Where Are They Now? - Brad Werenka

bookofloob
November 22 2012 12:57PM

 

 

  

To kick this article off in style, I'm just going to say it right here, for the sake of controversy: Brad Werenka, pictured above, is drinking a beer in public. On Game Day. Probably.

There could be no better candidate for Where Are They Now than Mr. Brad Werenka, because only like six people in the entire world actually know where he is. If you're like me, you assume that after he parted ways with his illustrious career as a premier shutdown NHL defenseman, he would meet his most certainly resplendent post retirement challenges with aplomb and esteem. One imagines a noble Werenka, clad in armor, unsheathing his broadsword and laying waste to a dragon made out of nothing but toxic waste and discarded Def Leppard LPs.

If you're part of the other camp, a bloc of people I like to call the "Kent Wilsons of the world", you function under the assumption that Werenka is in a ditch, facedown, naked and pale in the sleepy community of Has Been, Iowa, where even his mother would say "Yeah, whatever, Bill, or Bob or whatever the Hell your name is"

It's bleak, tragic, and you're all jerks for operating within such grim parameters.

The truth is, Brad Werenka is most likely living in a reality somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. And after I look up his Wikipedia page and also probably edit his Wikipedia page, I will report back my findings so we can all stop exerting so much time thinking about it.

All you really need to know is that some fraudulent punk of a blogger out there has, without any authority to do so, anointed Werenka with his own day of the week. Where does that guy get off?

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How I Spent My Lockout Vacation: Cory Sarich

bookofloob
November 19 2012 01:59PM

 

The year is 2024. The NHL lockout is FINALLY over and behind us and we never have to think about it again, for independent thought has been deemed illegal. We all survived that Bristol Palin poker celebrity cruise show that aired on Sportsnet every night in place of NHL broadcasts. The locusts, in the end, were merciful invaders and moved onto greener pastures, leaving us with mere crumbs, which we devoured gratefully and without shame. But at least the Mayans were wrong, so high five on that.

Your Calgary Flames return to the Saddledome, no longer a bunker for those of us not consumed by the hive mind, refreshed and relaxed after an extended break away from the rink. With FlamesNation having a tremendous, some would say inappropriate amount of access to the team, coupled with the bluster to do what we want that only comes from knowing there's no one out there who can stand in our way (being as we're among the very, very few survivors), we approached the Flames to provide us with  short essays documenting how they spent their lockout vacation. Which is what we're calling it now. Again, because we can.

So withough further adieu, here is ACTUALLY Cory Sarich, and totally NOT a parody essay fabricated by The Book of Loob, on his Lockout Vacation.

So the FlamesNation crack team of lawyers informs me that I need to go ahead and tell everyone that this is in fact a parody essay, and in no way constitutes anything that Cory Sarich has said or will ever say. BUT YOU CAN IMAGINE THOUGH, RIGHT???

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Another Completely True and Not Made Up Interview With Barry Brust

bookofloob
November 16 2012 10:12AM

A couple of weeks ago, we published a 100% not fabricated interview with Barry Brust (for the purposes of this piece, "not fabricrated" means absolutely contrived from the brain of BoL, so keep that in mind). It went over well. We were offered a glimpse into the darkest reaches of his soul, learned that he kills people in his spare time, likes Tim Hortons free wi-fi, and is generally just a swell dude. We may have intimated that he's a touch crazy with a penchant for spontaenous violence, but hey, none of us are perfect.

Further to that, things have been going extremely well for the pride of Swan River, Manitoba. He's coming off back to back shutouts over the Lake Erie Monsters, and has only let in 1 goal in 4 games over the course of the 2012-13 AHL campaign. Safe to say that this has made him a bit of a cult hero in Abbotsford and Calgary Flames circles, and Brusty is really flying high right now taking the whole thing in. Truly it has never been a better time to be Barry Brust, goaltender and entertainer, and he approached us here at FlamesNation for a follow up interview while he's riding this hot streak.

Reluctantly, I have agreed to do oblige him, for while I am a proud soldier in the Brussian Army (copyright 2012 bookofloob), last time we spoke, he did end up Superman diving me in the throat. I'm still using a respirator. But what Barry wants, Barry gets, because being the timid, little men we all are here at the Nation, we pretty much bent over and gave him what he wants.

Read on after the jump to catch the follow up with the legendary Barry Brust!

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Protecting Themselves: A Closer Look At Team Specific CBA Clauses

bookofloob
November 08 2012 08:29AM

NHL owners are a fickle bunch. They're savvy investors, skillful prognosticators, overall captains of industry. But what Joey Middle Class and Johnny Blue Collar fail to understand is that these billionaires who preside over the day-to-day actions of the NHL franchises we all know and love and used to watch play hockey is that they too are human. Behind the steely gaze of a Murray Edwards or brash bravado of an Ed Snider is a small, withered, insecure husk of a man who wants everyone to like them and hopes that no one is around to embarrass them when they try to talk to girls.

Part of that insecurity we have to acknowledge as hockey fans is that these owners are prone to mistakes. Proprietorship over a club is like having that whole collection of Ninja Turtle action figures you had as a kid, except on a much larger scale where there are real people involved. Who you control. Safe to say, that power can go to your head. Owners who fall prey to their own egos will test the limits of what is accepted or rational or allowed, just to see if anyone tries to get in their way and stop them (Exhibit A). Naturally, this can get owners in trouble, and unfortunately, they don't see the errors of their ways until it's a little bit too late (Might I once again remind you to take a gander at Exhibit A?!?!)

But, as luck would have it, these executives are empathetic and tend to look out for each other, as if they let one man go down based on his own merit as a billionaire, that's one less person they can play laser missile squash with at their secret rich guy clubs that we're not supposed to know about. As such, they band together, looking for ways to safeguard their power and vast influence from their single greatest nemesis:

Themselves.

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A Completely True And Not Made Up Interview With Barry Brust

bookofloob
November 02 2012 03:21PM

 

(Okay, so it's not real)

Barry Brust, is not, officially, property of the Calgary Flames (Jay Feaster is not the boss of Barry Brust), which would even more officially make this NOT Calgary Flames related, but seeing as the majority of Flames property is either wearing a Winsport jersey playing against your Cousin Clete in Wednesday Night Men's League, or injuring themselves in Europe, or Leland Irving, right now Barry Brust is not only more interesting, he's playing more than most of your Calgary Flames, so stifle.

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