey Fans!", as exclaimed by broadcasting God and Calgary Flames legend Eddie Whalen IF he were Australian National Treasure Paul Hogan. These and other adorable cultural stereotypes to follow)
So you, the loyal NHL fan who spent all your milk money on hockey tickets and plush Henrik Zetterberg body pillows and not even any milk, have just had the NHL spit on your neck by locking out the players
for the first time ever for a gut-jarringly depressing third time, and you're wondering what to do. Daddy is a hockey junkie jonesin' for a hit. So where do you turn? Rehab would help, but I'm not here to judge you.
September 14 2012 09:41AM
The year is 2012. The month is...let's say December. The NHL lockout is now over and behind us and we never have to think about it again for another seven years. We all survived that Bristol Palin poker celebrity cruise show that aired on Sportsnet every night in place of NHL broadcasts. The locusts, in the end, were merciful invaders and moved onto greener pastures, leaving us with mere crumbs, which we devoured gratefully and without shame. But at least the Mayans were wrong, so high five on that.
Your Calgary Flames return to the Saddledome, refreshed and relaxed after an extended break away from the rink. With FlamesNation having a tremendous, some would say inappropriate amount of access to the team, coupled with the bluster to do what we want that only comes from knowing there's no one out there who can stand in our way, we approached the Flames to provide us with short essays documenting how they spent their lockout vacation. Which is what we're calling it now. Again, because we can.
So withough further adieu, here is ACTUALLY Jay Bouwmeester, and totally NOT a parody essay fabricated by The Book of Loob, on his Lockout Vacation.
September 11 2012 07:37PM
For all the jokes we've made over the years about your Calgary Flames playing golf, apparently it's a big deal when they actually don't.
If you hadn't heard the news, and you probably didn't because whatever, The Flames are not going to play in their annual charity golf tournament this Thursday.
September 07 2012 09:22AM
Oh man, I am so excited about this feature. There is nothing I like more than railing against those who we deem have wronged our Calgary Flames. A good text based hate hucking is going to make us all feel better about the current labour unrest, the Flames' stumble into mediocrity, and whatever crazy thing Michael Ferland is about to do next, trust me.
Now you'd think, this being a hockey blog and whatnot, that we would call this feature "Two Minutes For Hate", in which those we loathe would have their sins recapped and would be forced to sit in the penalty box, but this hardly seems like fair retribution. No, we feel that our chosen tribute to Orwellian brainwashing and surveillance tactics are far more necessary, not that we here at Flames Nation would EVER try any of these mind control schemes on you, our noble reader.
Seriously though, we are watching you.