GDB/GDFD 59: La bataille d’Alberta

battlerages

Yeah, so you might say this is a biggie for us.

Wanye Gretz: Ever since our crew personally oversaw the invention of the written word, electricity, hockey, the internet and finally both nations we have had one goal on the horizon. One goal that was so much in the forefront of everyone’s mind that bingofuel actually broke up with his girlfriend this week to make sure nothing distracted him.

For the first time in the 6 billion-year history of the Earth, Oilers fans and Flames fans can come somewhere and chirp at one another during a Battle of Alberta game.

Now just like when playing nude Jenga there are rules here too. No male on male accidental contact for starters. No personal attacks, profanity laced tirades or other offside nonsensery if you please. Is this because we are boring? No. It’s because if we don’t have some rules of engagement we will probably start a war that will eventually end in Red Deer with Kent W and Willis brawling with Klingon Bat-leths over who has the ability to really lay claim to the last initial “W.” But funny/witty commentary? Oh yeah. Pointing out the obvious like the fact that Calgary turned it’s back on all forms of cerebral logic and signed Todd Bertuzzi? Good to go.

And so now I hand it to our colleagues at FlamesNation and see a Wanye Life Dream™ fulfilled. Next to achieve? Three-way with Natalie Portman and Carrie Underwood.

I have waited for this day for over two years!!!!!!
-WG

TLP: Man, I love Battle of Alberta games. The rivalry, the drama, the easiest two points Calgary will earn all season. It’s just magical.

Now, I don’t know how many Oiler fans mosey over to FlamesNation to check out what Kent and I have to say (it’s all really great, believe me!), but since this is being posted on both sides of “The Nation,” I will make certain concessions to our neighbors to the north, namely first explaining myself in a normal way, then dumbing it way, way down for all you clods that can’t get a job in a real city that people want to live in.

Now, let’s be honest with ourselves and say that the Oilers have been going through a bit of a rough patch the past few years in terms of players not wanting to come to your city or stay there, a general manager that was widely regarded as “borderline retarded,” and a coach who lost his team three months ago and still, somehow, has a job.
(Trans.: Edmonton bad! Players hate! Lowe dumdum! Coach mean!)

Meanwhile, Calgary (you might know it by its other name: Not-Loserville) has had its cup run over with success and happiness. Players want to come here, Darryl Sutter makes good decisions, and Mike Keenan.. well, at least he’s not Jim Playfair.
(Trans.: Everyone like! Big wins! Fun times! Happy all day no sad!)

We at FlamesNation understand that you’re probably a fan of the Oilers because of, say, the 1980s. Can’t blame you. We know it’s hard not to root for a winner. But guys, the 1980s were like 30 years ago almost! It’s time to start living in the here and now. And if you want, we’ll even take you in down here if you’re among Edmonton’s best and brightest. We’ve been looking for someone to clean up all the stables down at the Stampede Grounds anyway.
(Trans.: Cup Days gone! Flames fan good! Sweep poop yes?)

Seriously though, the Flames are going to annihilate you.

All my love,
TLP

Kent W: At the conclusion of George Orwell’s 1984, Protagonist Winston Smith comes to the realization that he loves his nemesis – the State. I think that’s about where I’m at with the Oilers these days, although I come by affection more honestly: there was no room 101 or psychological torture required – I just honestly enjoy watching the Oilers play.

I love watching Dustin Penner lumber around. It always brings a smile to my face to think of the draft picks it required to grab him, or his absurd $4.25M/year albatross of a contract.

I giggle when I see the ‘C’ on Ethan Moreau’s chest. It gives me pleasure to check the Oilers ever-full injury list. I laugh whenever I remember that Jeff Drouin-Deslasarasrfasdfsadfasdrsdfs is the only goalie the club has signed through next year.

The negative goal differential, the constantly being outshot, the worse than average special teams, Kevin Lowe’s comb-over; I love it all. MacTavish’s post game press-conferences are frequently delightful. Zach Stortini’s cartoonish countenance and laughable “fighting” style – it’s all good. Oh, and thanks for Curtis Glencross by the way…

I think what I love most, however, is the continued mediocrity. Edmonton doesn’t suck like, say, the Islanders or the Thrashers. There’s always the faint possibility of making the play-offs on the horizon for the Oilers. That chance, however slim, like the distant scent of baking bread to the staring, drives the organization stumbling forward each off-season and trade deadline, salivating and half crazed, desperate for the taste of success.

As such, they’re never a big threat to get any better. To take the big leap. Like a hopeless junkie, the Oilers never seem to reach their “bottom” so there’s never any real chance of a recovery. Blow it up and start anew? Move veterans for draft picks? It’s hard to do when 8th in the conference is spitting distance away, isn’t it?

It won’t bother me if the Flames lose this evening. Calgary is 12 points up on Edmonton and have little to gain by a victory. Edmonton, on the other hand, can scratch closer to the final play-off spot and move another step nearer to becoming a buyer at the trade deadline. And I would love that too.

It’s win-win for me tonight gents. Im going to crack a beer and cheer for every single goal that’s scored.

Sincerely,
Kent Wilson



  • RCN

    Lanny wrote:

    probably because you look like you have cancer

    Dude thats not cool! Your an @sshole! Its ok to say skin head but dont make fun on ppl with cancer and stuff. If this was my blog you’d be off of this so fast.

  • RCN

    Lanny wrote:

    how many times have you made the play offs in the last ten years?

    So um… since 1998-99 to 2008-2009 the Oilers have made the playoffs FIVE times and the flames have made it FOUR times.

    By my count that is…. More for the Oilers

  • RCN

    W.T. needs to remind his friends that without John Deere and the green paint, city folk wouldn't be able to eat. The ag. industry has struggled for years and my educated friends are picking on them. What does that tell you?

    W.T. notices no one is disagreeing with the Cap issue KLowe has created and that Tambo is trying to fix. W. T. notices that no one is disagreeing with Oiler hockey as playing the trap. W.T. notices no one is disagreeing that players are looking for ways out of Edmonton.

    W.T. was at the retirement of the Glenn Anderson number.It was a great ceremony. W.T. noticed that KLowe spoke and remembered KLowe did not speak at the Mark Mess. retirement as that was the day he traded Ryan Airbag Smyth. W.T. suggests that shows the true character of KLowe.

    KLowe now hides that he was the one who created the salary cap issue and now Tambo has to try and fix it somehow.

    W.T. is a huge NHL fan and a huge fan of good hockey organizations. The Oilers use to be in that category.

    Atlanta is now saying they want Cole, Horcoff and Smid. W.T. says watch this one right up till trade deadline.

  • RCN

    Lanny wrote:

    Deadmonton is like being playing in Siberia?

    "is like being playing?"
    Really?
    I guess that means you live 2 1/2 hours from Siberia… Only the schools are better here.

  • RCN

    Chris wrote:

    Lanny wrote:
    Deadmonton is like being playing in Siberia?
    “is like being playing?”
    Really?
    I guess that means you live 2 1/2 hours from Siberia… Only the schools are better here.

    Thats why we have better Weather, Woman, and sports Writers, and lest we forget… a better team

  • RCN

    Chris wrote:

    I guess that means you live 2 1/2 hours from Siberia… Only the schools are better here.

    Alright Chris, you're going to have to ease up on Lanny – it's too easy, like poking a stick at the retarded kid.

  • RCN

    Cory Sarich..$3.6 million a year…IS that really better than Penner??? Is it? Penner was an awful signing but Sarich at 600,000 less is just as horrific.

    The difference being, of course, that it didn't cost the Flames 3 future assets to sign Sarich. You see, Calgary doesn't have to stoop to desperately robbing the questionable young talent of other teams with BS RFA offer sheets.

    Can you name a big UFA that has come to Calgary? Didn’t think so.

    Nor can I name a big time player that wanted out of the city so badly that he demanded a trade in the wake of a long play-off run.

    On that note, I CAN name lots of star players that chose to waive free agency in favor of staying Calgary. Many of them arguably took discounts as well. The list includes:

    Jarome Iginla, Robyn Regehr, Dion Phaneuf, Daymond Langkow and Miikka Kiprusoff.

    And Kent, nice “I win either way” sit-on-the-fence view of the game. Calgarians still have an inferiority complex from Edmonton. We know it. That’s why Calgary radio stations still mock Edmonton. We don’t because we don’t care about Cowtown, and it is never good to pick on the weak-kneed baby of the bunch.

    Ahh yes. You care so little that you wrote a multiple paragraph screed in response. And your petulant, insecure organization went whining to the league in response to a radio stations parody song. Inferiority complex? *yawn* Methinks you protest too much.

    The only time you beat the Oilers, they scored the winning goal…kind of anti-climatic don’t you think.

    Aside from, of course, the last 5 years under Sutter, under whom the Flames have dominated the Oilers.

    getting a boner over a 15 goal scorer, Typcial Flamer supporter

    Given that Edmonton might have two twenty goal scorers this season, one would think you'd get excited over a 15 goal guy too. As for the Flames, Glencross is one of 9 players in double digits in terms of goals. Three of which have already crested the 20 goal margin – that's three more than the Oilers, naturally.

    A true Battle of Alberta fan knows that bragging rights in the head-to-head matchups mean more than the standings. You would think that a Flame fan would try to hold onto that.

    Unfortunately, after beating the Oil time and time again over the last few years (as well as consistently finishing above them in the standings) winning a single battle of Alberta game has been drained of meaning. It would kind of be like celebrating beating the neighborhood retard at connect 4 or kicking a 3 legged mongrel dog. Really, it's not much to be proud of.

  • RCN

    Brent G. wrote:

    Lanny wrote:
    probably because you look like you have cancer
    Dude thats not cool! Your an @sshole! Its ok to say skin head but dont make fun on ppl with cancer and stuff. If this was my blog you’d be off of this so fast.

    You stupid idiot, I am making fun of cancer? no wonder you still have MacTavish as a coach, no wonder no one wants to play in Edm, it's a place filled with a bunch of dummies

  • RCN

    Lanny wrote:

    no wonder you still have MacTavish as a coach

    Clearly you don't read this site, and have no idea what FMNF means. Because if we had our way, MacT would have been out the door long ago.

    Next.

  • RCN

    I'm okay to concede that the Flames have been surprisingly good this year. In 05/06 they finished with 103 points. Then 96 and 94 points respectively the following two years. I thought bringing in a goon like Bertuzzi was a sign of pure deperation… a poor attempt to stem the tide of decline. However, guys like Cammalleri, and GlenX have been nice additions and have brought much needed speed back to Calgary. Enjoy the ride Flames Fans: this is your go-for-it-year… a few more first round exits and it will be rebuild time. At least then, most of you guys will go back underground.

  • RCN

    jeanshorts wrote:

    Lanny wrote:
    no wonder you still have MacTavish as a coach
    Clearly you don’t read this site, and have no idea what FMNF means. Because if we had our way, MacT would have been out the door long ago.
    Next.

    Wow what a burn by skid marks,
    NEXT

  • RCN

    @ Lanny:
    Im a Flames fan fool. A HUGE Flames fan at that. I spend my days reading about them, learning the facts, and never miss a game … Your just some dumb troll.

    I called you out because you gotta leave the cancer comments out of it. Thats pure unclass and make me ashamed to be compared with you, even is I still consider myself one of the biggest Flames supporters I know…

  • RCN

    TDSM31 wrote:

    Lanny wrote:
    Lanny
    Don’t you have to be at least 12 years old to post on the Nation? Sorry Lanny, time for bed little guy.

    WOW what a burn!!!!!(Yah my mom is calling me to bed)Like the Flames will burn the Oilers

  • RCN

    @ Kent:

    NICE!!! That was a damn good rebutal. My favorite part is, "Unfortunately, after beating the Oil time and time again over the last few years (as well as consistently finishing above them in the standings) winning a single battle of Alberta game has been drained of meaning. It would kind of be like celebrating beating the neighborhood retard at connect 4 or kicking a 3 legged mongrel dog. Really, it’s not much to be proud of."

  • RCN

    Lanny wrote:

    TDSM31 wrote:

    Lanny wrote:
    Lanny
    Don’t you have to be at least 12 years old to post on the Nation? Sorry Lanny, time for bed little guy.
    WOW what a burn!!!!!(Yah my mom is calling me to bed)Like the Flames will burn the Oilers

    Lanny, wasn't a 'burn'. Just wishing you a good nights sleep. Don't let the bed bugs bite, little fella.

  • RCN

    So heres one for you Oiler Fans. Did you know Jason Blake of all people has quite a significant lead on goals over any of your players? By quite a margin at that. At this point in the season Blake, playing on a team of nobodies, may have more goals than any member of the Oilers even get.

    Hmm… to compare a little further. Did you know Boyd, playing on the Flames 4th line, has more goals than Gagner (the future of the club).

    Bertuzzi has way more points than Penner and is making less than half the salary?

    Phaneuf, on a huge let down year, actually has 4 less points than your top defenseman (who has peaked and is sinking for the years to come) and third highest scorer.

    Lowe is such a fool because he didnt wanna pay Glencross 1 Million. If he were on the Oilers, with the same points, he'd be 8th in scoring… So yes we get excited over Glencross because it shows Sutters brilliance and Lowe being the fool everyone else in the league knows he is.